Where to meet new friends in Chiang Mai ?

[totally thaied up]

3 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

There's a lot of us living here with the same past lives.

 

1 hour ago, Gruff said:

I agree i think  modern media encourages us to have expectations which are too high and in my personal opinion i think women are more likely than men to be influenced by what they hear read and see

My wife is pretty simple and very honest and lord, most of us have past lives. If you do not have such a previous experiences, most are just lying to themselves. We all got skeletons in the cupboards.

 

Today, my wife said to me, ''Honey, you most likely only got (2-5-10-12) years left to live. Do what you want and be happy. I would prefer we do everything together but just now try to be happy.'' 

 

Why did she say this?

 

Today I had a bad day; sick, lots of pain and in general, today just entirely sucked. She filled up hot water bottles for me, made me comfortable, went into town and brought back my favourite massage girl for a two-hour Thai massage, and we are now watching after I finish this post, Netflix for the rest of the night and my wife is content. She will get very little from me when I pass on and knows this very well but sticks around.

 

So where am I going to meet new friends in Chiang Mai? Well,  think I live with my best friend now, and it certainly has got nothing to do with sex, bars or paying anyone. 

 

I have over the years tried to fit into clubs and also nights out with specific Facebook groups just to be blocked out. I am shy, slightly eccentric and people can see after meeting me for just say 15 minutes, I have major health issues, and I am only 48! Making longterm friends in any town takes time, but I have found Chiang Mia for the first few years I was here, hard to navigate as so many people run up red flags and discerning the wheat from the chaff was challenging to do and still that way today. 

 

My humble advice for anyone starting off in Chiang Mai is to go slowly, take your time, don't rush things.  There is more offered here on the table then one can understand or appreciate but most that I have seen rush into things, end up in trouble. Just don't hurry as the right friends will come to you in time. 

 

I have not had the pleasure of meeting NaceyL or going to the CEC. For some people, it is a great day out, and it works for them. She does excellent work and is well regarded by so many people so the CEC must work. For someone like myself, I most likely could not fit into that type of environment due to my condition, but for many others, I am sure such clubs work a treat for them and that is great and nobody needs to bag that.

 

It is each of their own here, but there is something for everyone, that is one thing I am sure about.

[stament]

sorry to hear you arent feeling well. sounds like you have a great wife. she is right being happy is very important and is also important for your health.

 

shame you cant come to CEC it would be good to meet you.

 

take care

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, Gruff said:

 

I agree i think  modern media encourages us to have expectations which are too high and in my personal opinion i think women are more likely than men to be influenced by what they hear read and see

I don't know much about it ( or I wouldn't have made a mistake both times ), but at least I didn't go the American route of spending many thousands of $ on big weddings.

You mention the media- I think it is making women think that the wedding ceremony is the important thing, instead of being certain that they married a compatible person. Seems that a 50% failure rate is not good odds going into marriage these days.

[thaibeachlovers]

9 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

 

 

It is each of their own here, but there is something for everyone, that is one thing I am sure about.

Sorry to hear about your physical worries. I get aches for no apparent reason ( old age ) and it's like the end of the world if I can't get around freely, so I can't imagine what it must be like with serious problems.

 

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I never ever found a friend by going out and looking for one- they all just sort of happened, and not at work either ( though some did work in the same building, but not in the same room.

So, in this case, I think it's either going to happen or not, and nothing we do, other than being receptive to an opportunity is going to make it happen. I once joined a club in London, went to quite a few meetings, put myself out there and tried to join in, but in the end I gave up as no one was interested in me. Other time I joined a club without any intention of trying to make friends and made a very good friend 20 years ago that I still visit whenever I'm back in the home country.

 

 

[cyberfarang]

Maybe Chiang Mai expats in general both men and women are loners, and why this city suits them so much. Could be they have personality and character flaws that makes them not fit in with any social community. They prefer to stay in their comfort zones making many excuses why they can`t mingle with the crowd, the old saying; it`s not me, it`s all the others. I know a few expat men who`s Thai wives have become substitute mothers, without their wives they would end up like fish out of water, not having enough confidence to interact with other people and ending up as sad old men totally alone in a foreign country. I know, I`ve seen it happen.

 

This has an affect of making those people age very quickly, both mentally and physically, eventually ending up that no one wants to know them at all. 

 

 

[grin]

Ah, so you're saying that women elected Trump. Sorry, couldn't resist.

[DeaconJohn]

On ‎12‎/‎9‎/‎2017 at 4:48 PM, NancyL said:

Counting on your Thai family to be your "long-term care insurance policy" isn't a good plan.  Chances are slim-to-none that they've been trained in how to care for the needs of a large person, know how to prepare easy-to-eat food that is of interest to the western palate, have proper equipment to move and bathe a large person, know what to do when someone is choking, appears to be having a stroke or heart attack, know how to dispense a person's medicines properly, etc.  And they may not know how to keep someone's visa, banking and pension needs current and up-to-date.  The assisted living centers here in Chiang Mai have professionals who can provide these services.

 

Chiang Mai is fortunate to have several good assisted living centers and one skilled nursing facility.  This is another reason why it is attractive to single women.  They know they can "age in place" and have access to good medical care, starting with general medical care when they are active retirees and progressing to good assisted living care and even nursing home care as they age.  And at every facility, they're treated with respect and dignity.

There you go again... denigrating Thai wives and family life in Chiang Mai.

You don't do it directly, but in post after post the message comes through loud and clear.

Actually, it's a very good caveat emptor for the old goats who come here looking for a young wife. But as a general proposition it's totally clueless.

After you've lived with Chiang Mai people for almost forty years and seen two generations of them come of age, as well as raising children of your own, then your opinions will have some credibility.

Thais take care of their own; and that would include a farang who has lived among them for years as a husband and father.

Most of the people you deal with come here too late in life.

Too late to master the language and achieve functional literacy.

Too late to attract anyone but a mercenary woman and become a cash cow for her scheming relatives.

Your work on behalf of the aged and disabled is laudable; but wouldn't it be better to encourage rootless expats to return home before they are in extremis? 

Give them some good advice... that's what friends are for.

[ChristianBlessing]

And you also have your hubby to go home to, you have the best of both worlds, so I don`t think you qualify to speak on behalf of the single expat women living in Chiang Mai, especially those over 50. I would guess it is far easier for over 50 middle aged and elderly foreign women to fall into isolation then it is for the men in similar situations. I know there are many events happening monthly in CM, but at the end of the day these women are still very much alone here. If that`s the type of lifestyles some of them choose, then fine, but even as a man living as a loner in a foreign country would for me be a form of living hell.
 
 

Seems a bit ironic to suggest that Nancy is not qualified to speak on behalf of women, single or otherwise, while all the male posters regard themselves as eminently qualified to do so.

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[Sandy Freckle]

Is there anyone out there who might care to take a chance...., and maybe..., try to answer OP's original question ?

 

Edited December 11, 2017 by Sandy Freckle

[ChristianBlessing]

Is there anyone out there who might care to take a chance...., and maybe..., try to answer OP's original question ?

 

PM. I'll be in Chiang Mai after Christmas for a coffee meet up.

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[ChristianBlessing]

PM. I'll be in Chiang Mai after Christmas for a coffee meet up.

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk

Sorry Sandy. Meant for OP.

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[ChristianBlessing]

PM. I'll be in Chiang Mai after Christmas for a coffee meet up.

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk

Sorry Sandy. Meant for OP.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk

[ChristianBlessing]

PM. I'll be in Chiang Mai after Christmas for a coffee meet up.

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk

Sorry Sandy. Meant for OP.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk

[evenstevens]

1 hour ago, DeaconJohn said:

There you go again... denigrating Thai wives and family life in Chiang Mai.

You don't do it directly, but in post after post the message comes through loud and clear.

Actually, it's a very good caveat emptor for the old goats who come here looking for a young wife. But as a general proposition it's totally clueless.

After you've lived with Chiang Mai people for almost forty years and seen two generations of them come of age, as well as raising children of your own, then your opinions will have some credibility.

Thais take care of their own; and that would include a farang who has lived among them for years as a husband and father.

Most of the people you deal with come here too late in life.

Too late to master the language and achieve functional literacy.

Too late to attract anyone but a mercenary woman and become a cash cow for her scheming relatives.

Your work on behalf of the aged and disabled is laudable; but wouldn't it be better to encourage rootless expats to return home before they are in extremis? 

Give them some good advice... that's what friends are for.

bang on cobber,  but excuse NancyL  as her small narrow  minded world, has to be taken into account

only to morning i was attending  C/mai Ram,s Emergency Dept whilst sitting   near the Ambulances drivers, a emergency case arrived,as it was rolled past me it was a old expat  guy who from a laymans view,  just had a stroke, a older Thai Lady accompanied him and a very short time later another Thai Lady (younger)arrived and had   the old guys stuff etc etc both lady,s were extremely upset but got on with the job in assisting  in  any way which they could

i was later was informed  that  both lady,s were wife and daughter of the old expat, it immediately gave me a wake up call, how lucky  i am to be reasonable healthy,,and have a Thai G/F and  step daughter who would do the same if required

a nice arvo to all

[Paul Catton]

1 hour ago, Sandy Freckle said:

Is there anyone out there who might care to take a chance...., and maybe..., try to answer OP's original question ?

 

Sandy, OP can also PM anyone on the forum that may appear to have similar spheres of interest from their previous postings / commenting history.

I call it research, others may call it stalking 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, DeaconJohn said:

There you go again... denigrating Thai wives and family life in Chiang Mai.

You don't do it directly, but in post after post the message comes through loud and clear.

Actually, it's a very good caveat emptor for the old goats who come here looking for a young wife. But as a general proposition it's totally clueless.

After you've lived with Chiang Mai people for almost forty years and seen two generations of them come of age, as well as raising children of your own, then your opinions will have some credibility.

Thais take care of their own; and that would include a farang who has lived among them for years as a husband and father.

Most of the people you deal with come here too late in life.

Too late to master the language and achieve functional literacy.

Too late to attract anyone but a mercenary woman and become a cash cow for her scheming relatives.

Your work on behalf of the aged and disabled is laudable; but wouldn't it be better to encourage rootless expats to return home before they are in extremis? 

Give them some good advice... that's what friends are for.

She was only giving her opinion, one that I agree with, and you attack her for it!

I needed my wife to help me when I broke my arm and she was angry, resentful and reluctant to do so. Had I been seriously ill I fear for what would have happened.

Your experience of Thai families is not that of all.

[NancyL]

4 hours ago, DeaconJohn said:

There you go again... denigrating Thai wives and family life in Chiang Mai.

You don't do it directly, but in post after post the message comes through loud and clear.

Actually, it's a very good caveat emptor for the old goats who come here looking for a young wife. But as a general proposition it's totally clueless.

After you've lived with Chiang Mai people for almost forty years and seen two generations of them come of age, as well as raising children of your own, then your opinions will have some credibility.

Thais take care of their own; and that would include a farang who has lived among them for years as a husband and father.

Most of the people you deal with come here too late in life.

Too late to master the language and achieve functional literacy.

Too late to attract anyone but a mercenary woman and become a cash cow for her scheming relatives.

Your work on behalf of the aged and disabled is laudable; but wouldn't it be better to encourage rootless expats to return home before they are in extremis? 

Give them some good advice... that's what friends are for.

Actually, I think we're basically in agreement.  If a man comes to Thailand as a young man, learns the language and the culture, marries a Thai woman of similar age, education and social standing and builds a life together, then yes you have a very good life.  And you're right, my warning was directed at the men who come here late in life and get hooked up with a Thai woman of limited education, and soon find themselves spending their life savings and pension income on that woman and her extended family.  Many delude themselves by thinking, this woman and her family will take care of me in my old age as I get frail and need assistance.  

 

Yes, it would be better for such men to return back to their home country when they get to the point that they need assistance, but the problem is that at that point they aren't "rootless".  Often they have invested their life savings in a house for the wife and their pension is needed to support her and her family.  I've known men who were eligible to return to the U.S. for admission to a VA hospital to treat a serious condition, yet they elect to remain here in Thailand and die because they can't come up with the funds for a return flight or their budget is otherwise very limited.

[Puwa]

Thread summary: lonely guy asks where to meet people, 100 other lonely guys ignore him and boast about their great life choices.

 

OP,  as some have proposed, your best bet will be to pursue the activities you like and find others with similar intetrsts along the way.

[DeaconJohn]

38 minutes ago, NancyL said:

Actually, I think we're basically in agreement.  If a man comes to Thailand as a young man, learns the language and the culture, marries a Thai woman of similar age, education and social standing and builds a life together, then yes you have a very good life.  And you're right, my warning was directed at the men who come here late in life and get hooked up with a Thai woman of limited education, and soon find themselves spending their life savings and pension income on that woman and her extended family.  Many delude themselves by thinking, this woman and her family will take care of me in my old age as I get frail and need assistance.  

 

Yes, it would be better for such men to return back to their home country when they get to the point that they need assistance, but the problem is that at that point they aren't "rootless".  Often they have invested their life savings in a house for the wife and their pension is needed to support her and her family.  I've known men who were eligible to return to the U.S. for admission to a VA hospital to treat a serious condition, yet they elect to remain here in Thailand and die because they can't come up with the funds for a return flight or their budget is otherwise very limited.

Thanks for the civil reply.

We've both been here a long long time and we probably agree on more things than we disagree on.

Just different lifestyles, that's all.

[stament]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

She was only giving her opinion, one that I agree with, and you attack her for it!

I needed my wife to help me when I broke my arm and she was angry, resentful and reluctant to do so. Had I been seriously ill I fear for what would have happened.

Your experience of Thai families is not that of all.

and she's still your wife, not your ex-wife?! ?

Edited December 11, 2017 by stament

[WinnieTheKhwai]

9 hours ago, NancyL said:

If a man comes to Thailand as a young man, learns the language and the culture, marries a Thai woman of similar age, education and social standing and builds a life together, then yes you have a very good life. 

 

Hey, that describes me almost exactly!    <3

[Sandy Freckle]

12 hours ago, Paul Catton said:

Sandy, OP can also PM anyone on the forum that may appear to have similar spheres of interest from their previous postings / commenting history.

I call it research, others may call it stalking 

..., stalking research..., or research stalking.

[Gruff]

22 hours ago, Sandy Freckle said:

Is there anyone out there who might care to take a chance...., and maybe..., try to answer OP's original question ?

 

 

I answered it way back but i admit i have gone off track since then. If  you want to play bride go to a Bridge Club play golf go to a Golf Club. If you want to meet friends coffee shops in morning bars at night. i think there is something a bit weird  about going to a designated activity club not for the purpose of the designated activity but to meet people.

[Gruff]

19 hours ago, NancyL said:

Actually, I think we're basically in agreement.  If a man comes to Thailand as a young man, learns the language and the culture, marries a Thai woman of similar age, education and social standing and builds a life together, then yes you have a very good life.  And you're right, my warning was directed at the men who come here late in life and get hooked up with a Thai woman of limited education, and soon find themselves spending their life savings and pension income on that woman and her extended family.  Many delude themselves by thinking, this woman and her family will take care of me in my old age as I get frail and need assistance.  

 

Yes, it would be better for such men to return back to their home country when they get to the point that they need assistance, but the problem is that at that point they aren't "rootless".  Often they have invested their life savings in a house for the wife and their pension is needed to support her and her family.  I've known men who were eligible to return to the U.S. for admission to a VA hospital to treat a serious condition, yet they elect to remain here in Thailand and die because they can't come up with the funds for a return flight or their budget is otherwise very limited.

 

I see your points but i often wonder how many older guys in such a position have been fooled into spending money and how many have decided that is what they want to spend their money on and take the risk Additionally there are a number of guys i have known in CM who seem to have made quite a conscious decision to 'drink themselves to death'.  I think the issues are complicated and being back in their home country is not necessarily a better option.

 

So many on here talk about learning the culture but i await a decent explanaton of what 'culture' it is that they will learn and how it benefits? I have not been here a long while but i know there is a culture of Buddhism and temple visits  a culture of music and dance and a culture of prosttution. What other knowledge re culture would benefit me?

Edited December 12, 2017 by Gruff

[Berkshire]

19 hours ago, NancyL said:

Actually, I think we're basically in agreement.  If a man comes to Thailand as a young man, learns the language and the culture, marries a Thai woman of similar age, education and social standing and builds a life together, then yes you have a very good life.  And you're right, my warning was directed at the men who come here late in life and get hooked up with a Thai woman of limited education, and soon find themselves spending their life savings and pension income on that woman and her extended family.  Many delude themselves by thinking, this woman and her family will take care of me in my old age as I get frail and need assistance.  

 

You're focusing on two extremes, but allow me to discuss the former, i.e., young man coming to Thailand.  This is not something I would recommend.  There just aren't many good jobs for a young foreigner that pays enough to accumulate a nestegg.  Worse, he won't be contributing into any sort of entitlement scheme that his home country offers.  I don't know any foreigner in Thailand who has a pension from working in Thailand. 

 

Conversely, an older foreigner who has earned a pension or social security from his home country can easily live a comfortable life in Thailand with the lower cost-of-living.  It can truly be paradise....as long as the old dude has his wits about him when it comes to the local women.  The point is it's better for a foreigner to come to Thailand after he/she's financially prepared...which usually means being of retirement age.

[Gruff]

5 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

You're focusing on two extremes, but allow me to discuss the former, i.e., young man coming to Thailand.  This is not something I would recommend.  There just aren't many good jobs for a young foreigner that pays enough to accumulate a nestegg.  Worse, he won't be contributing into any sort of entitlement scheme that his home country offers.  I don't know any foreigner in Thailand who has a pension from working in Thailand. 

 

Conversely, an older foreigner who has earned a pension or social security from his home country can easily live a comfortable life in Thailand with the lower cost-of-living.  It can truly be paradise....as long as the old dude has his wits about him when it comes to the local women.  The point is it's better for a foreigner to come to Thailand after he/she's financially prepared...which usually means being of retirement age.

 

I agree with you fully but i suspect that there are older folk who come here whose money is not really enough for a good life. Personally i set myself an pension income target and a lump sum target before i took the leap to retire.

[Dante99]

1 hour ago, Gruff said:

 

So many on here talk about learning the culture but i await a decent explanaton of what 'culture' it is that they will learn and how it benefits? I have not been here a long while but i know there is a culture of Buddhism and temple visits  a culture of music and dance and a culture of prosttution. What other knowledge re culture would benefit me?

The culture of social interaction, values and relationships.  Benefits are obvious.

[MaeJoMTB]

1 hour ago, Gruff said:

So many on here talk about learning the culture but i await a decent explanaton of what 'culture' it is that they will learn and how it benefits? I have not been here a long while but i know there is a culture of Buddhism and temple visits  a culture of music and dance and a culture of prosttution. What other knowledge re culture would benefit me?

You forget the culture of gambling.

 

Quite frankly I Think Thai culture = S$%t

selling your children into prostitution, then living off the proceeds is probably the worst aspect of Thai culture, widespread if not considered the norm.

[MaeJoMTB]

1 hour ago, Berkshire said:

Conversely, an older foreigner who has earned a pension or social security from his home country can easily live a comfortable life in Thailand with the lower cost-of-living.  It can truly be paradise....as long as the old dude has his wits about him when it comes to the local women.  The point is it's better for a foreigner to come to Thailand after he/she's financially prepared...which usually means being of retirement age.

No need for me to keep my wits about me, I have a pension in my home country, the worst my Thai lady can do to me is run me out of money before the end of the month (if I let her). Next month it's all good again. It's the guys that come here with no pension and a big wadge of cash, and try to 'invest' that generally run into trouble. 

[Berkshire]

1 hour ago, Gruff said:

So many on here talk about learning the culture but i await a decent explanaton of what 'culture' it is that they will learn and how it benefits? I have not been here a long while but i know there is a culture of Buddhism and temple visits  a culture of music and dance and a culture of prosttution. What other knowledge re culture would benefit me?

It almost requires a strong understanding of the language to fully understand the culture.  If you were to ask me to explain the American culture, I'm not sure I'd be able to explain it in a way that would be helpful/useful.  You would have to immerse yourself in that culture...and of course, be able to speak the language.