Gsxrnz

I was at a bar party. Somebody who nobody knew strolls in, orders a bottle of water with a glass of ice. Helps himself to a mountain of food and melts the ice with a bit of water from the bottle while he's eating.

Goes back for mountainous seconds of the food, drinks the little bit of water, eats the remaining ice, pays the 20B bin (no tip), goes to the toilet and nicks the loo paper (as we discovered later), collects his 3/4 full bottle of water, returns to the food table and grabs a handful of chicken wings/legs and puts them in a plastic bag from his pocket. Gets on his dilapidated scooter and buggers off.

This guy was more than like a Cheeky Charlie.

OK, the water and the food I can live with, but it was me that discovered the loo paper was nicked, and it was when I needed it most!!!

Pop downstairs and ask the poor sod living under your floor how he would deal with the problem.

The %&^#ing Tax Man should be treated like a mushroom and always kept in the dark.

The chances of an individual being nobbled by the Thai tax department for non declaration of income from leasing a residential dwelling to a private person are about the same as the chances of the second coming happening this Christmas Day.

Somewhere between zero and none.

I'm not sure if my following comment is a compliment or a criticism, but at least their planes don't fall out of the sky with the same frequency that their busses drive over cliffs.

The correct response he expects from the nation's journalists is:

"Javohl mein Fuhrer".

Check out the photo in the article.

Paying a restaurant bill by credit card in a POS machine.

Waitress does her magic on the machine and hands it back to me with a "would you care to add a tip?"

My tip - always be good to your Mother.

And this was in Sydney.

I'm curious - where/which gogo was standing room only?

I wonder if any of the General's subordinates have ever approached him and said "Mein Fuhrer, I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news....."

It may just be me, but I find the blokes with the real stories of interesting experiences, businesses, and backgrounds have to be coaxed into revealing anything about themselves over a period of time as they get to know and trust you.

If I meet somebody for the first time and within minutes I'm flooded with intriguing stories of wealth and what they've done, they can tell by my utter disdain and lack of interest that I don't really want to hear any more and don't believe a word they've uttered. They usually abandon me pretty quickly.

A friend of mine was nearly suckered into buying some Mickey Mouse mining shares based on advice from a chap he'd met in a bar who was a big noter. Knew the particular African country's president, dined on his yacht blah blah blah. My friend was in awe and totally sucked in. I had to literally smack him across the head to stop him going to the bank.

It took 30 seconds of googling to discover the bloke had a certain notoriety around Pattaya, affiliations with the sex industry in Sydney, and an associate of a certain noisy American.

The trafffic lights at Chayapruek work OK ? So why is there no lights at Watboon ?

I don't know.

Despite what some people will have you believe.

The traffic lights were never fully installed and working as a four way junction.

Also peoples exaggeration over alleged amount of accidents at this junction, is just that, prior to the roundabouts installation. no more accident than the rest of the junctions all over Thailand, that are just the same.

Like you said it works fine down the road at Chaypuke 1 and all over Thailand.

so who knows.

It just comes back to money i would say, not safety.

Sorry but you are incorrect. The traffic lights at Watboon were working as intended for perhaps three months or a little longer. However there were a number of accidents - not sure if there were any deaths or not.

Then they put in a bit of a chicane to slow the traffic flow across Watboon heading west. This was in place for only a matter of weeks and then they fully blocked Watboon for a very long time while they replaced (again) the drainage at the eastern side of the intersection. The traffic lights were turned off and they also closed off the u-turns that were closest to the intersection.

When the new drains were finished after a very lengthy period, they opened up the intersection and for a few days (maybe a week?) the traffic lights were functioning as normal. There were a few accidents within a few days and somebody got killed.

Then almost immediately they constructed the roundabout, which was initially a little small. They revisited it a few times over the course of a week and finally left it as it now is.

According to Agoda you have 291 hotels to choose in the centre of Hua Hin starting at 499 Baht.

Do what I do - don't book, just rock up to a bar in the middle of town, have a beer and park your bags - the girls will look after them for you.

Go for a walk and usually without walking more than 500 mtrs you'll find a hotel that suits your taste and your budget whether you want to spend 500B or 10,000B. And often it's the sort of place you either won't find on Agoda etc or it's one that you'd skip past. There are some little gem hotels all over Thailand that often go under the website radar.

Inspect the rooms, check out the pool, check out the restaurant, check out how close the nearest Karaoke Bar is.

Beats booking online and finding out the hotel posted a picture of the only room with a view, or the photo was taken 15 years ago before the place started to fall apart.

OP - there is some good and bad advice in this thread. It's up to you to accept or reject it. But no doubt you will understand some of the advice is based on each poster's particular view on life, the universe, and everything.

I won't give you any financial advice. Instead I'll tell you that in the past 24 months, over a dozen of my friends back home have gone to an early grave - most in their very early 50's. All through sudden illnesses. Most went through short periods of palliative care before they died.

Not one of them expressed a wish that they'd spent more time at the office or the factory. Most expressed totally opposite views.

As the old saying goes, life is not a dress rehearsal and it's only a one-act-play. Unlike many, you seem to have your head screwed on and I suspect you will be able to cope with minor financial issues as they arise.

Sometimes a leap of faith is necessary.

I'd seriously doubt the accuracy of all/any of those figures. They apparently conducted a census a few months ago and nobody (Thai) I or my wife know were ever asked to be part of this or any earlier census, nor were any of their family members.

How can you have an accurate census when that's at least a hundred people I know that weren't included in the count. Extrapolate that out and I reckon the census was just a money making scheme for a few administrators.

All figures are guesstimates, and that's being generous. They wouldn't have a clue if the population was xx million plus or minus about 15%.

Sadly it is more a test to determine the skills of the teacher, administrators and the school system in general. I guess the PM and ministers were more worried about their score than the students leisure or ability to learn in non structured environments.

Why do TV people enjoy slamming Thais English when their Thai language skills are often less, than a locals peasant's English and yet they came to live in a country who's native language is not English and seldom make any effort to learn the native language?

I usually only slam (your word, not mine) Thai people's English when it comes to teaching English or teachers of English, because the level of teaching is utterly atrocious in government schools. Sure, their are many foreigners in Thailand that knock the everyday Thais for not speaking English, and that criticism is largely unjustifiable.

I've seen a friend's Thai kid (Both parents are Thai) that had absolutely zero English at the age of 5 become almost fluent in eighteen months because she attended an International school and was taught by native English speakers. OK, not her fault that she's got a slight Irish accent.

My point being that the Thai education system's refusal to fully incorporate native English speakers will cost them in the long run.

Have you ever listened to the education channels on TrueVisions? The English lessons are worse than diabolical - my 7 year old laughs along with me. Jeez, I can even hear the mistakes in their German lessons and I haven't studied German since I was 17 years old.

As for everyday usage, I don't expect a Thai to speak any English and go out of my way to learn new Thai words and phrases that will help me to help them.

Lower the bar and everyone wins.

My daughter just took some sort of government tests this weekend. She is fluent in English, but she says most of the questions in the English part of the test made no sense. She is the only one in the class that speaks any English at all so I wonder what kind of results the other kids got.

The questions were probably something like:

John say him go school morning 8 o'cock. Sister him Mary she go school same time John. Friend Mary Jane say he boring no go school 8 o'cock,

Q: What time Jane go school?

a. He go same with Mary.

b. She boring school.

c. 8 o'cock.

d. Him go same same John.

Perfectly understandable (I think?) to a pidgin English Thai teacher, but to your kid it would be totally incomprehensible if she's fluent.

If memory serves me right, Blend 285 is based on imported barrel dregs of assorted whiskeys from Scotland (I'd hesitate to call them Scotch though), then mixed with methanol from molasses and a few tasters.

So it really is a concoction blend in the truest sense of the word.

Has an aftertaste like a Soho prossies nail polish remover, sucked straight from the toe. And an aroma suggesting it was distilled in the copper that was once used by a coalminer's family for the bi-monthly bath.

A nice tipple if you can stretch to the 275 baht though.

OP - you appear to have missed the vital points being made by those in the know who have already posted about brown envelopes.

Brown envelopes expedite all/any processes in Thailand when it comes to officialdom. What the law says is virtually irrelevant - what is relevant is the official's willingness to interpret the law (correctly) in your favour. He will need a laxative to encourage him to see things the way you do in the form of you guessed it, a brown envelope (or a manila envelope if you're a Brit).

As Roo and KhunPer have advised, get your constructor or designer to provide the lubricant (brown envelope) to the official to solve your problem. There will be a recognised amount that should be inserted into the envelope and your designer will be able to suss that out discreetly without any embarrassment.

Please tell me you didn't teach her to put vinegar in the water.

It is the most disgusting thing I've tasted first thing in the morning.

+1

Yes vinegar in water for Poached eggs.

very nasty taste to the eggs.

I don't mind the vinegar, but has to be just a teaspoon of white vinegar. Maybe it's a British thing.

Although it's not really necessary provided you strain off the excess raw white with a sieve before you immerse the egg from a soup ladle into simmering water with a rapidly spinning vortex.

Typical committee outcome. Hurry up and do nothing.

On the plus side, most of the trucks in the LOS stick to 80 KPH and the slow lane, unlike in Canada, where they go 110 in the fast lane..

I've always said that Thailand has a chance to climb out of the "most dangerous roadways in the world" hole..

Yeah that's true, most trucks do 80klm. I wish the busses would follow suit.

I was doing 110 on Highway 7 a few weeks ago and got passed by three busses in convoy doing at least 120. And there was only about a one metre gap between them.

The miracle is that the container was actually twist-locked down in the first place.

And how the hell did it jack-knife when there's no freaking trailer?

And of course, it is permissible to drive a truck like a rally car with absolutely no consequences.

He doesn't look overweight to me.

And I'm sure the BIB were a little sympathetic to their plight as they have similar end of month issues....."this was the first time they committed a crime as both were desperate to make some money before the end of the month."

Would most of those voters that read the tweets be aware of the spelling errors?

The simple answer to the question - to retire in Thailand or anywhere else in the world, you need minimum USD5M generating 7% p.a.

That protects you from all eventualities. Assuming you don't buy a stable of Lambos and only waste semi-lavish amounts on women and wine.

My perfect Breakfast:

Fried egg - just one, fresh and cooked to perfection with firm whites, runny yokes - no crozzling!!

Scrambled eggs - two eggs, not too firm with a little diced onion and a light cheese coating.

Sausages - preferably a good pork breakfast sausage that isn't 95% breadcrumbs. Definitely not a Thai plastic sausage.

Bacon - preferably streaky that isn't full of water - three rashers thanks.

Hash browns - not the ones you buy at the supermarket or Mackers, but real home made ones.

Mushrooms - fresh (not canned), whole portabello and lightly sautéed in butter.

Beans - Heinz preferably.

Fried bread - cooked properly in dripping or lard. Yeah, 3 million calories a slice but uber tasty with the runny eggs.

Black pudding - just a little bit, and perhaps a little white pudding to boot.

Grilled tomatoes - fresh and not those disgusting canned abominations.

Lambs kidneys - grilled or fried.

Toast and Marmalade - I'll settle for Smuckers out here, it's not too bad.

And against my usual preference I'll finish with Tea rather than coffee. There's just something about the combined taste of tea and marmalade that brings back some fond childhood memories.

how much you weigh? 400+ pounds?

Nuh, 78kgs but gotta lose 3kgs to get back to my ideal weight. I blame those bloody grilled tomatoes!

Seriously, 78 kgs. Drink like a fish, smoke two packs of cigs a day. Just had a medical at home to renew some life insurance, everything from cholesterol, blood sugar, right down to the prostate test is uber perfect. I piss my doctor off no end. I think that's why despite what the blood tests say, he still does a manual check on the prostate.