Thai Ladies And Falangs,

[Lickey]

Having had "Getting married what should i pay" forum closed, because another was running, and the Private Detective forum coming close with two Mods warnings.

Both sites full of advice and a bit of bickering ect, but what i would like to see {with Mods permission} is a forum with real experinces,

Your true story,

What was the result?

Are you still together?

Warning signs, what to look out for..

Was you stitched up and turned over?

Did her/his family stand by you or not?

Personal experience only please, no My Mate said, or My friend did , ,, ,, , Just you,

All genders and nationalities welcome to post,

I hope your postings will help others what to look out for and the consequenses.. Thankyou all.

PS, sorry i cant be the first one, im very happy here with my thai GF...

[sbk]

Just curious if you prefer to keep this in the Isaan forum as it is not really an Isaan specific topic. There are farangs married to Thai women all over the country. Or are you only interested in the experiences of those living in Isaan?

[Lickey]

sbk, yes, i live in NE issan, and of course i follow the forum topics here and many other form topics too, from all over Thai, yes, you are right, it is a general topic rather than an issan one, but what i am interested in is trying to amalgamate the closed forum with the Private Detective forum while there seems a big interest in both, i had thought about it might start another load of bickering, but if posters want to air there experinces without contradiction, it would be nice to see, specifically as a pointer and help to the unknowing,

sbk, if you want to move topic, please do so, but please dont close it unless it gets out of hand, Thankyou, Lickey.

[sukanyacondo]

Hmmm mine and the wifes story here

http://www.geoffandamy.com/site/index.php?...4&Itemid=58

[teacup]

Your true story,

What was the result?

Are you still together?

Warning signs, what to look out for..

Was you stitched up and turned over?

Did her/his family stand by you or not?

How can you be sooo sure if you’re hearing from one side only?

Edited May 18, 2007 by teacup

[sukanyacondo]

I have both sides in ,my post above

[sbk]

sbk, yes, i live in NE issan, and of course i follow the forum topics here and many other form topics too, from all over Thai, yes, you are right, it is a general topic rather than an issan one, but what i am interested in is trying to amalgamate the closed forum with the Private Detective forum while there seems a big interest in both, i had thought about it might start another load of bickering, but if posters want to air there experinces without contradiction, it would be nice to see, specifically as a pointer and help to the unknowing,

sbk, if you want to move topic, please do so, but please dont close it unless it gets out of hand, Thankyou, Lickey.

Ever the optimist, eh lickey?

I was merely asking if you wanted it moved, but can leave it here, up to you. But, if you feel it is getting out of hand, please use the report button at the bottom of the offensive post, that way it will come to the attention of a moderator on duty.

And do try to behave guys, Lickey has a very good point about bad behavior ruining interesting threads.

[Lickey]

Your true story,

What was the result?

Are you still together?

Warning signs, what to look out for..

Was you stitched up and turned over?

Did her/his family stand by you or not?

How can you be sooo sure if you're hearing from one side only?

There will only probably be one-side of the story, its not a forum to bash each other up, its a forum designed to help others with little knowlegde of Thai life, to help them decide if Thailand is the way to go, im thinking it will be up to the integrerty of readers and posters to decice whether the post is crap or genuine, and i hope all posts verge on the genuine side,

Thanks, Lickey.

[Lickey]

Thanks sbk, i really hope that a report will not be ness, and that we can have a good insight to what might go wrong for necomers, on the other hand, i hope the thread wont instill fear into falangs wanting to move to thai for good, or thais wanting to emigrate, hopefully this thread will help them with there "homework" and learn from it,

Cheers, Lickey..

[Tilapia]

In my own case, no big disasters regarding being riped off or theated by the wife/gf, but I have protected myself all the way, and she knows that, so what's the point trying. We have been together since 1995, like cats and dogs, but that is a relation-ship, I guess.

People who are comming to Thailand for the first time are in many cases to naive, there brain stops working and they believe evrything, that a girl they have known for a week tells them. I'm not blaiming the girls, they are the clever ones, farangs are generaly asking to be screwed...They dont know enough about the girls, there culture, they way they think, and the reason for why they are doing that job.

It takes time to learn all that, and the girls know, so they are in many cases pushing things forward, like marriage, purchase of land, building a house and all that stuff, before the farang knows what is going on.

There are many good girls here, sadly people dont hear so much about them, it's the proffesionals gold-diggers who gets the most attention.

Tilapia.

[farangconnection]

When I met (fell over) my wife in Pattaya, after she finished work as a chef in a steak house, I had literally nothing. I had never owned a motorbike in my life, let alone a car, or house. I had the clothes that I stand up in and that was that. I worked as a freelance Aero engineer, working until I had enough money to fly to Thailand on the piss. I lived with my mum in Uk(the few times that I was there) OK, I was one of a bunch of 'contractors' that moved around the world, always in debt, earning big,big, money, but always spending more than we earned. Great time.

Then I met 'er indoors. She knocked me into shape big time. Now I don't drink, have three cars and four houses. I live in a fantastic town (Sulin). And more to the point, I am probably happier now than I have been all my life. In November this year we have been married 10 years. Now there's a story.

[wolfmanjack]

First thai girl i was with for 2 years in the USA. She cheated on me something fierce. I never knew since she only did so while i was at work. I was on a repair job working night shift from 6pm to 6am. We finished the job early so I left work at 3am. On my way home i saw her car parked in front of someone else's house. I went home and started packing her bags. Found her diary in the process. Had a friend read it and found out she had been with several different people. I never knew nor suspected. She was always sweet and innocent acting. Her mother was on her side, her father was on mine. She got away with a couple of suitcases of clothes i bought and an engagement ring. Not a big deal after living together for 2 years.

Next thai girl i was with for about a year. She lived here in thailand I lived in the states. I would stay in thailand for a month then go to the USA for a month. Nothing to make me think anything was amiss. I finished a job and had enough money to come to thailand again. Luckily could not get a hold of her on the phone before my rushed airplane flight left. I arrived at the house to find gf not home. When she came home she was dropped off by another falang. I did not stick around long enough to find out what her family thought. She got a fax machine and some clothes.

Currently been married to a thai woman for over 8 years. Living in Chiang Mai. Two beautiful children. First 2-3 years very sweet. Now life with her is like a roller coaster. Very sweet one minute and like a raging tiger the next then back to very sweet. Never a dull moment.

[pgs]

We've been married 4 years at the end of October. Generally I'd say it's been pretty good. Naturally, there are 'down days', difficulties with language & understanding. Sometimes the pitch of her voice can be a bit hard on the ears (dad also has that problem with her - as far as I know it's his only problem with her). Of course there are - happily not too often - the frustrating times.

I've not had to worry about her playing around. Her mum has done a great job with her & her (sorry, our) sisters. I've been 'family' from the start & treated that way from the first visit to the family home.

Only the younger generation have tried to have me as a cash-cow, but gave up when they sadly learned that loong farang wasn't playing that game.

Early in the relationship I did a surprise visit, arriving in the village about 4am. I only got into trouble for not having someone come to meet the bus & making my own way there. A foreigner with bags doing a 20km walk at that hour is a bit of a target, so it wasn't overly clever on my part.

Our wedding was held in the village (she wanted BKK) so as many as wanted could drop by. It was a great day and a lot of fun. Certainly a day I haven't forgotten.

I often have days at one of the local schools, helping the kids & teachers & get included in days out with the teachers. "no" is not an accepted answer, as they'll come to collect me. For one of last year's outings, our neighbours were heavily questioning TW as to why I was going out with 2 cars of women. She told them "it's OK, they're his girlfriends". She stayed home with mum. Would have been more entertaining if the rest of the group had come by.

There have been some heavy lessons both ways as to what is acceptable in either country with regards to how things are done or said. Cross-cultural marriages are more of a learning curve than a similar culture marriage, but that's 1/2 the fun.

[Lickey]

Some very good posts so far Gentlemen, I hope it wasnt to painful for some of you to open your heart and write what happened to you, and the sucess stories, brilliant!!! it proves it can be done,,, keep your replys coming please, very good info for all, young and old,

Thanks for your time, Lickey.

[LoveDaBlues]

Been with the TW for roughly 2 years now. Most of the problems in the beginning stemmed from the language difference. The last 6 months or so we don't really argue just disagree sometimes on minor stuff; I would have to say this is quite normal.

We're not officially married, will probably take care of that in the near future. Baby on the way. Things falling into place here, I'm happy.....no desire to return to the states.

Planning on building a house next January.

[aussiecollin]

Married to a great Surin lady for 16 years now, and couldn't be happier. Having had a simply awful experience with one girl from Phuket, I arrived at phuket airport not to be met by my (Then) girl, but another holding up a sign for me. Yes, I married her. First met she had no English at all, and 'conversations' were through her working girl friends: she lots of working girls as she was a hairdresser, but too frightened to go to see the bars at night. Yes, she was a 28 year old virgin (I can guarantee that, to the sceptics).

Married in a great ceremony in her home town in Surin. No sin-sot as her mother said she has already slept with me so none is necessary (?).

She now has excllent English and goes to TAFE (Australian Technical And Further Education programme) 4 time a week doing Computing and business studies. She runs the house, mows the lawns, cleans the pool, excellent cook from a baked dinner through to the Thai meals.

Not ONE argument in 16 years. Visit her family at least once a year (where I hide in FarangVonnecion eating vegemite on toast ) and they treat me with great affection and respect.

Send the family about AUD1000 a year to help them along.

I love her dearly.

Edited...after a few scotches:

Learning English was great fun:

The Kitchen chicken (cupboard)

The umberalla (escalator)

The bath bird needs water

See that pretty flybutter?

But the classic was when I was in hospital for a minor thing "Do you want me to bring you some clean virginas?" (pajamas)

Edited May 22, 2007 by aussiecollin

[khunandy]

Been with my wife now for 3 years and we live in a fairly remote area in West Khon Kaen. There has been a few misunderstandings but nothing too serious.

I will tell you one thing that in my experience can affect your relationship in a negative way. It has an effect on the farang and the Thai wife but comes from two totally different sources, and that is planting the seed of doubt.

Your wife or GF will for quite sometime find the whole relationship as confusing and puzzling as yourself, when her friends (who wouldnt really have a clue) start planting seeds of doubt in her mind you are going to be in for some experiences. Friends can convince your partner that you are a butterfly, kee neow, drunkard or a criminal if they want to. They can convince her that she should "tuck" away money for herself and her family in case you do the bolt. No matter how much your wife trusts and loves you she will think about these things and keep them to herself. If she hasnt had much previous experience with farangs , remember she is all ears.

You on the other hand may be very happy and trusting in your relationship, no reason to think anything is wrong and she makes you very happy. Then you start reading sites like Stickman and other forums full of tragic stories, these sites are a bit addictive as you try to navigate your way through unchartered territory. They can be an entertaining read and have some intelligent and informative contributors, but read some of the hard done by stories and the general references to how the Issan girls are evil little sh*ts and mistresses of manipulation and deception and you start to wonder. You cant help it, the last thing you want to do is feel like a gullible fool.

Some stories can be a bit close to the bone if you are in a perticularly receptive mood and before you know it a seed has been planted. ring and get no answer and the seed can grow, ring for a few days without an answer and you may have convinced yourself that something is definately fishy. You might start thinking about those other "suckers" on Stickman.

You may start to think a bit cynically and she will pick up on it, she will start to think that things are shaky so maybe she better get that stash going that her friends so wisely advised her to do. Hopefully you can both recognise that this was another test of the relationship and make some boundaries, hopefully she will recognise the advise is coming from people who really have no idea of what a western relationship consists of and slightly resent the fact that their friend appears to have landed on her feet.

This isnt a bitter reflection, far from it but I suspect it will ring a note with more than a few readers. You will be tested and your wife or GF will be tested. Some more than others...it opens your eyes up but it is fantastic when you realise that your wife is listening to you more and friends less.

As far as youngish rural Thais go, money is there to spend and tomorrow will look after itself. Thais just dont seem to be able to plan very well for the future and look for immediate results, hence the pressure to buy a car, land and build a house etc.

This takes a bit of getting used to and a gentle but firm hand to control. It takes a bit longer than you think to establish real trust and understanding between two vastly different cultures but once achieved is a really great feeling. Once you are working together in harmony it is all worthwhile. If the seeds don't die i think you are in for a hard time of it.

Bye

Khun Andy

Edited May 22, 2007 by khunandy

[jackmuu]

Married to an Issan girl and very happy, no bad experiences at all from her. I made a big mistake once when I made a religious faux pas regarding her beliefs, a joke that was taken seriously but learned from that one pretty quick.

Family want nothing, but Mrs gets a few K in her bank every month to do with as she wishes, she can spend it or save it or give it to the folks.

No downside at all. Very happy.

Too many horror stories on the web from tools that picked a wrong un, that can happen anywere though.

If you speak and understand Thai well, your life will be so much easier.

[pgs]

Married to a great Surin lady for 16 years now, and couldn't be happier. Having had a simply awful experience with one girl from Phuket, I arrived at phuket airport not to be met by my (Then) girl, but another holding up a sign for me. Yes, I married her. First met she had no English at all, and 'conversations' were through her working girl friends: she lots of working girls as she was a hairdresser, but too frightened to go to see the bars at night. Yes, she was a 28 year old virgin (I can guarantee that, to the sceptics).

Married in a great ceremony in her home town in Surin. No sin-sot as her mother said she has already slept with me so none is necessary (?).

She now has excllent English and goes to TAFE (Australian Technical And Further Education programme) 4 time a week doing Computing and business studies. She runs the house, mows the lawns, cleans the pool, excellent cook from a baked dinner through to the Thai meals.

Not ONE argument in 16 years. Visit her family at least once a year (where I hide in FarangVonnecion eating vegemite on toast ) and they treat me with great affection and respect.

Send the family about AUD1000 a year to help them along.

I love her dearly.

Edited...after a few scotches:

Learning English was great fun:

The Kitchen chicken (cupboard)

The umberalla (escalator)

The bath bird needs water

See that pretty flybutter?

But the classic was when I was in hospital for a minor thing "Do you want me to bring you some clean virginas?" (pajamas)

Mine is close - she cleans the chicken (kitchen)

Thainglish is a fun thing...

[nitehawk56]

knunandy, pretty much hit it on the nose, refs paragraph,s 3,4 and 5. I had the same feelings, I read too ###### much and started to wonder if I was one of those idiots that fell in Love with a TG, who just wanted my money, funny thing is as khunandy stated, her friends will tell her you butterfly and you no care, however my TG knows I am not a butterfly, she told me, I know I love you, I'm not sure you love me, that was a few months ago, now she tells me, I know you love me same same, I call her everyday, and I know if I don't reach her it is either raining or the phone lines are busy, I had to get over that huddle and start believing in her, she has 2 beautiful daughters 3&4 years old and if my TG don't answer the phone, in a few rings, her 4 year old will, and the very first thing she says: hey Papa you okay, I love children, they are so innocent and very honest, and don't know no better, that in itself makes me feel a lot better, my TG told me, my number is the only number she has in her phone, and that is the reason the girls know Papa is calling, no one else calls. 15 more days to go, and I will be with them again, I get to meet the Parents this time, my first time to village. A little nervous? yes, scared not really, looking forward to spending time with the babies and finally get to see them in the flesh, not just photos. so far, so good Jerry

[macb]

Been together 3 years now , and now have a beautiful daughter: The cultural ways take some getting useed to. But after 4 UK wives, this is the Happpiest even with some differences of opinion sometimes, but then thats Human Nature : Heres my blog link

http://uk.360.yahoo.com/macbroadbridge

[RasiMike]

My wife (issan) and I have been together for around 4 years and married for 3. We have 2 sons - 2yrs and 3wk old. Never have we had a serious problem. Sure there's some getting used to each others different cultural ideas and learning languages etc, but we have both agreed to live life 'with one foot in each culture' for the sake of ours and our childrens happiness.

We've lived in Australia for half the time, but are here in Issan for now. I built a home for us here and am now building a little corner store for her to sell what she wants. We are happy, no money probs...though she is content with or without. In all respects we live a happy and relatively simple life, no matter which country we live in.

Her family here is happy, if there's an emergency we help out, but nobody wants anything from us really. We help parents cut rice etc - they help us with building, we swap papaya and veges for ducks and rice.

Nobody in my extended family is demanding, greedy, dishonest etc. Any sister/cousin/brother-in-law that wants cash has always worked for it. I paid up when we got married ('when in rome'....) and that was the end of it. Sometimes just before the rice is full grown there've been requests for a cash advance from parents and grandparents. A little bit of honest dialogue up front and all loans have been repaid in full.... 2 years running.

My inlaws and I appreciate and accept that we have different ideas on some things. I've learned the answer to "thai people don't do it like that", is ...."yes I know that dad but just look how the farang does it". I can't think of a time when I've been more content with peoples attitudes.

Honestly, I have read many bad relationship stories on this and similar forums but I can't help thinking the people who have had problems with Thai partners would, and maybe do, have the same problems at home with non-thais. For those that come here (issan) thinking they are going to be able to find a lady or man who thinks and lives western values.... they are gonna have a difficult time of it, one way or another.

mike

[correct]

Been together 3 years now , and now have a beautiful daughter: The cultural ways take some getting useed to. But after 4 UK wives, this is the Happpiest even with some differences of opinion sometimes, but then thats Human Nature : Heres my blog link

http://uk.360.yahoo.com/macbroadbridge

are you a masochist??

[Lickey]

Hi Correct, no i dont think Macb is a masochist, like me, i was married 3 times in UK, but never really found the right one for me, im not married to my thai GF and dont really see the need to, we understand eachother very well and anticipate the others wants, which suits us just fine,

Just a little point to necomers and those thinking of emigrating/hibernating to Thailand, you will notice that none of the good posters on this thread has mentioned the LOS, and they live here or spend a lot of time here, so think carefully before making the big jump, luckily ive fell on my feet for a change, hope you do the same,

Keep the posts coming please, very good reading and advice, Thanks, Lickey.

[ray23]

Well you've met my little sweety now she says it's four years I think three, but she is counting not me. Me asking her to marry after a trip to Kuwait, her reponse WHY? The answer was death benfits available to her when I die. I had to agree we were happy and no peice of paper will ever keep me in a life of misery. But it was important to me that if she was willing to go through all this with me, that she have something to help her when I'm not part of the picture.

We had lived together for about six months before I went, she had money 7K a week while I was gone, used about 50% of it in the time I was gone. She is sharp as a tack in not getting crazy with money. The gold she wears came over the years a Christmas gifts Ect.

We fight like cats and dogs and sometimes it gets real serious, but in the end we find the compromise and move on. But she is my best friend no one I would rather take a bike trip with. She is so funny bitches moans and groans all the way out the door, soon as we hook up with the other riders and thier wives she is happy a can be.

She is spoiled rotten full time hopusekeeper every now and then she gets bored and cranky I just remind that there really is very little to be upset about. She gets busy and that takes care of that. I'm really no different when I get cabin fever, I know it's time to go for a ride and exocrcise the demons LOL

It was not by accident that we met I had friend find her for me, I had played all the games here in Udon and finally decided these Udon women were just to smart for me. I had tired of buying cell phones ect. Now in all fairness I had a lot of fun. But still had no one I really trusted in my life. Not what I wanted on a long term basis.

When we got together she did not speak one word of english and I didn't speak Thai we developed our own language and got through the daily living. We had lots of misunderstandings, but unless we got someone to translate they just had to be ignored.

At first she drove me crazy insanely jealous, that changed after the trip to Kuwiat I guess she understood I was coming home. It was a long and difficult road to get where we are today. We both worked hard at it, we both paid prices to build a relationship. In the end well worth the effort.

Hey we are essentially together 7/24 and haven't killed eachother yet that says a lot.

[ray23]

x Just want to follow the thread, I know these realtionships work if both peopel are really trying, but it can't be done with 50% praticipation

[Leonardo]

Hmmm mine and the wifes story here

http://www.geoffandamy.com/site/index.php?...4&Itemid=58

Thanks a lot for this enlightening and uplifting story - also nice link to positive articles on Thai-farang relationships! We need more of that!

[Fun2Fun]

Been through a few relationships with Thai's, the road was not always smooth but sure can be described as interesting and not boring for a second

My current relationship is still going strong after about 7 months, surprisingly very smooth sailing, no temper tantrums and no quarrels worth mentioning so far. And much to my surprise it's still not boring for a second

[jimbeam1]

Hi folks.

Like the stories. Recently returned from trip to Chumphung. To visit Gf and family, wow i found them so warm and freindly, pappa has

invited me back anytime for as long as i like, even to live if i wish. Planning the move as i write.

Best regards jb1

[torito]

Great stories....it appears that these are the places to be in Thailand....best wishes to all