hellohello123

"I see so many profiles that have "I want someone to take care of me", and people who say this in person too,

what exactly does it mean? as ive heard so many different variations."

It's the traditional Thai male wedding vow. So they are asking for a husband.

Male vow is "Take care of wife"

Female vow is to "Serve her husband".

Remarkable ignorance shown on basic marriage detalis in Thai culture.

Some of you should learn a bit of Thai.

in my country and culture, take care is more about mental/emotional support,

maybe the way the vowels are described is outdated, but im sure both men and women would be outraged if a man said "ok, ill pay for everthing, thats my end of the bargain done, Im not coming home/im getting a mistress"

maybe in thailand its different!

I think men and women around the globe are pretty much looking for the same thing.

The thing I've noticed about Thai culture is that - more so than in the West - - women seem to want men to 'show-them-the-bacon' before they commit to a relationship.

But once a Thai woman is made to feel like she can rely upon and trust her man, she can be as dependable, devoted and loving as any man could wish for.

I also think that a lot of Western men forget that Thai women are risking a lot when they get involved with a Western man.

They're putting their reputations on the line. They risk being labeled a prostitute for becoming involved with a tourist, and risk being humiliated if they're summarily dumped by their 'holiday' boyfriend.

This may help explain, at least in part, why Thai woman push for more of an upfront proof of commitment than one might otherwise expect.

All those sacrifices in the name of.....?

exactly, you play with fire, you risk getting burnt!

if the colour of your skin/hair is the only criteria of choosing a partner, be prepared in getting burnt or ending up with a complete loser

unfortunately, both males and females who choose partners based on superficial crap such as ethnicity, bank balance, country, usually end up with the losers or end up getting burnt

I have a friend back home who is mid 40s, average looking, says crap like "I only date 20-30 yr olds" once they hit 30, I dump them, (obviously he is half joking), but the reality is, these 20-30 yr olds just chew and spit him out, and he wonders why!

yet, if you go in there and get agro, its considered loss of face for you, and therefore they will behave like lunatics,

but when they get agro, it means that you have to suck it up.

how convenient for them!!

the ugly concept of "face" has risen again

Id thought id just brainstorm/rant/express myself from yesterday (so please excuse me for second)

had a converstaion yesterday with a girl from Thaicupid that ive been chatting with for a few weeks, Shes from pattaya, 30, 2 bfs in her life, one thai, one korean, no kids, works in an office of somesort, doesnt like farangs

actually id say is one of those good girls,

hates walking st, disgusted by hookers, hates the whole scene (the usual blah blah blah)

looking for a serious relationship, not butterfly (blah blah)

Thaicupid is full of butterflies, and old loser farangs blah blah

we got onto the topic of dating, and after a bit, she said that she expected the guy to pay for all meals during dates?

I asked why? "because if he earns more then he should pay and if you are in a serious realtionship youll have a joint account, so it doesnt matter who pays"

I then asked "so what happens if you earn more then him?:" "oh we pay half each!" "thats a bit hypocritical isnt it?" "man should be leader, man should take care of lady, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"

her "also if once you get married, and have baby, do you expect her to pay for everything too?" me: "no, not at all, so why would he have to pay before you have a baby", "DEAD SILENCE"

me: "Would you still expect the man to pay for everything if you didnt or couldnt have kids???" " DEAD SILENCE"

me: "so whats teh difference between you and a bargirl??, customers will 'take care of you', pay you, and pay for your baby?" her: "if no sex, then yes, I will go and work for the bar!!!" me: "oh so you claim to be a good girl but are willing to take money from a customer as long as no sex???", her: "oh you are such an ugly man, you will be single for ever, every woman in the world thinks like this (mind you she hasnt been outside of thailand!), im sure your father paid your mother when they were dating,does that make her a prostitute??? " me: "um no, why would my father pay my mother an allowance, the concept wouldnt have entered their minds", her: "RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT"

her: "I am independant woman, I can take care of myself, I work hard, I am good girl,I not bargirl", me: "thats good, so why are you looking for someone to take care of you???" her: "oh you are so ugly on the inside, you dont understand women, women the same everywhere in the world, RANT RANT RANT, DELETE"

its interesting how some see themselves as different, when essentially they arent, or how they almost stand a high moral ground

just sharing my experience from yesterday, must admit, had a bit of a chuckle

This after all of the "advice" I sought on sites and got the typical jaded responses that sent things off the rails.

There is a difference between a loser having a long distance relationship with a tattooed working prostitute his own age,

And an old guy buying a much younger wife (from any occupation), and then living with her.

When you are young, you have a choice.

When you are old, you take what's available.

OP is a good looking young guy, you are, well you know what you are.

You have an excuse, OP doesn't.

Wow what a comment.

My wife is close to my age and has some grey hair. I could have gone with a much younger woman but went with a woman I love and is most wonderful. Didn't buy anything. Well maybe the wedding rings that came under $900, unlike American coworker who wanted a $10,000 ring from her fiancé.

Nice to know that being 48 is old and you take what you can get. LOL. Old is in the mind and heart. So is young. Your choice.

Thanks for jumping to conclusions. Some of us need a good laugh.

think?

It's truly a unique phenomenon

People In the cultures and countries I've been exposed to simply acknowledge their age

Been here too long. Great country, love my wife. Stupidity occurs everywhere, including myself. Try to avoid it but keeps biting my ass.

I think really to survive here, you need to put yourself first.

And the one you love as a disposable extra while you can afford her.

Self, self, self, essentially. learn to think like a woman.

Off topic.

If you say to "think like a woman", sorry but that is sexist.

Think like a sensible person!

Where is Scotroll?

what about this funny test answer?? sexist??

End of the day I'm 24 with regular job and no savings. I have nothing lose

you owe me medical bills from my chiropracter from me shaking my head vigorously for the past 3 days straight

my head fell of!!f, it cost me a lot for him to attach it back on

This so amusing how people think I am a troll. I've written a life story, done loads of posts, uploaded pictures but yet I am still a troll.

Scooter, we don't get many threads of this quality, so we automatically think you must be a troll because it's so entertaining.

You are just an amalgam of all our collective experience, whether personal or observed. We have seen this so many times.

You have said it yourself, that you might be in the lucky 5%. You're a croupier, so I ask you, are those good odds? Would you bet your future on it? Thailand has girls with much better odds.

What you have described in her history and her work habits tells us she is not the innocent newbie you think she is. She is experienced and fairly hardcore in my opinion, probably having graduated from cashier, to waitress, to Go Go, to putting on shows - that don't happen in a few months.

...we just a bunch of knuckleheads on an anonymous internet forum...but if you don't learn from history, you are bound to repeat it.

She's a newbie trust me. Seen her recent pics on Facebook with her working on the coaches and like I said I noticed she started becoming friends with all the bar girls on facebook when I was over there first time. She also wasn't going out drinking with them after work or anything until after about a month of me leaving which suggests she made friends after a while. She posts pictures with her friends all the time. That 5% only applies to any random bar girl. I have seen and spent time with this girl and feel she is decent so that percentage is totally different. Like playing a hand of blackjack. Before the hand the player is almost 50% likely to win the next hand only he gets dealt 20 against the dealers 8 and his chances of winning have significantly improved.

question:

how many corners are there on a roulette wheel?

The problem with giving money every month is that if you take it away you are looked at as a bad guy. They never say ok ... Thank you for what you have given and it is ok to remove it now. They will feel entitled.

Better to have them work for their spending money or if need be slip them a little money now and then. Avoid the paycheck !

Things change if you are married and kids come along. Then you will be taking out of the same pot.

Didnt expect a comment like this coming from you!!!!!

but I totally agree with it, LIKED

Hellohello123, I may have always had young girlfriends but I don't pay them to be with me. I tried that years ago and it does not work. They must earn their own money. Having said that, i don't mind paying all the living expenses as I would do that if i have a gf or not. There is also nothing wrong with helping out from time to time and a nice surprise gift now and then to show you care. But no paycheck just for being my gf.

I think many of these relationships that are about paying start with a barfine. Girl working bar quits and her John pays her to stay with him and not work bar. Basically nothing has changed except he is her only customer (maybe). They call these guys sponsors ....

I refuse to be a sponsor !

well, thats the difference between you and me, it could be age gap (im early 30s), could be culturual, could be generational or could be just me,

No right or wrong, as long as you know what you are getting yourself into

I dont date ladies too much younger then me, yes they look better ,and will keep better, but I cant relate to them as much

maybe im in lala land, but I see my partner as equal, I wouldnt want to be paying for all expenses even if i was rich, (if she was pregnant, thats different story)

and vice versa, if I was with a stinking rich girl, id feel very self conscious being paid to be with her eg lifestyle costs,

ive had a few gfs in thailand, all have been within 5 years of my age, and I didnt pay for everything, it was never even an consdidered, and obviously no sponsoring or paying per month etc. etc.

admittedly I proabably did pay about 75% of the meals and stuff when we went out for most of them

One lady who was the same age as me, on a whopping sales job, I think earnt more then most farangs in farangland,

she had her own car, owned 2 homes outright, and we had a really good time togehter

The problem with giving money every month is that if you take it away you are looked at as a bad guy. They never say ok ... Thank you for what you have given and it is ok to remove it now. They will feel entitled.

Better to have them work for their spending money or if need be slip them a little money now and then. Avoid the paycheck !

Things change if you are married and kids come along. Then you will be taking out of the same pot.

Didnt expect a comment like this coming from you!!!!!

but I totally agree with it, LIKED

You met a woman who was working and keeping herself, perhaps in meager circumstances but nevertheless she was independent.

You've encouraged her to become financially dependent upon you.

It will not end well and she will eventually despise you for the financial control you have over her.

My Thai wife philosophy is "you cook, clean, take care of me" and "I pay for everything." To me it is an even trade and also a loving exchange of loving care. If I could not pay for everything, including an allowance for her, I would not marry a Thai woman. I could not respect myself any other way.

If your woman thinks in terms of "financial control over her" then YOU man have the wrong mind-set and have not talked out your relationship. Put 30000THB in bank in her name... tell her the only way she can use that is to leave you. "Financial control" is over. If the love is right, she will spend that money on your cremation.

you can get a cook and a cleaner for 8000baht a month or whatever teh market rate is,

as for sex, you could get it from a BG no strings attached, or you could get it for free since everyone on TV is a Hansum man

seriously, if thats what love is (regardless of nationality or age) I weep for society

if my GF/wife said that to me, id feel pretty disappointed and like a commodity

that means that if you suddenly became unable to work or you lost your savings to a scam or a sick relative, she'd be out the door

very sad

If she had only worked in the bar a week, and you took her out of there immediately, then your chances are good. But 3 months in the bar is a sure way for her to transform from shy, demure and no alcohol, to tattoos, belly-button ring and a dirty laugh when she's pissed. The other girls will put peer pressure on her to be like them, while fat-walleted customers will up the price until she says ok. Her own naivete about foreigners and younger men, will soon change when she realizes you won't or can't afford to whisk her away. She doesn't yet know you are a poor prospect. Old farts are much better because they only need sex once a week and not 3 times a day, will die within a few years, fall in love easily (after painful divorces and the lack of available women back home) (usually over 40) and have pensions and assets that can be skillfully transferred.

I fear it is already too late for you but as you are in the middle of a fantasy, enjoy it while it lasts.

She already had a tattoo. In fact she has my name tattooed on herself ha ha.

I hope she didn't give you a special nickname just for you as "teerak" and have that tattooed on her chest to show her commitment

Being 24 and "not desperate" as you said on page 1, would you pursue a relationship in the UK with these identical circumstances?

And why does every poster who picks up a bar girl begin their posts with "I dont struggle with ladies back home"

and yet they come to a third world country, and pick up a hooker (no skills/effort/hansumness required) and wonder why people dont believe a word they say

Hookers are picked up by everyman. Do you really think Tiger Woods or Hugh Grant or Dominique Strauss-Kahn have a problem with women?

Yann Samuelides, 35, a managing director of Goldman Sachs, became so infatuated with the Slovakian escort girl that he wanted to make her his wife. And being a money man, he calculated that 28-year-old Alzbeta Holmokova was worth £500,000. Denis Morley, a 67-year-old retired businessman, told the court the banker had showered his young wife with gifts after becoming her client.

Men are men. Thailand does not have a monopoly on stupid.

Very true, no arguments from me on that one

But I can bet my right foot that noneof them would be saying "I have no problem with women back home"every second line

As I said thailand attracts a certain type of people like I've mentioned previously

Being 24 and "not desperate" as you said on page 1, would you pursue a relationship in the UK with these identical circumstances?

And why does every poster who picks up a bar girl begin their posts with "I dont struggle with ladies back home"

and yet they come to a third world country, and pick up a hooker (no skills/effort/hansumness required) and wonder why people dont believe a word they say

Id laugh my head off if half of TV knew more about her then the OP!!!!

maybe TV members know her monthly sponsor income, her schedule, her favourite foods, favourite guys, average bar fine, working hours

Not correct, if you didnt think you were superior, you would embrace the differences, not complain/point out how unsophisticated the thais are for not doing the way you are used to

And you are including me in your quote because?

um no, made a mistake,

I was trying to quote the

"Differences not superiority."

comment

Check the times of posting,UK British Summer Time, 6 hours behind Thailand. Croupiers work late at night and are not known to be early risers!

Likewise Thai bar girls, at what time do you skype OP?

Just literally finished skyping now for first time in 3 weeks as I have moved flat and not had internet until now. Think with not speaking to her for so long has cast doubts in my mind but after speaking with her now I remember what a nice girl she is. The thing is none of you have spent time with her so don't know what she is like. I have seen thai people so much when I lived in England and Scotland now where I live and also over in Thailand and have watched plenty of documentaries on it as well and I think it's pretty obvious when you see a thai girl no good. This one is nothing like most of what I see, she has no bad habits like smoking/gambling aggressiveness, spitting, bad mouthing. The way she speaks is different as well, she doesn't say rubbish like love you long time or you handsome man and all that. There is definitely something different about this girl, I have to go with my instincts now. Just in the call there she said the bar want me pay 15,000 baht so I can bar fine her at my own free will, but as I have just come back from Thailand recently and had a lot of costs moving into my new flat combined with air fare and hotel for next Thailand visit in November I cannot afford to give the bar 15,000 and she said it's ok I understand you don't have money to pay she said she will sort it and try pay it herself, as she says couple of girls she doesn't like at work are mocking her because she has a boyfriend who won't pay the bar and send money to take care her. I do feel bad about that. I ask why do you want me when I stop you from bar fining and don't send money, she says when I'm with you I'm happy I care you so much. She says don't you think I would go with someone with a lot of money if I didn't love you? She says you don't have a lot of money it's ok, I love you I don't care. I then ask her about what will happen over next couple of years and about coming the the UK and she said 1 year, maybe 2 years yes, but I need to see if you really love me first she says. Appreciate all the comments and I realise that plenty of you have been stung in situations like these, so I'm going to put the boat out and say "this one's different" as all posters do in these situations. Remember there probably is like a 5% success rate in this area so maybe I have hit the 5% jackpot or have the usual 95%, only time will tell.

You've just contradicted yourself and followed the trap that every person who gets taken for a ride goes through

you said you arent going to pay her a dime, and yet you give this exxcuse which means if you had the money, you'd pay her 15,000

I suggest you take a step back and take a good look at it from a 3rd party,

Would you do anything remotely like this back home?? go to a hooker who says she doesnt take customers and then pay her for a months salary??

Two things,

1. You think it's OK for a girl to lie in a relationship, I don't.

2. You know girls in bars that don't do tricks, I know girls in bars that say they don't do tricks. Bars don't employ girls out of charity.

PS

I met a girl that works in Pattaya, isn't a sex worker but slept with me the night I met her.

Come on, who yer kiddin?

You also slept with her the first night! So in your twisted logic that makes you a whore too. Welcome to their world

Not referring to the OP but its interesting the absolute arrogance of a high proportion of expats/tourists/TV members from the western world

and how they think their culture is superior or are they are more intelligent/sophsiticated,

thats why there are so many threads such as "I want to take her back to my country for a better life" or "I want the kids to have a better education overseas" or "why dont they have a good steak like back home"

Differences not superiority.

Not correct, if you didnt think you were superior, you would embrace the differences, not complain/point out how unsophisticated the thais are for not doing the way you are used to

Hellohello123 and AnotherOneAmerican ... There are some of us guys who are in that 5 or 10% that attracts women of all ages. Handsome perhaps but I would say more like confident, in shape, look smart and fun to be with ... Hopefully it lasts a bit longer as my life has been great so far....

The OP is perhaps also in the same boat and can attract great girls.

Don't be jealous just work on yourself and your game....

Just saying

Confidence attracts a lot of women, good for you (seriously), not many women like a wimpy, self conscious man unless she is a dominant character

Feel free to disagree with me (no offence will be taken) but

for a 50-60 year old to get with a 21 yr old in thailand are one of:

- You must look like richard gere or George Clooney

- You must look seriously younger

- You have the charm and sales skills to sell Ice to Eskimos

- She is damaged goods and has to settle for you

- You and her both give gollum a run for his money in an ugly competition

- You are stinkinging rich (or stinking rich in their eyes)/have a visa to a country they want out

The majority of the people seem to be in the last half

Just my opinion

Shakes head.......

I still dont get why so many people do dumb shit that they would never do back at home...........

is it something in the water???

Is there a subliminal msg played on hte safety video on all planes entering the country??

I'll wager that there are quite a few posters here on TVF who married bar girls, and who have happy, successful and long-lasting marriages.

ThaiVisa members are universally noted for their women being from wealthy families and highly educated, but in the real world, nearly every Farang I know met his GF or Wife in a Bar, they are obviously NOT ThaiVisa members.

and dont forget have masters and phds and can speak 17 languages, 20 years younger and look 10 years young, whilst not have paid a cent to them in their life, whilst the men are overweight, alcoholic, divorced 100 times, 20 years older.......all because of their awesome personality and plus Hansum looks