Age

[habuspasha]

I’m writing this to share experience with others in what our culture chooses to call “age inappropriate” relationships.  I’m 40 years older than my GF/Thai wife.   I’m not interested in the clichés from Moliere to Mozart to the latest sighting of a fat and balding farang holding hands with a young beauty in Sukumvit.  I’m interested in those relationships that have worked, standing some test of time.  I’m interested in how much age matters, how often it’s mentioned, what to expect, what to avoid, what to do.  So far my own experience has been uneventful.  We rarely discuss it.  I told her my age when we met.  I later asked her what her friends or family thought and she said they agreed that all that mattered was whether or not I was a good person.  Ironically, she often tells me she is not a young girl anymore (in her thirties) and I like to delude myself into thinking I’m not much older than that (on the principle that we are—at least to some degree—as old as we think we are).  I’m no Cary Grant.  At best I’m described as “boyish.”  She is invariably described as gorgeous.  I’m lucky to be fairly healthy, actually more active physically than she is.  But I guess I worry about what happens if that changes.  Or should I say “when?”  Once I slipped and fell, and for months after that she was pointing out steps and rocky slopes in front of me.  Recently she said something about getting a larger car some time.  When I asked her why she said that someday we might need to carry a wheelchair.  That she has signed up for that is comforting, but the last thing in the world I want.  I know very well what that side of a relationship feels like and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  

[fhickson]

you will have to deal with it eventually. thats life.

[faraday]

If you're both happy, contribute in a just & fair way to the relationship, then that's ok.

 

 

[PatOngo]

I think you definitely need a larger car!

[Puchaiyank]

Relationships are complex and are important to a man and woman for completely different reasons.

 

Enjoy your happiness.  Don't try to over analyze or worry about your age differences.

 

When your body starts to succumb to the aging process...sit down and discuss the consequences of your changes.

 

Hope for the best life ever...have an exit plan if things go south...do not spend your last dime...keep a health money reserve should you find yourself on your own once more.

 

Good Luck!  ????

[ezzra]

Carpe diem my friend and live to the fullest, rose color glasses or not, maybe you're one in a many thousands that found a keeper, many others are still mopping after the disaster and destruction their relationship left them with...

[CharlieH]

Dont over analyze it, there is no one size fits all with relationships.

Consenting adults and what works for you both is all that matters. Enjoy what time you have when and while you can.

 

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, CharlieH said:

Dont over analyze it, there is no one size fits all with relationships.

Consenting adults and what works for you both is all that matters. Enjoy what time you have when and while you can.

 

.. and never forget ... you can't take anything with you ....

[bkk6060]

3 hours ago, PatOngo said:

I think you definitely need a larger car!

Yes.

And a larger one story house will be necessary if and when one is in a wheelchair.

[bkk6060]

18 minutes ago, geronimo said:

.. and never forget ... you can't take anything with you ....

Yes, but with proper planning and thought hopefully you will leave something to your kids/grandkids.

[abrahamzvi]

I am not as much as 40 years older than my wife , but nearly 30. We have been happily married for 29 years. I must say, however, that I feel my age and my wife accepts it and tries to make life easier for me, also trying to let me forget the age difference. Unfortunately we all have to accept our age and whatever comes with it. The important thing in a true relationship, which is the case in mine and seems to be the case in yours, is the fact that our partners accept our age and make us feel certain that the age difference doesn't concern them. Stay well and stop worrying.

[Krataiboy]

Look on the bright side. With that kind of age difference, when you finally pop your clogs your partner will at least have a reasonable chance of forming a new, rewarding relationship if that is a wish.

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, habuspasha said:

I’m 40 years older than my GF/Thai wife. 

Was it you posting that your wife wouldn't kiss you?

(I'm getting old, that may have been another poster whose name began with 'H')

 

My gfs half my age, and as far as I can see, as likely to die tomorrow as me.

This coughing flu has her laid out for a week with a high fever, I've just had a bit of a cough.

And she's way more dangerous on a m/c than me.

 

Life is a game of chance, no point in thinking about tomorrow.

The woman I thought I would be spending all my life with, discarded me after 30 years of marriage and 4 kids.

That was the last 'age appropriate' relationship I ever had, or ever will have.

[Andyfez]

Yep, in Thailand it's not so much an issue.

If you have things in common you just don't think about it, and all the nice respectful friends and relatives calling you 'uncle' are never a problem.

 

The only times we notice it is on occasional visits to Western countries.

You notice some couples will keep a discrete distance. Others are intrigued, and once they get to understand our relationship is genuine will become good friends. The most obvious comments come from indiscreet western teenage girls we pass in the street.

[stephen tracy]

I don't think it necessarily matters. My sister married a guy 28 years her senior and they are still happily married and have kids. He's also a really good bloke. I've always liked him and so do the rest of the family. I don't even think about their age difference. 

[allanos]

If you are young at heart ("boyish, you said), and can "perform" adequately when this important aspect is required, my belief is that your relationship will continue unaffected by the significant age gap. 

 

As time passes, and you deposit enough caring and happy moments into your partner's "emotional bank account", any infirmity you take on in later years will be off-set by the "credit balance" you have built up over time.  You seem to have it all figured out.  Keep on truckin'!

[Asawak]

I cannot contribute to your question: “I’m interested in those relationships that have worked, standing some test of time.  I’m interested in how much age matters, how often it’s mentioned, what to expect, what to avoid, what to do.”

Still, I would like to write some thoughts about: “But I guess I worry about what happens if that changes.”

 

Of course you might have a different point of view of my thoughts :-)

Every hour that we are living brings us one hour closer to the moment where we will pass away. Being aware of that fact, I concentrate on each day, or some people say on each moment.

What I would like to say is that I believe that the quality of time one spends with a loved one can be more important, brings deeper joy and happiness than the quantity of time. Therefore I try to create every hour with a loved one as joyful, fulfilling as possible. Maybe this approach can give you some peace of mind and fewer worries about what the future will be. I wish both of you a wonderful time together.

 

[northengr]

My wife of 16 years is only 33 years younger than me. If yours has lasted as long as it sounds, its right. Don't sweat the nasty old ladies in farang land. I dated a woman over 40 twice in my life, once 45 years ago and once about 30 years ago. But no relationship I ever had lasted a 1/3 of the time this one has. She tells me i have to stay healthy so i can take care of her when she gets old. Sounds fair to me.

[metempsychotic]

This the same woman that wont kiss you?

 

I think you have a clear understanding of the status quo already mate.

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

This coughing flu has her laid out for a week with a high fever, I've just had a bit of a cough.

This is not good... have you had it checked out? I will keep my distance from your posts for a while... 

[metempsychotic]

1 minute ago, kenk24 said:

This is not good... have you had it checked out? I will keep my distance from your posts for a while... 

You do realize that the other, common strains of flu and cold still exist right?

[natway09]

My wife of 19 years is 31 years younger.. Never think about it until travel overseas out of Asia.

Not only is she pretty but 4 ft 11 inches tall, very small 38 kg, with a baby face.

Did I get some looks in Melbourne walking down the street & walking into the casino was very funny.

Enjoy your life, take it as it comes & make sure you both keep expressing your love for each other 

Stay healthy,,, I am off for my afternoon "nap" 555

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

This is not good... have you had it checked out? I will keep my distance from your posts for a while... 

Nah, we're all in recovery now, apart from the cough, 8yo son back at school today.

Was in hospital this morning (regular visit) nurse at the entrance taking everyone's temp as they entered (36.2c).

Nice new hospital at SanSai, opened in the last month, about 5%-10% of the people inside wearing masks.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, allanos said:

If you are young at heart ("boyish, you said), and can "perform" adequately when this important aspect is required, my belief is that your relationship will continue unaffected by the significant age gap. 

Disagree,

The only important consideration is your wallet.

If any of these old guys claiming 'she loves me for myself', ever ran out of money, Miss Young would be gone in 60 seconds.

[spidermike007]

One of the most wonderful things about Thailand, is that the judgment level of couples with signifiant differences in age, is not as harsh, as in the west. My wife is quite a bit younger than me too. It works really well for us. When I dated women close to my age back in the US, it rarely ever worked out. Most were very rigid, closed minded, and set in their ways. Plus, many liked to go to bed very early, and behaved as if they were 20 years older than they were. That was not fun. I find younger women to be far more vital, more vigorous, and if you are fortunate to find one, far more open minded and adventurous. 

 

I find when we are out in public many men stare at her, as she is still very attractive and fit, and look at me with envy. Women here seem to be fairly neutral. In the US we get some attention. She gets alot of looks, and the guys look at me like they presume I am a centi-millionaire. The gals look at me like I a felon, and have committed a major crime, by refusing to jump over the hurdles prescribed by them, and taking a shortcut to heaven. That is so much fun. It is a wonderful feeling to watch the Western women squirm and to witness their confusion and disapproval. 

 

Overall, it has been an amazing relationship, and it has worked very well to this day. Every day with her is a very good day. She is the same lovely woman from one day to the next. She has a smile on her face when she wakes up in the morning. Never experienced that in the states. Some Thais manifest that unbearable lightness of being, that is so delightful to be around. I cannot really get enough of that spirit, and feel so blessed to be around that, and to have found such a well adjusted and delightful creature. 

 

Granted, even though she is very smart, I do not get alot of intellectual stimulation from the relationship. But, I get so much else. And in all of the relationships I was ever in with really smart women, who I got intellectual stimulation from, there was also so much grief to contend with. Such combative women. So much competition. Yikes. Thrilled to death to have left all of that behind. When I was only in the relationship for a year or so, I had dinner with a very sharp American friend. I asked him about that. He laughed. He said, when you feel the need for intellectual stimulation, call me. We can hook up for the meal, and break down the origins of the cosmos. Do not fret. That same brain that gives you that stimulation, also tends to give you so much grief, it is not worth it, on any level. Get over it. Enjoy all of the other qualities, that make your day so delightful and fulfilling. Great advice, that I have followed to this day. 

 

So, enjoy what you have. You have been given a wonderful gift. Treasure her. Give thanks for your glorious fate.

[spidermike007]

27 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Disagree,

The only important consideration is your wallet.

If any of these old guys claiming 'she loves me for myself', ever ran out of money, Miss Young would be gone in 60 seconds.

And that is the case with 90% of relationships, worldwide. Despite the age difference or not. Most women want financial security. No difference here, except perhaps the transparency of it all, which is so refreshing and honest. 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Most women want financial security.

You are too generous in your phraseology.

I prefer the term 'selfish whores', which still doesn't really describe (or explain) the vindictiveness they show when they leave.

 

[rucker4012]

For years I've heard the magic formula for men. "Half your age, then add 7" and that is the perfect age of compatibility. Works from 16 to 100. Most but not all of my friends with successful relations fall within this general guideline.

[Nanaplaza666]

If you have a relationship with a woman or girl 30 years younger then you , my qeustion is , when did this relationship start ????? Your 70 she's in her 30ties now . But when did you meet ?? If you where 50 that would make a big diference i would say . Just pointing it out. 

[EvetsKram]

As long as you are both happy it doesn't matter.  I am 15yr older than my wife & I have begun educating her on how to look after me when I get sick,  she's willing & learning