To Tell Or Not To Tell, That Is The Question

[duratanium]

Tell him. Either anonymously or otherwise. If it was me, I would rather be told so I could check it all out to confirm what I had been told. Most of us are aware that life is not as rosy as it is painted and would be fools not to look into it after being informed.

Seems to me that the innocent party is always the last one to find out - as in, didn't you know she/he was like that? etc.

[Maigo6]

Why do you think you have the duty to involve yourself in another persons life in such a way?

If you have to ask that question you didn't read the post correctly.

Tool.

OK, ask yourself that question.

Why did you call me a tool, because I think you should stay out of other peoples business ?

OK, go ahead, Tell him, tell her, tell everybody, they will all thank you and think what a wonderful person you are.

I'm sure that's the way to go.

[jackmuu]

Why do you think you have the duty to involve yourself in another persons life in such a way?

If you have to ask that question you didn't read the post correctly.

Tool.

OK, ask yourself that question.

Why did you call me a tool, because I think you should stay out of other peoples business ?

OK, go ahead, Tell him, tell her, tell everybody, they will all thank you and think what a wonderful person you are.

I'm sure that's the way to go.

Tool was in reference to your lack of understanding.

[Maigo6]

Tool was in reference to your lack of understanding.

A lack of understanding on an anonymous internet forum, well whatever next.........................

Get a hobby.

[Thaddeus]

I got an empty bottle of beer Chang to the side of the head and a quick trip to the hospital.

Did he bottle you or did she ?

She did.

Which is why she ended up being given that very insulting nickname by the locals.

[chinthee]

I got an empty bottle of beer Chang to the side of the head and a quick trip to the hospital.

Did he bottle you or did she ?

She did.

Which is why she ended up being given that very insulting nickname by the locals.

For those who don't understand Thai the locals named her "Ten Baht Ho."

[kmart]

Age-old quandary / dilemma in LOS.

I would tell him. I've told a few friends something similar as and when required. If they don't listen and carry on regardless then thats their own problem. You may lose a potential friend, but he sounds like he might be about to lose a lot more...

[blizzard]

dude this is thailand. have a beer and a laugh when its all over.

or stay out of it. he just going to say you a bitter man jealous of his good fortune.....lol.

[a2396]

Only one of the marriages can have been done legally at the Amphur.

It is surprising how many farangs think the ceremony with the monks is actually a marriage.

Yes, I asume we are talking about the "lawful wedded wife" and not a hocus-pocus one. In any case, I am told that it is not to far out of range for some to have more than one registered marriage running similtaneously. If there is no interconnected national data-base of marriage registrations, what is done in one province may not show up in another. Anyone know if in fact there is an integrated computer registry and if it is cross checked??

[qwertz]

Just a suggestion - why not direct your friend to this or a similar forum?

All life is here.

[Dakhar]

Again, this guy is going to be exposed to all kinds of diseases. If it were just a matter of money or "face" I'd say stay out of it. But this situation can go far beyond that. Have you seen anyone die from coplications caused by AIDS? Have you seen anyone takeing pills and praying for just another day of missery....?

Honestly, I have not, but I can only imagine how horrid it would be.

[blizzard]

theres not much aids going around killing farangs..

ITS THEIR ###### GIRLFRIEND KILLING THEM...........LOL

[MTW]

You know, one of the major reasons that farangs get screwed here is because of the fact that everyone who knows that a Thai person is a jerk, is scamming someone, is telling huge lies, is that everyone the Thai person who knows this goes along for the ride. Why in the hel_l do you think girls take their men to their village??? To build credibility about how honest they are, to show how poor their family is, because farang people cannot usually imagine that a whole family, a whole village, will participate in the lies.

The fact that they use other farangs to meet the unsuspecting new farang, just helps to give them more credibility, otherwise, why would they do it?? If you participate in deceiving fellow farangs, you are even more guilty than Thai people, because it is not part of your culture to do this, and because you don't usually have the same financial constraints as a Thai person in Issan might have.

If you think these people might kill you for exposing the truth, then probably you should not want to live in a village with these people. I mean, where do you draw the line??? If people in your village asked you to murder one of these farang, would you do it because your standard of life might be in question?

If one of these farang commits suicide because they are so upset by how they were screwed over, don't have any money left to return to their country of origin, are completely heartbroken, would you really not feel any responsibility if you knew the truth but never bothered to tell them?

I had some Thai people who worked for me try to extort money from me, for no good reason, other than they worked for me, I paid them for several months, and they did zero work. When I fired them, told them I was never going to pay them again any money whatsoever, they accepted that. But then they never moved out of my guesthouse. After one month, I said, okay you have to move, what are you doing, and they asked me for a few months pay in order to get out (through a friend of theirs of course, not directly because I would have probably beat them to death). I think, they thought, because I am a woman here, that I could not protect myself. Many people told me I would have to move and get a new house because they would try to get revenge on me.

I pretended to call a Thai hotel owner I know, who owns guns, and ask to borrow a gun, right in front of the friend of my worker who was trying to get money out of me. I pounded on the table, acted like I had lost all control, and said I was going to kill him and his family. I said, if they try to kill me, my husband will come here and kill any family members left of theirs. I went totally crazy and said if they didn't want to take their things, out of my guesthouse, that I would burn the <deleted>.ker down. I said I would give all their things to the monks if they did not show up first thing in the morning.

Basically what I decided was that this was like the wild west in America a couple of hundred years ago, and that if a lone woman wants to survive she has to pretend that she is a cowboy like all the others. (And since I know how to ride horses, and learned how to shoot guns from the FBI according to some classes I had taken and some work I had done ... I decided to try to use this to my advantage ... although riding horses here won't help you.)

Guess what, the Thai man showed up at my gate, even though my Thai friends told me I didn't need to change the locks, I had changed the locks, and at around midnight he tried to get in, drunk off his ass, and saying that he needed to get his kid some uniform from my house.

I wouldn't be surprised, if I had let him in, if he raped me. And I would not be surprised that nobody in Thailand would do a ###### thing about it. So I had my fake Thai friends call him on his phone and tell him that I was going to shoot him if he crossed the boundary into my property. So he finally left, and came back the next morning, at the time I said, to pick up his stuff.

The only reason this worked out for me, was because 1) I stopped trying to negotiate "the Thai way" according to my Thai friends and decided to rely on myself. And 2) My thai friends knew that I sometimes went to the gun range to practice shooting and 3) They made a mistake and believed I had managed to get a gun here.

And although my Thai friends maybe "didn't respect me for losing my temper" this was the first time I ever got my way here, and was able to deal with a problem on my own, after months of trying to deal with it through them, the Thai way, which in my opinion is no way.

I did every single thing here farang people are told not to do, and certainly not women, and this was the first time I got a quick response, and exactly the response I wanted.

There was never any retaliation, and I made sure to tell them that whatever they did to me, I , or my family, would do to them times 10.

I never had a gun here, only faked it. I would like to have a gun here but apparently I can go to jail for that. But I would say, don't underestimate the power of a lie, especially if you have given some people reason to believe it. But if there was some person who could have warned me that my workers were scam artists, that would have helped to avoid this whole situation.

The only reason my fake "Thai friends" helped to advise this person to get the hel_l away from my gate, was because they believed I had a loaded gun, and was trained how to fire it. I was trained, but did not have a gun because of the laws here and because I decided not to break the laws.

Luckily, this worked in my situation. But if I had been warned by farangs that the people I was involved with, were bad people, maybe none of this would have happened.

[MTW]

Oh jdinasia,

I am waiting for your reply that I played the victim here.

[girlx]

right on, i will have to try that too if a bad situation ever arises again. i have not a deceptive bone in my body but i too am learning the value of a well placed lie in thailand. and i agree that as a woman alone here, if you play by thai rules you will always lose and that can be dangerous. (i have also found that thais don't necessarily play by thai rules... they will fight dirty and lose face to get what they want too). also, if some farangs knew i was being taken for a ride and didn't try to warn me (not that they are obligated to) i would feel extremely insulted in the long run. more people need to develop empathy. the way it is now, everyone is out for themselves, and that is a sad situation.

[Edonista]

Again, this guy is going to be exposed to all kinds of diseases. If it were just a matter of money or "face" I'd say stay out of it. But this situation can go far beyond that. Have you seen anyone die from coplications caused by AIDS? Have you seen anyone takeing pills and praying for just another day of missery....?

Honestly, I have not, but I can only imagine how horrid it would be.

You can satisfy your curiosity by going to the Camillian AIDS centre near Bang Chang, Rayong. It is along Sukhumvit, crossing number 7, km 21.

[Edonista]

theres not much aids going around killing farangs..

ITS THEIR ###### GIRLFRIEND KILLING THEM...........LOL

Thai girlfriends are much faster then AIDS

[pop_corn]

Again, this guy is going to be exposed to all kinds of diseases. If it were just a matter of money or "face" I'd say stay out of it. But this situation can go far beyond that. Have you seen anyone die from coplications caused by AIDS? Have you seen anyone takeing pills and praying for just another day of missery....?

Honestly, I have not, but I can only imagine how horrid it would be.

You can satisfy your curiosity by going to the Camillian AIDS centre near Bang Chang, Rayong. It is along Sukhumvit, crossing number 7, km 21.

i didn’t like those comments.. cuz, i had experienced from near, to be next to a terminal cancer person, and u don’t pray fro misery, u pray cuz without hope there is no life. Sounds really ugly the way u put it.

And the other post.. em… seen dying ppl is kind of “show” for u or what? ,,, “yeah, go there man, they’re dying”

,,,,,,,

[fredcyber]

Never underestimate people's capacity for self deception. The OP does not know what he may be getting himself into and Thailand can be/is a dangerous place especially when a source of substantial funds is threatened. For my brother, yes, for anyone else the anonymous note is as far as I would go even then if a violent response is possible the perpetrators are unlikely to wait around for proof of their suspicions before acting.

[Nebukanezar]

If your not close to the guy, find out a way to clue him in annyomiously. If thats not feasible , chalk it up to some sort of Charles Darwin meets Barnum T Baily financial version of natural selection. And let it go.

[Dakhar]

i didn’t like those comments.. cuz, i had experienced from near, to be next to a terminal cancer person, and u don’t pray fro misery, u pray cuz without hope there is no life. Sounds really ugly the way u put it.

I did not like those comments..... well it sounds like I got my point across then. Death by Aids is in no way beautiful, I can't imagine a more lonely death.

Ironic, it is a disease contracted out of an act of "love" and in the end, few people if at all love you. A terrible way to go out. Cancer, folks feel sympathetic, in the case of HIV/Aids folks think "Oh he is gay, or should of used a condom, or if she didn't open her legs to every guy etc." There is essentially always some type of condemnation or fault tied to an Aids victim.

A cancer victim can walk into a hospital, clinic with dignity, and Aids victim does not get that luxury. In a nutshell it is UGLY.

[blizzard]

becareful of the games you play mtw. you might be one of the farangs who accidently fell out of a hirise.

you being taken over and over is one thing but you playing a game you will never win. this is thailand you not not in kansas anymore.

you just dont seem to cope well here. evrey thing for you is bad stuff.

[MTW]

HI Blizzard,

Thanks for your warning, but for one, I don't live in any high rise, but I get your meaning. You think I don't cope well here, and I didn't for some amount of time, but that time is long past.

However, if I had paid the extortion, what would have happened to me after that? I would keep having demands from people who thought I was weak and scared of revenge. In that case I surely would have had to move. I didn't want to get that reputation, I didn't want to move, so I tried to figure out what the next best move was.

For the people on this forum who like to say I kept going back for the same abuse to the same people, hopefully they will see that this is not true. In this case, it was very obvious what was going on, and I took very decisive action, even though maybe I could have suffered from it. But I didn't suffer from it. Had I listened even more to all my BS Thai friends who gave me advise that day, I would have done everything wrong. That day, I did what I thought was my best chance, and it worked. Some Thai people have said they are afraid to deal with me now because I lost my temper, but they don't know that I calculated that, and that I am glad they don't want to deal with me anymore. The only dealings they wanted to have with me before this, was to screw me over.

Basically, I think what I did in this case was rather smart. I didn't have a gun that I could go to jail for, but I had the power of a gun in their minds. This was somewhat accidental as I never intended to go to the shooting range here in order to live out this situation. But since they knew I went, and I had talked about owning guns before, and they knew my friend who owns a hotel here keeps many guns, it worked for me.

I'm sorry but even women have some pride and won't pick up house and home and move because someone threatens them. And if you don't have fathers, and brothers, or husbands, that can come defend you, what can you do? Well, surely they thought I wouldn't do anything other than to pay up because I am a rich farang. Well I didn't become a rich farang because I was born with a bag full of money, and as stupid as some people think I am in Thailand, I am not stupid in my own culture and made quite a lot of good decisions for myself. The fact that I was taken advantage of here, does not erase a lifetime of decisions that paid off for me before I came here.

That was really the first time I said, <deleted> Thai culture, it isn't working for me, and did what my culture told me to do, and it was the FIRST time I got success here. And now I don't doubt my culture as being the wrong way all the time, just because Thai people like to say it is the wrong way. Certainly when you are being screwed in a criminal way, you can rely on whatever culture works for you and Thai people just might be telling you advise that works best for them, because the result they are looking for is the result that is best for them, not for you. And it is best for them that their friend gets more free money.

I am not exactly sure why, because being friends with me for life would probably bring them more legit money than anything they could do to me to screw me over, but that is the Thai way, take what you can get today and forget about the next day because you might be dead. Obviously, if I had lived by this rule, I wouldn't have a dime left for Thais to take from me.

[gburns57au]

Right now we have had the HIV/AIDS and extorted guesthouse owner discussions, it seems time to get back on topic...

To the OP....you are not friends with the guy...not even close to the guy....the info you have has been gained second or third hand.....

It is not your concern....you dont owe the guy anything...at best you will make new enemies....Stay out of it....when the guys world comes tumbling down and if he wants to talk then lend a compassionate and sympathetic ear.

[meemiathai]

You know, one of the major reasons that farangs get screwed here is because of the fact that everyone who knows that a Thai person is a jerk, is scamming someone, is telling huge lies, is that everyone the Thai person who knows this goes along for the ride. Why in the hel_l do you think girls take their men to their village??? To build credibility about how honest they are, to show how poor their family is, because farang people cannot usually imagine that a whole family, a whole village, will participate in the lies.

The fact that they use other farangs to meet the unsuspecting new farang, just helps to give them more credibility, otherwise, why would they do it?? If you participate in deceiving fellow farangs, you are even more guilty than Thai people, because it is not part of your culture to do this, and because you don't usually have the same financial constraints as a Thai person in Issan might have.

If you think these people might kill you for exposing the truth, then probably you should not want to live in a village with these people. I mean, where do you draw the line??? If people in your village asked you to murder one of these farang, would you do it because your standard of life might be in question?

If one of these farang commits suicide because they are so upset by how they were screwed over, don't have any money left to return to their country of origin, are completely heartbroken, would you really not feel any responsibility if you knew the truth but never bothered to tell them?

I had some Thai people who worked for me try to extort money from me, for no good reason, other than they worked for me, I paid them for several months, and they did zero work. When I fired them, told them I was never going to pay them again any money whatsoever, they accepted that. But then they never moved out of my guesthouse. After one month, I said, okay you have to move, what are you doing, and they asked me for a few months pay in order to get out (through a friend of theirs of course, not directly because I would have probably beat them to death). I think, they thought, because I am a woman here, that I could not protect myself. Many people told me I would have to move and get a new house because they would try to get revenge on me.

I pretended to call a Thai hotel owner I know, who owns guns, and ask to borrow a gun, right in front of the friend of my worker who was trying to get money out of me. I pounded on the table, acted like I had lost all control, and said I was going to kill him and his family. I said, if they try to kill me, my husband will come here and kill any family members left of theirs. I went totally crazy and said if they didn't want to take their things, out of my guesthouse, that I would burn the <deleted>.ker down. I said I would give all their things to the monks if they did not show up first thing in the morning.

Basically what I decided was that this was like the wild west in America a couple of hundred years ago, and that if a lone woman wants to survive she has to pretend that she is a cowboy like all the others. (And since I know how to ride horses, and learned how to shoot guns from the FBI according to some classes I had taken and some work I had done ... I decided to try to use this to my advantage ... although riding horses here won't help you.)

Guess what, the Thai man showed up at my gate, even though my Thai friends told me I didn't need to change the locks, I had changed the locks, and at around midnight he tried to get in, drunk off his ass, and saying that he needed to get his kid some uniform from my house.

I wouldn't be surprised, if I had let him in, if he raped me. And I would not be surprised that nobody in Thailand would do a ###### thing about it. So I had my fake Thai friends call him on his phone and tell him that I was going to shoot him if he crossed the boundary into my property. So he finally left, and came back the next morning, at the time I said, to pick up his stuff.

The only reason this worked out for me, was because 1) I stopped trying to negotiate "the Thai way" according to my Thai friends and decided to rely on myself. And 2) My thai friends knew that I sometimes went to the gun range to practice shooting and 3) They made a mistake and believed I had managed to get a gun here.

And although my Thai friends maybe "didn't respect me for losing my temper" this was the first time I ever got my way here, and was able to deal with a problem on my own, after months of trying to deal with it through them, the Thai way, which in my opinion is no way.

I did every single thing here farang people are told not to do, and certainly not women, and this was the first time I got a quick response, and exactly the response I wanted.

There was never any retaliation, and I made sure to tell them that whatever they did to me, I , or my family, would do to them times 10.

I never had a gun here, only faked it. I would like to have a gun here but apparently I can go to jail for that. But I would say, don't underestimate the power of a lie, especially if you have given some people reason to believe it. But if there was some person who could have warned me that my workers were scam artists, that would have helped to avoid this whole situation.

The only reason my fake "Thai friends" helped to advise this person to get the hel_l away from my gate, was because they believed I had a loaded gun, and was trained how to fire it. I was trained, but did not have a gun because of the laws here and because I decided not to break the laws.

Luckily, this worked in my situation. But if I had been warned by farangs that the people I was involved with, were bad people, maybe none of this would have happened.

MTW, can you tell us which part of thailand did this happen in?

[MTW]

Yes, this happened in Chiang Mai. I have always lived here and only here as far as Thailand goes.

[Rhys]

To Be or Not to be, Ask the Question.. yeah

[t.s]

becareful of the games you play mtw. you might be one of the farangs who accidently fell out of a hirise.

you being taken over and over is one thing but you playing a game you will never win. this is thailand you not not in kansas anymore.

you just dont seem to cope well here. evrey thing for you is bad stuff.

i actually agree with blizzard on this one. too much drama.

[qwertz]

Right now we have had the HIV/AIDS and extorted guesthouse owner discussions, it seems time to get back on topic...

To the OP....you are not friends with the guy...not even close to the guy....the info you have has been gained second or third hand.....

It is not your concern....you dont owe the guy anything...at best you will make new enemies....Stay out of it....when the guys world comes tumbling down and if he wants to talk then lend a compassionate and sympathetic ear.

Amen.

This is what friends are really for.

[Mike45]

Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to be told if it was you? Absolutely!

I can also tell you that someone once did it for me. I only met him once. He went to a lot of trouble to track me down in the states. Called me from Thailand and gave me enough information so i could investigate on my own and I found out he was correct.

Thank God he did.....