Adventures In Thailand - Surat

[DamianMavis]

August 2005 - Been awhile since I posted a story… so much stuff has happened this past year and keeps happening. Lately things have been pretty exciting all at once so feel like I should post some of it since people seem to enjoy the stories. The stories are all true, so much happens here in Thailand that there is no need to embellish or exaggerate. Anyway…. So lately I've been in Surat Thani (South of Thailand near the port to Koh Samui) working on a pirate movie called Black Beard starring Angus MacFayden and Richard Chamberlain. Angus played "Father" in Equilibrium, the man who did the cool gun trapping fight scene with Christian Bale. He also played the Scottish Lord who betrayed Mel Gibsons character in Braveheart and then he later became King of Scotland. Angus is a really kool guy in case anyones wondering, some stars are uhm…. not nice, but Angus is very cool. If you don't know who Richard Chamberlain is well then you are an ignorant git, but I'll remind you anyway, he was the star of the Shogun and Thornbirds mini series many years ago, he's also done lots of other stuff but Shogun is what I'll always think of when I think of him, that series rocked. He's very nice and friendly.

My part in this movie is pretty minor, but it's a lot of fun, I'm playing the local town hitman baddie who's in league with the evil pirates and corrupt government. If you see this I'm the dude with the red beard up to all kinds of bad behaviour. It will be a Hallmark TV 2 part movie. I have no idea what Hallmark is but I imagine it's a channel or something in North America. I'm happy because this will be the first time friends and family back home will see me on TV.

Anyway, we are shooting on the coast on the ocean and I've been enjoying myself immensely, every day I run along the ocean on what can only be called our private beach (almost nobody on this beach but the few actors on the production), swim in the ocean, swim in the pool beside the ocean, train my martial arts and do weights in the hotel gym. Then I work on my tan a bit since I'm so pasty white. I have more days off than I work over a 1 month period and even the days I do work are usually short so in essence this is like a paid vacation, it's a pretty sweet gig.

Moving along to the exciting stuff…. My friend Don is here on the shoot too, he's working as a stunt/action guy on this production. Don is also a Canadian Tae Kwon Do instructor running Asia Pacific TKD school. So last night Don and I decided to go into town and look around a bit. We hired a driver through the hotel and drove into town (Khanom). We landed up at some small Karaoke bar and Don and I drank pop while our driver had a beer that was bigger than he was. Does that make sense? Don and I have never had a drink in our entire lives, he's the only other white guy besides myself that I've ever met that never drinks and never did. Our Thai driver however likes to drink….. and then drive us around! It was only one beer (that I saw) but it was a giant beer. We left our driver at that bar to finish his gargantuan beer and we wandered out to walk around. We didn't go far, we went around a bit and then walked around the corner onto a dark street. I got on the phone to talk to someone and Don ran ahead a bit to check out another bar. Just one minute earlier a motorbike drove by with 2 drunk thai guys shouting HALLOO!. While I was standing there alone the motorbike came back and the passenger got off to talk to me. Already I know I'm in trouble, I pretend not to understand (he's asking for 100 baht in broken english and patting his lower back.) and walk towards Don and hang up my phone. Don's not stupid and was already running back when he saw the motorcycle stop to talk to me. I was just about to warn Don that the guy was armed when Don talked to the Thai guy in Thai, then the Thai dude started getting more aggressive when he realized Don could understand and asking for 1000 baht (guess 100 baht is as high as he can go in English!) and started to pull out what can only be described as a sword. It was big. The handle popped out the top of his pants in the back but the blade went ALL the way down his leg although we didn't know that at the time. Because the guy was so focused on Don since he knew Don could understand he stupidly allowed me to circle around behind him. I was fully positioned and ready to kick this guy in 2 from behind but I hesitated (I'd already decided on the muay thai round kick and was going to propel this guy into the wall he was standing beside). I hesitated because I didn't want to make a mistake, not a technical mistake but a cultural one. Don has seniority on me and knows this country way better than me, he's been here 10 years and I've been here less than 2. I wanted to take my cue from him. I know from experience that if we hurt this guy even in self defence we could still possibly be killed or have to pay thousands of dollars to get out of jail. This place is lawless, the only rule is it's almost always the foreigners fault, and we are in the south which is really bad right now. When the guy showed part of his sword Don put up his hands and said "ok ok". I relaxed a little and figured "oh ok we are going to play it cool, Don knows best". Suddenly Don just acted, he jumped in the air and turning kicked the would be mugger in the head! The sword wielder looked like Chris Tucker in "Rush Hour". He just stood there dazed with his head to the side looking like he was thinking "which one a ya'll kicked me in the head?" The kick was fast, it was dark and the mugger was probably drunk or high and I'm sure he'll always be wondering how the foreigner hit him in the head without moving. The motorcycle driver just sat there looking confused, I just know he was thinking "hey, you're not supposed to do that when we try to rob you." Don landed from his jump kick and said "lets go!" and we took off and ran back to the bar our driver was relaxing in, we hustled him into the car and drove off, we landed up driving right by the motorcycle morons who at this point were getting their friends and rounding up a posse to kill us. They didn't even think to look into the passing car.

All in all it worked out fine, although I'll always be wishing I had nailed that guy instead of waiting to take my cue from Don. The guy will have a sore head and we escaped a sword wielding attacker without a scratch so it's all good. But we won't be going back into town without the whole stunt team as back up heh. Being in a group of 10 foreign martial arts experts, some over 6 feet tall of solid muscle should keep us out of trouble.

After writing that last part we were convinced by the movie production company to file a report with the local police although we don't trust them in the slightest, but it turned out to be a good idea. We gave the report, then took the cops to the scene of the crime and turns out a cop in that area confiscated a sword and a giant knife from 2 thai guys the same night and made them pay a fine for having the weapons. So they know exactly who tried to rob us and have their addresses…. Apparently they will be visited this evening by their local friendly neighbourhood police thugs. We got to go back to the station and look at the weapons, the one our mugger had was practically a KATANA and the driver had what resembled a fat butchers cleaver. Thai crooks are so stupid….. it's a good thing because they almost always get caught but also it's a bad thing since they aren't smart enough to think through the consequences of their actions and are more likely to kill over a stupid little reason.

Damian Mavis

[qualtrough]

Anyway…. So lately I've been in Surat Thani (South of Thailand near the port to Koh Samui) [snip] This place is lawless, the only rule is it's almost always the foreigners fault, and we are in the south which is really bad right now.

What a drama queen you are! Last time I checked there was no connection between the troubles in the deep south and Surat Thani. You do have a map don't you?

[DamianMavis]

Sorry for offending you man, I wrote this back when I didnt know much about the South (exactly 2 years ago) except that it was dangerous, I kept the story in its entirety and didn't edit it. I'll try harder not to offend you any further. Please forgive me.

Damian

[wasabi]

I like the story, though it is a sensitive topic so I could see how others could be offended. I hope my enjoyment of it doesn't offend anyone! I've always wished I was a 6 foot tall martial artist but I'm far from it. One thing interesting about your story is how your friends use of Thai actually made the situation worse. I've found there are many instances where it's better to pretend you don't understand a word.

[JetsetBkk]

Great story - keep 'em coming Damian!

[LaReina]

good story...

[Ulysses G.]

Should have broken an arm so he wouldn't be mugging anyone for a while!

[dttk0009]

If you don't know who Richard Chamberlain is well then you are an ignorant git

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Couldn't the OP find the section dedicated to blogs ?

[DivinGuy]

Interesting story. Thanks.

[qualtrough]

Sorry for offending you man, I wrote this back when I didnt know much about the South (exactly 2 years ago) except that it was dangerous, I kept the story in its entirety and didn't edit it. I'll try harder not to offend you any further. Please forgive me.

Damian

Thanks. I wish everyone had your attitude. You are forgiven, but don't do it again.

[cooL_guY_corY]

moral of the story : dont mess with foreign Tae Kwon Do experts when they are taking a break from shooting movies in ANY region of Thailand.

[taxexile]

mavis and "close friend" don , a.k.a. batman and robin , kick some thai a55.

what IS the point of posting it , is it comedy , is it irony , or are you just self obsessed.

[womble]

The first part of Blackbeard is being shown this Monday night at 10pm Thai time.

[cooL_guY_corY]

Don and I have never had a drink in our entire lives, he's the only other white guy besides myself that I've ever met that never drinks and never did.

THAT SENTENCE FORNICATES MY HEAD. U HATE DRINKG ? jesus...

oh well id' be pissed o if spezzy and the heater cant hit up the cup...

[JetsetBkk]

oh well id' be pissed o if spezzy and the heater cant hit up the cup...

Translation, please, somebody?

[TAWP]

It's hard, I think he might be 12...and dyslexic.

[gburns57au]

August 2005 - Been awhile since I posted a story

And you joined this site in 2007....???

[kayo]

I sometimes put out stories that I wrote some years back; if I re-edit, I'll mention the date of the edit.

I don't see the harm in posting older stories.

If anything, it often shows how so very little changes over time.

[cooL_guY_corY]

jesus.. jason spezza and dany heatley, like duh ?

[JetsetBkk]

jesus.. jason spezza and dany heatley, like duh ?

Sorry, who are they? They are like 'duh'? Is this an American thing?

And what's this 'cup'? A cup of tea?

[t.s]

I like the story, though it is a sensitive topic so I could see how others could be offended.

please explain to me what about this story is a sensitive topic? i was a little put off by the fact that he doesn't drink, but i got over it.

[gburns57au]

I am still trying to get my head around two things.....

this guy was sitting on a motorbike with a sword as long as his leg.....interesting

and

this guy who was drunk and with a sword as long as his leg in his trousers took a full bloodied kick to the head and just stood there ???

DM....you have been taking writing lessons from Mr Leather havent you ??

[DamianMavis]

I don't lie, at least not on forums heh. I didnt pay attention when he dismounted the bike so not sure how her was sitting to accomodate the sword. Ya he seemed stunned with his head tilted to the side all <deleted> up like, but he recovered fast enough to start rounding up a posse within 3 minutes. Wish I got the Mr. Leather Joke.

Taxexile, I dont think that's fair considering I posted stories glorifying OTHER people... don't know why that makes me self obsessed.

Doesn't matter because I've been told to stop posting them so this is the last one. I don't understand why people are getting so upset though.....

Damian

[gburns57au]

I don't lie, at least not on forums heh. I didnt pay attention when he dismounted the bike so not sure how her was sitting to accomodate the sword. Ya he seemed stunned with his head tilted to the side all <deleted> up like, but he recovered fast enough to start rounding up a posse within 3 minutes. Wish I got the Mr. Leather Joke.

Taxexile, I dont think that's fair considering I posted stories glorifying OTHER people... don't know why that makes me self obsessed.

Doesn't matter because I've been told to stop posting them so this is the last one. I don't understand why people are getting so upset though.....

Damian

I am not upset DM.....

Mr Leather wrote a book called Private Dancer...which is used by people as a reference book regards the stereotypical BG.....I read it and found many inconsistancies in it...Something that a Mr Leather here got upset about before leaving never to post again, although I suspect that it was a bogus Mr Leather here.

While I found your story interesting, it had a few things that didnt ring quite right...the two I have mentioned plus the Thai speaking bit.....usually if the Thai hears you speaking Thai, then he assumes that you can understand him speaking Thai...this would set most of them back and they tend to back off rather than become more aggressive. I have experienced this previously where my speaking Thai has got me out of a few sticky situations.

And of course your use of typical English expressions....<deleted> up and "git"....not normal for a Canadian.....hehehe

[DamianMavis]

No no I wasnt referring to you as "upset". But thanks for your explanation on your questions anyway, I appreciate understanding other posters better. My friend Mike speaks perfect Thai and its helped us out of some situations, but in the case of this mugging I think it encouraged him since he could now make clearer demands since he spoke almost no english at all and I could no longer get away with MY COWJAI and pretend I don't know I'm being mugged heh. Don foiled my master antimugging strategy! I actually play stupid in lots of bad situations and its worked like a charm, guy looking to fight someone and I just keep smiling and being friendly like I don't know whats up, but I never take my eyes off the guy.

If you read some other posts I like to use British slang and expressions as well as American ones, I find them immensely amusing. I thought I made the word <deleted> myself to get around censorship or to censor myself but get the jist across. Guess it's popular! If you ever see me write "EH?" after a sentence it will be a joke. What else is Canadian I wonder? Besides my British (and correct) spelling of colour haha.

Damian

[gburns57au]

I see you are into Method acting.....

Sorry I couldnt resist......

[t.s]

And of course your use of typical English expressions....<deleted> up and "git"....not normal for a Canadian.....hehehe

As a canadian i can only repond to this statement in one way:

<deleted>.

[Tinkelbell]

If you don't know who Richard Chamberlain is well then you are an ignorant git

Well, I know Richard Chamberlain from those famous TV series that you mentioned.

He is not a movie star, that explains why movie fans may be not heard of him.

Anyway, he just came out of the closet and pened the book about his secret gay life with his long time partner.

[DamianMavis]

So that's why he was so nice to me..... no I'm just joking, I knew he was gay but didn't care, SHOGUN BABY! Dude is too cool. He was nice to everyone.

Damian