The week that was in Thailand news: “You get nothing for two in a bed”

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: “You get nothing for two in a bed”

 

 

I was on my way home after a Saturday night out with friends. It was 2.30am and I was stopped at the lights at a relatively lonely intersection in Sathupradit, downtown Bangkok. Next to me and also on a motorbike was a “win” – a motorcycle taxi guy.

 

I nodded in appreciation of a fellow bikie and looked up to see the light had changed to green. I looked right to see a black pick-up whizzing though the crossroads before it creamed the “win” rider and carried him 30 meters down the road before fleeing into the night.

 

I put my bike on its stand and ran off to see if there was anything I could do. Those moments are imprinted on my mind even though it was nearly 20 years ago. One of his legs was a further 20 meters or so away having come off around the knee. The other leg was bent double with the sole of the foot in the small of the victim’s back.

 

In horror I watched as he tried to get up. In my best Thai I told him to lie down and thought frantically about what I should do. I was relieved to see that a man and a woman had seen what had happened and were now on the scene calling into a mobile phone. I didn’t even have one yet.

 

I figured there was nothing I could do, I would just be in the way now. So as more people gathered I left the scene and went home and unusually for me at the time cuddled the wife.

 

She asked why?

 

Everyone who has lived in Thailand a while can tell you hair raising stories about the roads – especially Rooster who has biked well over 400,000 kilometers, and is still relatively alive.

 

So it was no surprise this week that one of the leading stories on Thaivisa was one so many could relate to – the nurse ploughed into at the intersection in Nong Bua Lamphu by the woman who claimed that her brakes failed.

 

Incredibly the 23 year old nurse survived and was even sitting up in hospital the next day. It was clearly the nature of the hit – a somersault over the bonnet rather than a full force smash – that saved her as a helmet was not the reason she survived.

 

But it was a pertinent reminder of the horrors of the Thai roads that see perhaps 25,000 killed each year, often for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Many Thais call it fate – I prefer the word sickening.

 

Meanwhile “The Sun” in the UK, sometimes amusingly referred to as a newspaper, wrote about the “Boozy Brits” in the kingdom wondering whether or when we would tire of them! They cited the dangers of drug and alcohol fuelled parties in a foreign land but not once mentioned the roads as a source of peril!

 

Talk about local knowledge – the reporter had just replaced the word “Torremolinos with Thailand” in the mother of all rehash stories. Forum posters said there were equally bad Germans or South Africans, etc etc, as Rooster sipped his coffee and enjoyed the banter.

 

And banter there certainly was when the top story of the week, the banning of darts in Pattaya, was revealed.

 

Following such titter-fests as the bridge players being carted off to jankers and the rounding up of the grannies playing cards this was a new highlight of the lowlife of QUOTES, the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard.

 

Apparently no one had a license but that was not the only difficulty – there actually weren’t any licenses yet.

 

Happening in sex city Pattaya I couldn’t help think of the best catchphrase ever associated with darts – comedian Jim Bowen’s famous “…you get nothing for two in a bed” on his chronic “Bullseye” show.

 

TV curmudgeons came out of every hole in the forum woodwork to bash the Thais for their stupidity but apart from the fact that the issue is probably tied up with gambling meaning that anything goes when it comes to the antics of the constabulary in Thailand, many of the posters appeared to be British.

 

For surely the British have a virtual monopoly on absurd licenses. I mean who in their right mind thinks you should have a television license when you pay for cable? It costs 147 sobs a year for the downtrodden Brits (49.50 for black and white) to watch TV, though a government website says you can get 50% off…….if you are blind.

 

You also, of course, need to pay the hilarious sum of 12 pounds 50p to own a dog – though the police don’t need to bother with their own K9s.   

 

For Rooster, I would never blame Thailand for its foibles – all governments are equally barking to me.

 

I am, however, thankful to the Thai government for allowing me to win money at tournament Scrabble and not lock me up.

 

They take 5% of my winnings in tax but I don’t begrudge them of that as I have enjoyed earning sponsors’ money to the tune of about one million baht over the course of my crossword gaming “career” in Scrabble mad Thailand.

 

And I would never like to do anything illegal in Thailand….

 

Not strictly illegal but highly irregular were the business practices of a pair of massage-cum-manicurists on the beach at Lamai who relieved the Swede of 3,500 baht making him feel like a turnip.

 

The headline pointed to an occasion when an English football team manager failed – hardly news as all but one have, miserably in most cases. But this fleecing on Samui was no laughing matter for the Swede who went to the cops.

 

The authorities relieved the ladies’ of their license which was one of two shocks – the other being that they actually had one.

 

The story reminded me of my formative traveling years dossing my youth away on the beaches of Goa in India. A beach vendor had convinced me that after months of scummy traveling my inner ears would be filthy.

 

More naïve and trusting at age 20 I let him scrape around a bit and was shocked by the wax he showed me on a clean handkerchief. He proffered a sign that said 5 rupees for ear cleaning and I readily agreed convinced of the dirt within.

 

Within seconds I was in abject agony as he scraped his cleaning tool on a stone he had miraculously discovered by my eardrum. A new sign was whipped out dramatically: Stone Removal Service 50 rupees.

 

The stone was removed but Rooster did not pay – some other foreigners helped me chase the miscreant from the sands as the ruse was now obvious.

 

People who claim they have never been scammed are immensely tedious. They are often those who find it oh so hard to put themselves in the shoes of others – almost a badge of honor for many posters on the know-it-all forums of the internet.

 

Not scamming, just plain stealing was the “farang on a bicycle” caught on two CCTV cameras coolly strolling into a temple and pinching 1,000 baht from a donation tree in the chapel. The abbot, clearly believing that karma rather than the Keystone Kops would have a better chance of retribution did not bother to report the matter.

 

Though he was probably only after money for a Darts License, one had to wonder about the sanity of a man who would steal just one 1,000 baht note and leave plenty of purple and red ones still hanging on the tree.

 

In the light of events in recent years surely he had to be British thus surely growing up with the adage “in for a penny in for a pound”.

 

If karma does indeed take him down the same was definitely true of the monk in Suphanburi caught on CCTV stealing ladies’ knickers from an alley behind a gold shop.

 

The abbot soon had him defrocked though, thankfully, it was not reported exactly what smalls he was wearing under the saffron robes. While the devil is in the details such revelations would have been wholly unholy.

 

Talking of the unholy, the corruption scandals rolled on this week with DPM Prawit still clinging to the straws of power thanks to his boss and perhaps relieved that a former chief of police was taking some of the heat.

 

The cop had suggested that he had nothing to answer for after 300 million baht miraculously appeared in his account from the owner of under-fire soapy massage parlor Victoria’s Secret.

 

What worried me was that he was using the self-same excuses trotted out by arch-fugly Prawit in the watch scandal – that he had just borrowed the cash from a friend.

 

I wish I had some Thai friends like that – I could quit my day job for a few millennia.

 

Similarly keeping a straight face in the face of adversity was the owner of the coffee shop in Sattahip who had got the punters rolling in for the proverbial eyeful after advertising his wares with some “Busty Baristas” in nothing but skimpy aprons.

 

For the owner the cops mentioned the Computer Crimes Act, as they are wont to do, while the lasses would be lassoed for lewdness. But the real crime was that all the men who turned up hoping for a bit of “nom” with their cappuccino were left high and dry as it was, of course, all just an advertising stunt.

 

And so to this week’s Rooster awards.

 

The “Liar, Liar Pants On Fire” award goes to poacher and ItalThai mogul Premchai Karnasuta. Period.

 

While the “Patience Is A Virtue” prize is awarded to the pick-up driver at JJ Mall in Bangkok who rather than wait a few minutes for a BMW driver who had blocked him in in the parking lot or just get someone to help him bump the car a few meters, rammed his own pride and joy into the back of the Beamer.

 

It reminded me of my own idiocy when I bought my first car back in 1997 and stupidly double parked at Central hemming someone in while I went off to the shopping center to play Scrabble all day. I got back to my new Toyota that had been mercilessly scratched over a large area by the gas tank opening.

 

Learning my lesson might have been worse except for the very fruity Thai language that I learned from the handwritten note that those responsible had kindly slipped under the wipers.

 

Proving there is always a silver lining if one thinks positively enough.

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2018-02-10

[Colabamumbai]

We must have passed each other in Goa, 71 thru 79. I just met a friend here on TVF, who I have not seen in 45 years, we live 50Kms. apart. He has been reading my posts for a year, but this week reading my posts about pot legalization in Canada, and more to the point, before pot, goods came from Lebanon, India, Pakistan and Morocco, he thought maybe I know this guy. He messaged me 

and it was a "I don't believe this is happening moment". We meet next week, you may have met him also. Thanks for mentioning Goa.

Edited February 11, 2018 by Colabamumbai
Incomplete post

[faraday]

Brilliant writing....rotfpmsl!!

 

As for Goa, was there too long ago to remember, apart from the copious scams.

[overherebc]

8 minutes ago, faraday said:

Brilliant writing....rotfpmsl!!

 

As for Goa, was there too long ago to remember, apart from the copious scams.

Yep, being offered about half a pound of 'genuine' safron for about 50 pence I remember.

?

[sambum]

"It costs 147 sobs a year for the downtrodden Brits (49.50 for black and white) to watch TV, though a government website says you can get 50% off…….if you are blind."

 

Like the unfortunates due the 50% discount - I can't see the logic! (Would you like to start me off with the anomalies of the Council Tax regulations? No? Just as well, it would take up a lot of space, and I don't type very quickly!) 

 

 

 

 

[thaiguzzi]

Scams...

We were country lads out in the big city for the first time - London - for a weekend.

Never had been before. Aged 16-17, staying at a youth hostel we had difficulty finding.

Green behind the ears etc etc.

Anyhow, we ended up around the Soho area, still drinking heavily (under age) and were impressed by a local biker lad who wore his underpants (y fronts) OUTSIDE of his jeans. I think they were Barry Sheene y fronts. Impressive fashion statement for 16 y/olds riding mopeds.

Anyhow, I digress, he was selling drugs (even more impressive) and offered us some acid (LSD). We'd never done acid before and were trying to appear nonchalant and uninterested, at the same time as bartering him down.

 We should have realized something was amiss as our purchasing price was less than a quarter of the original asking price.

Obviously we were too scared to do a whole tab at once, so we halved one, waited an hour. Nothing. Took another half. Another hour. Nothing. Looked at each other. Took a whole one. Nothing. So after three hours we find some decent light and inspect our remainder of the purchase.

Matchstick heads....

 We'd paid 20 Pounds Sterling for 10 matchstick heads.

He probably had the real McCoy, but realizing we were daft and innocent and didn't even know what a tab of LSD looks like, and we weren't local, thought he'd have a nice scam and a good laugh...

 He was right...

 

[cookieqw]

47 minutes ago, sambum said:

"It costs 147 sobs a year for the downtrodden Brits (49.50 for black and white) to watch TV, though a government website says you can get 50% off…….if you are blind."

 

Like the unfortunates due the 50% discount - I can't see the logic! (Would you like to start me off with the anomalies of the Council Tax regulations? No? Just as well, it would take up a lot of space, and I don't type very quickly!) 

 

 

 

 

council tax >>>>>>> 2 people in house = 100%

                                     1 person in house = 75%

[Colabamumbai]

4 hours ago, overherebc said:

Yep, being offered about half a pound of 'genuine' safron for about 50 pence I remember.

?

No scams in Goa when I lived there and no Indian tourists. Free liquid lsd, at full moon parties, 15 foreigners living in Colva and Calangute, a few more in Anjuna, before it was widely known. Spent ten years between Goa and Bombay, and travelled throughout the country, hence the moniker colabamumbai, with side trips to Thailand. Would have retired in India, but a little overpopulated. People speak English and one price for all.

[sambum]

50 minutes ago, cookieqw said:

council tax >>>>>>> 2 people in house = 100%

                                     1 person in house = 75%

Except when you live alone in the house and take a long holiday, and then you only get 10% discount. And if you live in, for instance Zone A and you have a garden, you are not entitled to a "green" wheelie bin to dispose of your garden rubbish (weeds, dead plants etc) so you have to make your own arrangements for disposal, as they refuse to accept it as normal household waste. But if you live in the next street along, (which backs on to your house) which is in Zone B, you can have  a "green" wheelie bin for your garden rubbish even though you do not have a garden!  
  

[anon789561]

2 hours ago, thaiguzzi said:

Scams...

We were country lads out in the big city for the first time - London - for a weekend.

Never had been before. Aged 16-17, staying at a youth hostel we had difficulty finding.

Green behind the ears etc etc.

Anyhow, we ended up around the Soho area, still drinking heavily (under age) and were impressed by a local biker lad who wore his underpants (y fronts) OUTSIDE of his jeans. I think they were Barry Sheene y fronts. Impressive fashion statement for 16 y/olds riding mopeds.

Anyhow, I digress, he was selling drugs (even more impressive) and offered us some acid (LSD). We'd never done acid before and were trying to appear nonchalant and uninterested, at the same time as bartering him down.

 We should have realized something was amiss as our purchasing price was less than a quarter of the original asking price.

Obviously we were too scared to do a whole tab at once, so we halved one, waited an hour. Nothing. Took another half. Another hour. Nothing. Looked at each other. Took a whole one. Nothing. So after three hours we find some decent light and inspect our remainder of the purchase.

Matchstick heads....

 We'd paid 20 Pounds Sterling for 10 matchstick heads.

He probably had the real McCoy, but realizing we were daft and innocent and didn't even know what a tab of LSD looks like, and we weren't local, thought he'd have a nice scam and a good laugh...

 He was right...

 

mainly black kids doing that when i was that age but for coke and it'd just be sugar or something. mainly to tourists. easy scam. if they got caught they didn't even have illegal drugs on them. wouldn't surprise me if stills goes on today around soho

[CliffH]

£147 a year is a small price to pay for quality tv without any <deleted> adverts!

[Artisi]

1 hour ago, CliffH said:

£147 a year is a small price to pay for quality tv without any <deleted> adverts!

Guess if you have to pay good money for quality TV, shouldn't you be paid for watching the rubbish dished up on Thai TV. 

[Stargeezr]

Another good edition, Rooster.  Hey the two Billionaires were spotted in Beijing, were they missing

the pollution of Bangkok perhaps, or just wanted to buy some Chinese stuff? Nice to see the rich Thais spending their time in another polluted city. yuck, yuck.

Grrzer

[Jonmarleesco]

On 2/10/2018 at 5:38 PM, rooster59 said:

'.... Thai roads ... see perhaps 25,000 killed each year ... Many Thais call it fate ...

And that will never change unless we get a government with ministers - especially a transport minister - who are not superstitious, and start educating the Thais that fate has s__d all to with it. Preferably alongside lessons in common-sense driving. 

[CliffH]

14 hours ago, Artisi said:

Guess if you have to pay good money for quality TV, shouldn't you be paid for watching the rubbish dished up on Thai TV. 

Definitely!  However, bear in mind that commercial tv isn't free.  A proportion of what you spend in the supermarket, and elsewhere, goes to pay for the adverts.  Admittedly though, the way  the BBC is funded is well past its sell-by date.

And by the way, the dog licence was done away with about 50 years ago.

 

[The manic]

On 11/02/2018 at 11:17 AM, Colabamumbai said:

We must have passed each other in Goa, 71 thru 79. I just met a friend here on TVF, who I have not seen in 45 years, we live 50Kms. apart. He has been reading my posts for a year, but this week reading my posts about pot legalization in Canada, and more to the point, before pot, goods came from Lebanon, India, Pakistan and Morocco, he thought maybe I know this guy. He messaged me 

and it was a "I don't believe this is happening moment". We meet next week, you may have met him also. Thanks for mentioning Goa.

I too lived on Anduna beach in Goa in 74. Nobody wore clothes. And stuff was cheap and plentiful.  I got there by boat from Bombay. Now the place is ruined as here is being ruined. The pathetic war on drugs, an American disease, is partially responsible. The new age of Puritanism reinforced by feminism and Islam is leaching joy out of the world.

[The manic]

On 11/02/2018 at 11:26 AM, faraday said:

Brilliant writing....rotfpmsl!!

 

As for Goa, was there too long ago to remember, apart from the copious scams.

When I was there in 74 an Italian hippy had a monkey he hired out to us to pick out head lice. We ate and drank in shack on Anjuna beach run by an old guy called Diego who taught me how to make chappatis, clam chowder and special cake. I was 20.

[Colabamumbai]

3 minutes ago, The manic said:

I too lived on Anduna beach in Goa in 74. Nobody wore clothes. And stuff was cheap and plentiful.  I got there by boat from Bombay. Now the place is ruined as here is being ruined. The pathetic war on drugs, an American disease, is partially responsible. The new age of Puritanism reinforced by feminism and Islam is leaching joy out of the world.

Pm me if you like. We may know each other, am bad with names from the past. Am from Toronto.   Did the boat many times and by air also. Was well known at Dipties in Bombay. Lived in Colva before moving to Anjuna. Side visits to Thailand.

[The manic]

5 minutes ago, Colabamumbai said:

Pm me if you like. We may know each other, am bad with names from the past. Am from Toronto.   Did the boat many times and by air also. Was well known at Dipties in Bombay. Lived in Colva before moving to Anjuna. Side visits to Thailand.

I moved to manali for the thingy season eventually then Kashmir, Pakistan ,Afghanistan and worked in Iran for a year. I find Thailand easy after all those countries and can't understand why people moan about here. 

[Colabamumbai]

47 minutes ago, The manic said:

I moved to manali for the thingy season eventually then Kashmir, Pakistan ,Afghanistan and worked in Iran for a year. I find Thailand easy after all those countries and can't understand why people moan about here. 

Followed much the same route as you. The people that moan here would do the same in their country. I made the move here too as opposed to India.  During the past 8 years on the forum here, I find many comments and replies to posts are very negative, compared to what they once were. Interesting to know how many live here and how many do not. TVF should do a survey. Thanks for your reply. Namaste, boom Shiva. 

[cookieqw]

On 11/02/2018 at 9:55 AM, sambum said:

Except when you live alone in the house and take a long holiday, and then you only get 10% discount. And if you live in, for instance Zone A and you have a garden, you are not entitled to a "green" wheelie bin to dispose of your garden rubbish (weeds, dead plants etc) so you have to make your own arrangements for disposal, as they refuse to accept it as normal household waste. But if you live in the next street along, (which backs on to your house) which is in Zone B, you can have  a "green" wheelie bin for your garden rubbish even though you do not have a garden!  
  

Except when you live alone in the house and take a long holiday, and then you only get 10% discount

OH MY BUDDHA !!!

[sambum]

2 hours ago, cookieqw said:

Except when you live alone in the house and take a long holiday, and then you only get 10% discount

OH MY BUDDHA !!!

OK - I am  sorry that you are so shocked by the revelation, but let me ask you to try to explain why  when I live in the house on my own, and the Council are collecting my rubbish on a fortnightly basis, and I have to put the kitchen waste in a "wheelie bin", the cans and paper and glass jars in a "greenbox", the cardboard and plastic in a "greenbag", but if I have any garden waste, I have to get rid of it myself because I am living in the wrong Zone, if I have a problem with drunks outside my house, or have unruly neighbours, I can phone the Police, and eventually they will attend to the complaint? That is why I pay my Council Tax and get 25% discount.

 

However, when I do not live in the house, and the house is unoccupied, then there is no kitchen waste for the Council to collect, no "wheelie bins", no "greenboxes", no "greenbags",  no need to bother the Police with calls about drunks or unruly neighbours - I do not even take advantage of the street lighting, or free bus passes provided by the Council from the aforesaid Council Tax. Yet in this situation, I only get 10% discount.

 

So if I am not there, why do I have to pay more? It is not a holiday home, or a "second property". I am merely looking after my health by escaping the Winter, and the higher fuel prices and inconvenience that goes with it. (By the way, I am also not overburdening the NHS with my prescription charges as while I am away, I have to pay for all my medications)

 

Maybe you could have a word with "Your Buddha", because when you are living on a pension, the difference between 25% and 10% discount can make a big difference in your living standards, but I can tell by the tone of your comment that you are totally sympathetic to the less well off, and I am so pleased that you appreciate the problems faced by your Senior Citizens.  

Edited March 6, 2018 by sambum

[The manic]

On 13/02/2018 at 5:58 PM, Colabamumbai said:

Followed much the same route as you. The people that moan here would do the same in their country. I made the move here too as opposed to India.  During the past 8 years on the forum here, I find many comments and replies to posts are very negative, compared to what they once were. Interesting to know how many live here and how many do not. TVF should do a survey. Thanks for your reply. Namaste, boom Shiva. 

Boom Shiva - Boom Shiva Sankra! 

[The manic]

On 06/03/2018 at 11:25 PM, sambum said:

OK - I am  sorry that you are so shocked by the revelation, but let me ask you to try to explain why  when I live in the house on my own, and the Council are collecting my rubbish on a fortnightly basis, and I have to put the kitchen waste in a "wheelie bin", the cans and paper and glass jars in a "greenbox", the cardboard and plastic in a "greenbag", but if I have any garden waste, I have to get rid of it myself because I am living in the wrong Zone, if I have a problem with drunks outside my house, or have unruly neighbours, I can phone the Police, and eventually they will attend to the complaint? That is why I pay my Council Tax and get 25% discount.

 

However, when I do not live in the house, and the house is unoccupied, then there is no kitchen waste for the Council to collect, no "wheelie bins", no "greenboxes", no "greenbags",  no need to bother the Police with calls about drunks or unruly neighbours - I do not even take advantage of the street lighting, or free bus passes provided by the Council from the aforesaid Council Tax. Yet in this situation, I only get 10% discount.

 

So if I am not there, why do I have to pay more? It is not a holiday home, or a "second property". I am merely looking after my health by escaping the Winter, and the higher fuel prices and inconvenience that goes with it. (By the way, I am also not overburdening the NHS with my prescription charges as while I am away, I have to pay for all my medications)

 

Maybe you could have a word with "Your Buddha", because when you are living on a pension, the difference between 25% and 10% discount can make a big difference in your living standards, but I can tell by the tone of your comment that you are totally sympathetic to the less well off, and I am so pleased that you appreciate the problems faced by your Senior Citizens.  

Well said mate.  The treatment of Expats in the UK is a, disgrace especially compared to how immigrants are treated