ravip

Come to think of it, which came first? The Phobia or the virus? Could the virus be a by-product of the phobia?

Who doesn't get components from China? There seems to be a serious China Phobia spreading around.

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said... "Please, just wear your police uniform."

I asked my new girlfriend when her birthday was.. She said March 1st, So i walked round the room and asked her again...

I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. . My gondolences

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates? One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival. "There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?" "I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground. They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal. "What next?" he asks. "I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him. They return to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins... nothing... The vendor has a good memory. "What now?" he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity. She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says "I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED." He ends the date right there and storms off. Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, "How was your date?" She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, "Wousy!"

Is the delivery charge included in the card price?

A student is taking an exam from anatomy. The professor points at a skeleton and says: - Can you tell me if this is a male or a female skeleton? The student is hesitant and after a moment replies pointing at the front of the hips: - I suppose there was a penis here. The professor responds: - I suppose not one, but many.

An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall. On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter) and later, as he’s about to go out, she asks him was it all to his liking. “Aye,” he says, “it was vera lovely indeed. But I do usually have a wee bit more bread with ma breakfast in a morning.” The proprietor considers herself a professional host and is a little stung by the criticism so the following day she provides the same breakfast again but this time with four slices of bread and butter. Again, she approaches him with a smile after he’s eaten and asks how the meal was received. “Aye,” he says, “it was vera nice, vera nice. But I do usually have a wee bit more bread with ma breakfast in a morning.” As the week wears on, the proprietor loads the man’s plate with more and more bread until finally, frustrated with his daily gentle criticism, she goes to the baker for an unsliced loaf. She cuts it lengthways right down the middle, waps a thick spread of butter over each half and balances it ludicrously on the edge of his breakfast plate. Grinning, she approaches the man after breakfast and asks ”and how was your breakfast today?” The man nods amiably and says ”Aye, it was truly lovely. But I see we’re back tae two slices of bread again…

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" in bed. I asked if she want to have sex. She said no. I asked, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time and said, "Yes.." I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

VID-20211013-WA0025.mp4

"Ode to the Spell Checker!" Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

The scariest thing happened on my first parachuting lesson. The first time you jump, you get harnessed to the Instructor. As I plummeted through the air, waiting for the instructor to open the parachute, he turned to me and asked "So, how long have you been an Instructor for?"

What's the difference between a magician and a row of showgirls? One has an array of cunning stunts...

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you? U r a bus

Waiting game A policeman, patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot, saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. Stopping to investigate, he walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?" "What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "Well, sir, I'm reading, and my girlfriend is knitting a sweater." "How old are you, son?" the officer asked. "I'm twenty," the boy replied, looking at his watch. "And in about twelve minutes, she'll be eighteen."

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday

Absolutely! But if one is buying a new PC, should keep in mind about the compatibility for future upgrade (if the OS is not installed). Then, some guys (like me) just like to play around with new OS's as they are released! ????