I do a bit of drinking, and I'm always looking for a new toast. There have been thousands of them but… don’t remember them next morning.

Doctors say my memory is good, but...short.

Maybe toast "Panties!”: Not the best thing in the world, but right next to it." is what my friends use sometimes, but it's getting a little old.

Any suggestions? (Witty and sublime both appreciated)

Let me start with: “To our wives and sweethearts - may they never meet!”.

How about this one?

"To being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple!"

what kind of people do you think thai visa are?.... a toast to "panties"....well really!....now worn panties maybe....

To our our women, to our horses,

and the men who ride them!

my favorite toast and the one i always use...

To absent friends

Sorry its not a funny one.

Maybe not quite in the vein you are looking for, but this was an old military toast dating back I think to the Napoleonic wars -

"To Bloody Battles and Quick Promotion"

in the days when advancement was either bought or obtained in the field.

A toast to one holding opposing views during a discussion:-

To the very heights of your own

Tr : Up yours!

.......to hairy women!......

Live long and prosper.........................................................but you must be able to do it properly

A bit coarse, but one of my fav's (best when drinking Wild Turkey or moonshine, naam khao would also do I guess):

Here's to the men of the High Sierras,

we live in streams and ditches,

we <deleted> our wives with butcher knives,

we're dirty sons 'o bitches,

we <deleted> 'em high,

we <deleted> 'em low,

we <deleted> 'em where the green grass grows,

and when they're dead 'n long forgotten,

we dig 'em up and <deleted> 'em rotten

Here's agood one to use on yout first date.

"To this moment and all the moments to come"

Not funny but it works.

May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse

Chaiyo

Here's to all the women who love me terribly, may they all get better at it.

Here's to the girls that do..

Here's to the girls who dont..

Here's to the girls who say they never will..

But look as though they might..

if you're feeling musical:

DOH . . . . . . the stuff . . . that buys me beer . . .

RAY . . . . . .the guy that sells me beer . . .

ME . . . . . . . the guy . . . who drinks the beer . . .

FAR . . . . . .a long way to the bar . . .

SO . . . . . . I’ll have another beer . . .

LA . . . . . . I’ll have another beer . . .

TEA . . . . . no thanks, I’m drinking beer . . .

That will bring us back to . . . (looks into an empty glass)

DOH!

Here's to the girls that do..

Here's to the girls who dont..

Here's to the girls who say they never will..

But look as though they might..

I like the girls who do,

I like the girls who don't,

I hate a girl who says she will,

and then she says she won't.

But the girl that I like best of all,

and I think you'll say I'm right.

Is the girl who says she never does

but she looks a though she might!

Max Miller, from "Max at the Met."

Edited February 3, 200719 yr by sceadugenga

Here's to the lady

In the white shoes

She'll take all your money

She'll drink all your booze

'Ere's t'me; an' t'my wife's 'usband; not fergetten mysen.

From the Simpsons:

To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to all the world's problems.