Foreigner Questions Thai Dowry: Netizens Respond

[webfact]

 

 

A foreign man, feeling perplexed, posted online, asking, "Am I stupid to pay a dowry to my Thai wife? After getting married, I never saw the money again. And less than a week after the wedding, both my wife's grandchildren received new iPhones and iPads."

 

Married in 2023 to his 47-year-old wife from Isaan, after four years of online courtship, he agreed to pay 300,000 THB but was later negotiated down to 150,000 baht and 80,000 baht worth of gold, reported Daily News.

 

Netizens weighed in, some sympathizing, others suggesting cultural understanding. One commented, "It depends, we Japanese husbands understand dowries. I gave my father-in-law the entire dowry without asking how it would be used."

 

Another advised, "He's not stupid, just forgetful. Nowadays, he must explain to his wife's side that some families don't require dowries."

 

The story sparked a debate about cultural norms and modern expectations, resonating with many facing similar dilemmas.

 

-- ASEAN NOW 2024-04-03

 

- Discover how Cigna Insurance can protect you with a range of visa-compliant plans that meet the minimum requirement of medical treatment. For more information on expat health insurance click here.

 

Get our Daily Newsletter - Click HERE to subscribe

 

[ikke1959]

It is all about money in Thailand and dowry is a part of it....It gives the people a feeling how important they are

[smedly]

46 minutes ago, webfact said:

A foreign man, feeling perplexed, posted on Reddit's R/Thailand, asking, "Am I stupid to pay a dowry

 

does she love you without the dowry 555, were you born yesterday 

[TorquayFan]

Just say NO !!  You'll need to say NO again to your Thai wife, so start NOW.

 

B230,000 ?  Say sorry, NO dowry possible ?

 

If she loves you, she'll marry you anyway . . . . .

 

 

 

 

[smedly]

12 minutes ago, ikke1959 said:

It is all about money in Thailand and dowry is a part of it....It gives the people a feeling how important they are

or how stupid you are

[itsari]

His wife has grandchildren and the man has paid a dowry?

I understand that there is no obligation for a dowry when a woman has a previous relationship with children.

I am sure you would not see any Thai males lining up to do the same.

[Dolf]

230,000 baht. Not that bad. 

[quake]

Pussy costs  a packet over the course of a marriage.

way, way more than pay for play ladies.

Why pay extra money up front.

 

But ok to pay if money is returned,  so it was just for show on the big day.

 

[Crossy]

48 minutes ago, itsari said:

His wife has grandchildren and the man has paid a dowry?

I understand that there is no obligation for a dowry when a woman has a previous relationship with children.

 

Yeah, that was my understanding too.

[2baht]

It's normal to buy your wife from her parents, it's a bit like human trafficking in a friendly/legal way!  

[BritManToo]

Don't think I'd pay anything for a 47 year old women with grandchildren.

[Crossy]

4 minutes ago, 2baht said:

It's normal to buy your wife from her parents, it's a bit like human trafficking in a friendly/legal way!  

 

Indeed, if she's new and "undamaged", this lady was a granny!

[sqwakvfr]

In some Asian countries, for instance in S. Korea, the term dowry is no longer used.  Now it is called a gift.  AKA: Tomato/Tomatoe??? 

[fredwiggy]

I gave a small sinsod and it didn't matter to me at the time, because I loved her. Traditionally, Thai's want a sinsod to show that the man can take care of their daughter. It's supposed to be given back to the couple after the ceremony but in my case, and many others I hear about, the mother in law keeps it. Simply greed. It doesn't have to be given if the girl has had children before.  My girlfriend's son is engaged to his girlfriend and the grandma and mom want 250,000, which he nor his mom has. It's extortion of sorts, because they plan to keep it themselves, and won't allow the marriage unless it's paid. He's 20 and she's 19, which means they can marry anyway. I told my girlfriend not to sweat it. They have a year to come up with the money, and if they're still together (chances are they won't be) then they can decide themselves what they want to do. They don't need permission. Again, it's only greed that fuels this. Nothing wrong with coming up with whatever amount they can afford, as long as the couple gets it back. After all, this being a society of many poor people, the couple will need this starting a life together, and the grandma and mom taking the money is a selfish act.

[2baht]

3 minutes ago, Crossy said:

 

Indeed, if she's new and "undamaged", this lady was a granny!

The Chinese would call her an "old shoe"..............................worn out! 

[hanbla]

Well it's culture, my wife told me about superstars in Thailand paying millions in dowry.

I married my wife 15 years ago and didn't pay a single satang. Her parents from Issan has never asked me for money. On the contrary they have asked me if I needed any. 

When my wife's sister married her husbands family came with 300 k and gold and gave to my mother in law. She just commented "you need it more than me" and gave it to the wedded couple. 

[Pouatchee]

40 minutes ago, Dolf said:

230,000 baht. Not that bad. 

 

a woman previously married with kids knows not to expect a dowry. thai guys know this, foreigners not

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, hanbla said:

Well it's culture, my wife told me about superstars in Thailand paying millions in dowry.

I married my wife 15 years ago and didn't pay a single satang. Her parents from Issan has never asked me for money. On the contrary they have asked me if I needed any. 

When my wife's sister married her husbands family came with 300 k and gold and gave to my mother in law. She just commented "you need it more than me" and gave it to the wedded couple. 

You are one of the few which not only have a good wife but non greedy parents. For here you are blessed. Never take that for granted.

[Dolf]

Just now, Pouatchee said:

 

a woman previously married with kids knows not to expect a dowry. thai guys know this, foreigners not

I know this.

[Gottfrid]

Why so much talk about dowry year after year. In some countries this is the culture, tradition and norm. Thailand has been one of those countries and in some way still is. How you, as a foreigner, reacts to that is up to you. It´s also up to your wife to be and her family how they react. Here one must just ask themselves how important this is. Mostly, we are talking about 200-300k baht, which is, barely, nothing at all if you have decided to stay in Thailand. Either you pay up and be happy, do talks where all agree that dowry is not needed or move on to another woman with a mindset and a family that accepts your view of dowry.

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, webfact said:

both my wife's grandchildren

What a great choice, a wife with two grandchildren...

 

[2baht]

10 minutes ago, hanbla said:

I married my wife 15 years ago and didn't pay a single satang.

Thai's pay dowry because it gives them face, normally Farang stay well clear of this ancient traditional BS!!!

[2baht]

8 minutes ago, Dolf said:

I know this.

Oh! How many grandchildren does your wife have???

[OneMoreFarang]

20 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Traditionally, Thai's want a sinsod to show that the man can take care of their daughter. It's supposed to be given back to the couple after the ceremony

Really?

Since when it is tradition to return the money?

I know it happens, but it sure is no tradition. 

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Really?

Since when it is tradition to return the money?

I know it happens, but it sure is no tradition. 

https://www.thaiembassy.com/family/thai-dowry

[OneMoreFarang]

There is an easy solution. Don't marry!

That has lot of advantages. 

You can obviously still have a longtime girlfriend. 

[fredwiggy]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

What a great choice, a wife with two grandchildren...

 

Do this somehow make her exempt from being a good wife? That would mean a virgin is a guarantee that you will marry a good woman? If you're above the age of a teenager's thinking, you should know by now that you never know how a marriage will work out because the only way it will happily for both, is that both are on the same page as far as their future together, agreeing on kids, finances, place to live, work, how to argue constructively and communication, which is what it's all about. People get married after a week, and stay together forever, and marry after dating 3 years, and divorce in a week. Only guarantees you have in life are that you'll die.

[fredwiggy]

10 minutes ago, 2baht said:

Thai's pay dowry because it gives them face, normally Farang stay well clear of this ancient traditional BS!!!

Everyone I know and have ever heard about has paid, as long as she's not had children previously. Then it's up to the individual. Farangs aren't exempt. Some are cheap, even though they'll get the money back. Giving it saves face for everyone. It's their way, although because of greed, many abuse it.

[OneMoreFarang]

7 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Do this somehow make her exempt from being a good wife? That would mean a virgin is a guarantee that you will marry a good woman? If you're above the age of a teenager's thinking, you should know by now that you never know how a marriage will work out because the only way it will happily for both, is that both are on the same page as far as their future together, agreeing on kids, finances, place to live, work, how to argue constructively and communication, which is what it's all about. People get married after a week, and stay together forever, and marry after dating 3 years, and divorce in a week. Only guarantees you have in life are that you'll die.

I was the first boyfriend of my girlfriend. She didn't have any baggage.

In the unlikely case that she wouldn't be around anymore I would look again for young and innocent without baggage.

In Thailand this is possible. Why get an old woman when you can have a pretty cute girl? 

[fredwiggy]

Just now, OneMoreFarang said:

I was the first boyfriend of my girlfriend. She didn't have any baggage.

In the unlikely case that she wouldn't be around anymore I would look again for young and innocent without baggage.

In Thailand this is possible. Why get an old woman when you can have a pretty cute girl? 

Maybe because they love the person they choose? Remember they are thinking the same thing. Why should I get an old man when I can have a young one? Simple. Money rules over many decisions, especially in poor countries. Young doesn't mean innocent. It's how and who they were raised by that shows how a woman treats her future men. More baggage can comes from a hurtful childhood than having a child before you appear.