Laughter, Tears, Confusion, And Hurt Feelings.

[selftaopath]

I ahve been working/visiting/living in Thailand since 1993 which is when I met my girlfriend who is 21 years younger than me. I went away for a year, came back and worked/lived here for 4 years and seperated from my UK wife. I used to come back to see her 2 or 3 times a year and she came to visit me. In 1999 I got divorced (my wife got the house and £1,750 a month alimony) and I married my girlfriend in 2000. Came back to worl/live here again in 2001 and I have lived here ever since.

She went up country to build her house and land in 2003 and her family live in Bang Na Bangkok.

Our son was born in 2004 when she was 39 and I was 60 and I love them both very much.

Ran out of work in 2004 and lived off my pensions, got 7 months work in 2005 in Pakistan and 2 months work in Bangladesh in 2006. I came back from there to Bangkok with a heart problem and my wife and son came down bringing bank books and all of her gold in case we needed it which we didn't.

This year I hit bottom and we were surviving and last week I got a job offer of 4 to 6 months in Papua New Guinea and I fly this afternoon. Last week before the job offer she was going to pawn/sell some of her gold but that is not necessary now.

We give her parents (Dad is 70 and her mum is 62) 6,000 baht a month and we have done since 2001 and she has given before as well.

When I am at home I use GPRS/EDGE for internet access and spend a couple of hours a day on that, I take my son to school and pick him up, I try to spend an hour a day learning to speak Thai and hopefully to read and write it as well.

I went on a diet in February and I have lost 19kg. 2 weeks age I lost 4kg in 3 days but gastro-enteritis is not a reccommended diet and I have put that back on.

My life in the central region 65km southwest of Khampaeng Phet is really good and I wouldn't swap it for 50 condos in BKK or Pattaya. We live in a valley on 13 rai at the edge of Mae Wong national park.

My Thoughts on life in Thailand after 14 years

In the villages you can always find enough to do if you want to.

Not all Thai girls are after your money the same as in the West.

There is good and bad everywhere and if you look hard enough you will find what you want.

I know, I did.

Hi billd766, thanks for your post; I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts. I also know there are Thai woman who love their farang partner and are not driven by material enhancement. Sure, practically all individuals would prefer more baht to less, but motive is key.

I see Isaan as a great place for many reasons. And if one has interests, time will not be boringly slow. Because, wherever I go – there I am. I love “tinkering” and will build in Isaan. This will probably keep me busy for a long long time. And w/ enough land I can “play” at doing many things.

I will be important to me however to have internet and possibly some form of farang TV. However I did go 12 years w/out TV. Didn’t miss it.

What line of work are you in? I will most likely retire or semi-retire to Isaan next year.

I hear others ask what people do in Isaan. I wonder what these same people do elsewhere?

I thoroughly enjoy riding a motorcycle in Isaan – what a joy.

Thanks again and am glad to hear your joy. Bet other X-pats can benefit from reading.

Keoki

[LostInBKK]

Meant to say that the very lack of Kentucky Fried Cack and other f/f dives, is the reason I like Isaan so much, and it pains me to see those places opening up in every province. You've got some of the best food in the world right here in Isaan, and you want to eat f/f <deleted> every day???

If you want a decent hamburger, make it yourself dude.........

I'm not saying that I don't enjoy the food in Issan it's great, but for the first 3 or so months that I need to "re-home" myself it's sure nice to have an Outback or Sizzler.... Though now that I'm in BKK, I am eating mostly meals on a stick. When ever I move the average adjustment period is 3 months, though Iraq took about 6 to adjust to.

[billd766]

I ahve been working/visiting/living in Thailand since 1993 which is when I met my girlfriend who is 21 years younger than me. I went away for a year, came back and worked/lived here for 4 years and seperated from my UK wife. I used to come back to see her 2 or 3 times a year and she came to visit me. In 1999 I got divorced (my wife got the house and £1,750 a month alimony) and I married my girlfriend in 2000. Came back to worl/live here again in 2001 and I have lived here ever since.

She went up country to build her house and land in 2003 and her family live in Bang Na Bangkok.

Our son was born in 2004 when she was 39 and I was 60 and I love them both very much.

Ran out of work in 2004 and lived off my pensions, got 7 months work in 2005 in Pakistan and 2 months work in Bangladesh in 2006. I came back from there to Bangkok with a heart problem and my wife and son came down bringing bank books and all of her gold in case we needed it which we didn't.

This year I hit bottom and we were surviving and last week I got a job offer of 4 to 6 months in Papua New Guinea and I fly this afternoon. Last week before the job offer she was going to pawn/sell some of her gold but that is not necessary now.

We give her parents (Dad is 70 and her mum is 62) 6,000 baht a month and we have done since 2001 and she has given before as well.

When I am at home I use GPRS/EDGE for internet access and spend a couple of hours a day on that, I take my son to school and pick him up, I try to spend an hour a day learning to speak Thai and hopefully to read and write it as well.

I went on a diet in February and I have lost 19kg. 2 weeks age I lost 4kg in 3 days but gastro-enteritis is not a reccommended diet and I have put that back on.

My life in the central region 65km southwest of Khampaeng Phet is really good and I wouldn't swap it for 50 condos in BKK or Pattaya. We live in a valley on 13 rai at the edge of Mae Wong national park.

My Thoughts on life in Thailand after 14 years

In the villages you can always find enough to do if you want to.

Not all Thai girls are after your money the same as in the West.

There is good and bad everywhere and if you look hard enough you will find what you want.

I know, I did.

Hi billd766, thanks for your post; I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts. I also know there are Thai woman who love their farang partner and are not driven by material enhancement. Sure, practically all individuals would prefer more baht to less, but motive is key.

I see Isaan as a great place for many reasons. And if one has interests, time will not be boringly slow. Because, wherever I go – there I am. I love “tinkering” and will build in Isaan. This will probably keep me busy for a long long time. And w/ enough land I can “play” at doing many things.

I will be important to me however to have internet and possibly some form of farang TV. However I did go 12 years w/out TV. Didn’t miss it.

What line of work are you in? I will most likely retire or semi-retire to Isaan next year.

I hear others ask what people do in Isaan. I wonder what these same people do elsewhere?

I thoroughly enjoy riding a motorcycle in Isaan – what a joy.

Thanks again and am glad to hear your joy. Bet other X-pats can benefit from reading.

Keoki

Hi selftaopath

I don't actually live in Issan but on the other side about 65km south west of Khampaeng Phet on the edge of the Mae Wong national park.

When I am at home which I have been for the last year there is always something to do around the house and I usually spend a couple of hours a day on the internet but using GPRS as we don't have a land line yet after only 4 years of waiting.

I am semi retired and when I work I am involved in building cellular systems for customers where ever the job calls. At the moment I am in Papua New Guinea working with Ericsson.

I don't ride a motorcycle any more just a Yamaha Mio Fino automatic scooter to take my son to school and back and for knocking around the village and back.

I will be back home in a month for a short break to see the family again and I can't wait.

[roietjimmy]

I have lived in Thailand for the past 19 months and make NO claims at being an expert on Thailand and/or the Thai. I arrived here after retirement in the States and do truely enjoy my life here, the country has been very good to me. Perhaps because I am a little older, not wiser just older, I look at life a little different.

I married a 38 y/o Thai Issan lady and yes I have heard all the stories about how they only want your money, what the hel_l i was married 3 times in the states, they were all only after my money and after a California divorce I thinkthey got most of it. I am happy, very happy with my Thai wife and i belive she is happy.

I live in BKK about 75% of the time with many trips to our home in the Huairat area. I have purchased land or rather my wife has and I know I will never make any money with rice, its just fun to call my self a poor rice Thai farmer. Besides my wife has seven sisters with 3 in the village and a 15 y/o son so the rice property gives them a job and they do not ask for money.

my step son receives 1000 bht for his school "stuff" as long as he goes to school and a salary of 1000 bht a month to keep the grass short and to water my many trees. I give one of my sister in laws 1500 for family food. My mother in law is really a nice lady and I truely enjoy her I give her 1500 bht a month and she is very happy. Really not that much and very little when I consider a bottle of wine can easily be over a 1000 bht.

MY JOYS: I recently completed a fishing lake in the village and I find my self to be very happy catching fish, listening to audio books and watching war movies and yes I go to bed every night with a beautiful young wife. Is there anything in the world I am missing?? I do not think so. If I would die today I would miss tomorrow but I would be happy.

MY Tears: I have none I know "Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow".

Confusion: Why do I run across so few Americans in Thailand?

LIFE IS GOOD

Why do I run across so few Americans in Thailand?

I am an American and like you happy to be here. Here are a few reasons (all true) I have heard from Americans; Mexico is closer!, People speak American in the Philippines!, Singapore's is sooo.. clean and shopping is better than the US!, Why would I want to live in a foreign country!, Isn't Thailand part of Communist China!

There are probably enough of us here now. Enjoy yourself. Aussies, Kiwis and Brits are pretty close and we are only separated by a common language.

[garrieoz]

I love this thread gents,

It gives me some hope that my dream of finding the right woman & settling in the NE one day is not pure fantasy.

The 'right woman' seems to be the key, and perhaps the 'right time' is also important.

Being 50+, married unhappily for so long & living in OZ, I had to let a very fine Thai woman in Thailand go after a three year relationship. She quite rightly chose marriage to another farang & security over love & frankly I encouraged it...because the time was 'impossible'. I hope I do not regret that too much.

So, it gives me pleasure, but makes me a little sad also to read some of the happy stories I have seen here.

Good on You Guys,

Cheers,

Liam

[roietjimmy]

I love this thread gents,

It gives me some hope that my dream of finding the right woman & settling in the NE one day is not pure fantasy.

The 'right woman' seems to be the key, and perhaps the 'right time' is also important.

Being 50+, married unhappily for so long & living in OZ, I had to let a very fine Thai woman in Thailand go after a three year relationship. She quite rightly chose marriage to another farang & security over love & frankly I encouraged it...because the time was 'impossible'. I hope I do not regret that too much.

So, it gives me pleasure, but makes me a little sad also to read some of the happy stories I have seen here.

Good on You Guys,

Cheers,

Liam

Liam,

Your selfless approach related to your 3 year relationship with a "very fine Thai woman" is a sure indicator you will have no problems finding the "right woman". The "right time" will come at your choosing, and when it does, I'm sure your dream will become a reality.

Roiet Jimmy

[thomo]

Couldn't help notice the underlying theme of all the happy fellows who haven't had any tears or hurt feeling giving a monthly pay packet to the family (one of 6K a month! - a 7-11 shop assistant makes about 4K for working 29 12 hour shifts a month) of course they're gonna love you.

If you don't want any tears, confusion or hurt feelings, don't put your land/house into your GF's name. Do it through another option. If she's any problem with that, well then...

Be smart mate. I don't know either of ye but come on. Just last week a German dude took 4 shots in the head from his ex-wife cause he was trying to get his house back from her. Again, I don't know either of ye but be smart man. I'm sure she loved him too.

From someone with just a little bit of experience here I'll never put anything into a girls name. Not out of any dis-trust but to ensure (as much as possible) I'm not gonna have any future problems and I'm in control of my life. Any thing can happen in the future, don't not trust her, but just be smart mate.

[Luckydog]

so what does a farang do all day while living in Issan?

I am all for dropping everything and heading up there but i am dreadfully afraid of being bored out of my skull.

Don't Go!!!

[Luckydog]

Couldn't help notice the underlying theme of all the happy fellows who haven't had any tears or hurt feeling giving a monthly pay packet to the family (one of 6K a month! - a 7-11 shop assistant makes about 4K for working 29 12 hour shifts a month) of course they're gonna love you.

If you don't want any tears, confusion or hurt feelings, don't put your land/house into your GF's name. Do it through another option. If she's any problem with that, well then...

Be smart mate. I don't know either of ye but come on. Just last week a German dude took 4 shots in the head from his ex-wife cause he was trying to get his house back from her. Again, I don't know either of ye but be smart man. I'm sure she loved him too.

From someone with just a little bit of experience here I'll never put anything into a girls name. Not out of any dis-trust but to ensure (as much as possible) I'm not gonna have any future problems and I'm in control of my life. Any thing can happen in the future, don't not trust her, but just be smart mate.

Listen to this Man. For Gawd's sake! LISTEN!!!

[Luckydog]

I love this thread gents,

It gives me some hope that my dream of finding the right woman & settling in the NE one day is not pure fantasy.

The 'right woman' seems to be the key, and perhaps the 'right time' is also important.

Being 50+, married unhappily for so long & living in OZ, I had to let a very fine Thai woman in Thailand go after a three year relationship. She quite rightly chose marriage to another farang & security over love & frankly I encouraged it...because the time was 'impossible'. I hope I do not regret that too much.

So, it gives me pleasure, but makes me a little sad also to read some of the happy stories I have seen here.

Good on You Guys,

Cheers,

Liam

Liam. I am very sorry to hear what you say. Very sorry. You have had a bad experience, but at least it seems your finances are intact. Many have been taken to the bluddy cleaners........I wish you all the best in the future. But, please beware. Don't get desperate, and let your guard down, or you will endup on the Rocks.....Weeeeell, it has happened, with respect, to cleverer men than you.

[roietjimmy]

Couldn't help notice the underlying theme of all the happy fellows who haven't had any tears or hurt feeling giving a monthly pay packet to the family (one of 6K a month! - a 7-11 shop assistant makes about 4K for working 29 12 hour shifts a month) of course they're gonna love you.

If you don't want any tears, confusion or hurt feelings, don't put your land/house into your GF's name. Do it through another option. If she's any problem with that, well then...

Be smart mate. I don't know either of ye but come on. Just last week a German dude took 4 shots in the head from his ex-wife cause he was trying to get his house back from her. Again, I don't know either of ye but be smart man. I'm sure she loved him too.

From someone with just a little bit of experience here I'll never put anything into a girls name. Not out of any dis-trust but to ensure (as much as possible) I'm not gonna have any future problems and I'm in control of my life. Any thing can happen in the future, don't not trust her, but just be smart mate.

Amen!! CYA when it comes to love, business or family if it involves your life savings. If you don't, then brace yourself and be prepared to just walk away.

[abdulrahman]

Don't know if it's only myself that feel uneasy by reading some threads in this forum.

TV is a good source of information about the Immigration rules,lots of tips about the real problems a farang encounters every day,it made possible for me to find a solution(by myself,wiyhout relijng on the Thais advice)to many difficult matters;and yet sometimes I feel Idon't understand:not the Thais,that's obvious,the farangs!

Telling everyone to not trust the wife/GF,it's bad or stupid to help her and/or her family economically over an absolutely s******g amount,complaining about the laws that make impossible for farangs to own property in Thailand a.s f.

You must take the good and the bad,if you decide to live here,I subscribe to the fact that the money invested in Thailand may be lost and we'll have to begin again,but I understand,too,the meaning of Kee-niaw(spelling?)

Take it easy,I've had an ulcer already,didn't come to Isaan to get worse!

[aussiecollin]

I have lived in Thailand for the past 19 months and make NO claims at being an expert on Thailand and/or the Thai. I arrived here after retirement in the States and do truely enjoy my life here, the country has been very good to me. Perhaps because I am a little older, not wiser just older, I look at life a little different.

I married a 38 y/o Thai Issan lady and yes I have heard all the stories about how they only want your money, what the hel_l i was married 3 times in the states, they were all only after my money and after a California divorce I thinkthey got most of it. I am happy, very happy with my Thai wife and i belive she is happy.

I live in BKK about 75% of the time with many trips to our home in the Huairat area. I have purchased land or rather my wife has and I know I will never make any money with rice, its just fun to call my self a poor rice Thai farmer. Besides my wife has seven sisters with 3 in the village and a 15 y/o son so the rice property gives them a job and they do not ask for money.

my step son receives 1000 bht for his school "stuff" as long as he goes to school and a salary of 1000 bht a month to keep the grass short and to water my many trees. I give one of my sister in laws 1500 for family food. My mother in law is really a nice lady and I truely enjoy her I give her 1500 bht a month and she is very happy. Really not that much and very little when I consider a bottle of wine can easily be over a 1000 bht.

MY JOYS: I recently completed a fishing lake in the village and I find my self to be very happy catching fish, listening to audio books and watching war movies and yes I go to bed every night with a beautiful young wife. Is there anything in the world I am missing?? I do not think so. If I would die today I would miss tomorrow but I would be happy.

MY Tears: I have none I know "Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow".

Confusion: Why do I run across so few Americans in Thailand?

LIFE IS GOOD

Why do I run across so few Americans in Thailand?

I am an American and like you happy to be here. Here are a few reasons (all true) I have heard from Americans; Mexico is closer!, People speak American in the Philippines!, Singapore's is sooo.. clean and shopping is better than the US!, Why would I want to live in a foreign country!, Isn't Thailand part of Communist China!

There are probably enough of us here now. Enjoy yourself. Aussies, Kiwis and Brits are pretty close and we are only separated by a common language.

People speak American in the Philippines!, Singapore's .

Question: do they also speak English?

[garrieoz]

I love this thread gents,

It gives me some hope that my dream of finding the right woman & settling in the NE one day is not pure fantasy.

The 'right woman' seems to be the key, and perhaps the 'right time' is also important.

Being 50+, married unhappily for so long & living in OZ, I had to let a very fine Thai woman in Thailand go after a three year relationship. She quite rightly chose marriage to another farang & security over love & frankly I encouraged it...because the time was 'impossible'. I hope I do not regret that too much.

So, it gives me pleasure, but makes me a little sad also to read some of the happy stories I have seen here.

Good on You Guys,

Cheers,

Liam

Liam,

Your selfless approach related to your 3 year relationship with a "very fine Thai woman" is a sure indicator you will have no problems finding the "right woman". The "right time" will come at your choosing, and when it does, I'm sure your dream will become a reality.

Roiet Jimmy

Thanks for your kind thoughts Jimmy, and also the sound advice from Lucky.

I will miss her, I really hope she has a happy & secure future. She had to choose, and under her circumstances, she chose right.

I guess being unattached again while in Thailand is not so bad, some would say fantastic, but what is real & what is not escapes some less experienced travellers. I will beware before I get serious again, although my experience with her 'softened me up' because she was a good woman. I know there are some who are not so good.

Cheers to All,

Liam

[thomo]

Telling everyone to not trust the wife/GF,it's bad or stupid to help her and/or her family economically over an absolutely s******g

Don't think anyone said not to trust your wife or GF. I personally said this:

Any thing can happen in the future, don't not trust her, but just be smart mate.

and who said it's bad or stupid to help your inlaws. I said this:

...giving a monthly pay packet to the family (one of 6K a month! - a 7-11 shop assistant makes about 4K for working 29 12 hour shifts a month) of course they're gonna love you.

and I'll stick by that. OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU.

...and hey, this is just my bit of advice: From someone with just a little bit of experience here I'll never put anything into a girls name. Not out of any dis-trust but to ensure (as much as possible) I'm not gonna have any future problems and I'm in control of my life.

If you can't see/not smart enough to see that things change/anything can happen in the future maybe the love/lust bug has taken quite a bite.

Congratulations, hope everything works out for you, your wife and your inlaws.

[abdulrahman]

Telling everyone to not trust the wife/GF,it's bad or stupid to help her and/or her family economically over an absolutely s******g

Don't think anyone said not to trust your wife or GF. I personally said this:

Any thing can happen in the future, don't not trust her, but just be smart mate.

and who said it's bad or stupid to help your inlaws. I said this:

...giving a monthly pay packet to the family (one of 6K a month! - a 7-11 shop assistant makes about 4K for working 29 12 hour shifts a month) of course they're gonna love you.

and I'll stick by that. OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU.

...and hey, this is just my bit of advice: From someone with just a little bit of experience here I'll never put anything into a girls name. Not out of any dis-trust but to ensure (as much as possible) I'm not gonna have any future problems and I'm in control of my life.

If you can't see/not smart enough to see that things change/anything can happen in the future maybe the love/lust bug has taken quite a bite.

Congratulations, hope everything works out for you, your wife and your inlaws.

Methinks you have a bug on your shoulder,what's happened,a bad experience wiyh your western wife?

My wife would consider the salary of a 7/11 a pittance,since she earns many times that amount;why should we live as paupers?Her family isn't so well off,sometimes they need help with hospital bills,shool fees,should we not help?she did it before we met,and she does it now.I agree with her.Dont know if they love me or if they think I'm useful,no problem,it's only money,as long as it doesn'y hurt my lifestyle I don't care about some thousand Baht now and then!

Pehaps you forgot it,but in Thailand,as in many other Countries your wife has legal right to half your property acqired after the marriage,in my country tha laws are stricter,I could not sell my car without her consent;here I may!

Prudence is right,avarice is not! IMHO.

[thomo]

Good on you.

I've never been married. Still my 20's. (I can see the next few posts already - 'young-ish know-it-all' telling people about life.)

I was just giving the advice that if the OP wants to MINIMISE the chance of 'tears, confusion and hurt feelings' then don't put your new house into your new exotic young beauty's name.

You know. Should anything happen in the future, he'll be a lot happier.

It's not that hard and would have saved a lot of headaches in the past, present... and future.

Sound advice or not?

Best of luck to everybody and peace for all.

[ChangMaiSausage]

I have lived in Thailand for the past 19 months and make NO claims at being an expert on Thailand and/or the Thai. I arrived here after retirement in the States and do truely enjoy my life here, the country has been very good to me. Perhaps because I am a little older, not wiser just older, I look at life a little different.

I married a 38 y/o Thai Issan lady and yes I have heard all the stories about how they only want your money, what the hel_l i was married 3 times in the states, they were all only after my money and after a California divorce I thinkthey got most of it. I am happy, very happy with my Thai wife and i belive she is happy.

I live in BKK about 75% of the time with many trips to our home in the Huairat area. I have purchased land or rather my wife has and I know I will never make any money with rice, its just fun to call my self a poor rice Thai farmer. Besides my wife has seven sisters with 3 in the village and a 15 y/o son so the rice property gives them a job and they do not ask for money.

my step son receives 1000 bht for his school "stuff" as long as he goes to school and a salary of 1000 bht a month to keep the grass short and to water my many trees. I give one of my sister in laws 1500 for family food. My mother in law is really a nice lady and I truely enjoy her I give her 1500 bht a month and she is very happy. Really not that much and very little when I consider a bottle of wine can easily be over a 1000 bht.

MY JOYS: I recently completed a fishing lake in the village and I find my self to be very happy catching fish, listening to audio books and watching war movies and yes I go to bed every night with a beautiful young wife. Is there anything in the world I am missing?? I do not think so. If I would die today I would miss tomorrow but I would be happy.

MY Tears: I have none I know "Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow".

Confusion: Why do I run across so few Americans in Thailand?

LIFE IS GOOD

Why do I run across so few Americans in Thailand?

I am an American and like you happy to be here. Here are a few reasons (all true) I have heard from Americans; Mexico is closer!, People speak American in the Philippines!, Singapore's is sooo.. clean and shopping is better than the US!, Why would I want to live in a foreign country!, Isn't Thailand part of Communist China!

There are probably enough of us here now. Enjoy yourself. Aussies, Kiwis and Brits are pretty close and we are only separated by a common language.

People speak American in the Philippines? - I thought they spoke English

Great thread enjoyed reading everyone's take on reality

[abdulrahman]

Good on you.

I've never been married. Still my 20's. (I can see the next few posts already - 'young-ish know-it-all' telling people about life.)

I was just giving the advice that if the OP wants to MINIMISE the chance of 'tears, confusion and hurt feelings' then don't put your new house into your new exotic young beauty's name.

You know. Should anything happen in the future, he'll be a lot happier.

It's not that hard and would have saved a lot of headaches in the past, present... and future.

Sound advice or not?

Best of luck to everybody and peace for all.

Sound advice,as told by many old hands in TV.

Just remember, not every farang come to Thailand to marry a girl 30 years his jounior,met in bar,luuving him soo much because he's a handsum man.

Peace (and grow up)

[Nignoy]

I do not get where ronthompson is getting screwed.He is laying out less then 200US a month for his family.He has bettered their lives by giveing them a rice farm to work to make money for them selves.In the proccess of all of this he has bettered his own life for less then $200 US a month.

Ronthaompson enjoy your life as you see fit.It looks like you are.But the part that luckydog said...

But don't get too confident and let your guard down..... is good advice.

if u want to get screwed try a California divorce, she got the house and 6000K US a month.

German divorce aint to bad either I walked away with nothing!! from my 2nd wife, happily married with mrs nignoy number 3 for over 18 years, go for it ronthompson make your own luck!! Nignoy

[billd766]

Telling everyone to not trust the wife/GF,it's bad or stupid to help her and/or her family economically over an absolutely s******g

Don't think anyone said not to trust your wife or GF. I personally said this:

Any thing can happen in the future, don't not trust her, but just be smart mate.

and who said it's bad or stupid to help your inlaws. I said this:

...giving a monthly pay packet to the family (one of 6K a month! - a 7-11 shop assistant makes about 4K for working 29 12 hour shifts a month) of course they're gonna love you.

and I'll stick by that. OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU.

...and hey, this is just my bit of advice: From someone with just a little bit of experience here I'll never put anything into a girls name. Not out of any dis-trust but to ensure (as much as possible) I'm not gonna have any future problems and I'm in control of my life.

If you can't see/not smart enough to see that things change/anything can happen in the future maybe the love/lust bug has taken quite a bite.

Congratulations, hope everything works out for you, your wife and your inlaws.

Twas me that said that I pay my inlaws 6K a month and why not?

They have always been good to me and of course they brought up their daughter who eventually married me.

We have a small house that will be theirs when and if they want to quit Bangkok and live in the peaceful (and clean) countryside with us. It is about 25 metres rom the house we live in and as far as i am concerned they are welcome at anytime and for as long as they wish.

Yes all the property and land is in my wifes name. We have a son who will be 3 on August 1st. I am 21 years older than my wife and 21 times older than my son and I feel that the pleasure and happines that I have enjoyed with both of them over the years is worth the cahnce of losing it all. If I do then Mai Pen Rai.

When I divorced my UK wife 8 years ago she got the house and large lumps of alimony and I kept my pensions and my personal possessions fitted into a Ford Mondeo estate car.

I love my Thai wife and son more than anything in the world and I KNOW that they love me. There is no OF COURSE about it but I am old and know that I still don't know enough about about women to be 100% sure of anything

:D

[selftaopath]

I’m confused. I wonder if this is a cultural issue, that I am just learning more about, or an individual who really does not want to work. I’ll keep this brief, but would love to hear your experience: We contacted an architect in Isaan to have a house built in Nong Sung, Isaan. He deferred to “a specialist.” We met w/ the “specialist” who assured us he could make the drawings, organize the work, and find skilled/semi-skilled workers. We felt relieved at hearing this. He also said it would take a/b 7-10 days to complete a structural blue print. Well that was over a month ago. My g/f called him several times after the “due date” and he assured her he would send it by "weeks end". Maybe we should have asked WHICH week? :-) The last 2 times she called him he did not answer, which lets me suspect he has caller ID. J So my question is: Is there a culture component to this i.e. saying yes can do then becoming MIA??? Or is it merely an individual who does not “do business” even remotely like in the West???

Thanks, I’m shaking my head in confusion.

Keoki

[engrin]

Did you try the Chinese/Thai guy at the building supply place ?

[KamalaBrian]

I'm confused. I wonder if this is a cultural issue, that I am just learning more about, or an individual who really does not want to work. I'll keep this brief, but would love to hear your experience: We contacted an architect in Isaan to have a house built in Nong Sung, Isaan. He deferred to "a specialist." We met w/ the "specialist" who assured us he could make the drawings, organize the work, and find skilled/semi-skilled workers. We felt relieved at hearing this. He also said it would take a/b 7-10 days to complete a structural blue print. Well that was over a month ago. My g/f called him several times after the "due date" and he assured her he would send it by "weeks end". Maybe we should have asked WHICH week? :-) The last 2 times she called him he did not answer, which lets me suspect he has caller ID. J So my question is: Is there a culture component to this i.e. saying yes can do then becoming MIA??? Or is it merely an individual who does not "do business" even remotely like in the West???

Thanks, I'm shaking my head in confusion.

Keoki

[Martin]

Could the "specialist" be suffering from "Can't tell them bad news" syndrome?

Maybe he has had a more lucrative offer that is taking all his time, or he has found that he is, for some reason, simply incapable of delivering what he thought he was safe to promise.

I would interpret his not answering your calls as that.

I suggest that you and your G/F go back to the architect and tell him what has happened.

There is a fair chance that the architect will be able to read the signals from the three cultures involved (yours, your G/F's, and the specialist's).

[selftaopath]

Could the "specialist" be suffering from "Can't tell them bad news" syndrome?

Maybe he has had a more lucrative offer that is taking all his time, or he has found that he is, for some reason, simply incapable of delivering what he thought he was safe to promise.

I would interpret his not answering your calls as that.

I suggest that you and your G/F go back to the architect and tell him what has happened.

There is a fair chance that the architect will be able to read the signals from the three cultures involved (yours, your G/F's, and the specialist's).

Thanks Martin - I'm LOL at your "three cultures" that is funny and most likely very precise. I'll have my g/f make the call.

[selftaopath]

Did you try the Chinese/Thai guy at the building supply place ?

Thnks again engrin. I did call and was told his location is very far from "our" mooban. We are near Khon Kaen and Kaen Kro- please excuse my spelling b/c there seems to be multiple spellings for so many words in LOS. But I think this individual could have been a great help.

Keoki

[SNGLIFE]

FWIW,

Dealing with Isaan Thais is like dealing with any other "lower class" group of people in any other country. The only difference is language. Unless, of course, you speak it (as I do). Any long-term farang will tell you the same.

The "cultural differences" other than the standard religion, music, language, etc. is in your head. What is often thought to be a "cultural difference" by most farang is actually a CLASS difference. Recognize this, and the paradigm shifts almost immediately.

Think about it...in your country, if you were to deal with those at the lower (or lowest) class (date one, marry one, do business with one, hang out with one), you would immediately be able to distinguish and identify problems that come about due to differences in education, life experiences, values, etc. In Isaan, the language barrier masks all that and it is easier to just blame it all on "cultural differences".

When you learn the language, you realize that "Hey, it's not a cultural difference. My future father in law doesn't drink because it's the Thai culture...he really IS a drunkard and everyone in the village knows it - and knows that when I show up, all drinks are on me because I am trying to indulge his binge!" or "It's not a cultural difference, if you were a Thai guy, there is no way in hel_l she would expect that a new mini-mansion must be built for her...he (you) would be living with her at her parents' house and the dowry would be THB 20k, not THB 200k+". I could provide a LONG list of ways farangs screw THEMSELVES over...

So, when your home is not being built the way it ought to be built, you are dealing with an idiot builder. Period. There is no "cultural difference" excuse for some of the fok ups that happen. I mean really...if you were back in your country and your new trailer-park girlfriend rounded up a group of otherwise unemployed rednecks from around the trailer park to build your house (substitute any other transaction or activity), and they screw it up or otherwise delay it, what would you attribute that to? A cultural difference??? I think not.

Shift the paradigm to what you know, and you will find that Thailand and Isaan Thais make sense <giggle> or at least as much sense as people of the exact same class and situation in your home country would.

[engrin]

Keoki If you're in Kon Kaen thats really far away...Yup spelling mix up there!!

SNGLIFE, good post.

[selftaopath]

FWIW,

Dealing with Isaan Thais is like dealing with any other "lower class" group of people in any other country. The only difference is language. Unless, of course, you speak it (as I do). Any long-term farang will tell you the same.

The "cultural differences" other than the standard religion, music, language, etc. is in your head. What is often thought to be a "cultural difference" by most farang is actually a CLASS difference. Recognize this, and the paradigm shifts almost immediately.

Think about it...in your country, if you were to deal with those at the lower (or lowest) class (date one, marry one, do business with one, hang out with one), you would immediately be able to distinguish and identify problems that come about due to differences in education, life experiences, values, etc. In Isaan, the language barrier masks all that and it is easier to just blame it all on "cultural differences".

When you learn the language, you realize that "Hey, it's not a cultural difference. My future father in law doesn't drink because it's the Thai culture...he really IS a drunkard and everyone in the village knows it - and knows that when I show up, all drinks are on me because I am trying to indulge his binge!" or "It's not a cultural difference, if you were a Thai guy, there is no way in hel_l she would expect that a new mini-mansion must be built for her...he (you) would be living with her at her parents' house and the dowry would be THB 20k, not THB 200k+". I could provide a LONG list of ways farangs screw THEMSELVES over...

So, when your home is not being built the way it ought to be built, you are dealing with an idiot builder. Period. There is no "cultural difference" excuse for some of the fok ups that happen. I mean really...if you were back in your country and your new trailer-park girlfriend rounded up a group of otherwise unemployed rednecks from around the trailer park to build your house (substitute any other transaction or activity), and they screw it up or otherwise delay it, what would you attribute that to? A cultural difference??? I think not.

Shift the paradigm to what you know, and you will find that Thailand and Isaan Thais make sense <giggle> or at least as much sense as people of the exact same class and situation in your home country would.

Thanks alot, SNGLIFE. Your explaination really helped me look at things from a different and very valid perspective. Much to ponder after reading your post.

Keoki