cooked

I have answered this kind of thread before, so here goes with a bit more tacked on after a year or so of observation.

(Old bit) I lived in a small mountain village in Switzerland and it was definitely thought of as being weird if you didn't say 'hello'.

New bit: some of these Farangs are really ugly old gits (like me) but unlike me they have wives about 25 years younger than them. After an initial euphoria they realise how everyone is sizing him up all the time for what they think he is and he will probably be getting some stick at home also (buffalo fell over onto motorbike stuff) and they feel completely lost, out of it, in the wrong place. The wife eventually begins to feel the pressure of those glances and things get difficult, she will be walking 3 meters in front of or behind, the guy, keeping away until they get to the till. If on top of that, the guy is English (like I was, long ago) then fergeddaboudit.

I must admit that the steely eyed hard, hard, hard man stare at dog shit on the pavement gets on my nerves sometimes, worst in Bangkok I think. Just watch a Farang eating breakfast in a hotel after a naughty night: shifty eyes, hard man attitude, asking for a thump, not able to converse with his jewel of the night as he can't speak Thai.,

Eye contact if you aren't ashamed of yourself, a quick nod and smile, that's ok. I sometimes don't see a Farang for a week or two and so when I do they get discretely scrutinised but I am always ready to say hello.

Plenty of scams going. If the pupil doesn't pay for extra lessons then he gets lower grades, both because the teacher is purposely teaching poorly and because he hasn't paid up. Our girl'sEnglish teacher can't understand a word I say and faults her for (non) mistakes.

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I have plenty to do helping the extended family here, and they have seriousy helped me out in the past. This probably is the Thai way, none of us go to the temple or subsidise monks.

I have got used to being ignored in traffic when I let people go before me, but the occasional THANK YOU really makes my day.

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My wife wears very little makeup at my request. She is constantly told 'you beauty lady, why no makeup?' (wife's translation). She once lost an earring and wondered why she was getting strange glances. I of course didn't notice. And finally, she lost weight to please me, now she gets told she looked better before. She looks fine to me. External pressure to conform is stronger here than many people think.

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I was offered a satellite dish for ฿6000.- a month ago, I may go for it. I don't yet know which channels I will mactually be able to see, presumably English stuff form Hong Kong / Australia. Must be better than paying ฿2000.- a month for what is pretty mediocre anyway.

My wife had a smileys program (quite nice actually) from Baidu. When I got rid of it various problems disappeared. Her new laptop had a load of rubbish on it and Baidu antivirus was one, as well as Baidu faster computer. It proved to be difficult to get rid of these and involved two restarts, even using Revo uninstaller. 1100 files. I did a manual search and got rid of a couple more files in there.

I also got rid of GOM so maybe the two are related.

I wonder if anyone has already made reference to the male sex organ since it is also known by the same name as "cock" showcasing the juvenile mentality of some tv members who would laugh at the mention of the word similar to prepubescent boys a few times younger than themselves. Rooster would have been more appropriate.

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It was a JOKE for Buddha's sake, a JOKE, I am so, so sorry.

I wrote this guide some years back when I still lived in the UK but it is applicable anywhere.

I have never seen a flat lawn here, always uneven and patchy.

Pay attention to the type of sand used in #3, in the UK it is known as plasterers sand or sharp sand, the grains are a little bit larger than fine sand and this is not negotiable.

Also don't know where you would get a vibrating plate here, they must be available but the Thai method appears to be to get people to walk around on the proposed destination for the turf which is a pointless exercise.

THIS IS MY ULTIMATE GUIDE TO LAYING A FLAT USABLE TURF LAWN:

Step #1. Preparation preparation preparation! This should start about one week before step #2. Weeds are your enemy and may have a root that is 2 feet deep, try to dig it out and you may leave a broken tap root which will grow back bigger and stronger! Treat the area for weeds and the lawn with a kill all type weedkiller. If you plan to lay the turf over existing grass don't cut the grass area short, many weedkillers are absorbed through the leaf so give it the best chance. Yes you did read correctly, I said kill your existing lawn; no digging, no tilling and no rolling around in the mud. Leave the area for a week or until everything is dead, dry weather and no rainfall will help speed things along.

Step #2. Once you are sure that all of the old grass and weeds are dead cut or strim the lawn. Short is the order of the day, down to the soil if you can. Clear the area and remove any mountains or stones. Get the area reasonably level. Don't worry about it being perfectly level now as we will take care of that in the next few steps.

Step #3. Spread sharp (plasterers) sand over the area to a depth of 2-4 inches. Again get it reasonably level but don't waste time on it; you will see why in the next two steps. The type of sand used here is important don't use ordinary sand, it just wont do the job. Give the dimensions of your lawn to your builders merchant or sand supplier, tell him the required depth and he will deliver the correct amount.

Step #4. Hire a vibrating plate; these come in 2 types flat bottom and curved botton for trenches. Get the flat bottomed type not the trench type. Your hire center should know what you mean Don't skimp here and try to compact another way; forget rollers, tapping and stamping, it's the 21st century and believe me this piece of kit will make the difference to your lawn. Should be around 20 pounds for the day.

Step #5. Go over the area with the vibrating plate to compact the sand, 2x passes no more. The area will be very uneven now with troughs, highs and depressions but don't worry about that.

Step #6. Get a good strong straight edge, at least 6-8' and make sure it's STRAIGHT, use your eye to look down the length of your chosen straight edge, if it bows or bends, discard it. No flimsy bits of wood. A good strong 4x2. at least. DON'T try to do this with a rake, believe me your eye is not that good and you want this finished before Xmas!

Step #7. OK down on your knees and go over the area with the straight edge shaving off the highpoints and add the 'shaved off' sand to the depressions, use additional sand for the lowpoints as required. Remember you are going to pass the vibrating plate over this one more time so allow a little extra in the depressions for compaction.

Step #8. ONE more pass with the plate.

Step #9. Down on your knees again and use the straight edge again to shave highpoints and highlight any remaining depressions.

Step #10. repeat step 8 if necessary.

Step #11. If you have followed the steps and done this correctly you should have a perfectly flat area which is compact enough to actually walk on (within reason, be careful) without churning up the ground.

Step #12. Give the entire area a very LIGHT rake, even a grass rake would be sufficient for this, TAKE CARE; you only want to tease the surface of the sand, no more.

Step #13. Lay your turf neatly; The system should be to lay the rolled-up turf; then unroll it away from you. Again do this neatly with no gaps (don't water it first) using the straight edge to gently 'butt' and ensure tight joints but don't damage the edges or knock soil lose when rolling out; one or two buts if required only. Trim to fit if necessary with an old wood saw and once laid; water in and the expanding turf will ensure a tight fit. No tapping beating thumping required as you are now the owner of a perfectly flat lawn!

Take a moment to savour the perfection before you, the expanse of golf course standard green that you created.

You can now walk on your new lawn (no football), no waiting, no nonsense. Ensure that you keep the lawn well watered for the first couple of weeks to prevent shrinkage or gaps; be diligent here it is a newborn and still needs attention! If you followed the steps correctly there will be no depressions, peaks or troughs and you lawn will resemble a golf course and not a Royal Marine obstacle course!

Now your new lawn is down and you have used the most labour friendly way to do it.

"When do I cut it?" Is generally the next question. We recommend a light cut on the highest setting once the grass is long enough to trim the top of the grass and no more.

Good luck with the lawn...

What a load of cobblers. You don't need to vibrate builders' sand, it can't be done. Water it and it will more or less assume its final level. The sods will be of variable thickness so don't bother about getting a land surveyor in to level the sand off. Just get down on your knees and check out the worst bits. Don't worry about gaps between the sods, these are inevitable, they will grow together. I was a 'lawn specialist' and then a 'lawn expert' and was responsible for acres of sport fields, recreational areas, horse paddocks....

just level it off, more or less, and get the sods on in an afternoon.

Nobody mentioned health/accident insurance yet. Apart from wondering why anyone in his right mind should wish to live in Bangkok, 30000 Bt is a lot for a single guy's apartment.

Why does anyone live in the big city?

Not everyone wants to drive for 10 minutes to the local Mom & Pop store or find themselves stuffed if they need something in an emergency.

Ok so there's a bit of traffic in BKK, so what? BTS & MRT are world class public transport services at very cheap prices.

The pros outweigh the cons so convincingly, it's no contest.

I live in buzzing Asoke smack bang in between the Emporium & Terminal 21 shopping malls, a choice of the Aspire Fitness, True Fitness & Fitness First gyms, 2 multiplex cinemas, several banks with full international services, BTS & MRT stations within 2 minutes walk and if the party absolutely, positively must go on, I can step out to one of 2 local Family Marts and pick up a bottle of Smirnoff at 4 am.

Oh and I spend ฿50K all in every month on rent, bills, food and comprehensive medical insurance.

The rest, I save

Who NEEDS Emporium, Terminal 21 (whatever they are), Fitness gyms, cinemas, and banks (that recognise me when I come in) on their doorstep? I didn't come here to consume Farang stuff apart from the occasional buying of the ingredients for pizzas and bread. I get fit by actually working in my veg. garden, walking a lot more than most Thais think sensible and building, I go to the bank 2/3 times a month. The mom and pop shop is 5 minutes walk and they will get me anything I want if I ask. I saw most of the films proposed for the Academy awards before the awards were adjudged. 20Km from the next big town - what am I missing?

I saw two people dead on the road at 5am two days ago in Bangkok. Every time we reluctantly go there we look at each other and say: 'go home'.

By the way I live very well with a new car being paid for, health insurance, fixing up the house and much beer for about ฿50 000.- a month with wife and dependent child.

I hate these things, I consider them a danger to life and limb. In another life I had a two wheeled tactor, 15HP that I could lead with one hand. 'Twas a trifle expensive but I had it for 30 years until an idiot put the wrong fuel in it.

Since praising Google maps app for my Android, I have a bit less respect for this app. Weird: the word 'ramp': no idea what this means, sometimes it means go on to the toll way, sometimes it doesn't. 'Slight right' recently meant do a U-turn. 'Sharp left' and 'turn right' didn't mean anything at all as the map showed a straight course for many miles and there was no junction (thankfully). I have stopped trusting the voice instructions but in Bangkok I don't want to be looking at my phone in many situations. I will be buying a Garmin with carcam, hopefully with English maps and voice. Too much hassle with my phone that overheats due to using GPS satellites and Internet while being charged. I have to stop the car (an easy task in Bangkok), take out the batteries and put back to make it work again. Always seems to happen in the worst place. It is ok out in the sticks though, despite being sent down a muddy track one time, we had a hired truck with 4x4 fortunately, as there was no way I was going to be able to stop or turn around.

Sounds like your phone is 'factory locked'. It can be unlocked but generally they send it off to a specialist and ask ฿8 to 10 000.-. I was much mocked on this forum when I said I couldn't unlock my iPhone myself. In the end I bought a 'new' one (which turned out to be more than a year old) as they offered me something for my old one. I dropped the bloody thing a year later.

well I see that some of the mustier denizens of the Thaivisa general topics page have decided to wreak havoc on the farming forum. Google it man, toads are poisonous or uneatable and stay away from water for most of the time..... Doesn't matter but the terms frog and toad have been freely used as if they were interchangeable.

So, do any of you actually know the difference between a frog and a toad? Apparently not, which makes most of what is written above meaningless.

Yes right, so condo prices in Bangkok are going to continue increasing at 10% a year, all over the country expensive hotels and condos are being built that remain empty most of the time, the rice pledging scheme can't be paid for, many first time car buyers haven't been recompensed, Thailand is living in a credit bubble, rice farmers driving huge trucks, land prices insane... ... this has nothing to do with an impending coup all though that doesn't help.

Nobody mentioned health/accident insurance yet. Apart from wondering why anyone in his right mind should wish to live in Bangkok, 30000 Bt is a lot for a single guy's apartment.

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Thailand economy is about to crash

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I got a t-shirt printed. 'I don't like plastic'. Helps when they insist on not understanding.

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Yes indeed, just like the UK 50years ago. Plenty of bins around Buriram.

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Don't buy land.

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In my opinion, sun dried fruits are superior to oven dried, don't ask me why. However I dry fruit for my muesli, I can't imagine why one would dry tomatoes in a land where they are cheap all year round. In Switzerland I dried them under a net (flies) on a tray covered with aluminium cooking foil. Rubbing salt in keeps the flies off also apparently but I never tried that. I used to love taking my tomatoes in winter to make spaghetti sauce...

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Salt? A cheap weed killer so good luck with that.

I wouldn't lay down on a lawn anyway, I have seen a couple of snakes hiding in our grass.

Drainage is important, so don't go using a spirit level on your lawn, plan where water will be running off to.

Is it worthwhile my taking the car over to Koh Chang? We are planning on arriving on the 18th or 19th and staying for two - three nights. I'm confident about my driving abilities but if the roads are difficult to navigate, if there are too many Song Kran idiots, maybe I should leave it in Trat?

Where is a secure place to leave it if I did leave it in Trat? Thanks.

According to the dictionary there are 'entry' visas (and sometimes 'exit' visas). You can't get a visa inside a country (unless it is an exit visa). You can change the nature of your visa or extend it. Or of course get a residence permit or get a new nationality.