Wednesday Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "Seniors" in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.

Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife, "notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks up from her knitting and gives him a once over before saying, "Nope."

Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now?"

Bessie sighs, folds her knitting across her lap and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Ray yells, "DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"

To which Bessie replies with a cat-like grin, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Ya shoulda bought a "hat".

This was apparently in the Hobart Mercury - the title of which was, "Best Come

Back Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Peter, 22 year old(well almost) white Bogan

resident of New Norfolk , Tasmania , in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Peter will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency,

and public intoxication at the Hobart courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.

"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for

miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Peter went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road picked out a

pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and

proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Peter apparently failed to notice a New Norfolk police

car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor

approached him.

"That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked

up to Peter and he was just...... pumping away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Peter . "I just

went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with

a pumpkin?'

He froze and was *******clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

straight in the face and said,

"A pumpkin? <deleted> me, is it midnight already?"

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"

The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"

"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."