Adopting in Thailand

[radiochaser]

On 11/19/2020 at 11:08 AM, marc26 said:

 

I've been with my wife for 18 years, he's been playing the long game then! 5555

 

We have done business together many times. over the last 10 years, I've got returns back on all of it.

He had a very skilled job as a door installer/maintenance until going into business with my wife and venturing out on his own as contractor.

 

Plenty of guys get ripped off in Thailand, my wife makes her own money when she is in Canada and has made her own money when in Thailand

Sounds like my wife. Been with her almost 30 years.   She worked hard for her own money in Thailand before I met her.  After I married her and brought her to the U.S., I wanted her to stay at home for a few months.  After the third month she told me she was going crazy staying at home.  Needed to work.  If I would not let her find a job, she would leave me.  She has been working hard since then, saving her (and mine too) money.  

Bought a restaurant.  She and her hard working sister, also here in the U.S. and married went in together and bought a second restaurant.  Wife sold the first restaurant.  Now wife makes as much money as I do.  

 

[AlexRich]

There are many sad stories in Thailand, but are they really your problem? Be careful your good nature and kind heart isn’t being taken advantage of. Your wife’s brother is responsible for these children, not you.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/19/2020 at 7:26 AM, lovethai123 said:

Sorry, I don't know. But I just don't understand why would someone keep making kids if you can't afford. 

And have "MIL" look after the child? Really?  The child is 2.  

 

Are you sure the money you send for the child will be used solely for his upbringing and not spent by MIL on lotteries.  You are creating one more mouth to feed. And you said you won't mind adopting 2-3 kids. What do you mean by that? Adopting and raising in one home as the parent or sending money for food to Thailand? 

 

See, It appears you are a good man, you have a great heart, If you really want to help a child, take him to Canada to live with you legally. I have no idea how it's done but I am sure it can be done. Search for some thai lawyers. I have seen law firm advertisement on this forum too. Take their advice.  

 

Due to corona, it will be difficult and slow.  

 

Good luck. Hope you can change a  life. 

Many Thai children are brought by one pair of grandparents or the other. Not unusual at all. My wife's nephews were brought up by their grandmother while the parents worked.

[CharlieH]

14 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Many Thai children are brought by one pair of grandparents or the other. Not unusual at all. My wife's nephews were brought up by their grandmother while the parents worked.

Agree! Common practice in small villages, parents have to go where the work is and kids stay home with the grandparents. I know I got two here ????.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 11/19/2020 at 7:04 AM, marc26 said:

The ex-gf is a good kid, works hard but just can't afford 4 kids

She asked my wife to take the youngest, 2 years old.

 

We probably won't be able to because we doing Permanent Residence in Canada, but may have my MIL look after the child

So long as the children stay in LOS they might not need to be adopted. Provided the agreement was in writing she may just be able to leave with your MIL so long as you paid.

Pattaya orphanage has plenty of kids with parents that can't afford to keep them. I sponsored one such myself.

Anyway, check it out- Pattaya orphanage will be able to help with advice, I'm sure.

[Pilotman]

24 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Many Thai children are brought by one pair of grandparents or the other. Not unusual at all. My wife's nephews were brought up by their grandmother while the parents worked.

Our Thai/Brit daughter was born in Thailand, as I was travelling a lot with my job, she effectively stayed with her grandparents for the first 2 years of her life before coming to the UK permanently , BIG BIG BIG mistake.  Thai Grandparents are terrible at bringing up kids and it took us years to get over the medieval way she had been taught as a young child.  I know its a generalisation and many young Thai mothers don't have the option of taking care of a child, but grandparents are generally no answer to child rearing, far from it. 

Edited November 29, 2020 by Pilotman

[thaibeachlovers]

Just now, Pilotman said:

Our Thai/Brit daughter was born in Thailand, as I was travelling a lot with my job, she effectively stayed with her grandparents for the first 2 years of her life before coming the the UK permanently , BIG BIG BIG mistake.  Thai Grandparents are terrible at bringing up kids and it took us years to get over the medieval way she had been taught as a young child.  I know its a generalisation and many young Thai mothers don't have the option of taking care of a child, but grandparents are generally no answer to child rearing, far from it. 

Usually they have no option other than not having children at all. My Thai in laws used to build roads , so they lived in one of those corrugated shacks by building sites, which was no place to bring up children.

[Pilotman]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Usually they have no option other than not having children at all. My Thai in laws used to build roads , so they lived in one of those corrugated shacks by building sites, which was no place to bring up children.

I agree, sad but true in many Asian cultures. 

[marc26]

On 11/28/2020 at 7:38 PM, Pilotman said:

Our Thai/Brit daughter was born in Thailand, as I was travelling a lot with my job, she effectively stayed with her grandparents for the first 2 years of her life before coming to the UK permanently , BIG BIG BIG mistake.  Thai Grandparents are terrible at bringing up kids and it took us years to get over the medieval way she had been taught as a young child.  I know its a generalisation and many young Thai mothers don't have the option of taking care of a child, but grandparents are generally no answer to child rearing, far from it. 

 

What do you mean as "medieval"?

 

My MIL raised my stepson but she was unrelenting with him. She wouldn't allow the kid to go anywhere.

Now that he lives at Thammasat, we can hardly get him home.

He loves living on his own and has grown leaps and bounds from when he was under my MIL's strict hosuehold

[marc26]

On 11/28/2020 at 7:35 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

So long as the children stay in LOS they might not need to be adopted. Provided the agreement was in writing she may just be able to leave with your MIL so long as you paid.

Pattaya orphanage has plenty of kids with parents that can't afford to keep them. I sponsored one such myself.

Anyway, check it out- Pattaya orphanage will be able to help with advice, I'm sure.

 

I was just asking out of curiosity. When the subject came up, I was curious

 

If the child went to stay with my MIL, it would be informal

[marc26]

On 11/20/2020 at 6:06 PM, Dave246 said:

Guys,

 

I am British and have been married to my Thai wife for 10 years + to which she already had 3 young boys from her previous Thai marriage. Around 5 years ago I requested some advice on the subject of legally adopting the boys from the British Embassy (and to no surprise they couldn't offer zero advice) and told me to go directly to the Thai Adoption Agency in Bangkok. I took my wife and boys with me to this agency to find out the process and check if it was even possible. In summary the agency individual was very rude and not helpful indicating that the whole process could take over 2 years subject to my vetting and financial capability to support the boys!! "The Thai father hasn't paid a single baht towards the welfare of the children since I first met my wife over 13 years ago" yet they want to vet my commitment and financial standing - outrageous!! The key factor which put us off undertaking the adoption was that as soon as I filed the application and paperwork my wife would no longer have any parental control over the boys and this would be transferred to me as the Male in the relationship even though the process could take up to 2 years..... The whole system is totally biased to the male (father) having full control. My wife quite understandably wasn't very keen to sign over full custody which is completely understandable so we didn't proceed. My boys are now coming into their late teens and have simply decided to do a name change on their surnames so we are all a family unit carrying the same name. 

Funny story

When we wanted to bring my stepson to Canada, we needed the father(who never provided anything) to sign away his parental rights.

Of course he said he would for 30k baht

My wife was <deleted> but I told her to give him 15k and he's out of their lives

 

Since my stepson was born in Petchaburi, they had to all go there to have him sign the papers.

So my wife, her brother and the ratbag Thai father drove to Petchaburi from Bangkok

Once everything was done, they left and the ratbag Thai father started to walk to their car

 

My wife told him to beat it, she wasn't driving him back and they left him in Petchaburi  ????

[marc26]

On 11/21/2020 at 12:41 AM, RemyDog said:

Thank you Mac for raising a good topic and I commend members on the good contributions to date. I will address some issues in relation to adoption and Dave246 has addressed some related matters. I am an Australian citizen and my wife (Pon) and I married in August 2014 after knowing each other for some 18 months. Pon has a birth son (born 21May2007) and in brief, the boy's father was a ratbag - Pon has Court papers and certificates granting her full legal custody and responsibility for their child. The father's name is on the birth certificate, he abandoned Pon within three months of the birth, happily consented to her having full custody and responsibility, has never contributed to the child's welfare since and went off to plant more seed.

Pon and I made extensive efforts in 2015 and 2016 for me to adopt her son and be the father by adoption. If I was Thai that would not have been a problem. 

However, for me being an Australian and you being a Canadian, it comes under Thai international adoptions and the rules are totally different and horribly difficult (conceptually, to prevent child trafficking). In summary, the dealbreaker is that neither the Australian Federal bureaucracy or the Thai Social Welfare Department bureaucracy were prepared to cut a bit of slack or concede some ground in order to achieve a result most beneficial for the mother and the child. Thailand's requirement is for a clear irrevocable certificate from the foreign adoptive parent's home government that the adopted child has full and free access to live in that foreign country. Australia's response is that Australia's process is for the Australian citizen to apply for a Partner Visa for the spouse plus dependent child. I do not know about Canada, but Partner visas to Australia are a two-stage process that take 5 to 6 years in total and cost in the order of AUD $12,000 to $15,000 with most of that as upfront fees at the start of the Stage I provisional Visa step. In line with the Australian government's money hungry approach, fees paid are non-refundable should you cancel the application partway through. As we have now successfully completed the 6 year process started in 2014, my wife and our son now have PR (permanent resident) status for Australia which means they can come and go from Australia without other visas, they can work, study and live in Australia until 2024 at which time they can get a 5 year renewal (subject to conditions ) and ultimately lead onto Australian citizenship should they so desire.

In my opinion, Canada is a more caring and compassionate country than Australia (I am in Canada every year for 3-6 weeks as my daughter married a Canadian in 2000, has been a medical doctor in Vancouver since 2003, plus has dual Australian Canadian citizenship as do their two children.)

 In summary, the child adoption option will not get off the ground unless Canada would be prepared to issue a clear certificate that the adopted child would be allowed to live in Canada on a long-term or permanent resident basis. This clearance from Canada would be part of the prerequisite paperwork for lodgement through the Thai Social Welfare Department.

Perhaps a cleaner and easier option would be to provide financial support to the child's mother and the child stay with her biological mother in Thailand.

I wish you well in your decision-making, cheers for now.

I would think Canada might be a bit easy

It was extremely easy for us to apply for dependent child to come to Canada when my wife was here on a work permit

[marc26]

On 11/22/2020 at 9:37 AM, radiochaser said:

Sounds like my wife. Been with her almost 30 years.   She worked hard for her own money in Thailand before I met her.  After I married her and brought her to the U.S., I wanted her to stay at home for a few months.  After the third month she told me she was going crazy staying at home.  Needed to work.  If I would not let her find a job, she would leave me.  She has been working hard since then, saving her (and mine too) money.  

Bought a restaurant.  She and her hard working sister, also here in the U.S. and married went in together and bought a second restaurant.  Wife sold the first restaurant.  Now wife makes as much money as I do.  

 

When my wife 1st got to Canada, she didn't work for the 1st 6 months or so

The house was spotless, my clothes were arranged in my closet by color

And I couldn't wait until she was out of the house working

 

Unless you have young children, I can't imagine my wife not working

Her making her own money just changes the relationship

Plus add on the social aspect, where she isn't just relying on me to provide her with social engagement

 

Before my wife started working,  she'd meet Thai girls that were here in Canada with farangs and there was always drama.

Once she started working at the Thai restaurant, she met Thais here on their own accord, mostly upper, mostly from upper middle class families here studying and working

No drama at all. I mention them being upper middle class because I think that is important, because they didn't care what we have over them, or vice versa

Whereas meeting couples, they were always comparing who had it better

[marc26]

On 11/21/2020 at 1:53 PM, Andycoops said:

Both friends of mine gave up trying to legally adopt because the bureaucracy was astonishing and it was taking forever, I mean years.

It's not exactly cheap either.

As a result I haven't even bothered and I think the kids are better off with their mothers maiden name anyway.

Speaking of last names

My stepson still uses his father's last name 

 

The guy has almost never been in his life.

I told my wife that she should have his name changed to her maiden name.

 

She keeps putting it off because "too much paperwork"

 

But I told her it will be stupid to have grandchildren (holy <deleted> I can't believe I typed that 555) with some guys last name that no one really knows.

[marc26]

So after asking this, things changed a bit!

The mother who was asking my wife to take her 2 year old son fcuked off with a new boyfriend and left the 4 kids with her parents

My wife was driving down the street about 4 months ago and saw the 8yr old girl walking by herself..........that is when she found out the mother left

The grandparents agreed my wife(and my MIL) should take the 8yr old, because she is the one that costs the most vs the 3 young kids

She basically had no structure at all, school was way behind

So they have gotten her on track, she still sees her brothers and grandparents on some weekends........

She is a great kid, but needs a lot of structure and guidance.............