Can I Stop My Thai Wife Taking Kids To Thailand?

[forest]

I've a few questions and basically it stems from not trusting my wife. We have two wonderful boys born in the U.K (both obviously have U.k citizenship) but recently my wife has been acting as though she is very bored living here. She says she wants to visit her parents in Thailand and take the kids with her (for a holiday). I won't be able to go because of work and I'm worried that if I let her and the children go I'll get a phone call asking for a divorce and money to get the kids back.

Does anyone have experience of this? I've tried talking to her about things but she avoids the issue. Also she has mentioned that she wants to sell the house we built together in Thailand. Makes me think she's getting near the checkout stage.

Advice greatly appreciated.

Forest

[mbkudu]

I feel really bad for you man. I know this sounds cold, but you could just be up front with her and ask how much she wants to leave the kids with you and go back to Thailand alone if that's what she really wants. I don't know how much she loves the kids, but if she does and wants them no matter what and money, then you'd better get a lawyer.

[rainman]

What do you want to do? You can't hold her back if she wants to go. What you need to ask yourself, is it worth trying to prevent her from going if she doesn't want to stay with you? I don't know what the situation is exactly, so as suggested above, try talking to her about it first.

[Pink Mist]

Kids are gonna need passports, last time I checked it needs both Parents signatures on the applications, get hard and don't sign, and hope she doesnt take it further.

[Sandy]

Even though she may agree later not to go, you still won't see and feel the feelings you used to with her. Well yeah, she's still in the UK with you, and then what? If anything, she would end up hating you for not letting her go. But i understand about the boys. Its going to be hard on you, her and the kids. Then maybe you might want to look at it as, is she a good mom? Who would they be better off with? Or maybe, there is something u might be doing wrong. There is always a reason why a woman wants to leave. But it doesnt actually means that she will go to Thailand and stay there. She might really want to "just visit" the family.

[chonabot]

If she wants to go , she will go , if you try to stop her it will make things twice as bad. Be open and ask her instead of us.

My wife visited her family twice last year with our boys, our relationship was/is pretty healthy , but initially I was worried, as you do, that she/they may not come back, the break did wonders for us though.

Legally , if they have passports, I don't think you can stop her, you could file for divorce, but wouldn't that defeat the object?

Speak to her Man!

Good luck.

[forest]

Thanks for all of the replies. Many thanks. Actually the boys don't have passports yet (they are still very young - older boy is 2 years and younger boy is 7 months). I love them like mad and I would hate to see them grow up without a mother - so we'll see what happens. I think I'll make it clear to her that she can't take the kids but she can/should go and visit her family by herself.

Again many thanks and I'll look into the passport issue,

Thanks,

Forest

[Sandy]

Makes u kinda wonder why would u want to take a 2 yr old and a 7 month old by yourself on a long trip like that? Well, good luck. Hope things are well, and that u 2 are able to compromise on something.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Makes u kinda wonder why would u want to take a 2 yr old and a 7 month old by yourself on a long trip like that? Well, good luck. Hope things are well, and that u 2 are able to compromise on something.

Without your signature there is no way the kids can get either a Thai or UK passport. If you remain concerned, get a solicitor to write to the Thai Embassy in London, and the UK passport office informing them of your objections to the issue of passports to the children.

[Pink Mist]

It's not a big deal yet, dont let it escalate, she wants to return for visit, fine no issue dont let it become one. Just convince her the kids stay in UK for their sake, the rigours of travelling that sort of thing.

Just remember they need Passports and so far you control that situation.

[wow_woww]

My Thai ex-wife forged my signature on our 2 children's passport applications, but luckily after her recieving the 2 passports, I put a ban on the two kid's being able to leave the country. I put the ban in place through the Department of Foreign Affairs. As far as I'm aware this right is available to any Australian parent

[chonabot]

And British parents?

[p1p]

While my ex was planning to split from me, she tried to take my children to Thailand to live with her parents. (She was intending for her parents to bring them up there.) She did a midnight flit with the kids and took them to her friend's house in preparation to going.

I contacted a police friend who arranged a lawyer and a judge was woken up at about 4am to have the children made wards of court. The police then faxed and couriered photos of my ex, with the children, to Heathrow, Gatwich and all other ports of exit from the UK.

Later that morning she was stopped in Folkstone, trying to get a ferry to France. She already had tickets from Paris to Bangkok for the following day.

Following that the divorce was extremely vicious, messy and unpleasant but I have full rights to my children and still love them like no tomorrow.

My advice,

1. Take legal advice and see about having them made Wards of Court.

2. Talk to your wife and either offer to accompany her to Thailand with the children when time permits, or offer to help her parents to come to the UK for a holiday and to see the grand children.

3. If problems are not insurmountable, try some marriage guidance.

[extreme]

do you really believe you can bring up 2 children in the uk without your wife?have you the money so you dont actually have to work?would the children be better off with your wife while maybe you send them a few hundred pounds per month for food and education in thailand.

would your children be farmed off to your parents while you worked and earned enough money to pay for them, if that was the case then they would rarely see either parent.

lots of questions and no answers. sorry..

[Yohan]

do you really believe you can bring up 2 children in the uk without your wife?have you the money so you dont actually have to work?would the children be better off with your wife while maybe you send them a few hundred pounds per month for food and education in thailand.

Very good point by etreme.

It is very difficult for a single parent, who is a man and a working father to take care of such small children. They should better stay with the mother.

I think, stay friendly and openminded to your wife, and let her with the children go to Thailand. The legal situation in Europe is that the children will anyway remain with the mother - there is little you can do about it.

You will see, what is happen then..... either she is coming back, then this is a good reason to trust her much more in the future. Maybe your wife is just totally homesick.

Or you get the phone-call you expect, asking for divorce and money....

In this case do not act without legal advice.

You need not to agree to divorce, you need not to pay anything. Do not sign anything, without consultation with your lawyer.

It does not make sense to me, to pressure a Thai woman to stay with you in Europe, if she does not love you anymore or if she does not want to live with you anymore, for what reason ever.

It is better to end unhappy relations, then to continue in a mood of mistrust to each other.

Johann

[Jimbo]

do you really believe you can bring up 2 children in the uk without your wife?have you the money so you dont actually have to work?would the children be better off with your wife while maybe you send them a few hundred pounds per month for food and education in thailand.

would your children be farmed off to your parents while you worked and earned enough money to pay for them, if that was the case then they would rarely see either parent.

lots of questions and no answers. sorry..

And if his wife dissapears to Thailand with the kids, he might not be able to see them anylonger without having to pay money. And how often can he jump on the plain to visit his kids while they are in Thailand. I also think that if the kids are in Thailand, it will be much more difficult to get any form of guardianship over them/

The kids have a much better future in England with a much better education system and healthcare system. Any good parent would wish their children to have the above and letting them go to Thailand would most probably deny them of that.

Even if he was to join his wife on the trip, what would stop her from taking the kids for a short walk to the shop and not returning. Good luck trying to find them. You will be short of options as your kids will have a passport and you allowed them to go to Thailand.

Most like if you feel something is wrong then it will most likely be. Do not take the chance and loose your kids or loose all your money

[extreme]

if he has the money, he has the money to live in thailand..

if he dont, then he aint got the time to look after 2 kids.

so where should they stay jimbo?

[Jimbo]

if he has the money, he has the money to live in thailand..

if he dont, then he aint got the time to look after 2 kids.

so where should they stay jimbo?

Where there is a will there is a way.

There are plenty of single parents out there who manage.

Fair enough, it might involve day care for the children until they go to school or a nanny of some kind but I do believe the kids would be better of with the dad.

The father will be able to spend breakfast, evenings, weekends and holidays with the kids and witness important moments in their life's. I believe any good father would want that. If the kids would stay in Thailand and he in England, then he would be very little part of their lives.

I dont see how people can suggest otherwise!!!

[Polly]

Well, peope can suggest otherwise because it just comes down to a battle for possessions. It does not matter if she lives in Thailand or wherever, who has most right to the children? Both parents love their children. I know this will piss off a lot of men here, but children are better off with their mothers while they are young. That does not mean that they will always be better off, but while they are young it is best. Remember when you were a child. If the father keeps in touch and keeps their interests at heart , the relationship will survive. Be realistic, both parents want themf, but you can't cut them in halves.

[Jimbo]

If the mother would want the best for their children then she should stay in England where the children will be better off due to reasons I mentioned before

[forest]

At the moment we are working on bringing her parents for a visit over here and I think she knows that there is no way I would let her take the children to Thailand until they are much much older (no way I'm signing the passport papers - and if she tried to forge my signature well..............). If she feels that her life is boring then she knows she is free to return to Thailand, but without the kids - she can always go there for a break from things and there is enough family support here in the U.K to make sure the kids are well looked after. We'll just have to wait and see, but I think logically she knows the kids and herself are better off over here.

Just on another note, I'm aware that there are many western men married to western women who have similar types of difficulties in regard to custody and having the mother take children away after a divorce. I feel that even though being married to a Thai women makes this situation potentially more difficult the problem is still there for couples of any nationality. I feel that divorcing my wife is the last thing I would want to do, but women have different ways of thinking about relationships and what might benefit their children. Sometimes I feel tired of the politics involved in being in a 'happy' relationship, but for me love for my children comes first and things change over time, so we'll see.

Many thanks,

Forest

[Khun Larry]

(they are still very young - older boy is 2 years and younger boy is 7 months

I don't think there is any good reason for her to take them to Thailand without you going also. Sounds like a classic Thai scam.

[chonabot]

Just a thought , if your wife is finding life boring , perhaps you could find out why?

Does she work ?, does she want to work? Does she have a circle of friends etc?

Maybe she is suffering from Post-Natal depression , very common amongst mothers who are away from their parental family.

IMO I know Thai women fairly well , after 7 years of marriage etc , they can be prone to rash statements , also mood swings are not that uncommon, this is usually a call for help. My wife will say outrageous things at times, we get on very well , but occassionaly we need to get back on track. I speak Thai pretty well , even then communication/culture can raise a few barriers.

I may be accused of generalisations, but having travelled to and from Los for nearly 20 years, also a 3 year stay, has helped my undertsanding of Thai women ( and men) greatly.

Of course though if your relationship has broken down beyond repair, then you can disregard the above.

Good luck

[maerim]

I think logically she knows the kids and herself are better off over here.

As you are married to a Thai you should know "logical" thinking isn't high on their mental agenda.

[Yohan]

If the kids would stay in Thailand and he in England, then he would be very little part of their lives.

I dont see how people can suggest otherwise!!!

I suggest otherwise,

if the kids would stay in England and she in Thailand, then she would be very little part of their lives.....

I dont see how people can suggest otherwise!!!

I suggest you should not act too selfish and to consider the postings of Chonabot and Polly.....think more about the children together with their mother, and less about the father in this case...

Johann

[forest]

I understand the needs of children and I can understand their need to be with their mother. I don't really have major objections to them growing up in Thailand BUT I do have problems with her using the children as leverage to get more money from me for them (but money going to her obviously).

If I let her take the kids (not going to) and she does phone up and say she's not coming back of course I'll have to immediately pay money into her bank account and will have to do so until they reach 18 and perhaps longer. My fear is that she would use the children as her own meal ticket when it suits. Perhaps this fear is irrational but the people on this board have stranger stories to tell.

What is the situation regarding getting them back once they are over there or is it really up to the Thai authorities?

My strategy if this ever happened would be to send her just enough money to survive on and no more. If she wants she can come back to the U.K and I'll send money for plane tickets, but nothing else.

Best wishes,

forest

[Yohan]

1-

I would insist, they buy return tickets, fix one month, not refundable, no name change......this should be enough for a family visit.

2-

You mentioned about selling your house in Thailand, so where will your wife stay with your children in the future?

And for what reason does she want to sell the house?

Where are all the registration papers for that land and house?

3-

Should they not come back, I would never send money....

Better to report to the police and to the Thai embassy, that they are missing....

And I would never sign up for any divorce.....

4- Generally I would say, you cannot hold back your wife, if she prefers divorce and want to leave....and the law will help her to keep the children with her...

5- However if she is looking for divorce in such a way, you might be able to object your agreement for divorce a very considerable period of time.

Do not agree to divorce!

Sorry, I think, longterm good relationship is only pure luck....you might have the best intention with your wife and children, and nevertheless she might leave you or cheat you.....

Sad, but true.... it is not always the fault of the man.

Johann

[Jimbo]

If the kids would stay in Thailand and he in England, then he would be very little part of their lives.

I dont see how people can suggest otherwise!!!

I suggest otherwise,

if the kids would stay in England and she in Thailand, then she would be very little part of their lives.....

I dont see how people can suggest otherwise!!!

I suggest you should not act too selfish and to consider the postings of Chonabot and Polly.....think more about the children together with their mother, and less about the father in this case...

Johann

Then the mother should bite the bullet and stay in England for the sake of her children. Who knows in what type of surroundings the kids would get raised in Thailand without the father being there

[Yohan]

Then the mother should bite the bullet and stay in England for the sake of her children. Who knows in what type of surroundings the kids would get raised in Thailand without the father being there

There is a bad surroundings in England possible, and there is a good surroundings in Thailand possible....

This is not a good argument.... and when the wife wants to leave, there is no legal way to keep her as a prisoner....

She might leave alone, and then legally claim her right and request transfer of (her) children to Thailand .... and she will win for sure.... the law will always be on the side of the mother....especially if the children are still so small.

The only exception is, if you can prove that she is severely mistreating or neglecting the children or she has a serious criminal record. Even in such cases children are often transferred to foster parents and not always to the divorced father.

Otherwise, the opinion of the husband is not relevant.

And one important point more - they are not divorced yet.

Johann

[Jimbo]

You might be right, I am not sure.

But as far as I believe, as both father and child are english, the mother can not just take the child and go and live in Thailand. She might get custody however not be allowed to take the child out of England. This happened to a friend of mine in Holland and although she got custody, she could not take them out of the country. This is done to protect the fathers rights as well.

Another Dutch friend of mine who is living in Thailand and got divorced here from his Thai wife won custody of his son in Thai court although it was a long battle.