I Heard This One Before...

[helicoptor]

Gervais worked as a waiter in a fancy restaurant in London. It was hard

work but he really enjoyed his job - except for the selection of fish

and seafood. It was one of those restaurants that kept its raw materials

in tanks and invited diners to select exactly which creatures would end

up on their plates, and he found that just a little distasteful. He

didn't like the "condemned to death" aspect of it but hey, they were

only fish and it's not as if he had any particular fondness of the fish,

crabs, lobsters etc.

Except for the squid. They say that cephalopods in general, and squid in

particular, are remarkably intelligent creatures. One of them was quite

distinctive; whereas the others showed aggressive behaviour and colour

displays, especially at feeding time, this one maintained a gentle

greenish hue and just waited until the others had finished gorging

before it took its turn. It seemed to have a quiet intelligence about

it, and the way it stared at the staff when they peered into the tank

really made them feel that this was quite a distinct character. It even

had what they all thought looked just like a moustache - a curious

frilly membrane formation that looked for all the world like hair on an

upper lip. All in all, it was quite endearing and the waiters always

made sure that he never ended up in the net - after all, although diners

wanted to select their lobster or crab, they weren't overly concerned

about their calamari!

One day, however, the unexpected happened - some loud, rude, bastard of

a customer insisted on selecting each and every squid for his meal. As

Gervais went to the tank, the "special" squid came over as usual,

looking for all the world like he was greeting an old friend and,

unfortunately, drawing attention to itself in the process. "Oh, that one

- the ugly bugger with the moustache, I'll have that one!", said the

objectionable diner. Gervais tried to dissuade him but he was adamant.

Gervais was distraught, but The Customer is Always Right, so he had to

net it and take it through to the kitchen for slaughter.

Gervais was sobbing by the time he reached the kitchen. His fellow

migrant worker, Hans, came over to ask what was wrong. Gervais blubbed

the story that their favourite little squid had been selected for the

chop. Hans was the washer-up, a 19-stone mountain of a man but, when he

heard that their little favourite was doomed, he too burst into

uncontrollable tears.

Sadly, there's no happy outcome to this story. All you can do is

remember that .......

Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais, with mild

green, hairy-lipped squid.

[Crossy]

It's been awhile since I heard that one.

Only suitable for Brits of a certain age though