7 Wonders On Your Doorstep

[thaigerd]

7 Wonders on your doorstep

By Roger Crutchley

[email protected]

It's not called Amazing Thailand for nothing. Here are Crutch's seven nominations for places, people and things that deserve acknowledgement when conversation turns to the real wonders of the world.

The announcement of the new Seven Wonders of the World earlier this week left me feeling somewhat culturally deprived, having only experienced one of the places listed - the Taj Mahal. It was a little disappointing that the Kingdom didn't feature on the list. After all, it's not called Amazing Thailand for nothing.

THE SAMLOR:

Truly the most remarkable vehicle in the world. This three-wheeled noise-maker (Samlorus clatterus) simply stuns anyone who comes into contact with it, including those unfortunate pedestrians it hits from time to time. Perhaps it's the way it cleverly stalls at intersections when the lights turn green. Or maybe it's all down to its uncanny ability to perform instant U-turns, sometimes with spectacular results not always appreciated by passengers. Admittedly, the samlor is not recommended as a form of transport for those of a nervous disposition. It is also no coincidence that those daft enough to board one are invariably seen travelling with their eyes tightly shut. Unfortunately this often includes the driver. Still, one never quite forgets the exhilarating feeling that washes over one at journey's end, as one considers that, having survived a tuk-tuk trip, one can surely survive anything.

THE BANGKOK HOLE:

Just about everyone who has visited our capital will have had first-hand experience of The Bangkok Hole (Craterus enormus) - and it is something one never forgets. In fact no visit to Bangkok is really complete without a plunge down one of these capacious fissures. The reason for the abundance of this feature in the urban landscape is that all government departments just love digging holes, whether it be for electricity or telephone lines, sewerage-system or highway improvement, water pipes or storm drains. What makes these excavations so ubiquitous is the unwritten rule that no two organisations can make use of the same hole at the same time. Instead, one department will cleverly wait until a depression has been filled in by another department and then commence the task of digging it up again. This procedure ensures that Bangkokians can avail of the treat all year round. In fact so impressive are some of these Bangkok Holes that people travel from distant parts of the world to visit them. They have proved particularly popular with tourists from Singapore where holes are banned. Special tours of inspection are arranged and an International Hole Convention is reportedly being planned.

THE THAI TAXI METER:

It is one of life's miracles that the Thai taxi meter is still in existence and, in most cases, still operating. The introduction of the working meter in 1992 should be regarded as one of the milestones in modern Thai history. No one ever expected it to last. You see, meters had been installed in cabs more than two decades earlier, but none of them worked. Their only use was as a place for taxi drivers to hang those silly hats they were supposed to wear in those days. The headgear was only donned while sitting at traffic lights for fear that some eagle-eyed cop would spot this outrageous breach of the law.

Most people thought the new meters would suffer the same fate as their predecessors and become hatstands, but amazingly this has not been the case. It felt very strange, back in 1992, being able to climb into a taxi without first having to bargain down the fare. It was almost too easy. Up to then getting a taxi had always been a hassle. So hats off to the taxi meter.

KING COBRA SWAMP:

With the possible exception of Shrek's original residence, never before in the history of mankind has a swamp attracted so much publicity. For more than three decades now Nong Ngu Hao (King Cobra Swamp) has hardly ever been out of the news, with never-ending nods from Cabinet, protests, probes, blueprints, feasibility studies, shady deals (plenty of them) and delays (plenty of those, too). Its transformation from a muddy morass to a Golden Land (Suvarnabhumi) has been a true saga (some might term it a soap opera). It'd be nice to be able to say that the epic story had a happy ending, but the jury's still out on that one. In fact some believe we'd all have been better off if it had been left as a smelly, snake-infested swamp.

SERGEANT NOP:

Arguably, the most accomplished undercover policeman of all time, Sgt "Serpico" Nop (Coppus extraordinus) is a living legend. He is perhaps best known as the Hero of the Great Allium Cepa Raid when he bravely led a swoop on the Hat Yai Express to impound a trainload of illegal onions. Sgt Nop's other notable achievement was in spearheading the hunt for the Phantom Panty Snatcher of Nonthaburi. The only blemish on his record was that time he was sent off for psychiatric treatment after arresting himself for "impersonating a police officer".

THE INACTIVE POST:

Possibly Thailand's most important contribution to the world. Hardly a day goes by without someone here being transferred to an inactive post ( Snorrus muchus), launching the individual on a demanding career which involves doing absolutely nothing all day. The Kingdom simply wouldn't survive without the inactive post, a job which demands great sacrifices from all those concerned, being, as they are, constantly up to their necks in inactivity. A perfect solution to the unemployment problem.

THE THAI SMILE:

This should really top any Wonders of the World list. Some say the famous yim Siam comes a tad too easily and may even be superficial or - heavens forbid! - insincere. But I'd rather a country where people smile too much than a place where they don't smile at all. There are at least 13 different variations, depending on the situation, and most of them are good news. But beware of the yim haeng. This apologetic "dry smile" is what you get when there's been a total screw-up - usually at your expense. And if a yim mee lay-sa nai is aimed in your direction it probably means you're about to be ripped off. But who cares? When you're feeling down a Thai smile is guaranteed to brighten up your day

From the BANGKOK POST

Gerd

[marshbags]

Thanks T.gerd

Another gem by R.C. to start of the day smiling and well worth a read.

Perhaps we could start a new thread listing T.Visa,s own " 7 Wonders of Thailand "

In a tone similar to R.C,s and lighthearted of course.

marshbags

Edited July 15, 2007 by marshbags

[hotelier]

I didn't get the "Sergeant NOP" part..someone care to explain??

[Tinkelbell]

Thump Up !

Time to time, articles writen by the auther "Old Crutch" would pop up, it sures brought a big smile on my face.

Big THANKS for all the marvelous times I acquire from reading your classic humorous posts all these fun years.

Your biggest fan: Tinkelbell

[cobra]

Excellent !