fasteddie

January 20, 2021

January 19, 2021

So what's with the ribbons?

January 3, 2021

3 hours ago, Beachcomber said:

I said to my partner "When I die, I'd like to die making love"

They replied: “At least it’ll be quick.”

''They''?

December 24, 2020

December 24, 2020

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question lik…e that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.

Two, you didn’t read your homework.

And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.

December 20, 2020

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”

She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it when we make love,” she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it?”

The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

December 17, 2020

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork decided to give up practicing medicine. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, so he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I've never seen done in my entire career.

December 15, 2020

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room

"What are you doing?!" she asked."I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered."

But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!”

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me”

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively

"What are you doing?" he asked."This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

December 11, 2020

December 10, 2020

December 10, 2020

Twelve Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.

4. Dogs' parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're <deleted>.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em if you wish to

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.

12 If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

And last, but not least:

. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

To verify these statements:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.

Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you.

December 10, 2020

And then posts the video on social media expecting sympathy Lol what a clown TiT!

December 9, 2020

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,

'Shoite, .... Shoite !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed' . He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' <deleted>. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

December 8, 2020

December 8, 2020

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends

over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt

up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any...

skivvies?', Ole demanded.

'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and

says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and

buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball

on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she,

too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the

sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some

underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes

her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta <deleted> hell are yer drawers?'

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta

be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well,

fer the love 'o decentcy here's a comb.....

Tidy Yourself Up!..

December 3, 2020

Excuse me, can I use your Dictaphone?

No, use your finger like everyone else!

December 2, 2020

Considering he'd already announced he would abide by the courts ruling I think the verdict was a given.

December 2, 2020

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year, Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter today, I might never get another chance.” To this, Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”

Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!”

November 28, 2020

On 11/26/2020 at 8:43 AM, Moonlover said:

Try this for evidence:

https://news.usc.edu/168364/vaping-combustive-cigarettes-smoking-usc-research/#:~:text=A USC study finds that,than those who don't.&text=A new USC study finds,who never used e-cigarettes.

Yeah right.....

The study was funded by the National Cancer Institute of the National Institutes of Health and the Food and Drug Administration Center for Tobacco Products (grants P50CA180905 and U54CA180905), the National Institute on Drug Abuse of the National Institutes of Health (grant K01DA042950) and the Tobacco-Related Disease Research Program (grant 27-IR-0034).

November 25, 2020

32 minutes ago, Meat Pie 47 said:

Is that so?

Which drugs are linked to drugged driving?

After alcohol, marijuana is the drug most often found in the blood of drivers involved in crashes.

That may be so but it doesn't mean it had

anything to do with the accident given it stays in the system a long time.

November 25, 2020

3 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Buds and flowers are just modified leaves, so I expect they are covered by this change in legislation.

However, TiT.

Yeah buds I should have said, flowers would be a bit useless Lol

November 25, 2020

''leaves, stems, stalks and roots''? not flowers?

November 18, 2020

6 hours ago, ravip said:

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, "I really need a new <deleted>***ing boat."

Reminds me of a boat trip off Koh Jum once, had to do exactly that combined with baling out Lol

November 18, 2020

3 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

I think that's where we stayed in '95, wooden bungalows on the hillside, not much of a beach mainly rocks, peaceful and beautiful.

No ''free sex'' then though Lol

November 18, 2020

14 minutes ago, camble said:

Sunset Beach

I think that's where we stayed in '95, wooden bungalows on the hillside, not much of a beach mainly rocks, peaceful and beautiful.

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Which drugs are linked to drugged driving?

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