A man went for an audition at a local club.

"You'd better not be a hypnotist, they're not welcome here!"

"No I'm not; I'm a singer, why, what's wrong with a hypnotist?"

"Well we had one performing a couple of days ago with 20 people on stage in a hypnotic trance when suddenly he tripped over the microphone wire and shouted 'Shit'!

We've been clearing up ever since................."

Homer walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up to the TV. The 10:00 PM news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Homer replied, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde said, "Well, I bet he won't."

Homer placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on."

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed $20 to Homer saying, "Fair's fair, here's your money."

Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I saw it too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Homer took the money.