Worst Joke Ever 2025

[bluesofa]

Dear Sir

I'd like to congratulate Elon Musk who has named his baby son X AE A-12 in some bizarre code to represent where he was conceived.

My parents did something similar so great minds and all that.

Sincerely J-9 M11

 

[bluesofa]

"This film has swearing, violence, torture, but no nudity or sex in it, " said my wife,

"A bit like our house then, " I replied.

[bluesofa]

Light travels at 186,282 miles per second.

The only thing faster ever recorded is my wife eating a cream cake.

 

[bluesofa]

My wife's been having to shout at every person she talks to for the last two months.

With her radius and the 6 feet social-distancing rule observed, no one can come closer than 10 feet to her face.

[bluesofa]

2 women were talking on the phone.

'How did your date go?' '

Alright until we got to his house. It was then that I noticed he had Bette Davis eyes.'

'Whats wrong with that? A lot of women like men with Black Hair and Blue eyes?' '

No, he had them in a marked up glass jar on a shelf in his toilet.'

 

[bluesofa]

Home-schooling has been tough on the kids. 

Today I had to relegate my son to our neighbour's football club.

 

[bluesofa]

Kraftwerk legend Florian Schneider's hearse pulled over doing 220mph on the Autobahn.

[bluesofa]

Did you hear about the confused suicide bomber who ran out of Semtex, so he went to Ann Summers to get a blow up doll.

[bluesofa]

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.

 

[bluesofa]

I once tried to buy a house on an old Indian reservation.

When I asked if it came with running water, he told me to find my own wife.

[bluesofa]

I called up the doctor and said, "Doctor, my wife is going into labour and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do?"

"Is this her first child?" he asked.

"No, this is her husband."

 

[bluesofa]

Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today.

Sprayed it all over myself. I still cant fly.

 

[bluesofa]

A policeman knocked on my door yesterday.

"Where were you between 4 and 6?" He demanded.

"Primary school!" I replied.

 

[bluesofa]

The police knocked on my door. An officer said, “We’d just like to inform you Sir, that whilst you were at work, a black male was apprehended trying to break into your property.”

“Golly!” I exclaimed.

The officer cautioned, “We understand your anger Sir, but lets just stick to referring to him as a black male.”

[bluesofa]

Anyone else hear about the appalling behaviour on Bournemouth beach yesterday?

Man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids. Then she smacked him one and it all kicked off.

Police turned up and the copper had to use his baton on the bloke, but after a struggle, the bloke got the baton off the copper then he started hitting the copper and the woman with it.

Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages.

[roo860]

[Crazy Alex]

John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face"?

 

[bluesofa]

"What do we want?"
"Hearing aids."
"When do we want them?"
"Hearing aids."

[bluesofa]

I'm feeling really tired today, I’ve been revising for a practical exam on pest control; I was up all night swatting.

[bluesofa]

What have a plumber and a porn star got in common?
Their hourly rates.

[bluesofa]

Britain's fattest man has died.
The cremation will be next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Whenever I feel depressed about being stuck at home due to the virus I think about my friend who's stuck in Iraq.  Things got so bad for the poor guy that he called a suicide helpline.  They asked him if he owned a backpack and could drive a van.

[ballpoint]

A man in Saudi Arabia has been caught stealing hand sanitiser...

Ironically, he won't be needing it now.

[roo860]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]