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Worst Joke Ever 2024


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Time for some wise words from the Scots ...

 

“In Scotland we have mixed feelings about Global Warming. Because we all get to sit on the mountains and watch the English drown.” – Frankie Boyle

 

“Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common. they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle

 

“Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!” – Frankie Boyle

 

“There will be a lot of people who will wonder what does a true Scotsman wear under his kilt. I can tell you a true Scotsman will never tell you what he wears under his kilt, but he will show you at the drop of a hat” – Fred MacCaulay

 

Man walks into a Glasgow pub and asks for a pint of lager with a dash of lime.

“We don’t do cocktails,” replies the barman.” - Anon

 

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10 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

There will be a lot of people who will wonder what does a true Scotsman wear under his kilt. I can tell you a true Scotsman will never tell you what he wears under his kilt

There is nothing worn under a Scotsman's kilt as everything is in perfect working order.

 

PS;  Being the modest Scot I am I should know and can vouch for that statement being true (along with every other Scot).

Edited by scottiejohn
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Last will and testament ...

 

"I, being of sound mind, make the following gifts.

To my beautiful, sweet wife,  Doris, I leave my house, my Manhattan apartment, and two million dollars in cash and shares. Enjoy darling.

To my handsome and hardworking son Paul, I leave my Lexus and $800,000 in cash. Keep up the good work, Paul.

To my gorgeous and clever daughter Suzanne, I leave my Jaguar and $600,000 in cash. I love you, darling Suzy.

And, finally, to my brother Henry, who always told me in no uncertain terms that 'health' is so much more important than 'wealth', I leave my exercise bike and treadmill."

 

If my dead body is ever found on a jogging trail, or in a gym, please inform the police that I was murdered somewhere else and my body was dumped there.

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