To "Wai" Or Not?

[DeDanan]

I have read / heard different views on : Is it ok for a farang to “Wai” when greeting someone. What’s your view?

Have a Happy...

[OxfordWill]

My feeling is that if you are in a situation where, were you Thai, you should wai someone, then as a visitor to their culture you should attempt to act ac they expect and wai.

In general though, farangs risk "over-wai -ing", a strange disorder that results in farangs all over the kingdom waiing children, plastic MacDonalds statues, doormen and rubbish collectors.

Will.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

My feeling is that if you are in a situation where, were you Thai, you should wai someone, then as a visitor to their culture you should attempt to act ac they expect and wai.

In general though, farangs risk "over-wai -ing", a strange disorder that results in farangs all over the kingdom waiing children, plastic MacDonalds statues, doormen and rubbish collectors.

Will.

some even wai bargirls and waitresses. Don't do it at all until you fully understand the complex issues associated with the practice.

[Snark]

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[maerim]

Most certainly not check out girls at the big supermarkets, thats just for starters.

[GuestHouse]

I once saw the Manager of the Amari Hotel in Pattaya wai one of the hotel maids as he walked into the lobby...

Crinnnnngggggeeeee

[Snark]

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[dr_Pat_Pong]

I once saw the Manager of the Amari Hotel in Pattaya wai one of the hotel maids as he walked into the lobby...

Crinnnnngggggeeeee

Was it his very first week there ? The goose.

[stroll]

The rule is simple:

A nudge in the ribs from the Mrs. indicates a wai is expected by someone in the room, the more it hurts, the more you should rise the hands.

I do find it odd, though, that I am expected to wai first when meeting parents of friends, although I am older and more respectable (me thinks)? Well, haven't fully understood the rules, just wait for the next nudge...

[ProThaiExpat]

Being a "mature" farang, and following Thai culture, I have wai-ed only once, to the older mother of "my thai".

However, I never fail to acknowledge a wai with a nod of the head and a smile.

Wai experts, is this an appropriate response to a wai received by a farang of advanced years?

[Snark]

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[astral]

General rules.

1. Never initiate a wai unless you know the person or have been given good reason to believe they are expecting respect from a farang.

2. Never wai someone below your status, such as hired help or children. IE, the working class, unless a friend of yours.

3. Never wai when your feet aren't flat on the floor, except the casual wai.

4. NEVER initiate wai if you become involved in a strictly formal Thai circumstance. Attempt to return a wai given you under that circumstance exactly as it was given and do it quickly.

Honestly, if you don't know the jao nai ladder, you really shouldn't intrude in Thai social customs.

Snark sums it up pretty well.

[medicinebox]

I never Wai. I am not Thai, so find it embarissing. The gesture itself seems too humbling for me as a westerner, and I am very uncomfortable with it. Where I'm from, when you put your hands together and hold them up, you are either praying to god, or praying for mercy.

On the rare occasions I am Wai'd, I just give a slight nod/bow of acknolowdgment in return. Seemed happy with that, and if they weren't fack em!

I had a friend who used to Wai bar girls. I pointed out that he was making a complete prick of himslef, and he soon stopped.

[Snark]

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[taxexile]

I never Wai. I am not Thai, so find it embarrassing. The gesture itself seems too humbling for me as a westerner, and I am very uncomfortable with it.

same here, most times that i see farangs wai a thai, it looks subservient and deferential, and whereas the thais do it with one continuous graceful movement that looks elegant and respectful, when we falangs do it it seems to look ungainly and out of place.

if wai-ed, i will nod my head in a very slight bow and smile,which,it seems,is what most falangs do , and seems to be all that is required.

[Snark]

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[wamberal]

If you are going to live in Thailand, the least you can do is try to understand the culture, there are quite a few good books. I think it is pathetic that some of the respondents think that it is okay to respond with a nod if they are wai'd. Sure, there is the commercial wai, in the bars, hotels, or supermarkets, or as you board a plane, etc, which can be ignored or acknowledged with a smile or slight nod. But if somebody you know, or have any kind of relationship with, wais you, then you are an ignoramus if you do not know how to respond. It really is not all that complicated. The first rule is that a male never wais a female, except if the female is senior in some way (eg I wai my mother-in-law). Then, basically, you wai at an appropriate level vis-a vis the person who has wai'd you, or whom you are waiing. As an expat, you can probably get away with not having to initiate a wai, except to your elders or betters. Do not wai children when they wai you. If in doubt, go higher rather than lower. Slowly and gracefully ain't that hard, is it? Fit in, or ship out!!

[taxexile]

Fit in, or ship out!!

i will not fit in,neither will i ship out!!

i have got by and gained the friendship and respect of many thais without so much as a wai in the many years i have spent here.

thais will tell you that they do not expect a wai to be either initiated or returned by a farang, that most farangs look silly when wai-ing,and although they do appreciate it when a farang attempts to wai, they do not think any less of us nodders.

[thaimee]

In general though, farangs risk "over-wai -ing", a strange disorder that results in farangs all over the kingdom waiing children, plastic MacDonalds statues, doormen and rubbish collectors.

Will.

Yeah, plastic MacDonald statues as well, LOL!!

Thaimee.

[wamberal]

Fit in, or ship out!!

i will not fit in,neither will i ship out!!

i have got by and gained the friendship and respect of many thais without so much as a wai in the many years i have spent here.

thais will tell you that they do not expect a wai to be either initiated or returned by a farang, that most farangs look silly when wai-ing,and although they do appreciate it when a farang attempts to wai, they do not think any less of us nodders.

Taxexile, I would suggest, with great respect, that your Thai friends are telling you what they think you want to hear, and there's nothing wrong with that. I stick by my point, that it is not difficult to understand enough about the wai, and to perform one, and if you want to live in Thailand it is a small enough price to pay in trying to fit into society. Or maybe your friends are ethnic Chinese, and do not have the same respect for Thai culture as ethnic Thai??

[taxexile]

its true that some of the friends are ethnic chinese who dont wai much,but in conversations with thai friends that i know will speak their minds, (and there are plenty of thais who do), they say i wont be disadvantaged in any way by not wai-ing.

respect can be shown by a facial expression or body language too. i take your point about it not being too hard to figure out the various levels of wai-ing and when to use them, but i've never felt comfortable doing it.

sometimes when i see the wai coming i will offer a handshake simultaneously and the resultant confusion and laughter seems to act as a funny icebreaker rather than induce embarrassment.

[wamberal]

Taxexile, good response, and no insult intended on my part. I wish you well, I am sure your friends like you because you sound like a tolerant and nice person.

[tuky]

Is there anyone out there that has studied the reasons behind the wai? if so can you please PM me with an "explaination for dummies"?

lets call it wai'ing 101.

This could be quite benificial for tourists and those of us that wai all the way!!!

Cheers

[Georgie-Porgie]

It's quite interesting what well-intentioned people have posted here, but I am American, and we pretty much believe that everyone was created equally.

I have been an Adjan and all that, but I wai absolutely anyone who wais me, just like I would return a polite gesture in the West.

I consider it a blow against any type of class system, and for equality and democracy!

It probably has no effect on anything, what-so-ever, but that is how I like to think of it.

[KevinN]

According to my wife,who is educated and works in the public sector of government,, I am not expected to WAI or Return one.

A nod of the head and a smile is readily accepted and appreciated,,and I don't see why I should do it anyway as I am not a Thai and they can all see that and so if they really wanted to show respect to me,then they would extend their hand, as they know that is our custom. Why should I try to act like a Thai when they will never give me equal rights and legal residence in this country,I will always be a farang on a visitors visa, In my country at least they can get legal residence.

[Bluecat]

I am not expected to WAI or Return one.

I'm not sure about that one.

I very seldom wai except with people whom I think expect me to do it.

Usually Thai people (business relations) who know I have been in Thailand for quite a long time and who intentionaly wai instead of shaking my hand,...

And also automatically with some Thai friends.

[simon43]

The only people I wai are my wife's family (respectful wai to older members every time I meet them, more casual wai to family members of my age and not every time). I have not had to wai a senior monk yet but think I know how 'high' I need to wai

I agree that wai-ing waitresses etc is in conflict with the whole reason for waiing (ie showing respect).

But I also think that a farang wai, however clumsily performed, demonstrates an effort to understand Thai culture, and his/her efforts should be commended.

[davethailand]

I only do it when i meet thai's who are firstly older than me. And obviously business people that i meet and my wifes older family members.

When i first came i used to do it to everyone, and i've been taught by various thai's when and when not to wai.

my staff wai me and i shake their hands back.

[george]

In general though, farangs risk "over-wai -ing", a strange disorder that results in farangs all over the kingdom waiing children, plastic MacDonalds statues, doormen and rubbish collectors.

Will.

Yeah, plastic MacDonald statues as well, LOL!!

Thaimee.

Not only ole' Ronald get wai-ed... Yesterday I saw a middle aged farang man wai-ing the plastic Colonel outside KFC. The Thais looked suspicious at him....

[chokrai]

I asked my wife about the proper way for me to wai the other teachers at her school. With the students just nod your head or wai with the hands to the chest as she does. With the other teachers around your own age respond with a wai if they give you one. With the older teachers it is polite to wai them first but not every time you walk by them! I also make it a point to to walk over to the principal or the director as they call him here and wai him when i see him. I see it as kind of the same thing as shaking hands,pretty rude not to put out your hand if someone offers theirs.At the same time you dont go around shaking hands with everyone all day long just like the Thais dont spend all day waing each other every five minutes. My wife thinks it is a pain in the ass to have to wai all the older teachers all the time and usually doesant,she is a bit of a rebel