chosen for what?? presumably by me

My point exactly,...

As they say, "I picked a good 'un"

This is one topic that I want to start sometimes in the future.

Do the girls pick their chosen one or do the men do it?

My father has a quite strong belief on the question, you can pick any girl you want, if she does not want you, she does not want you,...

But if she picks you/wants you,...

Good question Bluecat. In our case he definitely picked me. He said (sorry guys, a bit gushy here) that when he met me it was as if he had always known me, like we had been together in previous lives (got me, that one did ).

Good question Bluecat. In our case he definitely picked me. He said (sorry guys, a bit gushy here) that when he met me it was as if he had always known me, like we had been together in previous lives (got me, that one did ).

Agree, Sbk, usually men choose a girl and they HOPE the girl will accept.

But the girls had/have the final say.

BTW, is it so different today?

THE NEW THAI TECH ZONE

'Course David Beckham wore a skirt but nobody called him a ladyboy, hmmm???

that's because he enjoys being in Posh's undies

'Course David Beckham wore a skirt but nobody called him a ladyboy, hmmm???

that's because he enjoys being in Posh's undies

and, so it would seem, every other girls undies too

And Larry, high tech doesn't always mean the best way. Monkeys don't always work because they are slow and won't be able to climb up trees with the big red ants (which is at least 50% of the trees). I imagine you have a better way to get down coconuts?

Very happy for you and you hubby sbk, sounds like a sound relationship.

I think the tolerance levels and attitudes among Thai men vary a great deal all over the country, and there's also the individual factor - impossible to say all are this way or that way.

What I personally love about Thai men is that most of them can't see, or don't seem to be interested in, the real gems of Thai girls that are all over this country, especially the 25 plus educated girls such as my GF. Their loss!

Hi all. I've been lurking on this forum for about 6 months.... thought I'd add my two cents on this one. I think it was the picture of the coconut picker - I had to look twice, I could have sworn that was MY husband gathering coconuts! I've got a similar picture of him doing the same thing and wearing the same "skirt", as he jokingly calls it. We've been married for 5 years and have got two lovely children. I completely understand what sbk is saying about Thai men and their seeming indifference to western rules of masculinity and femininity. However I believe that while this may seem refreshing to us as adults, it's unfortunate the way it comes about, often with very strict and unfair gender training as children. As much as I would love to have a daughter, in a way I feel relieved to have been given two sons, as I fear that my western ways of raising children would leave a daughter without a "place" in this culture. I realise that you've got 300% more experience in Thailand than I have, sbk, and while I do agree with your observations about Thai men, particularly those not from Bangkok, I just wanted to point out the the origins of their security in their "manliness" or whatever it should be called are often not as benign as they seem. Does anyone get what I mean? On a lighter note, however, whenever I go back to western countries, I'm always struck by how silly the boundaries between men and men are. I guess that's why western countries have so many contact sports - it allows men to have some "cuddle time".

Right then. cheers all

I understand what you mean too true, which is one of the (many) reason we don't have children. Fortunately for me my husband grew up in a family where the gender "roles" are a bit more blurred. He grew up very poor where the work was just hard and it didn't really matter who did what just so long as everyone got food. His father washes his own clothes and cooks regularly as well. His sister is certainly one of the most strong-willed, independent Thai women I know (ie doesn't listen to a soul ) who certainly doesn't mind breaking gender 'rules' and doesn't really give a fig for local opinion. Which, of course, makes her a bit of the local black sheep

I understand what you mean too true, which is one of the (many) reason we don't have children.

Hmmmm,...

Ok bluecat, ONE OF THE MANY! other reasons are numerous starting with

dirty diapers ick

schooling here is terrible

family/neighbor interference in raising of the child

screaming babies

no more fun holidays

less number of romantic interludes

whining kids

shall I continue or does that about do it?

for a different twist on this manly subject. i love reading this forum. i am in the united states, state of texas. i met my thai husband here, were married in 4months, and have been married 24 years this august. we have 3 beautiful (inside and out)daughters.i have been married twice before.at 30 years old i made a list of characteristics i would ultimatley want in a husband and he appeared.he is a very! traditional thai, which is hard to do in america.he is surrounded by hundred's of thai friends.all of these men and women are the most honorable and loyal people i have ever met in my 54 years.even the few that have their wild streaks are still friends who can be trusted completely.when we go to thailand everyone treats me with kindness and respect.Being in this world for 54 years i think i have enough experience to state my opinion that these are in general a people of extreme class.after 24 years i still get excited when i hear his car drive up or his voice on the phone.yes you could say i lucked out,too.it's not all wine and roses, but it has been worh all the effort.

shall I continue or does that about do it?

Don't get upset, Sbk.

Your choice, I think,...

shall I continue or does that about do it?

Don't get upset, Sbk.

Your choice, I think,...

Sorry Bluecat! After 15 years of nagging and ridiculous suggestions from everybody from my mother-in-law to the ten gazillion relatives to the lady who cuts my hair it is a subject I am a bit touchy on!

its really the fashion industry that decides if you're gay or not. maybe not mentally gay, but visually gay. i hope i make sense. imagine the fashion industry decides that instead of a new style of jeans, men should wear skirts. does that make you gay? no, because (almost) every man...or at least many men would be wearing them. i personally dont care if a man wears a skirt or a scot wears a kilt. okay, now a man wearing a short pink skirt that reaches just below his butt, that's just wrong...

Of course there are good men in Thailand just as there are good men in other countries. And of course there are good women, vice versa, etc. Successful relationships/marriages in Thailand are based on a few major factors (which can be applied to men and women):

1) Loyalties: Will your spouse remain loyal to you in heart and mind when family pressure begins to arise (or will they abide dear ol' mom's every command)

2) The independence of your spouse (Was your spouse sleeping in their parent's bed when you first met? Does your spouse have to support their family?)

3) Money Issues (Whether or not this is important to you, it may be important to the spouse or their family)

4) Does your spouse have an alcoholic Uncle? (Speaking from experience...beware of these lurking time bombs)

5) Are you willing to be separated from your family and do they fully support your decision to live in a foreign country? Guilt can ruin anyone.

As for having kids...educating your child may be the reason for you having to leave Thailand (unless you can afford International School tuition)....Is your spouse willing to relocate? Can they be separated from their family?

As in any cross cultural relationships there are many factors ranging from minor to major that could put strain on a relationship.

Looking at what I wrote...it looks as if family IS the essential factor for relationship bliss. Is your family supportive? Is your spouse's family open minded? Do they hold stereotypical views? Time will only tell.

Excellent post igotworms (really? sounds painful ).

You have just about hit the nail on the head. In addition to the money matters I would add education level. Well, maybe not education in the formal sense of the word but at least knowledge level. An ignorant person is hard to live with, difficult to have any kind of equal relationship with.

In addition to the money matters I would add education level.

Are men and women different, Sbk?

Hmmm, maybe,...

I don't know, I just know I wouldn't be interested in an ignorant idiot!

Girls girls girls

Its like this. Those of us that know Thai men (and I mean KNOW) realise what they are like - warts and all. If we accept that and still want to be with them, then we have crossed over a line that other people will never know about. We have accpted their culture and they ours (though we may still often disagree), we have shown we prefer their skin tone and they ours (even when we get a tan!), we have put up with their friends, relatives, aquaintances and others to varying extents and even like some of them, we have learnt to get along, to survive to live in a world that we have chosen for ourselves.

The men we are with have proven to us that they are men, it is not about what they wear or carry. To have gone out with us shows that they are exceptional as they will recieve more stick and piss-taking (as well as admiration and jealousy) than any Thai woman in the process. And for most of us, I am sure, (unlike many of the Thai women who go for Farang men) they are not after our money.

So to Farang Men - get your own lives in order and perhaps one day you will be good enough for us! But then again, maybe not!

The men we are with have proven to us that they are men, it is not about what they wear or carry. To have gone out with us shows that they are exceptional as they will recieve more stick and piss-taking (as well as admiration and jealousy) than any Thai woman in the process. And for most of us, I am sure, (unlike many of the Thai women who go for Farang men) they are not after our money.

My husband usually gets the old "wink wink, nudge nudge, how do I get me one of those" looks.

I don't know, I just know I wouldn't be interested in an ignorant idiot!

Jeez, Sbk.

Girls are like that?

They want us to be handsome AND smart.

Not fair.

We just want you to be pretty,...

You are right bluecat. Us girls do have alot of demands and one of those would definalty be to avoid superficialty. I suppose it must become habit in a place like Thailand to rate women on looks. The men seem to rated on the size of their wallets, and by the sounds of things thats just as well.

Don't be surprised if women act fed up with farang men,and end up with a thai guy. I would say the best of the manly bunch certainy didn't wash up in Thailand because they were showered with compliments and offers by the women back home! (of course, not that you would want them!)

What I enjoy about thailand is I can chat away with Thai men, flirt and have a laugh and it doesn't cost anyone a penny! Are Farang men just used to paying for it?????

I have to say this is the first form I have visited where I have read about Farang women and their thai husbands and it is fantastic. In many forums all the postings either : bash western women, comparing them to the girls they buy, comparing bar girls to each other, where to find the best bar girls, how many bar girls have you had?, here are some pictures of bar girls, does my bar girlfriend really love me( laugh myself silly at those ones) etc etc.

After reading them I get really dissapointed..and yes I also wouldn't like ones of these ignorant eejits and thai men suddenly become very very attractive( even with skirts and handbags!!)...more so because of the farang men!

(by the way...ignorant to me is someone with no common sense or manners. You can still be intelligent without knowing the inner workings of a hydrogen bomb!)

What a great thread! Keep it rolling girls!

Don't be surprised if women act fed up with farang men,and end up with a thai guy.

and thai men suddenly become very very attractive( even with skirts and handbags!!)...

Hmm lady, fat chance....

And with regards to your second point, I guess a minority of readers here will find Thai man with skirts and handbags very attractive. That might be more something for your hubby when you're a weekend out of town...

They can't help themselves can they?

Farang men want Thai girls (never call them women) because they are so wonderful, Farang women admire Thai men, and the Farang men can't handle that!

I know that Farang men think that women of their own race did not treat them with the respect that they feel they deserved, but by the attitudes that are expressed here (to Thai women included), is it any wonder?

You have to give respect to get it. (Unless of course you are paying for it)

They can't help themselves can they?

Farang men want Thai girls (never call them women) because they are so wonderful, Farang women admire Thai men, and the Farang men can't handle that!

I know that Farang men think that women of their own race did not treat them with the respect that they feel they deserved, but by the attitudes that are expressed here (to Thai women included), is it any wonder?

You have to give respect to get it. (Unless of course you are paying for it)

You make me wonder, Polly.

Why are you so frustrated?

To a point your posting does not make any sense.

Did your husband, boyfriend leave you for a Thai girl/woman?

No, my husband did not leave me for a Thai woman. I have no beef with any woman, Thai or otherwise. I do, however, get heartily sick of Farang men slagging western women off continously. Look at some of the posts on the Farang pub, and that last one in here from Robsayer. When they are not slagging western women off, they are saying what lying cheating things Thai women are. Come on!

Look at some of the posts on the Farang pub, and that last one in here from Robsayer. When they are not slagging western women off, they are saying what lying cheating things Thai women are. Come on!

I have to admit, you're right, Polly.

Some of us are slagging western women off, probably because they have, had a bad experience with them.

Some of us are slagging Thai women off, probably because they have, had a bad experience with them.

And everything in between,...

But since this is a Thai forum, more people are with Thai women and a lot of them after having been with farang women, hence not really balanced in favour of farang women.

Oh well,...

Don't be surprised if women act fed up with farang men,and end up with a thai guy.

and thai men suddenly become very very attractive( even with skirts and handbags!!)...

Hmm lady, fat chance....

And with regards to your second point, I guess a minority of readers here will find Thai man with skirts and handbags very attractive. That might be more something for your hubby when you're a weekend out of town...

Bluecat, I think dutchy's lovely response here is the answer for your question to Polly