Three Jokes

One day while a lady was at the markets she came upon a magic mirror, she asked the stall holder does this really work and what has to be done. The gentlemen in charge of the stall said the magic mirror did work and all you have to do is stand in front of it and make your wish.

The lady very anxious to get home and try out her new magic mirror scurried off. When she got home she hung the mirror on the wall stood in front of it and said the magic words.

"MAGIC MIRROR ON THE WALL MAKE MY BREAST A 34"

BAM!!!! All of a sudden she had these very large round breast she had never had before.

That evening when her husband got home she was wearing a very low cut top. When he saw her he was shocked and excited and replied where the hel_l did you get those from. The wife then told her husband all about the magic mirror.

Later that evening when his wife had retired to bed he thought he would try out this magic mirror. Very anxious and excited he stood in front of the magic mirror and said the magic words.

"MAGIC MIRROR ON THE WALL MAKE MY D*** TOUCH THE FLOOR"

BAM!!!!!! All of a sudden his legs fell off.

Big Words

A group of kindergarten children were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words, she'd always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words!"

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

The teacher said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words."

She then asked David what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

David thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the S***.”

Cinderella

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan.

One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes.

Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said.

Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Alan, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear. "Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella.

"Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had."

At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt feelings inside her that she had not felt for years.

The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have?"

Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you could turn Alan, my old cat, into a handsome young man."

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and then before them stood young man with the looks and body that no other man could match.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke. "Congratulations Cinderella. Enjoy your new life," and with that she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Alan looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning perfect man she had

ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms.

He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath, "I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"