I think I'm on the brink

[spidermike007]

3 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Exactly. They will improve with treatment most of the time, but sometimes they stop doing what they're doing that helps, medicine, talk therapy etc, because they start feeling better, and then backslide. This disease does not go away, with what we have now to treat it, and will last their lifetime, but knowing this is the first step towards helping yourself to get better.

I completely understand that, and I get completely agree with everything you're saying, the specific issue here is that if you're with somebody who is unwilling to help themselves, and you put a sufficient amount of time and effort into trying to help them help, intervening and doing what you can to get them well, and convince them that they need help, and they still resist you at every turn and this person's happens to be your life partner, from my point of view the best thing you can do is walk away.

 

That's called self love, that's called self-esteem, that's called knowing when to call it quits. 

[paddypower]

18 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Sorry to hear this, and I can relate. I don't know how well you treat your wife, so I'll have to assume at least with respect and loyalty. You said you went all out for this one, so that means you did more than the average man to keep it together. Your wife sleeping until 12 is depression by most standards. Unless she's going to sleep at 3 AM. Supporting your wife while she's working is what you do. She does F all, meaning not cook, eat, housework, sex with you etc? This is also depression related IF you are again, treating her with love, care and respect. 9 out of 10 relationships where someone has depression fail, because either the non depressed one ups and leaves, as you did, at least for a day, or the other partner completely gives up, not seeking help and might go all the way in not wanting to be here anymore.

 

There is something called Anhedonia, which comes from clinical depression, which seems like what your wife has, unless you are treating her so bad that environmental depression is a maybe. I will assume clinical. Anhedonia has a person not feeling anything for things they felt good about before. Sex, social times with friends, traveling, enjoying a favorite meal, laughing at jokes, watching TV or listening to movies, all mean little to nothing. They can function, go to work, cook for you, eat and other things, but these are a burden. 

 

All stresses hurt more, meaning fighting with her about small things, taking care of children who misbehave, cooking dinner for family every day, work related stress, arguing with family, driving etc.

 

The answer to all of this is of course seeking help. Talking with a qualified doctor and possibly prescribing medicine,, which will need a followup to make sure it's the right one, as the wrong one can either not work or make things worse. This is happening right now in my life with someone I really care about and love, and it's hard to see them get worse, because depression does not get better unless the symptoms are helped, and it lasts their whole life. At least for now this is all we have to help them.

 

You have to make the decision now if you love this woman enough to stick by her no matter what, and that means no matter what, because they will do things that seem strange to you. The person you thought you knew becomes a mood changing silent partner, going from silence to anger to apathy all in the same day. If you love her, you will stay, and try and get her to seek help. No matter what you could know about depression, you cannot feel what they feel unless you also have it.

 

Everyone gets depressed but with them it's constant, and lasts longer than just the blues or depression from a tragedy or loss. Running out angry will not help one bit. Giving her space is okay, but letting her know you love her and only want some time to think is better. This is a support situation, as support is the number one thing a depressed person needs, and all you have to do sometimes is tell her you are there if she needs you. Advice given is usually wrong, and they will say you don't understand how they feel, which might be true. I would go home and talk with her. She might tell you she's okay, but just tell her you're here if she needs you. Wanting to be around you 24/7 is a good thing, as many want to isolate, and that sometimes leads to the next step, which is suicide.

 

My best friend, back in the late 80's, had depression. He took his own life, even knowing he had a great wife, hobbies, a job, house, car ,family and many friends. He was always a class clown, much like Robin Williams, and he was always sleeping late, up to lunch time like you said your wife does. back then , there wasn't much around as far as seeking help or medicines like there is now. Ask yourself what she means to you, then you'll know what to do.

your post says it all. Thank you on behalf of all of us with partners suffering from depression. I would never abandon the vows i made,  52 years ago, just because the bi-polar she inherited only became apparent in mid age.  Access to a psychiatrist, at some stage is important to get prescribed for up to date treatment.

[paddypower]

15 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I completely understand that, and I get completely agree with everything you're saying, the specific issue here is that if you're with somebody who is unwilling to help themselves, and you put a sufficient amount of time and effort into trying to help them help, intervening and doing what you can to get them well, and convince them that they need help, and they still resist you at every turn and this person's happens to be your life partner, from my point of view the best thing you can do is walk away.

 

That's called self love, that's called self-esteem, that's called knowing when to call it quits. 

that must have been a tough experience. thanks for sharing. i imagine there is a thread on depression and not just faled marriages?

[susanlea]

On 6/20/2024 at 4:59 PM, Celsius said:

Holy craMp, I was trolling 

 

Wifey is on a business trip to Japan. What should she get me?

No real relationship topics.