Keeps

Back on form 👍

No you're not.

Profound words Bignok. It's like watching the karate kid all over again. At the end of the day, everyone needs to pop one out, however much it hurts. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it sensai. 🙏

Normally like the OP's (AI) posts but this one is dire. Utter dog sh!t. I am in an incredibly bad mood today so will give the bot the benefit of the doubt. Tomorrow's better be an improvement though.

I see we are three pages in and I haven't read any post other than the headline so I'm pretty sure someone has posted along the same lines as the following. Didn't you post similar a day or a week ago? You no doubt posted the same under one of your previous dozen incarnations? Utter inane drivel. Get a life FFS. I have stumbled across this as I am squeezing one out on the throne. It is more challenging than usual as I appear to be passing one of Mike Tyson's arms having just peeped down. Something had to keep me amused whilst enduring the agony, unfortunately your post wasn't it. It has just prolonged and added to the agony. Agony and despair doesn't even scratch the surface of what I'm feeling now and it's all down to you rather than the log I am attempting to pass.

I never speak to anyone sat next to me on a long haul flight so I certainly don't sit there smelling their breath. Extremely unlikely I will ever see them again so comfortable with that. If it looks like I've got a 'talker' next to me I start twitching and making random noises for a few minutes. Seems to do the trick.

I think they should have a special cage with oxygen and maybe a bag of crisps in the hold.

Ties in with the old saying along the lines of " you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family". Don't really keep in touch with any family (due to the reasons you outlined) other than my elderly mother (when back in UK) and I don't like her much either.

Some people find it far more stressful being around family than they do being at work.

All I can hear is a Yank accent. Also, a Yank is a lot, lot more likely to be wearing that attire than a Brit would be.

I'm off to Lamai on Monday. First port of call is tropical toe-nees as he always requests Robinson's apple and blackcurrant squash to put in his pint of 'Snakebite'. Gives me one of his homemade sausage rolls in return. 😁

Prick.

And just in case you didn't know, GOAT was the previous posting name of MalkyB. Obviously a self proclaimed title. He'll deny it until the cows come home but I'm not wrong. Apologies if you knew that already but just wanted to make it absolutely clear.

I think we should just all accept the invite and swerve it for a laugh. Just don't tell the OP or Harrisfanny. It will just be the GOAT and 10 incarnations of Sparktrader mumbling "they'll be here in a minute, they all said they're coming. There's no way they would miss this."

Will there be sausage rolls? That's all I want to know. Don't care about any of the other $hit.

Be interesting to know how much you paid in to the 'system' over the years. Seems like you left UK aged around 43? Working from the age of 16 and paying tax/NI? Been topping up NI contributions whilst away? Higher education/University so actually paid very little into the system taking into account the age you left the UK? I only ask because I believe there is a huge difference between what you are legally entitled to claim and what you are 'morally' entitled to claim (ie benefits ponce). The latter is probably immaterial in 99% of people's eyes. From your previous posts I know that you are a good man that has done an incredible amount of good for underprivileged children. However , I am talking about your average Joe. The way the benefits system is in the UK regarding illegal immigrants then the vast majority of people will say "fill your boots, grab what you can". I totally agree but that is a separate issue. That aside, I do have issues with people who haven't really contributed much to the system but want the maximum out of it when it suits them. No finger pointing here, just interested in your historical contribution.

That's not an answer to the question is it Malky boy? Haven't smoked the old Dutch Parsley for a long time now. No hallucinations or paranoia here. Dicks are certainly not my thing. Never have been, never will be. Now, back to the original post and question. You slipped up Malky, sorry GOAT. You gonna hold your hands up or at least come up with a believable explanation?

I'm pretty sure that if I had come wobbling out of the sea, like Ursula Andress's fat, retarded uncle, one man boob smacking me in the mush, the other hitting me middle of the back as I jog up the beach, you wouldn't have come rushing up with a T-shirt to protect my modesty.

You are one of the first to post every time though showing your disapproval. You following his profile or just a stalker? If you don't like his/it's harmless fun, jog on. Have a moan elsewhere.

Best posts of the day. Made me chuckle.

Just been having a little think whilst having a couple of cold ones and something sprung to mind Malky. Very much enjoyed this post but then, I started thinking about finishing a party cone in one go. Isn't this what AUSSIES refer to as a bong? Us Brits call it a bong, I think the Yanks call it a bowl? Now, as you claim to be a Brit, why would you be using the Aussie vernacular? As you are well aware GOAT, I do pick up on your slip ups. I'm a cunning one like that. Time to come clean @MalcolmB? At least do the decent thing and provide me with a plausible explanation. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt if you do. Cheers cobber.

I have always hated the smell of ciggies. The smell on my clothes was terrible. After a cig I'd normally wash my hands or use hand gel and also breath spray. Amazed I ever smoked but used to knock back 5 Rothmans after school at 11 years old! Heavy cannabis smoker as well from late teens for a couple of decades. I'm 57 now and want to make old bones so really want to knock it on the head once and for all. One thing I have noticed during the last month is when I've had a few beers in the evening, I feel much better next morning than I did when I had the same amount of beers accompanied by 15 cigs. That has certainly given me even more of an incentive to quit for good. Thanks for the input 👍

I wasn't being intentionally horrible, I promise. I just couldn't resist 😁 🙏

I was going to say exactly that but got bored typing and grabbed another beer instead. The stuff I had was called 'Fleet'. 2 bottles throughout the day before. Supposedly lemon and lime flavour. I can only imagine it tasted more akin to a tramp's underpants. Things started flowing after the first bottle but midway through the second my toilet room started looking like an IRA prison cell from the 'dirty' protests in the 1980's. Got to have another one next year due to a long term medical complaint. Can't wait 😞

This was in the UK. I was anesthetized (including a small amount of Fentanyl apparently) but they seemed to underestimate it a touch. They need you to be pliant to move you about rather than completely out of it. I could feel it, was in immense pain, was able to see the screen but I was too monged to be able to make a noise. A very unpleasant experience all in all. Bit of a laugh after in the recovery room though. Whilst they undertake the procedure they pump air in to expand the colon. That all has to come out after. Myself and about 8 other blokes in a recovery room tripping out from the anesthetic doing the loudest, longest farts ever known to mankind. It pulled back what had been a terrible experience from the abyss.