Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Andrew Dwyer]

Monica does laundry !!

 

[Andrew Dwyer]

[Andrew Dwyer]

3 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Look at this guys !!

 

 

It’s a hula hoop !!

 

Sorry ????

[GarryP]

2 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

 

It’s a hula hoop !!

 

Sorry ????

I looked at that for ages and just did not get it. I was trying to work out what the bedspread patterns were. Was there a hidden dirty image, etc. I admit it. I am an idiot. 

[Andrew Dwyer]

Linda Lovelace admitted her past movies has left her with some issues as she embarks on a new career !!

 

[scottiejohn]

3 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Linda Lovelace admitted her past movies has left her with some issues as she embarks on a new career !!

 

She looks a bit down in the mouth still!

But I am sure a throat pastel will help sooth it!

PS; If she wasn't dead I am sure she would have tried to make a comeback and swallow her pride!

[scottiejohn]

Admit it. 

Did you sing along?

[Andrew Dwyer]

9 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

She looks a bit down in the mouth still!

But I am sure a throat pastel will help sooth it!

PS; If she wasn't dead I am sure she would have tried to make a comeback and swallow her pride!

How do you make a comeback ??......... oh okay never mind I was thinking in the gutter again ????

[scottiejohn]

Think before you ask-or answer

A woman is reading the newspaper while her husband is watching television next to her on the couch.

Suddenly, she bursts out laughing.
"Listen to this story," she says. "A man put out a classified ad and he's offering to swap his wife for season tickets to the Red Sox."
"Wow," her husband says, not looking away from the television.
She begins to tease him and asks, "Would you swap me for season tickets?"
"Absolutely not," he answers without giving it a second thought.
"How sweet," she says, hugging him close.

"I mean," he continues, "the season is almost half over now."
 

[scottiejohn]

2 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

How do you make a comeback ??......... oh okay never mind I was thinking in the gutter again ????

OK.  You will gut over it provided you don't choke unless it tickles your fancy!

[scottiejohn]

No Sides taken.  This is any country!

[scottiejohn]

A "Two faced politician"?

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

"Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Half of the senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session.

After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. "I'm sorry," he says. "What I meant to say was half of this Senate is not made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Whose money is it anyway?
A thief sticks a gun into a man's ribs and says,

"Give me your money, now!"
The man, shocked by the sudden attack, replies,

"You can't do this to me. I'm a congressman!"
The thief replies,

"Oh, well in that case, give me my money back!"
 

[scottiejohn]

This is not quite PC but!

 

[scottiejohn]

Keeping a XXX/YYY neutrality

A top official in the XXX Party leaves his office to check out a local YYY rally.

While he's spying from afar, a mugger approaches and holds him up at gunpoint. He returns to his office, upset and despondent over what happened. He explains the entire story to his assistant.
"Weren't there cops around?" the assistant asks.
"Of course," the XXX party member replies.
"Well then, why didn't you yell out for help?" the assistant asks.
"What?" he shoots back,

"and have YYY’s think I was cheering for them?"
 

[scottiejohn]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[billd766]

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

Admit it. 

Did you sing along?

Yes.

[ballpoint]

Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra."
"My daughter Geraldine, you take the apartments over in Malone Road."
"My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre."
"Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, " Mrs O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..
"Property?”, his wife replies. “The <deleted> had a window cleaning round."

[ballpoint]

John decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy felt she had to confess to her man that she suffered from a condition that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.

John said that it was okay because he loved her so much. However, He felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity, too.

John looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as a newborn and I hope you can deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your newborn size winky."
Sandy and John got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. He whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another.
As Sandy put her hands in John's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room. He ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, "You told me your winky was the size of a newborn infant!"
"Yes, it is. 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long."

[ballpoint]

As we're coming up to the last month of the year, it's time for the worst of the worst jokes to start coming out:

 

Two large bits of tarmac were propping up the bar in a rough east end pub, one say " I'm off the M25, I can look after myself", the other replies, " Well, I come from the M62 the Manchester end, hard as nails me" In walks a small thin slither of tarmac, minces up to the bar and orders a port and lemon, The M25 starts to laugh, and take the <deleted>, The M62 is horrified, and whispers in his ear, "I wouldn't do that if I were you" " Why not?"

"He's a cycle path."

[tifino]

can't get any worse! - can it?

 

 

 

A polar bear walks into a bar. The barman says:-

 

“What’ll it be mate?”.

“I’ll have um ah ah ah ah um ah ah—a beer” says the polar bear.

“Why the big pause" says the barman.

”I don’t know” says the polar bear “they’ve always been like that”

 

 

 

[tifino]

...it's all mainly visual...

 

 

 

 

best not ask him for the PunchLine! 

[scottiejohn]

29 minutes ago, tifino said:

...it's all mainly visual...

 

 

 

 

best not ask him for the PunchLine! 

Why not ask him? for the punch line!

It's head and shoulders above most jokes on here!

And I say that without a backward glance!

[scottiejohn]

56 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

The M25 starts to laugh, and take the <deleted>, The M62 is horrified, and whispers in his ear, "I wouldn't do that if I were you" " Why not?"

"He's a cycle path."

Did he feel deflated after that?

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

"Property?”, his wife replies. “The <deleted> had a window cleaning round."

I bet that made for a smashing wake.  I wonder who cleaned up after them or were they wiped/squeezed out of the next round?