ravip

VID-20221007-WA0016.mp4

Seems these psychos are stalking all over the world with arms and targeting the innocent - they are not in their normal senses... its frightening.

VID-20221004-WA0016.mp4

Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says “We’d like a couple of beers, please.” The bartender says “Okay, but don’t start anything.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

Seems very serious...

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."

Replacement Windows Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive casement type with shutters. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloo... Just because I have fair hair doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellloo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never calledback. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Also from "Philogelos" the 9th oldest joke in the world goes like this: "Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food." "When the donkey died of hunger, he said: 'I've had a great loss! Just when he had learned not to eat, he died'."

A Funny British Pub Name: The Quiet Woman A Splendid Example of an Oxymoron?

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.' The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.' The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.' The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.' The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'

A man walks into a pub, then goes to the gents. He comes out and goes to speak to the landlord. He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The landlord turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”

I used to work in a pub next to a hospital and this guy walked in one day with his hospital gown on and holding a drip on a stand that was still connected to his veins. I asked him how I could help and bizarrely he said, “Can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila. It’s a free country so I start to pour the drinks and put them on the bar one at a time. As I finished pouring all of the drinks he downed them in order and finished on the shots of tequila which he dispatched one at a time in a quick pace. He then looked at me really sad and said, “I shouldn’t have drunk all that with what I’ve got.” I said, “Why what have you got?” He said, “About £3.50.”

Two lawyers walk into a pub. They order a couple of drinks and take their sandwiches out of their briefcases and them they begin to eat them. Seeing this, the angry publican exclaims, “Excuse me, but you can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The two lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders, then exchange sandwiches.