scottiejohn

The average AN Poster?

What a beautiful day for dashing out to Trafalgar Square, chucking a bucket of whitewash over the pigeons and saying, ‘There you are, how do you like it?’ PS; No prizes for guessing this UK TV comedian!

ADAM AND EVE AFTER A FEW YEARS TOGETHER!

How many students does it take to change a toilet roll? Nobody knows! — it’s never been done before.

A little old lady went to the doctor and said: ‘Can I have some more sleeping pills for my husband please?’ He said: ‘Why?’ She said: ‘He keeps waking up!’

Bureaucrats are getting too officious these days; There are some very dodgy questions on some of the forms they send out now adays! A recent loan form application said Sex! I put, ‘occasionally’ if I have any money left" PS; I nearly said that is why I need the loan as I am going blind living on my own!

But only in a circle with the longer leg on the downward side! See; "The Wild Haggis is a small, rough-haired quadruped creature, native to the Scottish Highlands. A notable feature is that the legs on one side of the animal’s body are both significantly longer than those on the other, this being a local long-term evolutionary adaptation to living on the steep sides of Scottish mountains.! three legged haggis - Search (bing.com)

Who and what at?

Pots, kettles and the colour black come to mind!

You should know by now that prolific has nothing to do with quality, just quantity!

He was a very good Moderator! I suspect/wish some of the upper echelon might actually take notice of him although I doubt it! WRT adverts I just have them blocked on every device and website I ever use or visit! IMHO adverts everywhere have now become self defeating because of their annoyance/intrusiveness! I personally find them pointless as I never see them!

Oh to be so modest!

I think the sequence should be Prepaid. PAYG and Contracted!

Went to the corner shop yesterday - bought 4 corners. Bloody wife went round the bend when I told her!

I met a Dutch girl last week who wore inflatable shoes, Tried to phone her up to arrange a date but unfortunately I've been told she'd popped her clogs.

A good job it is summer and don't need any heating! Slept like a log last night! I just woke up in the fireplace with one hell of a hangover!

Wanted to get some stuff from the paper shop today but discovered it had blown away in last night's storm!

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bi-satchel.

My Dermatologist was fired today He made too many rash decisions while scratching around for remedies'!

Group Therapy A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Betty, quietly got up, took her boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Pussy and Willy from school and go get dinner."

Yes if they support the orange liar!

I am too drained at the moment to go into details but it was basically on some hot advice that was showered on me when I was swimming around plumbing the depths looking for a steaming hot solution! So I just pooled all the data before it went cold on me!

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah at the local zoo; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".