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Just got back from the hospital. They reckon I might have Pneumonoutramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiois, but its hard to say.

I was walking my dog today when i came across a bull stuck in an electric fence. I think it was charging!

I’ve just been diagnosed with gammon flu. It started as swine flu, but they cured me.

Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

I went to a dyslexic rave last night. Everyone was taking F’s and there was a guy in the corner trying to inject a heron.

Reminded me of these classics. (If you like what you see, there's a lot more of them).

"Ukraine recap: Putin celebrates Victory Day with nuclear threats to UK and France" Putin celebrates with nuclear threats to UK and France (ukdefencejournal.org.uk) "The UK should not rule out sending troops to Ukraine – despite Putin’s nuclear threats" The UK should not rule out sending troops to Ukraine – despite Putin’s nuclear threats | Chatham House – International Affairs Think Tank "Russia’s Medvedev threatens to nuke US, UK, Germany, Ukraine if Russia loses occupied territories" Russia’s Medvedev threatens to nuke US, UK, Germany, Ukraine if Russia loses occupied territories (kyivindependent.com) "Russia's former president threatened nuclear attacks on Western capital cities if NATO sends any troops to Ukraine" Medvedev Threatens Nuclear Attacks on Western Capitals If NATO Troops Arrive - Business Insider "Putin's puppet threatens to unleash nuclear Armageddon on UK if Russia loses in Ukraine" Putin's puppet threatens to unleash nuclear Armageddon on UK if Russia loses in Ukraine | World | News | Express.co.uk There are many more instances, including the famous threat to "sink the UK beneath the sea" one. Indeed, many of your own arguments against the war are due to the possibility of it escalating into a nuclear one between Russia and NATO.

A very interesting interview, basically split into two main premises. Firstly that Putin's lines in the sand are nothing but talk. "If the West supplies Ukraine with long range weapons, we will nuke the West!" Ukraine receives various Western missiles. "Okay, but if Ukraine attacks Russia, including Crimea and the land we claimed prior to this "operation" we will nuke the West!" Ukraine goes ahead and attacks these lands, then Crimea, then Russia. "Alright, but if Ukraine steps foot on Russian territory we'll definitely nuke the West. We're serious now!" Ukraine invades the Kurk region, using Western supplied vehicles and weapons. Putin is belligerent. "Splutter, splutter! This is terrorism!" But does nothing. The Tsar has no clothes. Secondly, and more interesting, while the, largely Slavic people of Moscow and St Petersburg might support Putin, at least in the open, there have been many demonstrations by other ethnic groups in the provinces that are supplying many of the conscripts, who really have a big stake in the war, and don't like it. As an aside, I wonder just how many Russians fleeing the draft in places like Thailand come from the big, more European, cities, and how many come from the provinces? From what I've seen, heard and read, there are very few of the latter. Like everywhere, the richer wriggle out of it, the poorer are trapped. Conscripted into the army, serving as cannon fodder to Moscow based generals. Now, however, the rich ones are feeling the pinch too - not militarily, but economically. Oligarchs are even openly speaking out against this war, saying it was a stupid thing to do, and acknowledging that, okay, Ukraine likely won't win, but neither will Russia. The push into Kursk is heightening their fears, and anger, and may be the final straw. She even discusses the very real possibility that Putin will be forced to step down by the powers with the money. Whether this would actually eventuate or not, it's still worth listening to her reasoning.

Putin has always said that any peace talks would be based on the premise that borders would be frozen as they are now (or, rather, were prior to Ukraine's incursion). Having Ukraine in Russia, effectively ceding territory if they are frozen now, is something he's not prepared for. The situation shows the lack of any real peace effort on his side - he's prepared for (temporary) peace if he can keep the land he's grabbed and Ukraine gets nothing, but he's spitting the dummy now that, by his own previous "peace" conditions, he stands to lose land. Peace talks are a two way process, but this development just shows his calls for peace were a sham, designed to grab territory and give nothing in return.

To the people who hate hand gestures: I salute you. As the dyslexic Mexican said, I'll fetch my taco.

I used to feed gorillas at the zoo using a golf club from a distance. I’d drive them bananas.

My scouse mate was sending in a loan application today. He said, “I have a good credit history, I think I’ll walk it." “But you’re from Liverpool," I said. “You’ll never walk a loan."

I attended a pessimists meeting today, It wasn’t a great turn out, the room was half empty.

I watched a film last night where a guy gets a hot cup of tea thrown over him and gets third degree burns. It was rated PG.

I had to tell my patient that I had dreadfully messed up his plastic surgery. I'll never forget the look on his elbow.