Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Andrew Dwyer]

Do you think he knows and is enjoying it ??

[scottiejohn]

46 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Looks like you, me and a few others on here are headed in the opposite direction !!

I think we may have been going down below for a long time. As the actress said to the Bishop! And you can also take that any way you want as the Bishop said!

[scottiejohn]

52 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Do you think he knows and is enjoying it ??

Oh, not another "I promise I won't c*me in your mouth" monkey story!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Oh, not another "I promise I won't c*me in your mouth" monkey story!

Another ??

Anything you want to get off your chest ??

[chickenslegs]

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

[chickenslegs]

A wife sends her grammar teacher husband to the 7/11 ...

 

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six!"

 

Later, the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him why he bought six cartons of milk and he replied, "They had eggs."

[chickenslegs]

On the day my son got his learner’s licence, I agreed to take him out for a driving lesson in my car.

 

I helped him adjust the driver's seat, steering wheel height, and the mirrors, then I got into the back seat behind him.

 

“Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” He asked.

 

“Son, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little boy,” I replied ...

 

“Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.”

[scottiejohn]

13 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Anything you want to get off your chest ??

No it's OK I have my own tissues thank you!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Let’s see how many get this !!
( just a like, don’t give the joke away )

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

 "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
 "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Two ladies are at the vet’s office. One has a poodle and the other a      Great Dane. The lady with the Great Dane asks the poodle lady, 
     “Why are you here?” 
     “Oh,” the woman says, “my dog keeps scratching himself, so I’m
     here to get some flea spray. What about you?” 
     The Great Dane lady says, “I’m here because my dog is
     oversexed. If I bend over to wash the floor or pick up anything, he
     wraps his paws around me and starts to hump me.” 
     “So you’re here to get him neutered?” 
     “No,” says the other woman, “I’m here to get his nails clipped.” 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

 PREGNANCY Q & A 

 Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
 A: No, 35 children is enough.

 Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
 A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

 Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
 A: Childbirth.

 Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
 A: So what's your question?

 Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
 A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

 Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
 A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

 Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
 A: Yes, pregnancy.

 Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
 A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

 Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
 A: When the kids are in college.

 

[scottiejohn]

[VocalNeal]

21 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Let’s see how many get this !!
( just a like, don’t give the joke away )

 

I always get the two confused.   

[ballpoint]

20 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I asked the other girl in the threesome to take it.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Yes kids come on !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Should have asked the audience !

[Andrew Dwyer]

This guy has exactly the same job as me !!

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Yes kids come on !!

And, let's not forget the pencils that some bright spark handed out:

[vogie]

I went to the sperm clinic today, the nurse asked me if I would like to masturbate in the cup, I said I'm good, but I don't think I'm ready for competitions yet.

[scottiejohn]

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I asked the other girl in the threesome to take it.

I always assumed you were a bloke for some reason!

[scottiejohn]

Just to keep onside with ballpoint now we know "her" true inclinations etc;

 

In fact the story of Adam and Eve has become slightly mis-told over the years. As it happens, Eve was created first and God gave her three breasts. But after a while she complained that she was in some pain because they kept bumping against each other, so he agreed to take the middle one away. 
Time passed and Eve began to get bored so she asked God if he could make her someone to play with. 
"Of course" replied God. "I'll call him man.  Now where did I put that useless tit?" 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

It was the local County Show and a new vet was touting for business. He approached an old farmer who was showing off his prize herd of cows. 
"Hello Mr Oldham, I'm just setting up a new practice in these parts and I was wondering if you'd ever considered artificial insemination for your cows?" 
"No, I haven't," replied the farmer, "and to be honest I don't rightly understand all these modern ways." 
"Well, if you change your mind I can always come out to your farm and give you a demonstration" said the vet. 
Some weeks went past and the farmer remembered the conversation at the County Show and being curious as to how a cow could be serviced without a bull, he gave the vet a ring. 
"OK Mr Oldham," answered the vet, "I'll be out in the morning, just make sure the cow's been washed down, have some clean straw, a bucket of hot water and a stool." 
The next day the vet arrived and asked the farmer if all was ready. 

"Oh yes," said the farmer, "I've even put a nail on the wall for you to hang up your trousers."

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

"I would like to be painted in the nude" said the beautiful young girl to the famous artist. 
"Okay" replied the artist, "but I'll have to keep my socks on so I have somewhere to put my brushes." 

 

The lady ticket inspector was checking tickets on the 4.30 to Croydon when she stopped a man who opened his raincoat and flashed his tackle. 
"Oh no, that's no good" she replied with vigour. "I want to see your full ticket, not just the unused stub!"