New Lover

[Pollie]

I have a new-ish, long-distance lover coming to town for 3 days. Any suggestions on where to stay, what to do... I want to keep him interested but not come over as way over the top for these early days. Any advice welcome (from hotels, spas, restaurants to how to manage the emotional side: ie, do I stay all night, or leave just after? Meet for lunch the next day, or wait til dinner?).... I want to be sure he wants to come back for another visit.

[BambinA]

IMHO , if u want him comes back for another visit, Make yourself abit tough ( For guys , its like a game.. "easy to get -easy to leave"

Just being yourself .. nice/sweet converstion (intellectaul and silly sometimes)..maybe make a small research about what dose he like (example .. he loves tennis..u 'd know abit about it..so u can make an impressive conversation..and u know Venus Williams is not Vanessa Williams' sister)

Don't allow him to come and stay all night long in your room ..Let he stay in the motel/hotel ...

At first time .. dont stay with him that long (from dusk till dawn) even you like him badly ( pretending likes u are really busy..and u have to go in next few hrs )but try to make he knows form conversion/body language that u are interested in him and u like him

Guys love mistery girls..

Edited January 11, 2007 by BambinA

[bina]

lover.... as in, new fun interest lover, or as in, thinking about building a relationship with him lover.??

thai or european or what? the rules are probably slightly different for each culture

first time u've physically met him?

not to get too nosy, but have u slept with him yet or is this to be the deciding date?

what kind of long distance is long distance? emails everyday and steamy phone calls, or what?

kind of hard to respond w/o knowing some detail

what do u think his interest is? what kind of message is he giving off?? interested, luke warm, serious relationship, player....?

is a he a fast paced partier? or a sit at the beach at night and look at the moon type?

are u staying at a hotel, then where does he stay? are u inviting him to your apartment ? etc

just trouble shooting........

why dont u just go to dinner and be prepared for are types of eventualities.

[Pollie]

RIght, I see where you are going with the questions. Here are some more details: Me: recently divorced, newly in the dating scene, trying to figure out the rules. I live in BKK with my kids, so no intiinterest in bringing him home. He: never married, bit of a "player", works internationally, travels through BKK every 2-3 months for a few days. I know he has other lovers. We: both British. Both like sports, bit of night life. We met through a mutual friend, spent many hours together talking and siteseeing, and one very passionate night together. This was 4 months, and probably half a dozen steamy emails ago. I don't expect to be the one to "settle him down", nor do I want to settle down now either. I would love to see this carry on, though, for several occasional visits a year. So.... with that in mind, I don't want to overwhelm him or scare him off, but I also don't want to waste the little time we have together by playing games and pretending to be tied up with other things when I am not (I have arranged for my kids to be with their father for those days).

BTW: I would love to hear a guy's opinion on this topic. Do you agree with Bina and the mystery, or can we get away with more honesty?

[Soph]

Hi Pollie, well cant offer the best advice as I dont always get the hang of long term relationships but it sounds like the whole thing has been pretty pleasant so far, and at the moment you are moving things up a level right? This is always quite a scary time when you start to question the whole thing, and how you should be acting.

I would say dont get too worried about the whole thing, whatever will happen should happen naturally if its meant to be. If there is a future ahead for you both, then the process will come together smoothly.

It depends on how you want to take things - do you want to rush into a passionate weekend with him, or maybe you should continue to take things slowly to prolong the build up.

We are all different, I personally would prefer to build a relationship over a period of time, rather than rush in, only for it to fizzle out just as quickly as it started.

Whatever the case, im sure if you are yourself, and enjoy your time together things will happen if its meant to be. And if not, at least your having some fun in the meantime!

Best of luck and enjoy!

[JacknDanny]

RIght, I see where you are going with the questions. Here are some more details: Me: recently divorced, newly in the dating scene, trying to figure out the rules. I live in BKK with my kids, so no intiinterest in bringing him home. He: never married, bit of a "player", works internationally, travels through BKK every 2-3 months for a few days. I know he has other lovers. We: both British. Both like sports, bit of night life. We met through a mutual friend, spent many hours together talking and siteseeing, and one very passionate night together. This was 4 months, and probably half a dozen steamy emails ago. I don't expect to be the one to "settle him down", nor do I want to settle down now either. I would love to see this carry on, though, for several occasional visits a year. So.... with that in mind, I don't want to overwhelm him or scare him off, but I also don't want to waste the little time we have together by playing games and pretending to be tied up with other things when I am not (I have arranged for my kids to be with their father for those days).

BTW: I would love to hear a guy's opinion on this topic. Do you agree with Bina and the mystery, or can we get away with more honesty?

From a guys point of view!!

If I were him, I would be thinking about what a great passionate night we had and how I cannot wait to get you back between the sheets. It is obvious that I like you because if I didnt, and I had already had my wicked way with you, then I would be making excuses NOT to see you. The fact that I am happy to see you should tell you that apart from the graet sex that I DO want to see you.

I dont want to play games as you say I am a player, and I do not have the time nor the inclination for them. If we had NOT had sex, then the rules would be different

Sorry to sound so direct, but all the steamy e mails and phone calls should tell you that I aint coming over there to see you so we can spend time shopping and going to the opera

[Soph]

From a guys point of view!!

If I were him, I would be thinking about what a great passionate night we had and how I cannot wait to get you back between the sheets. It is obvious that I like you because if I didnt, and I had already had my wicked way with you, then I would be making excuses NOT to see you. The fact that I am happy to see you should tell you that apart from the graet sex that I DO want to see you.

I dont want to play games as you say I am a player, and I do not have the time nor the inclination for them. If we had NOT had sex, then the rules would be different

Sorry to sound so direct, but all the steamy e mails and phone calls should tell you that I aint coming over there to see you so we can spend time shopping and going to the opera

Okay, so theres that too! But lets think positive here right

Edited January 11, 2007 by Soph

[kayo]

IMHO , if u want him comes back for another visit, Make yourself abit tough ( For guys , its like a game.. "easy to get -easy to leave"

Just being yourself .. nice/sweet converstion (intellectaul and silly sometimes)..maybe make a small research about what dose he like (example .. he loves tennis..u 'd know abit about it..so u can make an impressive conversation..and u know Venus Williams is not Vanessa Williams' sister)

Don't allow him to come and stay all night long in your room ..Let he stay in the motel/hotel ...

At first time .. dont stay with him that long (from dusk till dawn) even you like him badly ( pretending likes u are really busy..and u have to go in next few hrs )but try to make he knows form conversion/body language that u are interested in him and u like him

Guys love mistery girls..

Hi Pollie,

I hate to admit it, being a bloke, but bambi is SPOT ON!.

(Bambi, this was brilliant: u can make an impressive conversation..and u know Venus Williams is not Vanessa Williams' sister

)

[Soph]

IMHO , if u want him comes back for another visit, Make yourself abit tough ( For guys , its like a game.. "easy to get -easy to leave"

Just being yourself .. nice/sweet converstion (intellectaul and silly sometimes)..maybe make a small research about what dose he like (example .. he loves tennis..u 'd know abit about it..so u can make an impressive conversation..and u know Venus Williams is not Vanessa Williams' sister)

Don't allow him to come and stay all night long in your room ..Let he stay in the motel/hotel ...

At first time .. dont stay with him that long (from dusk till dawn) even you like him badly ( pretending likes u are really busy..and u have to go in next few hrs )but try to make he knows form conversion/body language that u are interested in him and u like him

Guys love mistery girls..

Wonder if I would be described as a mistery girl.....or a misery girl

[BambinA]

Wonder if I would be described as a mistery girl.....or a misery girl

mystery

Can i call U Drew Barrymore , Soph ( u look like her ..) ..and i like her

Back to the topic >>>Honest Girl is great ..but it does not mean u have to tell everything to guy .. let he guess

Edited January 11, 2007 by BambinA

[BambinA]

(Bambi, this was brilliant: u can make an impressive conversation..and u know Venus Williams is not Vanessa Williams' sister

)

Base on the true story .. long time ago i called Venus as Vanessa with the smart cute guy who loves tennis

"oh yes..I like tennis so much , The braid Vanessa Williams has the great stroke "

Edited January 12, 2007 by BambinA

[November Rain]

Pollie,

I would say just be yourself. He obviously liked you enough for you to get this far. Sounds like you both just want to have fun together, so do just that. Go about your normal life, but when you're with him, have fun! I would agree not to spend all the time he's here with him though!

Enjoy!

[markuk]

from a guys points of view

he works internationally and travels through thailand and would like to get his end away whilst here - nothing wrong with that.

You need to make him want to come back again and the best way to do that is drop your knickers!!

At the end of the day be clear what you are looking for, if its just fun every couple of months then go for it.

[ginnyten]

RIght, I see where you are going with the questions. Here are some more details: Me: recently divorced, newly in the dating scene, trying to figure out the rules. I live in BKK with my kids, so no intiinterest in bringing him home. He: never married, bit of a "player", works internationally, travels through BKK every 2-3 months for a few days. I know he has other lovers. We: both British. Both like sports, bit of night life. We met through a mutual friend, spent many hours together talking and siteseeing, and one very passionate night together. This was 4 months, and probably half a dozen steamy emails ago. I don't expect to be the one to "settle him down", nor do I want to settle down now either. I would love to see this carry on, though, for several occasional visits a year. So.... with that in mind, I don't want to overwhelm him or scare him off, but I also don't want to waste the little time we have together by playing games and pretending to be tied up with other things when I am not (I have arranged for my kids to be with their father for those days).

BTW: I would love to hear a guy's opinion on this topic. Do you agree with Bina and the mystery, or can we get away with more honesty?

[ginnyten]

RIght, I see where you are going with the questions. Here are some more details: Me: recently divorced, newly in the dating scene, trying to figure out the rules. I live in BKK with my kids, so no intiinterest in bringing him home. He: never married, bit of a "player", works internationally, travels through BKK every 2-3 months for a few days. I know he has other lovers. We: both British. Both like sports, bit of night life. We met through a mutual friend, spent many hours together talking and siteseeing, and one very passionate night together. This was 4 months, and probably half a dozen steamy emails ago. I don't expect to be the one to "settle him down", nor do I want to settle down now either. I would love to see this carry on, though, for several occasional visits a year. So.... with that in mind, I don't want to overwhelm him or scare him off, but I also don't want to waste the little time we have together by playing games and pretending to be tied up with other things when I am not (I have arranged for my kids to be with their father for those days).

BTW: I would love to hear a guy's opinion on this topic. Do you agree with Bina and the mystery, or can we get away with more honesty?

Since you do not have much time to spend with this guy, don't waste any time being coy and 'busy'. See him and spend some quality and fun time ASAP. Obviously you two remember a passionate night and have been in touch via email. So just don't get uptight...try to relax and enjoy being together again. Ask him what he'd like to do and where he wants to go; show him a good time and then see where the two of you eventually up. Keep your expectations low and enjoy the dating thing. He is probbly just as shy and concerned as you are. If you have chock dee...and both of you are ready to jump in bed...then that would be fantastic. But go with the flow and let him make the first move. Obviously neither of you are expecting to have a 'serious relationship'; so just pick up where you left of. And just enjoy your time together and remember that communication is the KEY to a lasting relationship!

[Boo]

Arrange a comfortable hotel for him close to your home, that way you can get together fast without a lot of travel.

You aren't looking for a committed settling down relationship & it sounds like he isn't either, so no need to play the naieve virgin you have kids & were married so you are an expereinced women. So in front of him, act like it. Arrange semi casual dinners, a boat trip but dont' try to hard. Ask him what he wants to do when in town & do that but stay close enough to the hotel for some night time fun

He will be expecting a shag but then so are you, so don't be totally brazen about it but unless you want to wait another 4 months then be straight up about it & go for it.

Sounds liek you deserve someone fun, being a single farang mum in Bangkok cannot be easy

[bina]

bambi says mystery

bina says:

let it flow and see where it goes; dinner stroll and then ask are u tired or would u like a nightcap? u know, your place or mine kind of thing, and enjoy... like boo says.

and make sure u have clean pair of undies a small hairbrush a toothbrush and a condom or two in your bag; thats all...

in the morning, anounce u are going for a day trip, shopping expedition, beach whatever, would he like to join you or meet up with u in the evening or lunch.... bla bla bla....

no need to play hard to get (bambi, thai women and men seem, i say seem, to expect that more than american or brit men and women, maybe i'm wrong), but no need to tie him to the bed either... relax and enjoy, its not like he's your long term committed lover and he's not going off to army service where u might never see him again... youre both on vacation for three days thats all....

[PATTAYAPUNTER]

I don't think you should play hard because he's obviously wanting the mental and possibly physical stimulation from a nice clean woman he can talk to (that's you, by the way).

If he only wanted mindless boom boom, you wouldn't be his first call, I can promise you that. There's many available 20 year olds with no babies and that are not going to say no to whatever ego strokes he's into.

[Pollie]

Thanks to all for a nice mixed bag of responses.... I think I will take all the advice and mix it up together. It isn't in me to play games and pretend to be something I am not (including "busy") but I do think there is something to be said for keeping some of the mystery, ie, there is no reason for him to hear me snore yet, or smell my morning breath! I think leaving in the wee hours is a good plan, if indeed things end up where they left off last time.

Now for more practical details.... anyone have any recommendations for hotels, restaurants, maybe a couple's spa?

[britmaveric]

Go with the flow and see where it leads you. I'm sure you will know if or when it gets serious. Sounds like from his description, that just bit of play at the moment. (nothing wrong with that if both of the same mindset)

[Jamesyboi]

Guys love mistery girls..

Your right there.

And we do

Girls that play hard to get usually attract our attention a bit more.

[pampal]

Is he as concerned about your feelings, as you are about his?

I mean is he asking all kinds of people questions about what to do with you when he comes to BKK?

Relax and play it by ear.

[Pollie]

To anyone who cares to hear the outcome of their good advice: New Lover came to town, and left already. We had a wonderful dinner at a roof-top restaurant (so romantic), then back to his room. I left when he fell asleep, came back the next day at noon, he wondering whether or not I would. I have no idea if that enhanced things by adding that bit of "coy", but I do know that we then spent the next 26 hours in bed. Came out for a meal once. It was all together mind-blowing and therapeutic. I have a bit of a spring in my step this week, and I guess that is really what it is all about, right?

Thanks again to all who weighed in.

[donna]

you go girl! sounds like a great time was had by both of you.

just wait for the encore!

[Jimjim]

Romantic? So, could this end up going somewhere?

[phibunmike]

IMHO , if u want him comes back for another visit, Make yourself abit tough ( For guys , its like a game.. "easy to get -easy to leave"

Guys love mistery girls..

I will deny it if you ever say I said this, but for guys half the fun is the hunt. Bambi is right.

Mods, please delete this post the moment the OP has read it

[Pollie]

I won't let myself imagine it will be anything more than it was. I think you are all right about the hunt, and maybe now that I was "caught" he won't be back.

Time will tell.

[Boo]

Important thing is you had a good time & if it doesn't go beyond a weekend then you always had a great weekend. Good for you & glad it worked out well

[ginnyten]

IMHO , if u want him comes back for another visit, Make yourself abit tough ( For guys , its like a game.. "easy to get -easy to leave"

Guys love mistery girls..

I will deny it if you ever say I said this, but for guys half the fun is the hunt. Bambi is right.

Mods, please delete this post the moment the OP has read it