A Personal Experience With A Thai Man...

[daizeez]

well, to reply to crocs from the previous thread...

"How old are you and how old is beach guy ? Personally I think if your ages are not similar then you have to double the caution factor - especially if you are the elder one.

What are YOUR expecations in 5-10 years time, would you be happy living on a Thai island, would you expect to have some kind of career in Thailand, would you want to have the option of having him return to Canada with you. These expectaions are just as important an indicator as the guys true feelings.

Have you started learning Thai, for example, if not and you have 8 months I would suggest you should aim to become semi-conversational before then."

i am canadian, 26 years old. this guy is 29. as for my expectations...before i met him, i already knew i wanted to come back to thailand for awhile. eventually working would become a necessity. i have 6 years experience here at home in finance. teaching is always an option(which i'm sure i would enjoy much more than banking), so i have started to do volunteer esl tutoring work. i will get my tefl certificate either before i leave, or in thailand once i get there. i haven't decided yet. regardless, i know getting a legit teaching job might pose a problem considering i do not have a degree.

i may also have the ability to invest in a small business of some sort, though i'm not letting this guy know that.

i have been learning thai for 6 weeks...reading, writing, and speaking. i have met 2 people here in canada from thailand who are helping me with thai in exchange for help with english!

so far, this guy and i have kept in great contact...we talk on the phone every 3 days, and email almost every day. he has even recruited a couple of messengers(who live in my home town) staying at his bungalow to bring gifts back for me! i'm meeting one of them this weekend he seems so sincere, and every time i talk to him, i can hear his farang friends who are staying at the bungalow, as well as the other staff...commenting on how cute we are and saying hello.

i am keeping my eyes and ears open...but mostly, i'm thankful for the opportunity this has given me to expand my horizons...i've definitely started a new chapter in my life.

anyone who has read this terribly long post has my regards

[Boo]

Hi Daizeez,

Well, from you personal cv you sound like your not a stupid 18y/o on her first holiday abroad, swept away by a beach romance & as has been mentioned in other posts, not all thai people are after farang money & users (as tends to be generalised in other posts ) & it sounds like your planning is spot on, training as a teacher, learning thai etc are all the things that will help you build a good life in thailand, independently of this guy (should it not work out)

The only real advice I could give you is not to take other peoples advise as gospel as everyone is different & have had their own experiences but heres my twopennies worth.....

Don't automatically assume that this guy will hit you up for money as this will cast a shadow over you relationship before it's even had a chance to start but keep your wits about you & when you are there with him & even now, while your at home & he's in thailand, question anything that sounds "off" to you & trust your instincts (female intuition, it's what we girls are famous for!)

Also take it slow, if this guy is the one for you, you'll have your whole life to get to know each other, make your own friends in thailand, don't just attach yourself to him & his friends 24hrs a day, get a job to have some independance & take the bad times (& trust me there will be quite a lot in the beginning when your together all the time) in your stride & persevere & then the good times (they'll come later, after the cultural misunderstadings & general relationships rules have beens sorted ) will be so much sweeter.

Getting advice on this subject is always tricky & there will always be some doom moungers out there who'll tell you he's no good, a beach boy can never change etc but if you can be honest with yourself & him & don't fall into the "it's a thai thing" trap (excusing bad behaviour on nationality, super prevailant in thailand I'm afraid) then theres no reason that your relationship wont work out.

You also need to realise that there is a lot of gossip & stirring that affects island life (my husband & I lived on samui before moving to his village for a few months & then moving to the UK, so I know!) which can cause problems in a fledgling relationship, there not a lot to do on an island & gossip about a new relationship, is unfortunatly, a soure of amusment for some people So bear in mind, that some "good hearted" advice from "friends" is not always in your best interests.

Good luck with everything & keep us posted

Boo

[Crocs]

daizeez - that's great to hear - at first I had some doubts but now it sounds like your siutation in more plausible - that's not to say "it will work" but rather that there's good reasons why it should work. you're learning thai, you're in regular communication, you accept that you'll probably need to change (or at least seriously postpone) your career, and you're young enough that you can bounce back if all turns out to be exotic adventure, though let's hope it's more than that!

[daizeez]

You also need to realise that there is a lot of gossip & stirring that affects island life (my husband & I lived on samui before moving to his village for a few months & then moving to the UK, so I know!) which can cause problems in a fledgling relationship, there not a lot to do on an island & gossip about a new relationship, is unfortunatly, a soure of amusment for some people So bear in mind, that some "good hearted" advice from "friends" is not always in your best interests.

...that's no good. definitely not the kind of thing or people i'm interested in.

i appreciate the positivity of your post, though. i'm definitely on a new adventure, that's for sure. no matter what happens, it's opening plenty of new doors!

[daizeez]

you're young enough that you can bounce back if all turns out to be exotic adventure, though let's hope it's more than that!

i think you're exactly right!

[Bluecat]

Don't automatically assume that this guy will hit you up for money

True, Boo.

But do not automatically assume he will not either,...

[sbk]

You also need to realise that there is a lot of gossip & stirring that affects island life (my husband & I lived on samui before moving to his village for a few months & then moving to the UK, so I know!) which can cause problems in a fledgling relationship,  there not a lot to do on an island & gossip about a new relationship, is unfortunatly, a soure of amusment for some people   So bear in mind, that some "good hearted" advice from "friends" is not always in your best interests.

...that's no good. definitely not the kind of thing or people i'm interested in.

i appreciate the positivity of your post, though. i'm definitely on a new adventure, that's for sure. no matter what happens, it's opening plenty of new doors!

Daizeez, sorry to break it to you but that is small town life. Even if they aren't the kind of people you are interested in they are still the kind of people you will have to live with. I learned to just laugh it off, even though there are a few people I cannot stand I am never rude to them. Not super-friendly either, but in a small place rude behavior reflects badly on you, not the bozo you dislike.

Best advice I can give you?

Grin and bear it.

[daizeez]

i know what you mean about small towns...i grew up in one. i'm definitely glad i moved away, though. i love the anonymity that the big city provides.

i can't say i'm the kind of person to involve myself deeply in group dynamics, so i'm not particularily concerned. besides, i'm sure that not everyone is so shallow.

if i was the type to worry about what others think, i would definitely not be planning on moving to thailand!! can't say my friends are overly thrilled.

[naomisri]

I'm new to the forum and am glad that you have found it so soon in your relationship, it could have helped me if I'd found it sooner . I got married to a Thai man in February, we have lived together for nearly 2 years in Samui and known each other for nearly 4 years. I'm currently back in England on business till August but this is the last and only time I am going to be here and should be relocating permanently this summer.

It's not easy being there all of the time. My life has had to be simplified and unlike many of the farang out there I am living in basic accomodation (no hot water, no air), but have a roof over my head, a dog, step-son and over all am immensely happy.

I did spend the first year of my relationship with a lot of the doubts that you had. If my husband hadn't been amazingly special and unique I am not sure our relationship would be what it is today. The big question is when do you truly know and trust someone? For me it was very difficult, knowing that there will always be a part of someone that you don't know, however good your Thai or his English is, but I came to the conclusion that this was right and proper in itself.

It is still difficult knowing what his family's attitude to us is. I know what his attitude to his familly is, he is very independent and they don't make his decisions.

There are increasing numbers of farang women in relationships with Thai men on the island, but I have really struggled to make close and lasting friendships with people who are like me. It has been tough, but sometimes these things come with time. My husband is quite a lot older than me and that has set the tongues wagging. I think that the gossip that you will encounter from Thai people (after all you're not going to understand most of it ) will be a lot easier to deal with than the farangs who high on island fever (let's face it there is not that much to do on Samui) can occasionally burn . I tend to stay out of much of it.

I did my tefl certificate on samui which is still possible and there is work out there, but be constantly aware of the fact that without that work permit you're doing something that you could be deported for.

Is he from Samui originally or has he come there from somewhere else to work?

I think the only way you're going to find out if it will work is spending that time together when you get over there, and if it's workable and right for you then you'll soon find out!

I do wish you lots of luck, if you ever need some like minded company or more info let me know!