My B/f Is A Pornstar - Opinions And Advice

[eagleflyinghigh]

I am desperate !

My b/f is a star in a recently released high quality porn movie (selling strong in Europe and the US) which was produced more than 1 year ago, end May 2006. His role is a very hard one.

To be fair: When he participated in that movie we were just dating for two month and our relationship became committed only later in July 2006. He also told me subsequently that he did such a movie.

But I am still deeply shocked.

Your opinion and advice please !

[ProThaiExpat]

Sorry, not "put on".

[peter991]

I am writing this making two assumptions:

1. Your BF is Thai.

2. Your post is genuine.

All I can say is it is highly unusual to find a gay Thai male who is so 'open.' Most Thai guys are really shy.

If it's for real - this is something from his past. We all have skeletons in our closet. Be grateful he told you first - rather than you discovering about his past second hand.

Peter

[eagleflyinghigh]

I am writing this making two assumptions:

1. Your BF is Thai.

2. Your post is genuine.

All I can say is it is highly unusual to find a gay Thai male who is so 'open.' Most Thai guys are really shy.

If it's for real - this is something from his past. We all have skeletons in our closet. Be grateful he told you first - rather than you discovering about his past second hand.

Peter

Thank you for your kind recomforting words as I am really distressed. Your assumptions are correct. I think that he has been lurked into that for THB 20 000 and they did not tell him it was a commercial video.

I agree with you that it is a good point that he is so sincere. Therefore I will most probably pass over it.

[PeaceBlondie]

There is a market for this material, and folks like John H. at ----- Studios has produced dozens of full length (!) movies using Thai performers. eagleflyinghigh, just let it pass.

[FranklyNoMore]

I\'ve seen quite a few Thai porn movies, There have been a few stories in the news reporting on Thai porn stars too. I remember reading one, a few years ago, about a female named Nong Nat. She was very popular! So i wonder why anyone would think Thais wouldn\'t do porn. Porn movies have even been shot in places like Chakran sauna. Thais buy a lot of porno both gay and straight even though it\'s illegal. My bf has a large collection of Thai porn most of which was bought online and some in silom.

As for your bf, accept his past or move on. I see no difference to selling yourself to any Tom dick or Harry in a bar or making money in a porn movie. All Thais know when you are walking with a bar guy but less would know when you are walking with pornstar. Personally I wouldnt want to be seen out with either, but that\'s me.

[eek]

what exactly about it that worries you? What aspect of it? And, how does your bf feel about it all?

[eagleflyinghigh]

what exactly about it that worries you? What aspect of it? And, how does your bf feel about it all?

Given your nickname I suppose you are Thai. Thank you for your important questions.

For me there is no problem, life is not always a straight path and in my western view, porn is not a problem. The movie is very nice and has a huge success. I find the action very hot ! Nevertheless I think it is normal that I am deeply shocked after havoing seen the pictures.

But I feel extremely bad for my b/f. I believe for a Thai such a movie being distributed means "loosing face". The actors naively believe that the movies will not be available in Thailand - with the web they are available worldwide.

I much fear that my b/f feels extremely ashamed and uncomfortable about all despite my reassuring words.

Hope this answers your questions!

Edited July 1, 2007 by eagleflyinghigh

[eek]

im not thai eagleflyinghigh.

So the worry is really on your bf's part. I feel for him if he is worried about it. I am guessing his appearance could be recognised and word could get out to family members etc?

Well, whats done is done, he can choose to worry about it, or choose to be strong about it. Your reassurance shall hopefully help him overcome things.

If its possible, it would be good for him to try see the positive aspects of what he did. There must have been a good reason for him to have done it, be-it financially or for the thrill of it etc. Its not something someone randomly goes out to do, his reasons must have been good ones, no point in regretting it, better to be proud or at least nonchalant. I dont think its too wise to simply ignore that it happened, for if confronted in any way, his embarresment may be too much to bare for him. Better to come to terms with it and be well prepared if someone asks.

I suggest maybe go through some kind of role play to help him play out his worse fears and how to overcome them. Being prepared for the possibility that someone may try to make him feel embarressed (or ask for an autograph even!) and having a good way of answering prepared or having practiced rising above it all, may help him. If he knows how he would deal with a situation that would embarress him, then hopefully the fear and feelings of shame will not be as overwhelming.

Edited July 1, 2007 by eek

[eagleflyinghigh]

im not thai eagleflyinghigh.

So the worry is really on your bf's part. I feel for him if he is worried about it. I am guessing his appearance could be recognised and word could get out to family members etc?

Well, whats done is done, he can choose to worry about it, or choose to be strong about it. Your reassurance shall hopefully help him overcome things.

If its possible, it would be good for him to try see the positive aspects of what he did. There must have been a good reason for him to have done it, be-it financially or for the thrill of it etc. Its not something someone randomly goes out to do, his reasons must have been good ones, no point in regretting it, better to be proud or at least nonchalant. I dont think its too wise to simply ignore that it happened, for if confronted in any way, his embarresment may be too much to bare for him. Better to come to terms with it and be well prepared if someone asks.

I suggest maybe go through some kind of role play to help him play out his worse fears and how to overcome them. Being prepared for the possibility that someone may try to make him feel embarressed (or ask for an autograph even!) and having a good way of answering prepared or having practiced rising above it all, may help him. If he knows how he would deal with a situation that would embarress him, then hopefully the fear and feelings of shame will not be as overwhelming.

Your very good statement helps. Indeed what's done is done and if you are playing in a top porn movie it means that you are a nice guy and can be proud of it!

He had very good reasons: He helped his family who runned into a mess in Bangkok returning upcountry and our relationship was not yet stable and he did not want to use me for that. His family is farming happily in their home village by now and this is really thanks to him.

I will follow your advice for a role play.

[eek]

well, those were noble reasons indeed. Good luck.

[Pawpcorn]

I am desperate !

My b/f is a star in a recently released high quality porn movie (selling strong in Europe and the US) which was produced more than 1 year ago, end May 2006. His role is a very hard one.

To be fair: When he participated in that movie we were just dating for two month and our relationship became committed only later in July 2006. He also told me subsequently that he did such a movie.

But I am still deeply shocked.

Your opinion and advice please !

Oh, Jesus, get over it, and count yourself lucky that he is a talented bloke.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL???? Is your "boyfriend" TAINTED now, somehow, in your farang mind? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS COUNTRY???

I could go on and on, believe me, but I am so shocked and surprised that YOU, as a gay man, here in Thailand would be dismayed in the slightest at this news. I take it you have led a very sheltered life?? I am so puzzled. Don't you know what SURVIVAL feels like for the Thai male in this country?

Don't mean to be harsh or demeaning, but geeze, wake up and smell the coffee. Adapt, or you will not survive in Thailand.

Unbelievable.

[meom]

I would be shocked if your partner shows let's say more action, joy, stamina etc in the on screen bed than in the off screen bed. It's a movie so things are being taped over and over again from several angles but I can imagine you would feel a bit jealous at the other players in the movie if you don't get the same experience at home.

I had the same with my wife when we met. She used to be an entertainment provider so in the beginning when I paid for it she put a lot of effort into the horizontal exercise experience. The moment we fell in love and I didn't have to pay anymore sex became a bit more boring.

[geriatrickid]

If there is a Jerry Springer type show in Thailand, you can be a guest with a storyline like this

Have you ever watched porn? If so, then you are no better, nor worse than this guy.

People in the adult film business come with a whole range of emotional baggage. The longer they work in the industry the more screwed up they become. The stress and pressures are tremendous, despite the fun image it may project.. If he was a limited time player, then cut him some slack. He had the brains to get out with his dignity and mental health intact.

[eagleflyinghigh]

Oh, Jesus, get over it, and count yourself lucky that he is a talented bloke.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL???? Is your "boyfriend" TAINTED now, somehow, in your farang mind? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS COUNTRY???

I could go on and on, believe me, but I am so shocked and surprised that YOU, as a gay man, here in Thailand would be dismayed in the slightest at this news. I take it you have led a very sheltered life?? I am so puzzled. Don't you know what SURVIVAL feels like for the Thai male in this country?

Don't mean to be harsh or demeaning, but geeze, wake up and smell the coffee. Adapt, or you will not survive in Thailand.

Unbelievable.

Thank you for this statement Pawpcorn. It really helped me to get your kick, I needed it!

Survival is hard in this apparently kind but in thruth shameless and brutal country. The problems remains now with the pornstar and his fear that his family could know. This is his own big discomfort. We all have to assume what we did....

[eagleflyinghigh]

If there is a Jerry Springer type show in Thailand, you can be a guest with a storyline like this

Have you ever watched porn? If so, then you are no better, nor worse than this guy.

People in the adult film business come with a whole range of emotional baggage. The longer they work in the industry the more screwed up they become. The stress and pressures are tremendous, despite the fun image it may project.. If he was a limited time player, then cut him some slack. He had the brains to get out with his dignity and mental health intact.

Of course I have and do not condemn it.

My b/f told me that the producction was hel_l and I can see it in his face in the movie. He is happy not to repeat the experience. This is not about fun between georgous guys, but hard work. I wonder how they can handle it. But often in these movies there are some physical problems. To reassure everybody: His real life performace is far better.

Edited July 1, 2007 by eagleflyinghigh

[popshirt]

! Nevertheless I think it is normal that I am deeply shocked after havoing seen the pictures.

Surprised, maybe, but shocked? No I don't think that is a normal reaction.

Maybe I'm from another planet but what your boyfriend does with his body is, in my opinion, none of your business.

You do not own him. (Nor he, you).

Do you love him? Does he love you? There are enough challenges in building a relationship without complicating matters with strictures about who puts whose genitals where and under what conditions. I think I'd be kind of proud of my pornstar boyfriend!

[toptuan]

If there is a Jerry Springer type show in Thailand, you can be a guest with a storyline like this

Have you ever watched porn? If so, then you are no better, nor worse than this guy.

People in the adult film business come with a whole range of emotional baggage. The longer they work in the industry the more screwed up they become. The stress and pressures are tremendous, despite the fun image it may project.. If he was a limited time player, then cut him some slack. He had the brains to get out with his dignity and mental health intact.

Very wise observations, Geriatrickid.

[eagleflyinghigh]

[surprised, maybe, but shocked? No I don't think that is a normal reaction.

Maybe I'm from another planet but what your boyfriend does with his body is, in my opinion, none of your business.

You do not own him. (Nor he, you).

Do you love him? Does he love you? There are enough challenges in building a relationship without complicating matters with strictures about who puts whose genitals where and under what conditions. I think I'd be kind of proud of my pornstar boyfriend!

You name it, dear popshirt! There are other challenges in life. My reaction was emotionally stupid (fortunately I was never angry with him - just that shocked feeling). I should really be proud of my pornstar (who is even better in reality) and enjoy. I will now make a dozen copies of the DVD - just in case!

I would like to thank all members of this forum for your help and the sincere expression of their opinions. You all were a great help to me. A big thank you from my heart.

Edited July 1, 2007 by eagleflyinghigh

[Pawpcorn]

Thank you for this statement Pawpcorn. It really helped me to get your kick, I needed it!

Survival is hard in this apparently kind but in thruth shameless and brutal country. The problems remains now with the pornstar and his fear that his family could know. This is his own big discomfort. We all have to assume what we did....

Eagle, I feel that you are a beautiful soul, and I really appreciate you not reacting negatively to my reply. I am so sorry if it seemed harsh; I just felt really intensely at the moment, having had to learn A LOT since I arrived here a year ago. Luckily I ran into a (straight) man who is my best Farang friend now, in Puckett, and he explained the Thai mind and Thai Love to me in such a straight forward manner, that it started me on the path of being able to adjust, and, really, UNLEARN so much of what I had taken for granted about what LOVE IS... Thai Love, and the Thai mind, is MUCH different than the Farang's.

It's really easy to assume that WE had it right, and Thais, somehow have it messed up... It's really the other way around. I see that quite clearly now. Thai Love is much more practical, and makes a lot more sense.

If we ever have a chance to chat (and I'd enjoy that, PM me), I can get into this in some depth with you (believe me) but will close now...

I wish you the best of luck, and I understand your issues better; relax, and try not to "think too much" about this. Trust me, they don't.

Take care,

Pawpcorn

Edited July 1, 2007 by Pawpcorn

[eek]

! Nevertheless I think it is normal that I am deeply shocked after havoing seen the pictures.

Surprised, maybe, but shocked? No I don't think that is a normal reaction.

Maybe I'm from another planet but what your boyfriend does with his body is, in my opinion, none of your business.

You do not own him. (Nor he, you).

Do you love him? Does he love you? There are enough challenges in building a relationship without complicating matters with strictures about who puts whose genitals where and under what conditions. I think I'd be kind of proud of my pornstar boyfriend!

I think to be shocked is absolutely a perfectly normal reaction. I think if you are dating someone you dont automatically expect them to be in a porn film. As for the 'none of your business' part with regards to what someones partner does with there body, i have to say i disagree. Its about respect. Respect for your partner. If you are seriously dating someone then although you of course do not "own" them, there should be a level of trust and respect for each other to remain faithful to each other(unless an open relationship is decided apon). This again, is all perfectly normal, so i feel you are unjust in berating or pulling up eagles reaction in this. As for why his bf did what he did, thats another matter, but for the most part, i cannot see why eagles reaction would be viewed as anything but normal.

--------

Pawporn..I agree eagle does indeed seem to have a beautiful soul, especially in his reaction to your rather antagonistic post. You may have had a valid point to make, but eagle was asking advice in a calm respectful manner, I personally think it would have been nice of you to have posted your opinion in a similar way.

It seemed to me that eagle was only wishing to help his bf, not put him down, or run out on him, etc etc, just wishing to know how others feel and for some helpful advice.

I dont really mean to come across as a crusader for eagle, im sure eagle can handle himself well enough, i just feel that there are so many people around at times who seem quicker to berate and get angry in this forum. Points may be valid, but does it really warrent such dramatic reactions. ?

Anyway..i dont mean to offend anyone here.

Wish you well with this eagle. All the best.

[cdnvic]

His role is a very hard one.

I'm sorry, but that is so difficult not to comment on in this context. So I won't.

[eagleflyinghigh]

I dont really mean to come across as a crusader for eagle, im sure eagle can handle himself well enough, i just feel that there are so many people around at times who seem quicker to berate and get angry in this forum. Points may be valid, but does it really warrent such dramatic reactions. ?

Anyway..i dont mean to offend anyone here.

Wish you well with this eagle. All the best.

Thank you for your kind words eek. I am used to handle my life. I just felt hurt - which is normal when you love somebody.

Also I just got the information that the engagement for the porn movie has been taken by my b/f even before we met and he just did not cancel it afterwards. Meanwhile he feels very sad because he understands my distress. Time to turn the page and to look ahead.

[TopChinese]

"Lucky bastard!" I would have thought. To be enjoying relations with a porn star. FOC.

I would have to pay to <deleted> my farang porn idols. hel_l, there are even some farangs here in this forum who pay for their thai non-porn material.

Edited July 2, 2007 by TopChinese

[funfun]

I dont really mean to come across as a crusader for eagle, im sure eagle can handle himself well enough, i just feel that there are so many people around at times who seem quicker to berate and get angry in this forum. Points may be valid, but does it really warrent such dramatic reactions. ?

Anyway..i dont mean to offend anyone here.

Wish you well with this eagle. All the best.

Thank you for your kind words eek. I am used to handle my life. I just felt hurt - which is normal when you love somebody.

Also I just got the information that the engagement for the porn movie has been taken by my b/f even before we met and he just did not cancel it afterwards. Meanwhile he feels very sad because he understands my distress. Time to turn the page and to look ahead.

as some other posts have said, i really dont think he will be thinking of this as mutch as you, it is an industry here to have sex (inc filmung etc) for money, most taxi drivers and motor bikes will have sex with another man for money, but probobly only 20% are gay, its just a money thing here, maybe the more you mention it to him might be rubbing it in, just try forget it same we all like to do when we done somthing were not really proud of.

Good luck and i hope everything works out for you both.

[puuchai299]

Dont let it bother you,just get on with your life' together,sounds like your happy to be together,it's no big deal.A friend of mine who is thai,and is actualy straight not gay,was involved in a porn video or 3,i actualy bought the vcd and seen him in it,shocked and also surprised.He told me money had been the only factor in doing it.Following that his girlfriend of 3 years had been told by a friend of hers that she had seen him in a gay sex movie,you can imagine,he went through a difficult time,as her first reaction was,my boyfriends gay.But through there love for each other they worked it out and there as strong together now as ever.good luck,happy future...

[peter991]

I guess this is one of the reasons we really like Thailand. Thai people (male and female) do not have the hang-ups that we westerners have. I guess most of it stems from their Buddhist versus our Christian culture.

I know we aren't allowed to mention bar-boys (in detail), but all of the 'dancers' I have spoken with see no shame in what they are doing. It is a job. They get paid for their job. Their job enables them to support their family. Their family knows what they are doing. Their family does not see any shame in what their son(s) are doing.

It is us - the westerners - who need to switch to "Thai mode' when we arrive in Thailand.

Peter

[expatwannabe]

I can't believe no one's asked...

"what's the movie?" I might like to pick up a copy in the U.S. if it's really good.

[eek]

Pawporn..I agree eagle does indeed seem to have a beautiful soul....

Oops!

I was just reading over what i wrote, after i read replies, to see if it came across as i had wanted it to. Had no idea I misspelled Pawpcorn. Talk about a Freudian slip lol. Sorry Pawpcorn!

[eagleflyinghigh]

I can't believe no one's asked...

"what's the movie?" I might like to pick up a copy in the U.S. if it's really good.

I will NEVER tell you