Discipline is not about revenge or dealing with personal anger issues. In general, it does not need to be physical. I don't ever recall hitting my kids. I did, when they were little, physically restrain them, holding them tightly to prevent them from doing something potentially injurious.
If I said no, it meant no. That was the way it was when they were 1 and that's what it meant when they were 17. As they got older, a lot of things were up for discussion, but I found it is a lot easier to say no and change it to yes, than to say yes and change it to no.
There were rules, but they were open to amending when necessary. We ate at the same time and we ate together and we talked or I should say they talked. I'd find out about their day, their friends and what was going on. It helped that they were close enough in age to know if someone was telling porkies.
Parents need to understand they have the power with the 'implied threat'. I remember my oldest putting on his coat to leave the house with friends who were waiting in a car. I said, "I don't recall you asking if you could go out". He made some non-committal type response and I told him he couldn't go and he retorted with "What are you going to do"? I told him that if he walked out that door, he'd find out. He didn't go and I never told him there wasn't much I could do, but in his mind he conjured up all kinds of things. That was about the most intense defiance I had.
Kids need to feel like they belong and to belong, you have to have rules.