I've been married nearly 11 years and we have a child 10 yrs old. Shes aged 38. Im mid 50. 

 

Both her and khun Yai have been talking about another baby for a few years but I have been ambivalent about it. Dont know why but recently the pressure is on big time. She keeps talking about it. 

 

I feel old and cant be bothered with the work and hassle of another one. I prefer to be working on our land with my 3 dogs. I feel dogs are better than most human beings. We have a very successful business and she is the main breadwinner and there working so hard. I do school pickups and cook 3 to 4 times a week. I only have small involvement now with our business.  I suspect she feels I owe her this but she forgets I put up 80% of the money to start the business. 

 

I'm close to getting Citizenship and I suppose she thinks its bc of her. 

 

She is in good health but I have heart disease and cant handle any stress. I think she doesnt consider or care about this. 

 

She is way too serious about our childs studying and tutoring. I have no control over this and might find this tedious, annoying and costly to do it all again with a new child. 

 

We have accumulated wealth during the marriage (land and building) all in her name except recently she agreed to transfer one plot of land into our kids name which I was extremely happy about. I recently said to her what about a Will. She said she wants to leave the big land to her parents. So by default when they die her brothers will get it and not our kids... I couldn't believe this. 

 

If I 100% deny her she will be very sad and resentful. Im wondering if I should be offering divorce so that she still has a chance to achieve her life dreams. Back home if I were to be married to one of my own countrywoman, she would divorce me for sure. 

 

I feel guilty to be honest and wondering if I should be going to therapy or something.  If you are married or have been married in the past please leave a comment. Im not interested in comments from single guys with no experience of marriage. If you are female please disclose this in your comment. 

 

thanks

 

 

Edited October 27, 20241 yr by ubonr1971

Single, male, no kids. But I still know that babies appear when people have sex. And they normally don't appear when contraceptives are used, i.e. the pill.

What will you do if she doesn't take the pill anymore and does not tell you? Honey, it was an accident.

The only way you can prevent having a kid is by not having sex with her. Are you ready for that?

It doesn't really matter if you want a kid or not, it's mostly up to her. 

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Single, male, no kids. But I still know that babies appear when people have sex. And they normally don't appear when contraceptives are used, i.e. the pill.

What will you do if she doesn't take the pill anymore and does not tell you? Honey, it was an accident.

The only way you can prevent having a kid is by not having sex with her. Are you ready for that?

It doesn't really matter if you want a kid or not, it's mostly up to her. 

What makes you think she has been on the pill for the last 10 years. Some of us have staying power and control. Ever heard of the 'withdrawal method'? We can guess you are a single guy. 

 

Your comment makes me realise that not all men are created equal. Thanks for that. 

Edited October 27, 20241 yr by ubonr1971

28 minutes ago, ubonr1971 said:

What makes you think she has been on the pill for the last 10 years. Some of us have staying power and control. Ever heard of the 'withdrawal method'? We can guess you are a single guy. 

 

Your comment makes me realise that not all men are created equal. Thanks for that. 

Based on you reply, do not make anymore kids, please 🙏 

Vasectomy. 

 

Then, say yes to another baby, just to keep her happy.

8 minutes ago, FruitPudding said:

Vasectomy. 

 

Then, say yes to another baby, just to keep her happy.

 

Vasectomy. 

 

Weeks holiday with mates.

 

Then, say yes to another baby, just to keep her happy.

1 hour ago, ubonr1971 said:

She is in good health but I have heart disease and cant handle any stress. I

yeah, bad health is a valid reason not to have a child.

 

mid 50s isn't that old and heart issues can be reversed, but i'm not going to turn this into a health thread. 

 

10 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

yeah, bad health is a valid reason not to have a child.

 

mid 50s isn't that old and heart issues can be reversed, but i'm not going to turn this into a health thread. 

 

 

  Although he will be 74 years old when the child becomes an adult and he would need to be responsible for the child

most of my life I heard "not ready", "don't want to breed poor people", "you can't provide enough", "I need money for abortion" etc. 

Most religions claims "each new baby is the blessing". I haven't seen many blessings though.

 

It is great joy to see your kid grow, love and admiration to dad.

 

But weak heart puts everything into another perspective: Will you be there at college graduation 21 years from now?

Would you be able to have long walks talking about constellations, Earth plates, biology <<<< to widen his/her horizons?

Would you make him/her immune to K-Pop and other rotten pop-culture trash to come?

Will you have enough time to read Dylan Thomas and introduce to amazing poetry?

 

It doesn't take a village to raise a child. No. It is our hard, yet pleasant, very hard work.

So, if you're unable to fix that heart issue (I hope and wish you will), than say "yes" and take those pills they use for (I can't even say it) for chemical castration. The positive side effect is will never have prostate issues. The gland will shrink.

Edited October 27, 20241 yr by NativeBob

10 hours ago, ubonr1971 said:

'withdrawal method'

How romantic. 

Darling, I am coming.

Darling, me too, I take it out now. 

Rest assured,  she doesn't want another baby to bring life into the world and care for it. 

 

It's about her pension, a bigger pension.

 

Money, as always.

11 hours ago, ubonr1971 said:

I feel guilty to be honest and wondering if I should be going to therapy or something.  If you are married or have been married in the past please leave a comment. Im not interested in comments from single guys with no experience of marriage. If you are female please disclose this in your comment. 

At 38, I doubt she can get pregnant, why not just agree and let nature take it's course.

I've had 5 kids, 4 with Brit wife and 1 with Thai wife (our ages 54+34), but wouldn't have minded more.

 

Mind you, I'd probably dump mine if she didn't want to hand over our stuff to our kid.

Edited October 27, 20241 yr by BritManToo

13 hours ago, BritManToo said:

At 38, I doubt she can get pregnant, why not just agree and let nature take it's course.

I've had 5 kids, 4 with Brit wife and 1 with Thai wife (our ages 54+34), but wouldn't have minded more.

 

Mind you, I'd probably dump mine if she didn't want to hand over our stuff to our kid.

If I let nature take its course then next year there will be a crying baby in the room at 4am and I will be cursing you.  No thanks

 

 

On 10/27/2024 at 7:51 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

 

The only way you can prevent having a kid is by not having sex with her. Are you ready for that?

 

 

thats why god gave em an anoose !

On 10/27/2024 at 7:51 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Single, male, no kids. But I still know that babies appear when people have sex. And they normally don't appear when contraceptives are used, i.e. the pill.

What will you do if she doesn't take the pill anymore and does not tell you? Honey, it was an accident.

The only way you can prevent having a kid is by not having sex with her. Are you ready for that?

It doesn't really matter if you want a kid or not, it's mostly up to her. 

See, you failed on the first one, but you knowledge is amazing. Breathtaking!

On 10/27/2024 at 7:41 PM, ubonr1971 said:

Im not interested in comments from single guys with no experience of marriage.

I guess he did read that 😉 

However, I am married and we have 2 kids. None of us really planned any of them, but neither had anything against it. They are lovely and we take care of them. Also I am only in my middle 50s, and my wife middle 40s, so no more kids for us. 😉 

What I find strange is not the pressure to have a kid more, as that can be a strong wish. What I see is a woman that takes things for granted and do not understand very well. She want to leave land to her parents, but they will most surely be dead before her. That´s just sick. She seems like she do not appreciate her kid nor you, and only treat you as tools to get what she want. 

5 hours ago, ubonr1971 said:

If I let nature take its course then next year there will be a crying baby in the room at 4am and I will be cursing you.  No thanks

 

 

You should know by now Thais generally go silent when there faced with something they dont want to talk about, you should too, my current Thai partner when we met said she wanted marriage and kids, after I checked her out and decided she was a keeper told her she's free to keep searching or the Buddhist marriage only not legal and I had a vasectomy so kids where off the table, she thought about it and agreed.

 

Over the last 2 ys she has mentioned at least a dozen times that I should try and get my vasectomy corrected, the first few times I talked about it saying the surgeon said I should expect that its permanent, in the end I decided to shut up and not fan it, end of story, getting married bit I guess will happen eventually but ive managed to starve it off, I dont talk about it.

 

In the west you wouldn't be able to shut it down for too long, but here you can, if you have gone over it with her already then no more to say, dont get caught up talking about it, behave like a Thai would, generalising here but most wont discuss something they dont want to talk about.

On 10/28/2024 at 1:41 AM, ubonr1971 said:

If I 100% deny her she will be very sad and resentful. Im wondering if I should be offering divorce so that she still has a chance to achieve her life dreams. Back home if I were to be married to one of my own countrywoman, she would divorce me for sure. 

 

I feel guilty to be honest and wondering if I should be going to therapy or something.  If you are married or have been married in the past please leave a comment. Im not interested in comments from single guys with no experience of marriage. If you are female please disclose this in your comment. 

If you don't get off the fence and make a decision and stick by it you will lose anyway.

You have nothing to be guilty about. She should not be pressuring you. You should certainly not be going to counseling when it's her problem. Your life is not her property and you are not her subordinate.

If she ends your marriage over this it was doomed anyway.

 

If you have not had a vasectomy, I suggest you use condoms as she can just choose to get pregnant anyway.

Having a vasectomy would terminate the discussion anyway, though I doubt she would be happy about it.

 

My opinion, is that if you do not want another child she should respect that or get a divorce and marry someone that does.

In any event, if she insists, make it plain that you will not be involved and will not be financially responsible, and furthermore will not sign the birth certificate.

 

Again, IMO, if your marriage ends because of this it was doomed anyway.

 

I'm divorced. While I did what I could to save the marriage, in the end it was doomed and I was better out of it.

 

Lastly, if you are thinking it might be the end, you should be putting as much money out of her grasp as possible, as you will need all you have when on your own.

On 10/28/2024 at 1:41 AM, ubonr1971 said:

I recently said to her what about a Will. She said she wants to leave the big land to her parents. So by default when they die her brothers will get it and not our kids... I couldn't believe this. 

Sounds like not only does she not care about your desires, she doesn't care about your kid either.

 

On 10/28/2024 at 1:51 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

Single, male, no kids. But I still know that babies appear when people have sex. And they normally don't appear when contraceptives are used, i.e. the pill.

What will you do if she doesn't take the pill anymore and does not tell you? Honey, it was an accident.

The only way you can prevent having a kid is by not having sex with her. Are you ready for that?

It doesn't really matter if you want a kid or not, it's mostly up to her. 

Wouldn't have been a problem for me as my wife stopped having sex with me long before I pulled the plug.

 

I never wanted kids anyway, and had I not had a prostatectomy I'd have had a vasectomy before getting married. I wouldn't like to be married and using condoms.

On 10/28/2024 at 1:56 AM, ubonr1971 said:

What makes you think she has been on the pill for the last 10 years. Some of us have staying power and control. Ever heard of the 'withdrawal method'? We can guess you are a single guy. 

 

Your comment makes me realise that not all men are created equal. Thanks for that. 

I'm sorry I spent my time writing my post now, but I had not read your insulting reply then.

If you want advice on here it behooves you to not insult those that do take the time to respond.

 

BTW, the "withdrawal method" is like Russian roulette. Eventually you get unlucky.

On 10/28/2024 at 2:25 AM, Hummin said:

Based on you reply, do not make anymore kids, please 🙏 

+1

I had similar pressure fairly recently. I'm 40 and in good health so less to think about than you in that regard but got a lot of pressure. Khun yai wanted another luk kreung essentially. It's an awkward position but you know best.

Vasectomy, don't tell her.

Unless you are both hugely in favour of another child then it is more than likely going to lead to a disaster.

 

Not having one could also lead to a disaster but at least there won't be some poor kid stuck in the middle of it all.

 

 

On 10/27/2024 at 7:51 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

But I still know that babies appear when people have sex.

 

Got a link or is that just hearsay ?

18 minutes ago, Denim said:

Got a link or is that just hearsay ?

Hearsay.

I had a lot of sex in my life but no babies - at least I don't know about any of them.

And I didn't ask any parents if they had sex before they had children. 

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Hearsay.

I had a lot of sex in my life but no babies - at least I don't know about any of them.

And I didn't ask any parents if they had sex before they had children. 

 

Hmmm. Chalk one up for the stork under the bush then. Although I think these storks must work the night shift because you never see one flying though the sky with a baby.

I think you need to address the issue of her giving land to her brothers. 

 

 

You need to put a stop to that. 

8 hours ago, JoeyMac said:

I think you need to address the issue of her giving land to her brothers. 

 

 

You need to put a stop to that. 

I talked to her and now she says she just wants to leave some money to each of her parents. 

2 minutes ago, ubonr1971 said:

I talked to her and now she says she just wants to leave some money to each of her parents. 

 

   Its quite likely that both her Parents will be long dead by the time your Wife dies