15 year old son

[Sheryl]

From what OP has explsined, the farang Dad is disabled and separated from the mother who is off in Bangkok. And a Thai grandmother next door is perhaps aggravating the situation.

A complicated and difficult situation.

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[oldrunner]

Sawing a Piggy bank with a kitchen knife? This really smacks of a drug problem.

[geriatrickid]

20 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

You should try to find out what the stolen money is being used for. Probably just petrol, cigarettes, and bike supplies, but there could be an underlying problem (drugs, bullying, extortion).

Bingo. Sadly, there are three reasons for theft that were not  a concern when we were kids;

- gambling

- drug debt

- extortion (taxing)

[stevenl]

18 hours ago, KittenKong said:

Apparently not.

Since you don't know what he has tried and will try, your remark is at best stupid.

[BritManToo]

17 hours ago, xtrnuno41 said:

Or all is related in puberty or ..... maybe wrong friends or just a girl and a wrong mind.

Many things possible, hard to find out.

I was a schoolteacher part of my life, only met one kid that was a total shit with a nice mother (no dad).

All the other kids, after you met their parents, their kids behaviour was completely understandable.

Usually the parents spoilt them and supported all their bad behaviour.

Neglect was another prime reason.

Edited January 26, 2019 by BritManToo

[KittenKong]

52 minutes ago, stevenl said:

Since you don't know what he has tried and will try, your remark is at best stupid.

I wasnt talking about what the OP has or hasnt done, I was talking about the general situation in many countries including Thailand.

[Straight8]

23 hours ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

I live alone, his mother works and lives in Bangkok. She is aware of the problem but says what do you want me to do about it.

Perhaps it's what should have been done when raising the boy. Seems your wife is happy not to get involved.

 

No offence, but seems to me this kid was not raised with proper discipline from is young years.

 

Asking for more money,  stealing, riding motorbike at great speeds, who knows what, I'd say you have a mighty big problem on your hands.

 

Good luck, hope you can turn this one around.

[Paul Laycock1]

Straight8, I realize the problems at hand. Funny enough I was accused of being too strict with him on occasions. 

That is strict/discipline without the hitting.

[Beachcomber]

On 1/25/2019 at 12:03 PM, Paul Laycock1 said:

Shouting or hitting him is not an option.

Good luck with that..........

[DJ54]

I’m from a stricter generation growing up back when if you messed 

up it’s a trip to the wood shed. 

 

Once me an my twin brother got the wish idea to break pops piggy 

bank. Dad got home and eventually noticed. He wouldn’t ask us together or ask you to rat out the other.

 

I was out in back he asked me about it and told yes I did. Got a bunch of yap about it but that was that. Later he asked my brother 

and he lied and Dad knew it not because anyone told him because

my brother gave clues when it wasn’t being honest. My brother was 

10 minutes older and a rebel. 

 

My Dad was a good man but you didn’t want to get on the bad side when he was angry. Brother got the buckle end on the butt and his long has shaved.

 

I learned two lessons that day tell the truth which sometimes may be difficult but better than the alternative... and don’t take something that’s not yours.

 

ive a son and daughter 41 and 42 never had to spank them or let’s say that I disagree with it. We had some tough times when they were teenagers and made it through it. 

 

I was very load when at got angry with them. And I learned from 

my son later on a calm discussion showing your support goes a

long way. Our relationship is both as a father and a friend. 

 

Kids are doing great both both graduated college. I didn’t recognize the importance of an education when they went to college and didn’t help financially which was wrong now I’ll admit it.

 

My son creatively through grants etc. has a Master degree with honors and working on his doctorate. Of the tow children I thought 

he’d never stay out of trouble, 

 

hes is very humbling and it’s a good thing...OP try talking to your 

son ask what’s the problems. Let him know your there to listen and support even though you’ll have to put your foot down at times

 

[Rc2702]

I hope this problem gets solved and  tried to read all comments. Is granny aggravating situation as implied by other poster?

 

How is the lad overall as it does not sound like you have a good relationship?

 

Understand you are disabled but 200 baht for the phone credit, riding a motorbike and a 40 baht haircut is not much info on the lad, provide more about his character and also a timeline to his wayward behaviour.

 

I'd be all over this like a rash if my son was stealing from anyone and I'd want to know who his mates are and what they get upto.

 

I'd also be looking for a responsible male adult who could step in and deliver the punishment if I was unable to do it. Pay a cop to lock him up and treat him to a bit of real life.

 

You can't show fear and pretend it's not happening.

 

 

[Rc2702]

On 1/26/2019 at 4:02 PM, Paul Laycock1 said:

Straight8, I realize the problems at hand. Funny enough I was accused of being too strict with him on occasions. 

That is strict/discipline without the hitting.

I suspect you were accused of this by grandparents and mother. I hate seeing my Mrs give in to the lad. I always remark what is she going to do in the shop when he screams for a chocolate every time. You gotta take some action.

[neeray]

On ‎1‎/‎25‎/‎2019 at 3:53 AM, Paul Laycock1 said:

KittenKong, as far as I’m aware it’s illegal.

Not only that but you are in no position to defend yourself from what sounds like an aggressive, tormented teen.

Good luck. You have a difficult problem to handle.

 

[cmsally]

There are some basic underlying problems. One being that he is 15 yrs old and on a motorbike ! The other being that he seems to come and go at all hours as he pleases. Both of those in my household would be non negotiable.

 

[Paul Laycock1]

Your all so clever, I know what needs to be done. As I have said I’m disabled and not able to run around or chase him.

As for setting him chores or tasks to do I have tried that, simple things like Hoover the rug, water my plants he does these at lightning speed and not properly then wanting some money. He has been away for a few day’s/nights at summer camp but is now back and should be at school today. I have not seen him or spoken to him.

His motor cycle is not working for whatever reason and I won’t pay for the repairs. I’m not being rude but the only sensible comments I’ve had are talk to his school, military training or police.

I have cooked for him given a head over his roof, money and still get treated like shit.

[puukao]

On 1/25/2019 at 3:38 PM, Paul Laycock1 said:

I live alone, his mother works and lives in Bangkok. She is aware of the problem but says what do you want me to do about it.

ok, we found one big problem.  try to help him deal with a broken home, and see who he blames, etc....talk to a professional, not us.   when you basically lose one parent, i can imagine you will do bad stuff, like theft, etc.....tell him you have to limit spending because someone is stealing your money, and start to cut down on things he likes. the other problem, growing up in Thailand and being a farang or growing up in thailand and having a farang dad.  these are real problems that we can't just laugh at.  you gotta talk with your son, he's old enough.  see what's really bothering him.  make time for him.   or ship him off to BKK.  of course i don't care, not my family or kid.  but the problems run deep 

[Paul Laycock1]

We my wife and I have tried the Bangkok option, he won’t go.

To try and man handle a 15 year only to Bangkok would cause more problems and quite a scene.

He likes motor bikes and girls so normal, sort of things I was into at his age and I was no angel. I would get a thrashing from my father if I did wrong, the belt or cane. I promised myself I would not be the same.

 

[Rc2702]

On 1/28/2019 at 8:22 AM, Paul Laycock1 said:

Your all so clever, I know what needs to be done. As I have said I’m disabled and not able to run around or chase him.

As for setting him chores or tasks to do I have tried that, simple things like Hoover the rug, water my plants he does these at lightning speed and not properly then wanting some money. He has been away for a few day’s/nights at summer camp but is now back and should be at school today. I have not seen him or spoken to him.

His motor cycle is not working for whatever reason and I won’t pay for the repairs. I’m not being rude but the only sensible comments I’ve had are talk to his school, military training or police.

I have cooked for him given a head over his roof, money and still get treated like shit.

If he does not do them properly don't pay him and those chores sound like small jobs. He's 15 he should be doing a 4 hour graft every Sunday that's what I did. I got paid a £1 an hour. Fair enough you are disabled we all read that but don't use that as an excuse it is the way it is and you have to deal with these problems now or thry will escalate fast. 

[colinneil]

On 1/28/2019 at 8:22 AM, Paul Laycock1 said:

Your all so clever, I know what needs to be done. As I have said I’m disabled and not able to run around or chase him.

As for setting him chores or tasks to do I have tried that, simple things like Hoover the rug, water my plants he does these at lightning speed and not properly then wanting some money. He has been away for a few day’s/nights at summer camp but is now back and should be at school today. I have not seen him or spoken to him.

His motor cycle is not working for whatever reason and I won’t pay for the repairs. I’m not being rude but the only sensible comments I’ve had are talk to his school, military training or police.

I have cooked for him given a head over his roof, money and still get treated like shit.

Why use disability as an excuse?

There is no need to run around or chase him, i feel you are using your disability to avoid attempting to sort the problem.

Edited January 30, 2019 by colinneil

[Paul Laycock1]

Carry on being the poty Colin, I do not use it as an excuse, originally it was a topic  and one of interest to me. I was not looking for advice, just comments on how other people delt with this situation/problem.

Silly of me to ask on Thai Visa.