ballpoint

Where's the soap?

Warning! Do not use these new urinals. Once I started to go I couldn't stop and it ended up like a sprinkler, spraying everyone in the bathroom. What was the idiot who installed them thinking of?

Do retired gynaecologists have an ex-cervixmen's club?

I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs. So far I've got 50,000 signatures.

I thought I had arthritis- but luckily my doctor assured me that it's only an early onset of Rigor Mortis.

I went into the living room and the wife was watching a movie, but on the bottom of the screen the words Nautilus, Trident, Dreadnought, kept scrolling across, "What's that for?" I asked her. She replied "They're subtitles, you idiot!"

Not one to brag, but I was born sychic. For example, right now you're thinking, "It's Psychic you idiot!"

For some reason I’ve just been offered a job as a urologist’s assistant. Is this some kind of p*ss take?

Ukraine has held off on its drone attacks recently, possibly while waiting to see the outcome of Zelensky's meeting with Trump, but now that's over, in more ways than one, they seem to be ramping things up again. A couple of days ago they attacked an LPG shipment facility in the Sea of Azov, and last night they carried out a long range attack on an oil refinery at Ufa, the first time this place has been targeted. For a country with no cards to play, they sure keep dealing it out to Russian oil and gas facilities.

Shocked to discover a world leader owns an item of clothing freely available for purchase in any decent sized town? Make America Gullible again!