Thursday Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the

first time.

The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot

pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.

"Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the other two asked.

The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying

butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first."

The second lady said, "Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe esant orange

panties." Why you gonna wear dem?" the others asked.

The second lady answered, "Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be

floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first."

The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties....."What? No

panties?" the others asked in disbelief.

The third lady says "Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't

wearin' any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look fo

da black box first."

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and

at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him

that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use

to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he

would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he

made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by

stating each letter out loud as he typed.....

P...

E...

N....

I...

S.

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hel_l are you?", demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned. "You mean I'm dead? That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated, but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen. How are you enjoying your first day here?" It's not so bad," replied Brian, "but I have this strange feeling Inside like I'm about to explode."

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've Never laid an egg before."

"Never," replied Brian.

"Well, just relax and let it happen."

And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg popped out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the Better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was Overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming, and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,

"Brian! Wake up, you drunk b*astard, you're sh*tting the bed."