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When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then what fool said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you a hundred pounds and a substantial tax cut save you ninety pence?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Why is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

AND THE No1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

You read about all these terrorists. Most of them came here legally, but they hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you.

Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Thanks for that thought, I was feeling depressed today, but it cheered me up no end. keep em coming!