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fasteddie

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    Worst Joke Ever 2024

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted · Edited by fasteddie

    A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

    "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

    "And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.

    "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.

    "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

    "Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

    "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

    "I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

    The barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

    So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

    The same thing happens for two weeks.

    Then one day the circus comes to town.

    The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

    "Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

    So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

    "I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck.

    "Where is it?" "At the circus," Says the barman.

    "The circus?" Repeats the duck.

    "That's right," Replies the barman.

    "The circus?" The duck asks again "with the big tent?"

    "Yeah," the barman replies.

    "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

    "Of course," the barman replies.

    "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

    "That's right!" says the barman.

    The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ......

    "What the <deleted> would they want with a plasterer?''

     
     
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    Australian, American among four charged for ‘Abandoned Phuket Zoo’ post

    in Phuket News

    Posted

    10 hours ago, Marcus Atwood said:

    You must have a poor understanding of how Thailand works.

    a ) Only poor people spend time in the The Monkey House. Thailand literally has the most relaxed legal system on planet Earth. It borders on comical. This group has already made $45k via GoFundMe so they are likely doing a deal with the police, 50/50 split. Police will get half the proceeds.

    b ) I can't speak for the other nationalities but no one would dare put an American in the Monkey House for a significant amount of time over something as small as this. The only way an American spends any length of time in prison in Thailand is if they commit a "very serious" crime. But even then, it's doubtful. A million baht fine and everything goes away and it's extremely likely the US government would pay up. America has a "no man left behind" policy regardless of how scummy you are. Americans are untouchable. Pretty much. Hands off the USA mate. You might not like it but it's just reality.

    Unbelievable drivel from an ''exeptional'' one, '' Americans are untouchable. Pretty much. Hands off the USA mate. You might not like it but it's just reality.'' no it's not reality, it's just in your tiny mind, you surely can't believe what you have just posted.

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    China reclassifies dogs as pets, not livestock, in post-virus regulatory push

    in World News

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Inn Between said:

    It sounds like people in power are finally catching on that something has to be done in China to have more modern control of the food distribution system. Classifying dogs as companion animals and not livestock should eventually have the desired effect of making them less desirable to future generations, although I've never seen eating dog meat to be a big problem -- offensive to me and my culture, but each to their own.  

     

    As for revoking and banning all licences for the breeding and distribution of wildlife along with outlawing the consumption of it, that is a much more important step, and hopefully it will be carried in earnest. Even the Chinese who are set in the oldest and most socially dangerous ways have to now understand that some of their old habits have to stop. People may argue that the inhabitants of some regions have been eating bats for a long time, so why would they now suddenly start causing human illness? It's hard to say exactly why or even if, that was the cause of covid-19, but we do know that they are very prone to carrying rabies, and viral mutations can apparently occur, so those chances just can't be taken anymore, 

     

    '' although I've never seen eating dog meat to be a big problem'' OK not wanting to be a hypocrite I would have to reluctantly agree, but the inhumane treatment of the dogs in the name of ''improving the taste'' or ''tenderising the meat'' or whatever excuse goes well beyond the pale and is extreme animal abuse of the highest order and has no place in this world.

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