Possible divorce with child...

[CaptainPeter]

Dear all,

I need some good advice as to what to do...I'm 33 and my wife and I have been together for more than 5 years and married for over 4. We've got a beautiful angel of a daughter, who's turning 4 pretty soon. We've been together (long distance) for a while until I had the feeling our daughter was old enough to fly to Europe. When that happened, we lived together in Europe for more than 1.5 years. Then I got a job opportunity in Thailand, making a comfortable living so we made the decision because my wife had a hard time accepting the big changes, the cold, etc...And I didn't want to stay either, to be honest. So we moved back to where she's from and set up our lives there. All went good and smooth, I've invested in a beauty salon for her so she could pick up the job she was doing previously.

I already bought a car about 4 years ago, before the birth of our child because I wouldn't want my baby on a motorbike(I'm sure everyone gets that sense of responsibility), so we were set and good for another year and half. Then the company I worked with laid off all foreigners working there, so needed to find another job. I stayed and kept looking for something suitable and forwarding, but it was very hard to find something, not to say anything. Now, financial matters forced me to leave the country a few months ago, going back to Europe to work and survive and see from there.

Now, without me around, my wife had arranged to let our daughter stay at her parents, and go to school there with her cousins, so she could keep putting enough time in the beauty salon. I was OK with that. It's supposed to be only a temporarily measure anyway. Now, I'm abroad, calling the wife and daughter almost daily, when possible and 2 weeks ago the wife let me know that her phone fell in water and the camera doesn't work anymore. I believed her and knew I had to help saving up to buy a new phone. Luckily I could still call our daughter, at least there was that.

Time goes by, messaging at the same hours we'd be calling and didn't really suspect anything. Yesterday my wife called me, she was crying, which was odd, but she said she was sick...Told me she bought a new phone and can call me again. Great, I'm happy! She did call me with a facebook account I haven't seen before, so I asked her about it. She said because her phone died and forgot the password, she couldn't get back in. I know how to work some magic on PC's so I recovered her FB account and restored a new password. Gave it to her and she asked me if I could copy and save her pictures for her, since her phone is dead. So said and done, I go into the account and see the years and years of pictures, this will take hours! I know you can download all data retrieved from your account and the device used, so I went into the menu and did that, then you don't have to copy and paste each and every one of the thousands of pictures. Little did I know, ALL data came with the .zip package.

Now, I trusted her so I don't feel the need to check upon it, but with the crying and weird call she made, I decided to check in her messages. After all, there must be sent pictures there as well. There were gaps, gaps of deleted conversations I noticed, so I start opening one after the other and got a bit weary about it...I discovered the most horrible thing my worst fantasy can't comprehend...She might have deleted a lot of stuff, but there it was, shared pictures to a friend of hers...On holiday...In <deleted> France!!! I couldn't believe my eyes and still can't, to be honest.

As most people here(not all) I speak some Thai, but cant read for 1 meter but google translate comes in handy if you know how to read between the weird lines of messed up sentences. Started translating conversations and in one part that friend asks her if I didn't call yet. She told her she told me the phone camera was broken, with a lot of laughing faces...I still couldn't believe what I saw and went to login information and retrieved all IP data...There was the confirmation...Since she told me her phone was broken, starting 1 day after, her internet connection originated in the south of France. The IP's kept saying France until yesterday...This tells me that for that exact period of time, she has been on holiday in France, with or visiting her, apparently, French boyfriend...I went to dig a little deeper and found out that since March, she was saying to guys in FB that she has a child, but her husband left her. Found a few sent copies of deposit slips of guys she's been bullshitting for money, but those conversations were gone, so I can't know it all...NOW...My question to you guys, is what do I do???

I didn't tell her anything yet and don't want to make a scene online because that's total BS, I feel I need to confront her in person with all of this. Financials are making me having to stay in Europe for at least another month, while I'm putting money(stupid <deleted> I am) in our Thai bank account for her and our daughter, it's hard to save up, pay back some debt AND leave to see my "wife" and especially my baby girl...Do I tell her before I get to her in person or not? Do I talk to the guy(I know who he is by now) or should I keep my anger and disappointment to myself?

I don't want to endanger the connection with my girl and DEFINITELY want my daughter to be with me, if she's being a disgraceful person like that. I have and will further collect and document all data there is to find for a possible divorce and hope the file is strong enough to give me custody of my child. It already hurts me and my baby girl(often calling me, crying, asking why I am working so much and don't come to her) to be apart from each other, having only a camera and microphone, let alone a huge pile of shit, dumped by her mother, right where(and in a manor) it hurts the most and causes the biggest shit a man has to go through...I think I can live with it, if we would live together, but I can never trust her anymore, that's for sure...What are my possible angles here or what would your best advice be if you were in my shoes? Appreciated!

[OneMoreFarang]

If you would put a couple of paragraphs in your text and maybe some other formatting it would be soooooo much easier to read it. I have to admit I gave up after a few sentences.

[CaptainPeter]

OneMoreFarang You've got a point there. I was just typing my thoughts away...I can't seem to find where I can edit the text. thought I've noticed an "edit" option somewhere before but it seems to be gone...

 

Edited October 25, 2018 by CaptainPeter

[geriatrickid]

I'll make this very simple for you;

1. Are you certain the child is yours? You may wish to consider a DNA test.

2. If the child is yours and you wish to keep an attachment, stay quiet for now, otherwise you will never see the child again.

3. You know that if she is screwing around, it is over. Decide now if you will end it and then prepare your case.  Get some of the emails/photos/messages, the worst ones and  put it in your file.

4. When you get to thailand, see if you can have access to your child and have the child come and live with you in Thailand. It is your parental right. The wife  has abandoned her right when she sent the child to the parents.

 Stay calm and polite at all times. Once you have the child then go and speak to your wife. tell her you know that it is over and that she has been  screwing around. Don't be angry, because you have a job to do and that is to get her to agree to a quick divorce and to sign over custody.

If she denies show her some of the worst items from the file and tell her you have more, that she was seen and that her bank statements can be seized etc. She won't know what hit her. Don't tell her how you obtained the info. Use shock and awe.

If she delays then you file for divorce on the grounds of adultery and do this through legal counsel.

 

Whatever you do, do not fight, yell or get violent. Stay calm always. She will want you to get violent because she doesn't have a case. Yes you are hurt but  it's done. She can only hurt you if you keep caring. Stop caring and go into recovery mode and move on.

 

And next time, don't marry a bar girl from upcountry.

Edited October 25, 2018 by geriatrickid

[Greenside]

I did manage to get through it and you have my sympathies (and also some in advance for the kind of responses you'll doubtless get on this forum).

 

The main focus should be on how you can be reunited and take care of your daughter.  First off, were you to get custody, do you have the means to take care of her?  Working in Thailand is rarely able to provide a reliable and long term income so what is the prospect of getting your child entry to whichever country you come from or could support yourself in?

 

In the short term, I'd not get involved in a long distance confrontation.  Come here with a plan and be prepared.

 

Geriatrikid: Your advice is good but the last sentence is really rude, unnecessary and will almost certainly lead the thread down a bad and bickering path.  Why not edit it while there's still time?

Edited October 25, 2018 by Greenside

[CaptainPeter]

4 minutes ago, geriatrickid said:

I'll make this very simple for you;

1. Are you certain the child is yours? You may wish to consider a DNA test.

2. If the child is yours and you wish to keep an attachment, stay quiet for now, otherwise you will never see the child again.

3. You know that if she is screwing around, it is over. Decide now if you will end it and then prepare your case.  Get some of the emails/photos/messages, the worst ones and  put it in your file.

4. When you get to thailand, see if you can have access to your child and have the child come and live with you in Thailand. It is your parental right. The wife  has abandoned her right when she sent the child to the parents.

 Stay calm and polite at all times. Once you have the child then go and speak to your wife. tell her you know that it is over and that she has been  screwing around. Don't be angry, because you have a job to do and that is to get her to agree to a quick divorce and to sign over custody. If she delays then you file for divorce on the grounds of adultery and do this through legal counsel.

 

Whatever you do, do not fight, yell or get violent. Stay calm always. She will want you to get violent. Yes you are hurt. it's done. She can only hurt you if you keep caring. Stop caring and go into recovery mode and move on.

 

And next time, don't marry a bar girl from upcountry.

Yes, I've had a DNA test done when she was born so I know for sure she's mine. My in-laws are very friendly people so as long as I'm not making any scene, they can't or won't deny any contact. You're right about that, thanks!

 

[CaptainPeter]

5 minutes ago, Greenside said:

I did manage to get through it and you have my sympathies (and also some in advance for the kind of responses you'll doubtless get on this forum).

 

The main focus should be on how you can be reunited and take care of your daughter.  First off, were you to get custody, do you have the means to take care of her?  Working in Thailand is rarely able to provide a reliable and long term income so what is the prospect of getting your child entry to whichever country you come from or could support yourself in?

 

In the short term, I'd not get involved in a long distance confrontation.  Come here with a plan and be prepared.

Well, my daughter had a visa, but needs a re-application. It's possible, but only with consent of the mother. I don't only rely on income from 1 job, I do some online trading, manage a webstore etc. Just gathered some tax debt I need to take care of first before there's enough air to breath again and become comfortable. You're right about that long distance confrontation, don't think it would be a wise thing to do. I guess I'll have to win information from a Thai lawyer to go fully prepared but at what cost does something like that come?

[geriatrickid]

13 minutes ago, Greenside said:

I did manage to get through it and you have my sympathies (and also some in advance for the kind of responses you'll doubtless get on this forum).

 

The main focus should be on how you can be reunited and take care of your daughter.  First off, were you to get custody, do you have the means to take care of her?  Working in Thailand is rarely able to provide a reliable and long term income so what is the prospect of getting your child entry to whichever country you come from or could support yourself in?

 

In the short term, I'd not get involved in a long distance confrontation.  Come here with a plan and be prepared.

 

Geriatrikid: Your advice is good but the last sentence is really rude, unnecessary and will almost certainly lead the thread down a bad and bickering path.  Why not edit it while there's still time?

I thought about the statement before I added it. I am sorry, if you are offended, but it should serve as a warning to others. To be honest, I feel that this is probably a windup since we have seen the same tale multiple times previously. the theme has as many lives as the taking of the trolleys onto the escalators at swampy does.

[scorecard]

25 minutes ago, CaptainPeter said:

Yes, I've had a DNA test done when she was born so I know for sure she's mine. My in-laws are very friendly people so as long as I'm not making any scene, they can't or won't deny any contact. You're right about that, thanks!

 

What about the way the birth certificate is worded and signed.

 

I'm not an expert on this point but from many other posts re custody it seems that the way the birth certificate was prepared / signed can make a big difference. 

 

Experts on this point, please share.

 

On the other hand perhaps the OP is already aware of this point and has it covered.

 

Edited October 25, 2018 by scorecard

[CaptainPeter]

8 minutes ago, scorecard said:

What about the way the birth certificate is worded and signed.

 

I'm not an expert on this point but from many other posts re custody it seems that the way the birth certificate was prepared / signed can make a big difference. 

 

Experts on this point, please share.

 

On the other hand perhaps the OP is already aware of this point and has it covered.

 

I've signed all documents to register her at birth in the ampur and am registered as her legal father. Maybe that will have some positive power in this case.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, CaptainPeter said:

I've invested in a beauty salon for her so she could pick up the job she was doing previously.

Red flag 1,

Beauty salon is often a front for sex workers, seen several guys 'invest' in training, purchasing, supplies. It's always a mistake.

A mate of mine set his wife up with a beauty salon, he returned to the USA for a couple of months, caught an STD from her when he returned.

 

Red flag 2,

Video call problems, when they're two-timing (or working bar) the video calls always cease with some lame excuse.

Girl I met used to tell her bf, she couldn't take the smartphone to work because she was frightened it would be stolen, she had a crappy basic phone she would answer while she was with me.

 

Red flag 3,

If she owns and runs a beauty salon, why are you sending her money?

 

Have no idea what you should do about the kid, talk about VISA confuses me, didn't you get the kid a passport from your home country? (I assume the UK) How can anyone not do that the moment their child is born? WHy didn't you keep the kid with you in the UK as a single parent? You could have claimed $$$$$$s.

If it were me, I'd just stay in England, forget about the wife and kid in Thailand, no further contact, no more money, but then I'm a bad man, easy to make more kids.

 

I wouldn't blame the other guy, she would have told him some story, that he believed, just like you believed her, not his fault. Sex workers do lie you know.

Edited October 25, 2018 by BritManToo

[CaptainPeter]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Red flag 1,

Beauty salon is often a front for sex workers, seen several guys 'invest' in training, purchasing, supplies. It's always a mistake.

A mate of mine set his wife up with a beauty salon, he returned to the USA for a couple of months, caught an STD from her when he returned.

 

Red flag 2,

Video call problems, when they're two-timing (or working bar) the video calls always cease with some lame excuse.

Girl I met used to tell her bf, she couldn't take the smartphone to work because she was frightened it would be stolen, she had a crappy basic phone she would answer while she was with me.

 

Red flag 3,

If she owns and runs a beauty salon, why are you sending her money?

 

Have no idea what you should do about the kid, talk about VISA confuses me, didn't you get the kid a passport from your home country? How can anyone not do that the moment their child is born?

Anyways, I usually just walk away with no further contact, but then I'm a bad man, easy to make more kids.

I understand what you mean, but in all the years we've been together, there never have been any "camera" issues or anything suspicious. Thing with the visa, I did, but the country gave her a temporary children's passport(valid 2 years), while the wife got a 5 year passport. Only noticed by accident that it was only valid for 2 years and the city hall told me I'd just have to give the old one, together with a re-application to get a 5 year passport. Why they gave her a passport that's valid for only 2 years is far beyond my understanding but they tell me it's standard procedure, because she was still a baby.

Edited October 25, 2018 by CaptainPeter

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, CaptainPeter said:

but the country gave her a temporary children's passport(valid 2 years),

A citizen can always return to their home country, no VISA or passport required, just proof of citizenship.

(Birth certificate or expired passport will do).

[CaptainPeter]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

A citizen can always return to their home country, no VISA or passport required, just proof of citizenship.

(Birth certificate or expired passport will do).

In the EU city hall they told me everything was fine and worked out, but then I found out that a temporary children's passport apparently means she's not yet a citizen, she needs re-application and renewal in order to get a real passport. Tried going on holiday before but she was denied on the airplane in Bangkok. 

[cms22]

19 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

If you would put a couple of paragraphs in your text and maybe some other formatting it would be soooooo much easier to read it. I have to admit I gave up after a few sentences.

Me too. Far too difficult to read, my friend. 

[khunPer]

23 hours ago, geriatrickid said:

I'll make this very simple for you;

1. Are you certain the child is yours? You may wish to consider a DNA test.

2. If the child is yours and you wish to keep an attachment, stay quiet for now, otherwise you will never see the child again.

3. You know that if she is screwing around, it is over. Decide now if you will end it and then prepare your case.  Get some of the emails/photos/messages, the worst ones and  put it in your file.

4. When you get to thailand, see if you can have access to your child and have the child come and live with you in Thailand. It is your parental right. The wife  has abandoned her right when she sent the child to the parents.

 Stay calm and polite at all times. Once you have the child then go and speak to your wife. tell her you know that it is over and that she has been  screwing around. Don't be angry, because you have a job to do and that is to get her to agree to a quick divorce and to sign over custody.

If she denies show her some of the worst items from the file and tell her you have more, that she was seen and that her bank statements can be seized etc. She won't know what hit her. Don't tell her how you obtained the info. Use shock and awe.

If she delays then you file for divorce on the grounds of adultery and do this through legal counsel.

 

Whatever you do, do not fight, yell or get violent. Stay calm always. She will want you to get violent because she doesn't have a case. Yes you are hurt but  it's done. She can only hurt you if you keep caring. Stop caring and go into recovery mode and move on.

 

And next time, don't marry a bar girl from upcountry.

That's a very good advice, and include what what I would have said.

 

@CaptainPeter, your daughter is the main concern – anything else is "just" money and can be abandoned – so a mutual agreement is important, as your legal case situation as a foreign father in Thailand might not be that strong.

 

However, should it end in Court, your financial ability for support and paying for schooling and education, might be your best card on hand – but you might have to prove that – together with the facts that the mother has "left" her child with her parents (which is not unusual in Thailand) while seeing another man.

 

Even it might be tempting to take the child out of Thailand without consent – which also depend of the child has dual nationality – it might end up in huge problems.

 

Sorry I cannot come up with better ideas; hope the best for you.

[rayinkrabi]

You have my sympathies also.  Although still young at 33 you're old enough to understand that this problem is common here in Thailand...I'm assuming you've scanned all the forums for info on this subject? (TV is the best imo).

 

I'm in a similar situation here as I've just last week started divorce proceedings with my Thai wife, albeit for different reasons than yours.  I also have a lovely 7 yr old daughter that my wife is refusing to let me see so this is the only way forward.

 

To answer one of your early questions Re cost, I am told the charge will be between 10k & 15k plus additionals such as cost of a translator in court etc.  My first court appointment is mid december, feel free to private msg me if you want any details as to what the process is actually like etc. 

 

I agree with others that criticised your original post, it was extremely hard to read....a bit like the flippin' Daily Mail 'newspaper',  (Their headlines alone are like the book 'War & Peace').  ????  Although I do understand everyone has their own 'style'.  

 

If were you, try to keep it in short & 'to the point' paragraphs to avoid folk losing interest and failing to read the whole story.  That way you should get some decent replies and advice....as well as some slagging off of course, but thats to be expected on open forum's like this.

 

Good Luck.

 

 

[khunPer]

22 hours ago, CaptainPeter said:

In the EU city hall they told me everything was fine and worked out, but then I found out that a temporary children's passport apparently means she's not yet a citizen, she needs re-application and renewal in order to get a real passport. Tried going on holiday before but she was denied on the airplane in Bangkok. 

It depends where you originate from, what is needed to get citizenship for your daughter, and dual nationality.

 

Your original text is a bit unclear, as you say that the mother got a five-year passport, was that your EU-country giving your Thai wife a five-year passport..?

"...I did, but the country gave her a temporary children's passport(valid 2 years), while the wife got a 5 year passport."

To me it sounds more like the Thai passport procedure, and then you had a Visa to EU, either for the Schengen-group of countries, or to Britain; but perhaps I misunderstand, what you are saying.

Edited October 26, 2018 by khunPer

[CaptainPeter]

17 minutes ago, khunPer said:

That's a very good advice, and include what what I would have said.

 

@CaptainPeter, your daughter is the main concern – anything else is "just" money and can be abandoned – so a mutual agreement is important, as your legal case situation as a foreign father in Thailand might not be that strong.

 

However, should it end in Court, your financial ability for support and paying for schooling and education, might be your best card on hand – but you might have to prove that – together with the facts that the mother has "left" her child with her parents (which is not unusual in Thailand) while seeing another man.

 

Even it might be tempting to take the child out of Thailand without consent – which also depend of the child has dual nationality – it might end up in huge problems.

 

Sorry I cannot come up with better ideas; hope the best for you.

Thanks man, I agree with you it wouldn't be smart to try and just take my daughter away, but that a stage I hope we don't wind up in. I'm keeping my cool, and my wife doesn't know I know anything. I want to keep it that way until I have the chance to talk all of this trough with her in person.

[sead]

First I would save all info for later use so that when your daughter is 18 and blames you for the divorce you have evidence.  Second, just look in her passport,  maybe she knows how to use a VPN and connected through France "joking" 

So not only did she lie to you but all her friends laughs at you. You're the laughing stock when friends gather. Stop ALL payments to her and prepare for a divorce. 

[CaptainPeter]

19 minutes ago, rayinkrabi said:

You have my sympathies also.  Although still young at 33 you're old enough to understand that this problem is common here in Thailand...I'm assuming you've scanned all the forums for info on this subject? (TV is the best imo).

 

I'm in a similar situation here as I've just last week started divorce proceedings with my Thai wife, albeit for different reasons than yours.  I also have a lovely 7 yr old daughter that my wife is refusing to let me see so this is the only way forward.

 

To answer one of your early questions Re cost, I am told the charge will be between 10k & 15k plus additionals such as cost of a translator in court etc.  My first court appointment is mid december, feel free to private msg me if you want any details as to what the process is actually like etc. 

 

I agree with others that criticised your original post, it was extremely hard to read....a bit like the flippin' Daily Mail 'newspaper',  (Their headlines alone are like the book 'War & Peace').  ????  Although I do understand everyone has their own 'style'.  

 

If were you, try to keep it in short & 'to the point' paragraphs to avoid folk losing interest and failing to read the whole story.  That way you should get some decent replies and advice....as well as some slagging off of course, but thats to be expected on open forum's like this.

 

Good Luck.

 

 

Sorry to hear that, man. It's not fun and as I mentioned, I'm keeping my cool, my wife doesn't know I know anything and only want to lay all of this on the table with her face to face. I hope we don't get into a fighting situation, she does value (somewhere) all I do for her and I hope that'll be valuable enough to recognise her mistakes. I know about the tekst LOL, can't seem to find a way to edit it. I wrote it after investigating over night, no sleep and was just writing off what I had to so I could get some advice from people who might have been down that road. Thanks, I'll remeber that! 

[rayinkrabi]

2 minutes ago, sead said:

First I would save all info for later use so that when your daughter is 18 and blames you for the divorce...

This will make you feel better but be aware your daughter will have been well & truly brainwashed into believing what a 'bad man' you are by that age.  It's a sad fact of life and I have friends in that exact situation who confirm this.

[CaptainPeter]

5 minutes ago, sead said:

First I would save all info for later use so that when your daughter is 18 and blames you for the divorce you have evidence.  Second, just look in her passport,  maybe she knows how to use a VPN and connected through France "joking" 

So not only did she lie to you but all her friends laughs at you. You're the laughing stock when friends gather. Stop ALL payments to her and prepare for a divorce. 

Heheh, only thing about computers she knows is how to turn them on and open youtube to play Thai music lol Indeed, I remember that feeling a few months ago when a few of her friends were really looking at me in an uncomfortable fashion. Now I know why...The pieces of the puzzle are falling in place.

[PerkinsCuthbert]

I feel for you, you must feel like a sap, and despite your streams of consciousness OP, you come across as a kind and sincere man. But know that your story, with variations, is as old as the hills, and you won't be the last to suffer such misfortune.

That said, what needs to be done has already been said by others - your relationship is finished but you need to keep a cool and logical head in order to untangle your affairs, and most importantly, establish firm legal rights with regard to your daughter. This will take time, perhaps some considerable expense, and very likely a good deal of emotional pain.

I wish you good fortune.

[CaptainPeter]

Just now, rayinkrabi said:

This will make you feel better but be aware your daughter will have been well & truly brainwashed into believing what a 'bad man' you are by that age.  It's a sad fact of life and I have friends in that exact situation who confirm this.

I don't think it would go down that horrible path though. Her parents are good people, but yyesterday when I called my daughter, she was crying so hard for me, but I can't go. Then she was crying asking for mom...I know her mom hasn't been there for a few weeks and I asked her if it's been a long time since she's seen mom, she said "yes, too long". I messaged my wife that she HAD to go see our daughter today because she needs her. It's the only thing she's responsible for because I'm abroad to work but it seems she doesn't really care...

[CaptainPeter]

2 minutes ago, PerkinsCuthbert said:

I feel for you, you must feel like a sap, and despite your streams of consciousness OP, you come across as a kind and sincere man. But know that your story, with variations, is as old as the hills, and you won't be the last to suffer such misfortune.

That said, what needs to be done has already been said by others - your relationship is finished but you need to keep a cool and logical head in order to untangle your affairs, and most importantly, establish firm legal rights with regard to your daughter. This will take time, perhaps some considerable expense, and very likely a good deal of emotional pain.

I wish you good fortune.

I'm trying to play this as smooth as possible and unfortunately, you might be right. I just hope it doesn't go that down that dark road. Appreciate it.

[davidst01]

On 10/25/2018 at 12:10 PM, geriatrickid said:

I'll make this very simple for you;

1. Are you certain the child is yours? You may wish to consider a DNA test.

2. If the child is yours and you wish to keep an attachment, stay quiet for now, otherwise you will never see the child again.

3. You know that if she is screwing around, it is over. Decide now if you will end it and then prepare your case.  Get some of the emails/photos/messages, the worst ones and  put it in your file.

4. When you get to thailand, see if you can have access to your child and have the child come and live with you in Thailand. It is your parental right. The wife  has abandoned her right when she sent the child to the parents.

 Stay calm and polite at all times. Once you have the child then go and speak to your wife. tell her you know that it is over and that she has been  screwing around. Don't be angry, because you have a job to do and that is to get her to agree to a quick divorce and to sign over custody.

If she denies show her some of the worst items from the file and tell her you have more, that she was seen and that her bank statements can be seized etc. She won't know what hit her. Don't tell her how you obtained the info. Use shock and awe.

If she delays then you file for divorce on the grounds of adultery and do this through legal counsel.

 

Whatever you do, do not fight, yell or get violent. Stay calm always. She will want you to get violent because she doesn't have a case. Yes you are hurt but  it's done. She can only hurt you if you keep caring. Stop caring and go into recovery mode and move on.

 

And next time, don't marry a bar girl from upcountry.

I had to laugh at no 1.  Clearly your not a father.

 

At least you didnt say 'her brother could really be the father'. Ive read that a few times in this quality forum...

[baansgr]

If the girl is yours you already have joint custody  as you are married. If you want sole custody  make this part of the divorce agreement. Going through the courts with an uncooperative mother is a nightmare. Personally, I would make up some excuse for your daughter  to visit you in Europe then keep her there away from Thailand if you can commit to being a single Father.  Still let her have contact with the Mother and then when coming of age can make her own choice.  The future looks very bleak for her if left to the Mother. 

[CaptainPeter]

18 minutes ago, baansgr said:

If the girl is yours you already have joint custody  as you are married. If you want sole custody  make this part of the divorce agreement. Going through the courts with an uncooperative mother is a nightmare. Personally, I would make up some excuse for your daughter  to visit you in Europe then keep her there away from Thailand if you can commit to being a single Father.  Still let her have contact with the Mother and then when coming of age can make her own choice.  The future looks very bleak for her if left to the Mother. 

Agreed, I just hope it won't have to come that far and she'd be coöperating...Today she proved again what kind of a caring mother she is. As stated before, I told her our baby was crying and she had to go today. When I asked if she went, she just said "I'm busy today, sorry"...This helpless feeling is driving me crazy, man!

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, CaptainPeter said:

I don't think it would go down that horrible path though. Her parents are good people, but yyesterday when I called my daughter, she was crying so hard for me, but I can't go. Then she was crying asking for mom...I know her mom hasn't been there for a few weeks and I asked her if it's been a long time since she's seen mom, she said "yes, too long". I messaged my wife that she HAD to go see our daughter today because she needs her. It's the only thing she's responsible for because I'm abroad to work but it seems she doesn't really care...

Thai mothers who leave their kids with the grandparents in the village don't really seem to care much about them.

They often only visit for a weekend, two or three times a year.

Assume any money you've sent will be spent on your wife, it isn't often passed onto the kids, and anything that is passed on will be spent on the grandparents.