Selfish Thais ?

[duratanium]

Not sure if it is just me or not but I am beginning to wonder if Thai women are selfish.

I can see that Thais will often look after number 1 first.

What makes me ask the question is that when I was driving to Ayuttuyah - taking the g/f and a relative of hers there - she got the coffee flask and cups out and gave her sister and herself a drink and totally ignored the driver - me.

On another occasion I was visiting a Farang friend in BKK. We all four - my friend, his g/f, my g/f and myself - went out in the car on a journey covering 600 kms. Traffic was heavy. So was the rain at times. Making driving difficult. I put on the music at volume 6 - not loud. Within minutes I was told - so LOUD!! We cannot talk here (in the back seat). The end result was I turning off the cd player to get some peace. No thought that I was getting tired in the driving conditions and listening to the contant banter between the girls in the back seat and that the music was helping - something I had tried to get across.

If the g/f goes for fried rice or whatever in the car to bring back to the house, she will always make sure she sits and eats hers there and has a good chin wag before - abt 30 minutes or so later - bringing mine back and leaving me to eat alone. (the reason for eating at the house is lack of fans etc where they cook the food, making it uncomfortable when hot).

Just a few instances listed. But is you g/f / b/f the same or is it mine?

Also, in what ways is your partner the same - if they are?

[goldenmile]

i have no such problems, but then again she does get a good monthly salary from me so i expect the service to be first class.

[Mobi]

I can assure you after 35 years of coming to and living in Thailand, 3 Thai wives and numerous live in girl friends that your gf's behaviour is NOT typical.

Even the very worst of my GF's - who were only out to use me - had the sense to behave like normal, considerate Thais, and take care of my needs, before their own.

It sounds to me like you had better think long and hard about your current relationship.

[Thumchok]

Just a few instances listed. But is you g/f / b/f the same or is it mine?

Also, in what ways is your partner the same - if they are?

I have to say that mine is the most unselfish person I have ever met . That's one of the main reasons that I married her .

I quite often drive from Bangkok to Roi-Et ( about 7 hours ) She let's me pick the music when I drive and I let her pick it when she drives . She asks and the end of the CD whether I want to change it . She just sits there lays back and sleeps . (BTW I usually make this journey of a night to miss the BKK traffic )

Constantly , almost to the point irritation ,she asks if I am hungry and whether I would like her to go buy some food for me .

She does occassionally ask me to slow down , but she is probably right .

About the only gripe I have with mine are the presents she asks for are on the pricey side where as the things that she buys me are relatively cheap .

I guess I can live with that .

Cheers ,

Jim

[goldenmile]

About the only gripe I have with mine are the presents she asks for are on the pricey side where as the things that she buys me are relatively cheap .

I guess I can live with that .

i hear you. mine is constantly hinting about diamonds and all she got me for my birthday was a pair of socks, which she paid for with my own money.

[eek]

If these were rare situations in your relationship then you could make excuses such as: she didnt pour you coffee because you were driving and was concerned about you drinking and driving (no pun intended here); The speakers are usually in the back seat area, and can actually be quite loud for backseat passengers even if not for the driver (although she could have been more considerate to you); She likes to have a chat, so takes longer than needs be (this is ok imo on a FEW occasions, but every time and then leaving you to eat alone..well..thats just plain rude).

If these are not rare situations and you are giving an example of regular behaviour, she is being rude and disrespectful to you. Regardless of being Thai or not, this is not the kind of consideration (or lack of) that you should show your partner.

I think take some time to evaluate your relationship and weigh up the good and bad points. If the bad outweighs the good and this disrespectful behaviour is common place, i suggest you find someone who is more considerate.

[Prakanong]

About the only gripe I have with mine are the presents she asks for are on the pricey side where as the things that she buys me are relatively cheap .

I guess I can live with that .

i hear you. mine is constantly hinting about diamonds and all she got me for my birthday was a pair of socks, which she paid for with my own money.

Were you in Harry's the other night at Boat Quay?

No, it was my pal but you sound like him ;-)))

My ex used to wonder why she never got the trio from Belgium when I lived there - chocolate, beer and diamonds. Meatloaf had it right, "Two out of three aint bad"

[Furbie]

Sounds more like an Western GF than a Thai one. I have never had a Thai GF fail to put me first in areas such as food, sleep and er um, you know. I am abut 50-50 on TV control, with the 50 on the losing side still extremely reasonable. You either got a dud or she is not into you.

[bendix]

This is similar to a thread currently running in the ladies forum where a female member is complaining that her male partner doesn't listen to her. In this thread, we have a male member (i choose my words deliberately) complaining that his GF doesn't take care of him.

I'm baffled. What is the use of these threads? We obviously only get one side of the argument so any input we can make is invariably meaningless. For all we know, there could me millions of reasons why things are as they are; you only present your side. She might have a completely different perspective.

I have always suspected one thing though. The type of person who complains about their personal life on an internet forum, who is so motivated by their sense of injustice and outrage with their spouse that they actively write about it to a bunch of strangers isn't usually looking for advice. Rather they are looking for approbation and comfort and lots of soothing words.

And - ipso facto - one wonders whether the self-absorbedness which makes someone make a post like this isn't actually contributing to the problem in the first place.

[kmart]

I have to agree with a couple of posters above who rightly point out that you should be a little concerned about the behaviour of your g/f. "Selfish" is a compliment

[p_brownstone]

I can assure you after 35 years of coming to and living in Thailand, 3 Thai wives and numerous live in girl friends that your gf's behaviour is NOT typical.

Even the very worst of my GF's - who were only out to use me - had the sense to behave like normal, considerate Thais, and take care of my needs, before their own.

It sounds to me like you had better think long and hard about your current relationship.

I would tend to agree.

I have the absolute opposite situation with my family here.

My wife has 6 sisters who spoil me terribly whenever we have an Up-country trip, a get together at home or any sort of social encounter. My plate is NEVER empty, nor is my glass, and I almost have to plead with them before they will accept that I can eat / drink no more. (Well, to be honest as to the drink, my wife is usually there to intercede well before I would declare that I've had enough!)

Patrick

[tijnebijn]

I think it is not about Thaiwoman , but the personal aspect of an individual person .

In this regard your wife . On the other hand calling someone selfish when you are driving and not giving coffe ?

You could have asked for it or not ? I am seriously wondering how high your self esteem level will be .

[steveromagnino]

My ex used to wonder why she never got the trio from Belgium when I lived there - chocolate, beer and diamonds. Meatloaf had it right, "Two out of three aint bad"

Chocolate, beer and a pearl necklace.

Nothing wrong with the best in refreshing jewelery.

[t.s]

I have to agree with a couple of posters above who rightly point out that you should be a little concerned about the behaviour of your g/f. "Selfish" is a compliment

Sounds like you deserve each other.

[t.s]

oh and on the subject of selfish thais. I have rarely met any that were, to all appearances, more selfish than my own self.

[eek]

Sounds more like an Western GF than a Thai one. I have never had a Thai GF fail to put me first in areas such as food, sleep and er um, you know. I am abut 50-50 on TV control, with the 50 on the losing side still extremely reasonable. You either got a dud or she is not into you.

Being selfish is not cultural, its universal, and depends on the person not their nationality. If you have known selfish 'western' women in your life then that is a personal issue, and says more about your choices in partners rather than western women themselves.

Its very easy to taint a whole nation with the same brush, but only demonstrates a level of ignorance. Please try to show a little respect for others by being less closed minded. A baised personality is not an attractive one.

[Prakanong]

My ex used to wonder why she never got the trio from Belgium when I lived there - chocolate, beer and diamonds. Meatloaf had it right, "Two out of three aint bad"

Chocolate, beer and a pearl necklace.

Nothing wrong with the best in refreshing jewelery.

You know I think I did buy her a pearl necklace last August in Samui from one of the tatty stalls at Big Buddha Wat

I could never convince here that diamonds did not come from Belgium though.

Asian women only wear them on special occasions according to that marketing case study I once had about De Beers by INSEAD so whats the point!

My Thai colleague is the same with her's she says - wedding band every day but diamond only on special occasions!

[duratanium]

Hmmm... I have read the replies so far with interest. Thanks for the replies so far.

One point I would like to make in reply to one post, is this ... if I am contributing to her attitudes in some ways, then I do so unknowingly.

I posted in the hope of getting understanding of how others feel they are treated and if in their experience, the general situation in my original post is viewed as 'normal' by Thai/Farang standards. In the Farang world we have a good idea of what to expect from a relationship but this is Thailand and things are different. I also understand all Thai people are not the same, as we are not all the same.

The instances I pointed out are just those that spring immediately to mind and that I can publish on an open forum.

I'll wait a while before adding further comment.

[bendix]

Where did you find this little gem, duratanium (as if I didnt know the answer already . . . . ) ?

[Berty]

Time to trade her in for a newer model.

[duratanium]

Where did you find this little gem, duratanium (as if I didnt know the answer already . . . . ) ?

Not where you are thinking

She was introduced to me and far far away from that particular scene

[lazeeboy]

Where did you find this little gem, duratanium (as if I didnt know the answer already . . . . ) ?

Not where you are thinking

She was introduced to me and far far away from that particular scene

after a while with the same person they do get a bit selfish ,like trying to get the remote ,that one was easy built a house extenion bought a dish showing thai soaps and got my remote back ,,,,

[jackr]

Given her too much rope perhaps?... yank her back in hard, if still the same couple weeks down the line, boot her out.

Not meaning she's a dog on a leash, of course - metaphorical like

[eek]

With some of the replies given, its a wonder some of these men have partners at all.

[uptou]

yes,these pooying need keeping in check.maybe start sending her out to get the meals for you,& keep the tv remote in your pocket so you dont have to sit through weepy thai soaps.you know you have a good one when she puts the toothpaste on toothbrush for you.

[meemiathai]

With some of the replies given, its a wonder some of these men have partners at all.

Money is powerful

[Jersey_UK]

This is similar to a thread currently running in the ladies forum where a female member is complaining that her male partner doesn't listen to her. In this thread, we have a male member (i choose my words deliberately) complaining that his GF doesn't take care of him.

Maybe they are married!

I find it interesting that the examples provide are where the g/f does these things in front of others..........IMO not great...........

Edited July 17, 2007 by Jersey_UK

[tijnebijn]

With some of the replies given, its a wonder some of these men have partners at all.

Most of them would'nt , if they did not stay in Thailand . Here they seem to believe they are something , wanted .

Back home they are the most ugly whatever call it with no taste or flavour .

[Spee]

Being selfish is not cultural, its universal, and depends on the person not their nationality.

Yes!

It is human nature to be selfish. It is also human nature to be judgmental, which makes people assign varying degrees of selfishness. I don't think it's fair to judge all Thai people or even a small group of Thai people generically as being more or less selfish than other people one may have encountered in their own vast or limited experience. It is about understanding and acceptance. You either understand the person or you don't. You either accept the person or you don't. Selfishness, even in extreme cases, can be admired or detested, depending upon one's own perspective and experiences.

[Tinkelbell]

Time to trade her in for a newer model.

Yes please do, and this time with you 're older and wiser, hope you can find a girl who knows the meaning of how to treat her husband properly. I find it's hard to beleive that you let her get away with all the tricks she pulled on you. I'm a wife myself and I still upset after reading your threads.

Like the post earlier said.... this got to do with your self esteems.

It's time for a reality check! Good luck !