Worst Joke Ever 2024

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

 

Hezbollah terrorists collect reward.......

 

 

[ravip]

[ravip]

[expat_4_life]

[ballpoint]

Hezbollah issue new communications devices.

[ravip]

[ballpoint]

'Lads, I can do you a great deal on some pagers.

Of course they're kosher - sorry, bad choice of words'

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ravip]

[ballpoint]

[ravip]

[ballpoint]

A taxi driver picks up a drunk, but places him on the front passenger seat so he can keep an eye on him. After a while, the drunk falls asleep.

The taxi driver then sees a gorgeous brunette in a miniskirt, obviously in need of a taxi. It turns out she’s going to the same part of town so he gladly lets her sit in the back...
As the journey proceeds, the taxi driver glances in the mirror and realizes he can see all the way up her skirt and she’s not wearing any knickers.

He nudges the drunk awake, turns the mirror towards the passenger seat and whispers, "Oi, take a look at this"...

The drunk looks in the mirror and sighs, "Have you got a comb, mate...? I look like a ****".

[ravip]

[ballpoint]

I slept over at my girlfriend's house but her father didn't want us to sleep together.

So I had to sleep with my girlfriend.

[ballpoint]

Three aspiring psychiatrists Eric, Peter and Murphy were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said Eric
"And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said Peter
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Limerick, "How about the opposite of woe?"
Murphy replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up."

[ballpoint]

If I get angry at men and women equally does it make me bi-furious?

[ballpoint]

I keep dreaming I'm a horse
That's five nights on the trot now.

[Zyxel]

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said.....

"Go over to the hill....."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said.....

"In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

Adam goes down into the valley,

across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said....

"What's a headache?"

[Zyxel]

The Lawyer and the Car Accident.

Sam Jamison, a very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side of the Lexus.

The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, Sam the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked Sam the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

“My God!" screamed Sam the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?!”

[Zyxel]

Gloria Gaynor invited six people round for dinner. One of them didn't turn up. 'Never mind' she said. 'I will serve five'.

[Digitalbanana]