ballpoint

Bloody Arabs, parking on the footpath.

I keep dreaming that I’m helping women give birth. The doctor says I’m having a midwife crisis

My mate offered to take me to see a band called Clingfilm. But I don’t like wrap.

My wife said if you are bored why don't you make a bird table, so I did. Now she is kicking off because she only came 5th.

If you could sum up AN in one sentence...

Bloody caravans holding up traffic.

I used to work in a fish factory, mincing up flatfish to make patties. To be honest It was sole destroying.

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..."

I once ran an ultra marathon in Sweden, however, after a while I wasn't sure if I was going in the right direction. I definitely knew I was lost when I crossed the Finnish line though.

Just heard 80's singer Enya has bought hew own Rugby Union team. Their next 3 fixtures are now: Sale (A) Sale (A) Sale (A)