For some time many of us have wondered just who is/was Jack Schitt? We find

ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well,

thanks to my genealogy efforts and work with Scottland Yard, you can now

respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer

magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son,

Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple

produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the

twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high

school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe

Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with

them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt

Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a

rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children,

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and

subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding

announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The

Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently

returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

Old but good.