Thai mother and child custody rights

[regularguy]

My Thai girlfriend has a 5 year old boy from a previous relationship with her ex Thai boyfriend. The boy is currently living in Issan with the ex boyfriend’s parents. The ex is living and working in Bangkok. My girlfriend wants to have her son live with her adult daughter.

 

She told them her intentions, but they do not want to let her take custody of the boy. My understanding is that in Thailand it is the Thai mother that determines where the child is to reside.

 

Can anyone provide some guidance on how to move forward? Do we need to get a lawyer. I personally want to keep my distance from the situation but want to provide her guidance and financial assistance if we need to hire an attorney etc.

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[benalibina]

I would stay far away from a girl like that. She wants to dump the kid with her adult daughter but why does she not want to raise her son by herself ?

[regularguy]

She is not dumping her son on her daughter. It is only the first step. We need to get the boy away from the grandparents first. It is not a good situation that he is currently in. My girlfriend and I live together in Chiang Mai but will be moving farther south when our lease expires. Once we move and get settled we will have him move in with us next year after the school year is completed. We are trying to minimize the disruption.


Sent from my iPad using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[blinkers]

If the girlfriend wanted the child with her straight away I might have more sympathy, but to take the child from grandparents, to live with her daughter and then finally another move to be with the mother, seems a major disruption to me, good situation or not (in your eyes) a child of that age needs stability and not being pulled pillar to post.

If this was a genuine want from the mother with genuine concerns for the child then every effort would go into trying to get the child now and not when all your personal circumstances suit you.

[offset]

If she was not married to the father she already has sole custody over the child the father has no rights over the child

[benalibina]

11 hours ago, blinkers said:

If the girlfriend wanted the child with her straight away I might have more sympathy, but to take the child from grandparents, to live with her daughter and then finally another move to be with the mother, seems a major disruption to me, good situation or not (in your eyes) a child of that age needs stability and not being pulled pillar to post.

If this was a genuine want from the mother with genuine concerns for the child then every effort would go into trying to get the child now and not when all your personal circumstances suit you.

Not enough info still on why the child is in a bad situation and what the history between mother and child is, to make quick judgements.

[chrissables]

As Offset writes above, if she was not married to the father of the baby, buy Thai law she has automatic right of full custody. 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, chrissables said:

As Offset writes above, if she was not married to the father of the baby, buy Thai law she has automatic right of full custody. 

Can anyone provide some guidance on how to move forward? Do we need to get a lawyer. 

1

Not if she's officially passed on the kid at the Amphur Office.

 

As to the OP, I'd stay well out of this one, let her get on with whatever without your funding, don't say yes, don't say no, prevaricate without handing over money. If she wants a lawyer let her pay for one, if she wants advice, let her find it. 

Some Thai women use their children to extort money from those around them.

(Children they never previously paid any attention)

 

Thai guys are real experts at doing nothing, I've learnt a lot from them.

You want me to buy you a house? yes, we can look next week.

You want me to pay for your kids to go to private school? We'll look next month.

A new car? Sure, let's go shopping next week. 

Then never get around to doing it.

[Been there done that]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Not if she's officially passed on the kid at the Amphur Office.

 

As to the OP, I'd stay well out of this one, let her get on with whatever without your funding, don't say yes, don't say no, prevaricate without handing over money. If she wants a lawyer let her pay for one, if she wants advice, let her find it. 

Some Thai women use their children to extort money from those around them.

(Children they never previously paid any attention)

 

Thai guys are real experts at doing nothing, I've learnt a lot from them.

You want me to buy you a house? yes, we can look next week.

You want me to pay for your kids to go to private school? We'll look next month.

A new car? Sure, let's go shopping next week. 

Then never get around to doing it.

Those Thai guys must have learned to do that from their own mothers, i suppose.

 

Takes one to know one.

[khunPer]

On 10/10/2018 at 8:25 AM, regularguy said:

Can anyone provide some guidance on how to move forward? Do we need to get a lawyer. I personally want to keep my distance from the situation but want to provide her guidance and financial assistance if we need to hire an attorney etc.

"Hire an attorney" would be the solution, if there's no friendly way to solve it.

 

I'm not an expert, but my observation from 15+ years Thailand experience is that father's onormally are very keen on keeping sons, whilst a daughter often is "let go". I have a number of friends, mothers fighting with ex. husband's family about sons staying, whilst never experienced similar over a daughter; i.e. from old-time Thai culture, boys have value (make face?), girls not.

 

If your girlfriend's marriage to her son's father was an unregistered village marriage, it might be a benefit, as otherwise they might have shared custody (someone please correct me, if I'm wrong). A friend ended up in court to get her son back from her ex; finally, after some years (think it was three), he agreed to sign the boy over, as she could provide for better (private) schooling, that her ex's family could, after she remarried a Westerner. That, school and education, might be an argument. However, it might be in disfavor if the boy has stayed with his father's parent for (almost) all five years.

 

If it was me, I would have a meeting with an attorney – first information meeting is often free of charge, make sure to have all relevant facts ready, as the father's family probably will fight back – or two attorneys, to get a second opinion.

????

[benalibina]

6 hours ago, khunPer said:

"Hire an attorney" would be the solution, if there's no friendly way to solve it.

 

I'm not an expert, but my observation from 15+ years Thailand experience is that father's onormally are very keen on keeping sons, whilst a daughter often is "let go". I have a number of friends, mothers fighting with ex. husband's family about sons staying, whilst never experienced similar over a daughter; i.e. from old-time Thai culture, boys have value (make face?), girls not.

 

If your girlfriend's marriage to her son's father was an unregistered village marriage, it might be a benefit, as otherwise they might have shared custody (someone please correct me, if I'm wrong). A friend ended up in court to get her son back from her ex; finally, after some years (think it was three), he agreed to sign the boy over, as she could provide for better (private) schooling, that her ex's family could, after she remarried a Westerner. That, school and education, might be an argument. However, it might be in disfavor if the boy has stayed with his father's parent for (almost) all five years.

 

If it was me, I would have a meeting with an attorney – first information meeting is often free of charge, make sure to have all relevant facts ready, as the father's family probably will fight back – or two attorneys, to get a second opinion.

????

Hmmm....i truly would say the other way around...girls can become of value...boys only cost money...

[khunPer]

33 minutes ago, benalibina said:

Hmmm....i truly would say the other way around...girls can become of value...boys only cost money...

–in farang-way-of-thinking, but your are right – I'm also farang – however, here I think money has less value than tradition and face...????

 

I was told that it's an old saying in Isaan – perhaps Thai in general? – that when a boy is born in a family, it like Buddha has send a gift from heaven, whilst if it's a girl, it's like someone has placed a loo in front of the house.

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, khunPer said:

–in farang-way-of-thinking, but your are right – I'm also farang – however, here I think money has less value than tradition and face...????

 

I was told that it's an old saying in Isaan – perhaps Thai in general? – that when a boy is born in a family, it like Buddha has send a gift from heaven, whilst if it's a girl, it's like someone has placed a loo in front of the house.

Well ....maybe too because i have twindaughters, my opinion differs from yours. In general though its the daughters burden to support her elders. Ban og mentality is rife here as most have an insular mindset because being thaught at schools in the village will hardly broaden their perception of life.

 

Faulty conditioning and manipulation are not easy to spot.

[khunPer]

4 hours ago, benalibina said:

Well ....maybe too because i have twindaughters, my opinion differs from yours. In general though its the daughters burden to support her elders. Ban og mentality is rife here as most have an insular mindset because being thaught at schools in the village will hardly broaden their perception of life.

 

Faulty conditioning and manipulation are not easy to spot.

I think you misunderstood my point – perhaps I'm not good enough in English language, but I agree with you – however I'm not sure Thais agree with our farang-way-of-thinking.

 

By the way, I have a daughter here, and that was what I wished for..????

[dennis123]

On 10/15/2018 at 5:06 PM, khunPer said:

–in farang-way-of-thinking, but your are right – I'm also farang – however, here I think money has less value than tradition and face...????

 

I was told that it's an old saying in Isaan – perhaps Thai in general? – that when a boy is born in a family, it like Buddha has send a gift from heaven, whilst if it's a girl, it's like someone has placed a loo in front of the house.

Is that why they dump their daughters asap in Pattaya?

[khunPer]

40 minutes ago, dennis123 said:

Is that why they dump their daughters asap in Pattaya?

No clue, believe the saying is older than R&R in Pattaya...????