To Tell Or Not To Tell, That Is The Question

[jackmuu]

I have recently come across an expat who has been telling his life story. He has met a bar girl who he says is different, got married etc. and is putting a lot into her financialy.

They are having some problems and when he started to tell us, we realised we know the family he has married into. The problem is, his "wife" is already married to a Thai guy and he is still on the scene, the expat has no idea. I hate to see him being made a fool of, but I am not close to him and all my instincts tell me I should not say anything.

On the other hand, I would like to be told if it was me.

The guy doesn't deserve to be made a fool of, and she deserves to be out on her backside at best.

What would you do?

[chinthee]

Are you serious or winding us up? This sounds like one of those Stickman scenarios.

Tell him. Either way it ends badly.

[pop_corn]

I have recently come across an expat who has been telling his life story. He has met a bar girl who he says is different, got married etc. and is putting a lot into her financialy.

They are having some problems and when he started to tell us, we realised we know the family he has married into. The problem is, his "wife" is already married to a Thai guy and he is still on the scene, the expat has no idea. I hate to see him being made a fool of, but I am not close to him and all my instincts tell me I should not say anything.

On the other hand, I would like to be told if it was me.

The guy doesn't deserve to be made a fool of, and she deserves to be out on her backside at best.

What would you do?

is a very difficult situation. cuz first of all is non of your business but, there are a lot of crazy ppl around, I must tell u that last week I was outside MBK and a guy shot his ex wife and then shot his self, there in the street.. Just few meters away from me.

U never know what else can go wrong in a situation like that and with the time u can regret that u didn’t speak out.

does the other guy know? is she playing fool two guys?

[jackmuu]

Are you serious or winding us up? This sounds like one of those Stickman scenarios.

Tell him. Either way it ends badly.

I know how it sounds, the guy has broken every rule in the book, even bought property in her name!!

Truly not a wind up.

[Nibor1945]

Are you serious or winding us up? This sounds like one of those Stickman scenarios.

Tell him. Either way it ends badly.

Agreed! "Damned if you do" and "Damned if you don't". Personally I would prefer to be "Damned because I did".

[Gary A]

Are you serious or winding us up? This sounds like one of those Stickman scenarios.

Tell him. Either way it ends badly.

I know how it sounds, the guy has broken every rule in the book, even bought property in her name!!

Truly not a wind up.

Over the years I have known a LOT of guys who suffer from the "MY GIRL IS DIFFERENT" syndrome. You can tell him to be careful but you can tell him little else. He will believe what he wants and no one will be able to tell him different. Good friends often part company in situations like this. I've been there and done that.

[Maigo6]

Stay out of it.

Maybe he already knows about the Thai guy, but don't want you to know that he knows. There are too many possible scenarios none of them are any of your business.

If you stir things up, any of those 3 people involved in the triangle could make things unpleasant for you.

You are not close to the guy and he is not a Family member, leave it alone.

Edited June 3, 2007 by Maigo6

[girlx]

maybe leave him an anonymous note?

[geronimo]

I have recently come across an expat who has been telling his life story. He has met a bar girl who he says is different, got married etc. and is putting a lot into her financialy.

They are having some problems and when he started to tell us, we realised we know the family he has married into. The problem is, his "wife" is already married to a Thai guy and he is still on the scene, the expat has no idea. I hate to see him being made a fool of, but I am not close to him and all my instincts tell me I should not say anything.

On the other hand, I would like to be told if it was me.

The guy doesn't deserve to be made a fool of, and she deserves to be out on her backside at best.

What would you do?

I'd leave well alone!

[Gary A]

I have a little story. One of the regulars at a local expat bar fell in love with a lady who wasn't a lady. The she, it, him, looked like an attractive lady for sure. Most of the other regulars knew that it was a katoey but were afraid to say anything. One of my friends finally told him and was told in no uncertain terms to mind his own business.

[soundman]

I'm sorry jackmuu, if I hadn't seen your respectable posts in other areas I'd say you were fishing with a long line.

Anyhow, you're friends wife cannot be married twice, & therefore, as much as he is going to be hurt, its better to get it over & done with NOW!!! Before he ends up being a father to someone elses child. FINNISH IT!!!

That is the most despicable thing I have heard of. If she was a mia noi thats a different kettle of fish, but to leaf someone on like that id just plain <deleted>$d.

Soundman.

[a2396]

You should warn him for sure. It is a common story and there are many men looking for their last chance at a happy romance that they never had. Just as many skillful ladies, who are masters at deception. I have been through a few myself, but fortunately never married the trickster type. One of my "aquaintences" had her boyfriend hiding under the bed on one occasion and had a good story to go along with it. A few months later, she asked me to marry her. Best advice is don't marry any of them and don't believe anything, unless you are able to verify the information and circumstances first hand.

[GuestHouse]

I'd spill the beans, I've done in the past, one guy listened, one guy refused to hear anything bad said about his angel, other sort of half listened.

So even if you do tell him, don't expect him to listen, some do, some don't.

I've always maintained that the biggest lies farang's hear in Thailand are the lies they tell themselves.

That said, just because he's a fool, doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a shove in the right direction.

... Oh and don't get caught by the Thais involved telling him what is going on.

Send him a copy of 'A Single Man's Guide to Pattaya' with a note, 'Read and Inwardly Digest'.

.... I trust he can read.

[kayo]

If he's just a casual acquaintance then stay out of it dude.

[britmaveric]

Well you can tell him, but I seriously doubt he will believe you.

[TBWG]

maybe leave him an anonymous note?

Hi

Difficult dilema, no winners here.

If it was me I would want to know, I might not like it, but at least the seeds of suspicion would be sown, and in due course I would know the truth and know who had had my best interests at heart.

Nobody deserves to be cleaned out financially just because their heart rules their head.

Good Luck and Take care, previous advice about not letting Thais know it is you is very sound

TBWG

PS It never ceases to amaze me the amount of farangs that come over here but leave their brains back home.

[girlx]

the biggest lies farang's hear in Thailand are the lies they tell themselves.

brilliant, and so true. this includes myself, and i would hope my friends would at least attempt to warn me. i know from past experience that if you do try to warn them, they might initially get mad or defensive, but in the long run they will thank you for it.

[Shah Jahan]

Well..

after you tell him, he will confront his salesgirl, and she will step up the lies and pinch out of him where he heard it , and he will relent that he heard it from you. if she knows you then she will tell him how bad of a person you are and how much you lie, if she knows your wife, then she might try to stir up trouble with her.

either way, the guy wont listen. (or he will)

its his karma and some people are just doomed

Edited June 3, 2007 by Shah Jahan

[girlx]

that's why i suggested an anonymous note

[mikethevigoman]

hmm, deja vu, this happened to me,. i had to make a decision very similar,.if he is a close friend take him to lunch and tell him you have something to tell him,. tell him you have told no one else but feel it is your duty as a friend to tell him, if he asks you for proof be prepared, you cannot tell half a story,. he will do one of 2 things but either way you tried to help him and leave it at that,. its what i did and it worked ,.

Edited June 3, 2007 by mikethevigoman

[GuestHouse]

How about getting him to join TV so he can get some alternative views of life in Thailand. Or email him a link to this thread.

Or even send him some of those stickman stories.

[qwertz]

Who's gonna thank you for breaking the news?

I've done this in the past, one guy even left me some money to call and tell him if the girl went back to the bar and to other men.

She did.

So I did what he asked and when he came back he told me I was wrong, that the girl had a reasonable explanation for everything.

They married and within the year he was back, cleaned out, with his sob story.

I keep my involvement nowadays to being there with the help when things eventually go pear shaped.

Edited June 3, 2007 by qwertz

[philliphn]

If it were me I would want to be told.

I expect all of you would want to be told if it were you!

If you are any kind of friend to this man you should tell him!

If she is already married to another man it seems to me that he might be able after some hassle to get some of his resources back.

Edited June 3, 2007 by philliphn

[Ijustwannateach]

I've got a rule for myself now for dealing with these awkward situations: if it's a real friend, I tell them once, briefly, what I think. Then I clam up about it. If I make it an ongoing discussion, it just leads to resentment and a combative attitude in the friendship (plus the making of all kinds of defensive statements about how *my* partners are not ideal, etc., etc.).

So far, I've mostly been right about others' partners and my own....

"Steven"

[larvidchr]

I do sympathise with you, it is a sad situation to get caught up in but:

Tell him, it is the decent thing to do, others have outlined the different problems doing this, so do be carefull, but tell him anyway. You will feel good knowing you have done the right thing.

Kind regards

[torito]

How about getting him to join TV so he can get some alternative views of life in Thailand. Or email him a link to this thread.

Or even send him some of those stickman stories.

Hard dilema. Just trying to give some helpful ideas....Perhaps you do not need to be direct but suggestive, or even help him to discover the situation by himself, or just tell him the truth but not all the truth (only the one comfortable for you)...... Good luck.

[solent01]

You should tell him. Or buy him the book "Private Dancer" and let him work it out for himself. I feel for the guy, he is being taken for an easy shot, but this is Thai (Bar Girl) culture, did he leave his brain at the airport?

[Lickey]

Plain and simple, you dont know him from Adam, your wifes family knows his wifes family, just say do you know your wife is allready married? if he says yes, then youve done your bit, walk away with a clear conscience, double marriages do happen!!

[Dakhar]

I'd be worried about diseases. I mean really we know whe is not that honest, what kind of man allows his wife to be rented out, unless he has no problem with that activity because he gets around too.

The Thai guy then passes it to her, she then gives it to the golden goose.....

When he finds out he is going to die, a slow and horrible death..... I imagine all the money he has spent won mean a thing to him.

Shoosh I'd tell him, you may save his life, if it aint already too late.

[farang prince]

The anonymous letter is the one and only way I would handle this, since he is not a close friend to you. The other posters are right when they say that the woman and her Thai husband could try to come back at you if they found out you are the source of the information. After all, you would be killing the golden goose. If, after receiving the anonymous letter, your casual acquaintance continues his "marriage" to the Thai woman, that is his problem. Your conscience will be clear and you can sit and watch the train wreck as it happens.