Women Of Samui

[Rooo]

Can we get back on topic please, that being the original question by the OP & relevant to Samui.

If you wish to carry on this off topic discussion, I suggest you start a topic in general.

[Rooo]

Obviously , some members relish the idea of latching unto a discussion regardless if it is on topic or not.The tone & innuendos , are not tolerated. For some posters in particular, refer to forum rules.

4) Not to flame fellow members.

Flaming will not be tolerated. 'Flaming' is defined as posting or responding to a message in a way clearly intended to incite useless arguments, to launch personal attacks, to insult, or to be hateful towards other members. This includes useless criticism, name-calling, swearing and any other comments meant to incite anger.

5) Not to post inflammatory messages on the forum, or attempt to disrupt discussions to upset its participants, or trolling.

Trolling can be defined as the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet by posting controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.

I have deleted a couple of posts.Due to some persistent offenders I have previously closed this thread.But to benefit all the other members, it has been re-opened.

[thairaid]

Mark: No, before my wife, I lived with a 23-yr-old for six months (again, no money), before I left her for my present wife, so it's not a fluke. Are you saying that a woman can only love a man who is within ten years of her own age? I know over ten couples here on Samui with an age difference of 20+ years and they are doing fine. My best friend is 33 yrs older than his wife and they have been together for three years (she gets only a salary for working in his restaurant). The next time you walk around Tesco just look at the Thai/farang couples (not the ones with rentals). My mate in the Caymans was 18 when I met her and we were together for three years. Any other couples out there with a 20+ age difference??? A smart Thai once told me,"If you want to know if a woman likes you, don't give her any money. If she leaves then you know what she liked. Now, if you want to know if a woman loves you, she will offer you her money." My wife got her 12k bonus last Christmas and when I asked her what she was going to buy, said, "a present for you."

To clarify, my wife makes 12k/mos, so that is basically her money to spend on herself and family (no rent or food costs). She cooks, cleans, and takes care of the house in lieu of paying me rent. I have 1 rai of gardens so on her day off she sometimes toils in the heat tending to it. If she does I pay her the same wage as any other gardener (800b for 8 hrs, which she sometimes refuses). Every Christmas I give out cash or presents to anyone who has provided a good service to me over the past year. I typically give her 1B of gold (12-15K), so it's not like I keep her in rags and begging for scraps. It's just that I've met my share of devils over the years , so it is imperative that I know my mate's motives. If she were after money, she would have been long gone by now. Before her I believed most women were looking only for money, but I have happily proved myself wrong. My house and land were purchased before we married, so she has no claim on that, either, for those who might think she is after the property.

So, no, I didn't win the lottery. I did my due diligence and still help others to find the same. If they were easy to get, we would all have one. That's why you see so many with losers and other parasites - they are everywhere and easy to grab.

Anymore criticism or does someone have a tip for those who are looking for the right partner?

If you are legally married she would in fact have a claim, the divorce laws are very similar in Thailand to the West.

wrong!...but time is still time share here too!

[PatinBKk]

In Thailand, the US, and most of the western world, a wife is entitled to 50% of all assets obtained during, not before, the marriage (non-marital property). Ask any lawyer or go to http://www.divorcesupport.about.com As a further measure, it is in a Thai company name that she knows nothing about. Plus, we had a Thai marriage (monks, no paperwork). If I ever do a proper marriage there will be a prenup. So, even if I married her, she would have no claim to the property. Tip #11 Never marry unless you plan on having children and then only do it with a prenup.

Does anybody have an original idea???

I always thought a good marriage was based on honesty....suppose a few little secrets do no harm to the one you really love, trust and adore with all your heart

[livinthailandos]

this in some aspect is just my view since I've been living and working on samui for the last 3 years plus. As samui experienced a boom in tourism and hotel rising many workers from all over the country came to samui. To be honest there really aren't many actual local samui people left most of the people here are from northern thailand or other southern thailand regions. and the difference between north and south varies from thai dialect, food, and a few other things. So as far for the women of samui just remember its more like thai women in general.

[OnTheSnap]

Does anyone have a (Thai) partner who brings financial parity (either personally or by way of his/her family- I'm referring to the upper end of the scale) to the table rather than the ability to trade labor "in lieu" of rent?

Parallaxtech- it's super that you're a retired gyno and that you've devoted your life to the "science" of finding women (I've always thought of it as an "art" myself...)- now you've got a woman who busts her butt working 50+ hours per week for 12K per month (a mere 60 baht an hour- she'd do better toiling in your garden at 100 baht an hour) plus she has the expectation of doing all your cooking/cleaning/laundry (another 15-20 hours at least)- it sounds more like you've hired yourself a workhorse who shares your bed rather than found yourself a wife (this may not be the case in reality, but all I have to go on is your posts)- you don't exactly sound like a "catch".

My wife shares my fairly affluent lifestyle (she doesn't need my money to do it, though I would make sure that was the case even if she did- also, she's my wife in every sense, not just "unofficially" under Thai law where I could leave the country and her behind if it doesn't work out- I owe it to her and to our child)- I believe it's your job to pull your partner up (if possible and if necessary) rather than have them live in a social class below yours in a sort of "indentured servitude".

[parallaxtech]

Snapperhead (sorry, had a friend with that nickname). I'm surprised that the mods allowed this further flaming of my lifestyle, but I actually enjoy explaining it, hence this response. [

Parallaxtech- it's super that you're a retired gyno and that you've devoted your life to the "science" of finding women (I've always thought of it as an "art" myself...)- now you've got a woman who busts her butt working 50+ hours per week for 12K per month (a mere 60 baht an hour- she'd do better toiling in your garden at 100 baht an hour) plus she has the expectation of doing all your cooking/cleaning/laundry (another 15-20 hours at least)- it sounds more like you've hired yourself a workhorse who shares your bed rather than found yourself a wife (this may not be the case in reality, but all I have to go on is your posts)- you don't exactly sound like a "catch".

My wife, like most "good" women in Samui, worked 50+ hrs/wk when I met her. Are you suggesting she now retire and demand the money from me? I can get a bg anywhere for much less money and she wasn't looking for a sugar daddy. She is now starting her own small restaurant where she will most likely work 60+ hrs/wk. Some people actually like the work they are doing. If I told her to stop, she would refuse. Once again, this is not a bg or typical leach you find on Samui. She likes to do gardening only once a week, so not interested in doing more. No, I found exactly what I was looking for. News flash!: Some women really like their jobs and enjoy taking care of the household. I asked her to hire an assistant to help out and she nearly took my head off! So, no, she is not your typical Samui girl, but I never wanted the typical girl.

My wife shares my fairly affluent lifestyle (she doesn't need my money to do it, though I would make sure that was the case even if she did- also, she's my wife in every sense, not just "unofficially" under Thai law where I could leave the country and her behind if it doesn't work out- I owe it to her and to our child)- I believe it's your job to pull your partner up (if possible and if necessary) rather than have them live in a social class below yours in a sort of "indentured servitude".

You mentioned a son, which changes everything. I will never have children, so my views are skewed towards a non-family arrangement. I choose an "open door policy," which means that there are no strings keeping us together. That ensures that we are together because we want to be, not because of children or the difficulty in getting a lawyer to dissolve the partnership. She has her money and I have mine, "and never the twain shall meet." If I had a paid lover, what would happen when the next guy offered more? I offer no money, so why is she still with me??? Must be a good catch.

Many of her friends would love to live in this "indentured servitude." They work their behinds off only to go live in a shack with a drunken boyfriend who beats them. Mine returns to her lovely home on the hill overlooking the ocean and spends her time with someone who actually cares about her. It's a partner's job to support the other with help and advice, not pay her for sexual or menial services. This once again doesn't pertain to a housewife who is taking care of children.

You should be more tolerant of other's lifestyles. I can only imagine what you would say to a same-sex partnership. We are all unique in our dna, so don't assume that everyone should meet your strict guidelines. My lifestyle works fine for me and my wife, and yours works for you. Should I give mine up because it doesn't meet your moral standards?

Does any of this pertain to the op? Mods, help!

Edited July 26, 2009 by parallaxtech

[PatinBKk]

Lots of comments on bar girls on this thread and I even had a post deleted(I agree it should have been)....to the OP...if you go about your daily life then maybe you will meet someone that you have common interests with and get on well together....pretty much the same in Samui as anywhere else.....I have a wonderful wife of 5 years with three kids together.....I wasnt looking for a relationship, it just happened over a period of time whilst I was working in Samui....we bought land and her brothers built us a house saving us literally millions of Baht...if we ever part, so what I have lost a bit of money but hey have saved a load while we have been together and always my kids will benefit....her family never ask for anything and give us as much rice as we need....where did she work...in a bar!!!......so good and bad in everyone, just the same as Europe or anywhere else in the world......enjoy life and as sure as a bear s***s in the woods you will meet someone that you love and loves you...whether that be now in Samui or 5 years time wherever you are...it will happen, just dont try too hard looking

[OnTheSnap]

Snapperhead (sorry, had a friend with that nickname). I'm surprised that the mods allowed this further flaming of my lifestyle, but I actually enjoy explaining it, hence this response. [ No problem- I have a friend who's a gyno in Ohio- I like to call him "Dr. Douchebag". You're the one who's seen fit to throw your lifestyle out here- I'm not inferring anything but just taking your posts at face value- hence this response.

My wife, like most "good" women in Samui, worked 50+ hrs/wk when I met her. Are you suggesting she now retire and demand the money from me? I can get a bg anywhere for much less money and she wasn't looking for a sugar daddy. She is now starting her own small restaurant where she will most likely work 60+ hrs/wk. Some people actually like the work they are doing. If I told her to stop, she would refuse. Once again, this is not a bg or typical leach you find on Samui. She likes to do gardening only once a week, so not interested in doing more. No, I found exactly what I was looking for. News flash!: Some women really like their jobs and enjoy taking care of the household. I asked her to hire an assistant to help out and she nearly took my head off! So, no, she is not your typical Samui girl, but I never wanted the typical girl. I know Samui pretty well (maybe even better than you, if such a thing is possible)- I'm saying that (from your posts) you look at your wife as someone who needs to "earn her keep" (again, that might not be the case, but it's how it reads)- my wife runs a business of her own and makes real money (she'd do just fine in any country in Europe or North America on what she earns)- I do not, however, demand it of her. We employ household help as we are both too busy to properly maintain the household ourselves without further sacrificing our precious free time, and we can afford it (I've always felt you can always make more money, but you can't make more time). I never said or implied your wife was a "BG"- you have a pretty large chip on your shoulder in that regard.

You mentioned a son, which changes everything. I will never have children, so my views are skewed towards a non-family arrangement. I choose an "open door policy," which means that there are no strings keeping us together. That ensures that we are together because we want to be, not because of children or the difficulty in getting a lawyer to dissolve the partnership. She has her money and I have mine, "and never the twain shall meet." If I had a paid lover, what would happen when the next guy offered more? I offer no money, so why is she still with me??? Must be a good catch. Again- "paid lover"- she's not a "BG"- I get it (and, again, while I'm not commenting on your particular situation- there are way too many situations where women are with men in pretty retched circumstances that beg the question, "Why is she still with him???). What would happen if you died tomorrow- wouldn't you want her to have access to your assets? You call her your "wife"- that's a word that means a lot to me- it's an intimate partnership in all aspects of my life, including financial.

Many of her friends would love to live in this "indentured servitude." They work their behinds off only to go live in a shack with a drunken boyfriend who beats them. Mine returns to her lovely home on the hill overlooking the ocean and spends her time with someone who actually cares about her. It's a partner's job to support the other with help and advice, not pay her for sexual or menial services. This once again doesn't pertain to a housewife who is taking care of children. Again, that's a pretty poor comparison to have to make.

You should be more tolerant of other's lifestyles. I can only imagine what you would say to a same-sex partnership. We are all unique in our dna, so don't assume that everyone should meet your strict guidelines. My lifestyle works fine for me and my wife, and yours works for you. Should I give mine up because it doesn't meet your moral standards? I'm extremely tolerant of other people's lifestyles- if two people are happy in a same-sex relationship, more power to them- my neighbors are a gay couple- they are kind enough to baby-sit for my son on occasion, and they go out to dinner with my wife and me a couple times per month. I don't have "strict guidelines"- I am simply putting a few questions to a fellow board-member who seems to hold very little value in the opinions of others.

Does any of this pertain to the op? Mods, help! Now your just being a sissy- you were bold enough to act like an authority, and now you can't take the responses that it illicited. I know a lot of doctors (good people, mostly)- they do, however, tend to be very arrogant when it comes to what they feel is their area of expertise- there are a few "layman" who know a thing or two, though.

[OnTheSnap]

I should have proof-read that response (which I can no longer edit)- "your" instead of "you're"- "illicited" (sic) instead of "elicited"...

I let my wife read it and she says I'm being a jerk- perhaps she's correct (she usually is when it comes to that particular point...)- I stand by every word, of course- what does she know, anyway?

I actually do feel (at times) like I hit the lottery when it comes to having found a great woman (I also feel, at times, like packing a bag and running away- probably won't, though- I'd miss the kid and the dog too much)- I've just got this "we're in this together" feeling when it comes to my marriage- everything- EVERYTHING- I've got is hers, and what she has is mine (or better to say it's all ours)- I'm not some foolish young idiot (I'm only a few years behind parallaxtech, so perhaps I'm a foolish older idiot... I don't think so, though).

The socioeconomic aspect of my (potential at the time) marriage was always very important to me- I wanted a girl that didn't need my money in the sense that she (or her family) had a lot of it, and then I would know that money wasn't an issue in the sense that she needed it from me- so many of the posts on this thread deal with poor girls marrying (or at least chasing) comparatively wealthy foreigners- if I felt for a second that that might be the case, I would have run.

Anyway, I'm going to step down off my "high horse" for a while, I believe.

[ClaudeFeller]

To come back to the topic:

There are a lot of great women in Samui others than bargirls, believe me!

Just look out for the ones who do not speak english...

[NHJ]

i totally agree with claude, if you can speak thai even barely but enough to hold a basic conversation and explain a joke or two, the contact will be easy.

[PatinBKk]

To come back to the topic:

There are a lot of great women in Samui others than bargirls, believe me!

Just look out for the ones who do not speak english...

Mr Claude, just because a girl speaks English, dosnt make her bad, its better than her speaking German or French

[parallaxtech]

Dr. Snapper: The op is looking for ways to find a proper woman outside of the sex trade. It's amusing that you like to compare your relationship to mine, but I would rather suffer with HIV than be in your situation, and you might feel the same about mine. So, try to appreciate that we all have different likes and needs. You will note that I never attacked your lifestyle, just said it was definitely not for me.

My wife chooses to work as you seem to ignore in all your comparisons. I asked to hire staff, which she refused. I expect the same of her as anyone I'm associated with -- pull your own weight and don't be financially dependent on anyone.

Please don't continue to misquote me. I love a debate, but hate misquotes. Where did I say I was an authority on relationships? The op asked for tips on finding a "proper" woman and I offered ideas that helped me find my wife. This makes me an authority on social situations about like you are an authority on doctors, which you obviously have a big chip on your shoulder about along with much disdain.

Try and read what others have said, like poster 76 -- very similar situation to mine. After my ten tips, note how the op wished I had provided these earlier. Talk to older farangs with younger spouses and ask about their relationships. Nobody has a perfect relationship just one that seems to work for them if they are lucky. Admittedly, more effort, so might be easier just to criticize others -- might want to flame them for having a similar opinion or for thanking me.

This thread was stopped yesterday, because of violators of the rules, so you will shortly see a message from the mods. You can check yesterday's posts to see their warnings. So, no, I love a good chat, but we all have to abide by the rules, which you feel free to ignore. As stated previously, "Any idiot can criticize, but only a reasoning man can offer a viable solution." Do you have anything to offer the op or would you like to debate on whether the Thai baht should be devalued??? And no, I'm not an authority on that, either, so don't say I claimed to be a financial analyst!

Edited July 26, 2009 by parallaxtech

[sbk]

Indeed, I think we have gone far enough with the personal attacks. From all sides.

Fact is, if you bring your personal relationship into this forum you will find some people who are more than willing to dissect every single aspect that you bring up. There are also members who delight in twisting people's words in order to suit their own ideas, and this, too you will just have to either learn to put up with or ignore.

However, this does not give carte blanche to people to flame, insult or abuse people. And I strongly suggest that these kinds of comments cease now.

[parallaxtech]

Thanks for coming to the rescue! You are the best and I appreciate it.

Indeed, I think we have gone far enough with the personal attacks. From all sides.

Fact is, if you bring your personal relationship into this forum you will find some people who are more than willing to dissect every single aspect that you bring up. There are also members who delight in twisting people's words in order to suit their own ideas, and this, too you will just have to either learn to put up with or ignore.

However, this does not give carte blanche to people to flame, insult or abuse people. And I strongly suggest that these kinds of comments cease now.

[OnTheSnap]

Dr. Snapper: The op is looking for ways to find a proper woman outside of the sex trade. It's amusing that you like to compare your relationship to mine, but I would rather suffer with HIV than be in your situation, and you might feel the same about mine. So, try to appreciate that we all have different likes and needs. You will note that I never attacked your lifestyle, just said it was definitely not for me. Dr. 'D'- LOL- you're responses are getting more desperate (rather have HIV- a very idiotic thing to say- than be with a woman who pulls her weight financially in proportion {more or less} equal to yours, who doesn't need you to live in a house overlooking the ocean? I think that says something about your ego.) I find it puzzling you call a woman your "wife" when you have it set up that you can walk away from your relationship at a moment's notice with no legal or moral ties- Dr. 'D', she's your GIRLFRIEND, not your wife- there's a BIG difference.

My wife chooses to work as you seem to ignore in all your comparisons. I asked to hire staff, which she refused. I expect the same of her as anyone I'm associated with -- pull your own weight and don't be financially dependent on anyone. I believe that she chooses to work, but I think (from your posts) that she doesn't really have a choice- she has to do it or your relationship will end.

Please don't continue to misquote me. I love a debate, but hate misquotes. Where did I say I was an authority on relationships? The op asked for tips on finding a "proper" woman and I offered ideas that helped me find my wife. This makes me an authority on social situations about like you are an authority on doctors, which you obviously have a big chip on your shoulder about along with much disdain. You implied you were an "authority" with your years as a "woman-finding scientist" and the hundreds of men you have spoken with about their relationships and the thousand woman on Samui you have interviewed. I like my friends who are doctors- they generally make for intelligent conversation- as a group they tend to fall into certain stereotypes, though (they tend to think they know everything and don't like their opinions questioned- they like to be unquestioned in their authority and don't love a debate, and neither, it seems, do you).

Try and read what others have said, like poster 76 -- very similar situation to mine. After my ten tips, note how the op wished I had provided these earlier. Talk to older farangs with younger spouses and ask about their relationships. Nobody has a perfect relationship just one that seems to work for them if they are lucky. Admittedly, more effort, so might be easier just to criticize others -- might want to flame them for having a similar opinion or for thanking me. I did read what your said (beyond post 76) and I am commenting on it- if you can't take it, don't post personal info on an open forum.

This thread was stopped yesterday, because of violators of the rules, so you will shortly see a message from the mods. You can check yesterday's posts to see their warnings. So, no, I love a good chat, but we all have to abide by the rules, which you feel free to ignore. As stated previously, "Any idiot can criticize, but only a reasoning man can offer a viable solution." Do you have anything to offer the op or would you like to debate on whether the Thai baht should be devalued??? And no, I'm not an authority on that, either, so don't say I claimed to be a financial analyst! You don't like to "debate"- you like to be told you're right and then call people names and cry to the "authorities" when they disagree with you- you have a very childish way about you.

Note to mods- I'm done with this topic and don't won't rock the TV boat or rattle this guy's cage any further (SBK's comments also pertained to you, Dr. 'D' )- I made this last post as I was referred to as a mosquito, an idiot (by implication), and my relationship (which most on here would wish they could have) was denigrated to the point where it was said having HIV would be preferable- you can't throw that kind of thing out there and THEN cry to a moderator to save you.

Edited July 27, 2009 by OnTheSnap

[Rooo]

I have warned earler about this line of posting.I have re-opened the thread in good faith. I hope this is the end of it.

[OnTheSnap]

Darn it! I wasn't referred to as a 'mosquito'- I misread 'misquote'- sorry about that.

Edited July 27, 2009 by OnTheSnap

[koheesti]

To come back to the topic:

There are a lot of great women in Samui others than bargirls, believe me!

Just look out for the ones who do not speak english...

As for girls that don't speak any English (or any other western language)...have you ever witnessed some of the female construction workers after they finish work and take off some layers of of protective clothing (from the sun)? I was having lunch with a friend when a bunch started packing themselves into the back of a pick-up truck and some of them were stunners. Might have to speak Burmese though to meet them.

[parallaxtech]

Thanks for the rantings that were amusing but once again bored the readers and did nothing for the op. I listed my ten ideas to help the op and answered questions about my lifestyle that were posed to me, never attacking anyone's lifestyle or them personally. So, for the tenth and last time, has anyone come up with an original way of finding a good mate here?

Someone mentioned earler that just by staying positive the Laws of Attraction would take over and a loving woman would one day appear. Even though I firmly believe in positive thinking most "proper" Thai girls will never approach a stranger. True or false?

Also, someone said he had a wonderful wife who had worked in a bar. Fantastic, but the op wants to find someone outside of the flesh trade.

One question I am often asked is "Would it be better to go to a remote area of Thailand, grab one, and return to Samui?"

[maccaroni man]

at the end of the day "it is not what you have but how you hold it"

[Birdman]

To come back to the topic:

There are a lot of great women in Samui others than bargirls, believe me!

Just look out for the ones who do not speak english...

As for girls that don't speak any English (or any other western language)...have you ever witnessed some of the female construction workers after they finish work and take off some layers of of protective clothing (from the sun)? I was having lunch with a friend when a bunch started packing themselves into the back of a pick-up truck and some of them were stunners. Might have to speak Burmese though to meet them.

Tip to the hat to this women. Working and living hard every day under extreme conditions only a stone's throw away from the easy going bar scene, where thy could joint at any moment...at a place where thousands of other women enjoy a rather easy life with foreigners, these young and beautiful hard working women show dignity...

[OnTheSnap]

1. Find a woman from your own socioeconomic level (more or less) so she's making a lateral move rather than one that propels her into a social class far above the one she's currently accustomed to (unless you're willing to make the effort to have her feel comfortable in that class)- this will also let you know she doesn't need your money and is with you for reasons other than financial- Thais are INCREDIBLY class-conscious, and, while it may sound elitist, she'll be more comfortable in the end, rather than end up a glorified (and disposable) maid (unless that's what you want).

You will want a mate that can easily fit into your circle of friends and social life- this means no bgs, salaried workers (unless they are making decent money, which is probably not the case in Samui) or "young virgins" from poor families in remote areas- a marriage is a partnership that should be based on equality, not based on the simple facts that a woman is many years younger than you and pretty (those are bonuses, not reasons).

2. Join organizations (if possible) where these women might congregate (The Rotary Club, i.e.- I met my wife at a Rotary function on Samui, though she was not a member of the club) or attend higher-end functions at nice hotels/restaurants that are "invitation-only" (you can still generally get in without an invite if you "dress the part".

3. Project an air of success yourself (it's not necessary to be arrogant and exhibit a sense of entitlement, but rather a kind of confidence that women will respond to)- don't walk around like an unshaven, ill-mannered, unkempt slob and then show surprise when a worth woman doesn't give you the time of day- most middle/upper-class Thais are easy to spot by their manner and style.

Most of the advice on this thread pertains to "getting laid" (there's nothing wrong with that, but if that's the case, the woman really doesn't matter that much, does she?) rather than finding an actual partner for the rest of your life.

Edited July 27, 2009 by OnTheSnap

[Mark Wolfe]

'I believe it's your (responsibility) to pull your partner up (if possible and if necessary) rather than have them live in a social class below yours...'

I think similarly in the cases where, like here in Thailand often, the local girl makes in a month of hard work what I can make in an eight-hour day at the computer.

I think we are sidetracked (interestingly) on compensating one's mate. Perhaps it's just the way Parallaxtech explains it, but I am not sure I'd want his sort of relationship. I also think that repeating, "Many of her friends would love to live [in Parallaxtech's wife's situation, since]...they work their behinds off only to go live in a shack with a drunken boyfriend who beats them," is disingenuous. I hardly think this is the norm in Samui.

And to Parallaxtech: You say, "I'm surprised that the mods allowed this further flaming of my lifestyle, but I actually enjoy explaining it..." and then ask the mods for help. No one has been hostile or insulting to you. And you enjoy explaining your lifestyle. Everyone's cool, and who knows how many lurkers are looking for your self-help book on Amazon as we speak?

So that's that.

More generally, looking for a suitable mate on Samui (or elsewhere) seems intertwined with some financial angle and in a way that makes it seem that this situation is endemic only to Thailand. In the US, for example, it is and has been common for parents to vet potential suitors to their daughters, and one important factor (THE most important, one could argue) is: Can he take care of you/support you? How many movies have as the backdrop of the plot the poor boy who falls in love with the rich girl (or vice versa) and the parents forbid the relationship? The forbidden love story (happy ending, pass the tissues...).

I think there's wrong-footed thinking generally (even by me sometimes) about women who come to work on Samui. I don't think very many of them would be here doing what they are doing (whatever it is) unless personal circumstances demanded it. Granted, sometimes the reasons are based on the girl shooting herself in the foot (I know two ladies who purchased trucks on installment payments that they can't make due to a marriage breakup. They are halfway through the payments and both want to keep the vehicle. They probably shouldn't have bought the things in the first place, but that's history now. So they do whatever they can think of to make the payments).

Stupid financial planning is certainly not something only the Thais are guilty of.

Personally, I don't see anything evil in this.

I think anywhere in the world there is some expectation that finances will be shared. I seem to remember that most married couples (including gay couples living together for years) I know in the US have joint bank accounts (along with personal ones). Maybe I am old fashioned, but I didn't think marriage (even the "unofficial" kind) entailed, "She has her money and I have mine, 'and never the twain shall meet.'" I thought marriage was a "one for all and all for one" sort of endeavor.

So I think that keying on the, "I might have to help her out financially" aspect as a make or break condition is getting off to a bad start. No one expects to be shaken down, but shouldering more of the financial responsibility according to your ability seems not unreasonable to me.

[parallaxtech]

Excellent post and very useful!!!

It would be nice to hear from those out there who have married someone in their own social class vis-a-vis those who have someone from a very low social status. I had several friends in the US who traveled to remote areas of the world, grabbed a poor girl, and returned ot the US with her. They immediately showered her with gifts and began taking her around to society balls in Palm Beach. This was a 100% disaster as all the men ended up with a loss of assets and no girl. So, this is an interesting question that is relevant to Samui where so many poor girls live, "Can you take a poor girl from northern Thailand and successfully acclimate her into a much higher social class?"

Most experts agree that someone from a social class that is closer to yours is always an easier transition. The problem is that many of us are not attracted to someone within our own social parameter and once we successfully raise her status are no longer interested in her.

If you look at the average western couple (both from the same country), they are equal partners or the woman is ahead in the pecking order. In Thailand (Thai only couple) the man has command and control. Should we follow the western example or the Thai example?

I feel that most of us escaped from western society because we no longer wished to be around the girlfriends/wives who constantly reminded us to resume our position next to the dog bowl or she would strip us of all our assets! I want nothing to do with western brainwashing regarding relationships and live in Asia because I enjoy the staus men have, which was sorely lost years ago in the western world.

Again, only my opinion, and not a slur on anyone. My hope is that all of us will have happy relationships.

[OnTheSnap]

I don't need to be the "king" of my house, nor do I want to be (nor is my wife the "queen" (except a few days a month when PMS sets in and I become both solicitous and scarce )- we both contribute in ways that are both modern and traditional (she handles most of the financial and bank details with the local banks as my Thai ability isn't up to the task, and I handle our North American and European-based holdings- she does most of the child-rearing- I throw out the garbage and kill the spiders, etc.- no one has "next to the dog bowl" status {again, excepting those 2 or 3 days...})- we have a very equal partnership based on mutual respect- I realize this is very rare and hard for most other men to comprehend, as they are unable or unwilling to put in the work it takes to maintain such a relationship.

Western values aren't relevant to this discussion- it's about finding Thai women in Thailand (specifically Samui)- I know your rant re: the West and the women there- I've heard it 1,000 times before. I've also seen success stories many times. A counter could be the ease with which a relationship can be broken in Thailand, with the farang "husband" abandoning his Thai "wife" with one or more children and no assets to support them- perhaps the Western example of forcing errant males to take some legal responsibility has a bit of merit.

I think way too many men are here looking for love in Thailand with a poor girl with whom they cannot have a real conversation let alone an actual life partnership because they don't have the ability to interact with a woman who can stand her ground on an equal playing field (like you, I base this on my own anecdotal experience of many years and insight into scores of relationships in this part of the world). I'm not implying that this is your case, but there are certainly many such cases out there- they nearly always end badly (usually worse for the girl).

Edited July 27, 2009 by OnTheSnap

[OnTheSnap]

Also, as far as raising a girl's social status- it's not just a matter of giving her money- it would be a "Pygmalion"-like process of lessons and trial-and-error, and even then would probably not be possible- she would most likely never feel comfortable. Your post reads as if you feel it's better to keep your partner "down" (in the sense that once she rises up you will no longer be interested in her)- I just don't understand that.

I like the fact that my wife isn't (necessarily) attached to me during social functions, fearing that someone might talk to her and figure out that she's out of her depth- it takes a lot of burden off me knowing that I can bring her anywhere (a feeling she does not always share in the "I can't bring him ANYWHERE" sense- I tend to be a bit of a goof, especially when my son is involved- she doesn't always share our sense of "fun", but that's has nothing to do with her social standing or the fact that she's Thai, but rather everything to do with the fact she's a woman ).

[Boo]

I feel that (I) escaped from western society because (I) no longer wished to be around the girlfriends/wives (I had) who constantly reminded (me) to resume our position next to the dog bowl or she would strip (me) of all (my) assets! I want nothing to do with western brainwashing regarding relationships and live in Asia because I enjoy the staus (I) have, which was sorely lost (by me) years ago in the western world.

I think that is more accurate

[parallaxtech]

OTS - You have done a great deal of reasoning on this subject, which should be helpful to the op as well as the rest of us. However, I disagree with you slightly in that I feel one can have a wonderful, loving relationship, and still stay in two different social strata. She can eat som tam with her friends, see traditional dancing, watch Thai soaps, go pray at the wat, or pick rice with her parents (not that all Thai women are only into these activities). This is a microcosm that she is happy and comfortable with. The farang may wish to go listen to western music, play pool, entertain guests on his yacht, or simply watch football -- some things that might be abhorrent for her. I think that some of us try too hard to make sure we are both equal and willing to compromise. It is more important in my view that a partner keeps her comfort zone and I keep mine. If she happens to like parts of mine, and I hers, then that is wonderful, but not essential. For instance I usually search the internet while the wife watches the soaps. She sometimes asks me to look up something and I frequently try to interpret the conversations. Shouldn't we all ask everyone in our personal spheres if they are doing what makes them happy? If not shouldn't we then see what can be done to change the situation? To me this is the most important part of any relationship.

An example of the Samui My Fair Lady happened to a very rich British friend of mine. He flew his new Thai bride and her Isaan family over to England where he had arranged a private viewing of the Queen's jewels, trips down the Thames on a private yacht, and several nights of theatre in Covent Garden. They refused to leave the hotel, asked where the Thai food was, and complained that they couldn't see the Thai soaps.

Thanks to those of you who have written to me through the TV messaging system outside of this forum. I welcome all correspondence, good and bad, and hope it will continue.