Advice Re Thai Gf Honesty

[jumnien]

I still say that if every Thai female disregards every farang male who has told a lie, they won't necessarily be better off. It's ok to use a little judgement and intuition now and then. Same goes for farang male looking for their perfect Mother Theresa Thai girl who has never told a lie or stepped on an insect. Until this thread started, I honestly didn't know there were so many morally perfect farang males. I do agree with Bendix though, the OP should be cautious!

[Maigo6]

Why do guys that live in far off countries want a girlfriend that they can only visit 2 times a year and cannot communicate with?

Answers on a postcard please.

[jumnien]

Why do guys that live in far off countries want a girlfriend that they can only visit 2 times a year and cannot communicate with?

Answers on a postcard please.

Boy, I think of my first wife in America that I wasted 5 weeks of my life with and the pain and scarring that left me with. A girlfriend visiting 2 times a year and uncommunicative to boot sounds pretty attractive in comparison!

[canadiangirl]

When you are here, staying with her will save you hotel rates and 'spending time' with her will save you from bar girls.

How romantic! (Maybe he can use her toothpaste and shampoo as well, save a few baht!)

Edited August 7, 2007 by canadiangirl

[JR Texas]

BENDIX, do you ever let your hair down? You seem so austere! Especially when sneering at other posters when they lack the ability to see what you can see.

My three decades in Thailand and far more than that in life have informed me that women, all women, want one thing from a man: security. Thai women are no different. And they know they have something men want. It does not matter what country you are in.......you pay for it (companionship/sex) one way or another.

If she is living in Pattaya, there is a 99% chance she is a "working girl." If not directly, then indirectly. If she is from a poor family, there is a 99% chance she will lie to get money. Cheating foreigners is a game here.......considered perfectly acceptable at every level.

Many expats here know this and accept it........they know she likely has a young Thai boyfriend on the side.......they know she may even be married but says she is single........they know she is constantly lying about why she needs money......but they do not care because they prefer being with her to being alone.

Some people find true love here........but I suspect they are in the minority (very small minority).

Good luck finding a Thai woman (or any woman) that does not lie (at least from time to time) to get what she wants/needs from you or any other man.

Oooopps.......me thinks the feminists are about to say something to old JR Texas......sorry......it is just what I believe to be true.

Many men, of course, lie too.........but I have never told a lie never really!

[jumnien]

There a word for a man who has never lied to increase his odds to have sex with a woman - homosexual!

[simon43]

Rather than sending her money for English lessons, tell her that you will spend the money on Thai lessons for yourself, so that you can both communicate better

Simon

[DirkGently]

CANADIAN GIRL, what I meant was, he can save money on taxis by walking hand in hand and save money on electric by gazing into her eyes by moon light.

Honestly, I meant it as it seems to be the primary concern of many posts.

Have you ever done the Grouse Grind CG?

[Suszzy]

you do like her don't you?

so..very simple

send the money to her

it's only 15,000 that all.

why think too much?

it's not a lot of money,is it?

[BKK90210]

You may be able to forgive her for lying, but you will never be able to forget. And it will be in the back of your mind everyday of your relationship, especially if she ever does anything that seems suspicious, your mind will go back to the first lie. And it will not matter whether or not at the moment she is telling you the truth, because you know she used to be a liar and simply is not worthy of your total trust anymore.

Most often when a person lies once and gets caught, the next time she will lie harder not to get caught.

SO WATCH OUT!

[DirkGently]

Here is a note from Mrs Dirk Gently (she has studied at AUA and confirms 2k won't get you anywhere).

She writes: I studied at AUA and graduated at level 15 it coste me over 15000 B. If you really love her it won't be much to pay her for that. Make sure she goes to school ans don't ask you so many time for money.

[steves_the_1]

sounds like a modern day "sick buffalo story " gotta love em

[ProThaiExpat]

JR Texas says it all.

If in every other respect your have the perfect mate/wife whatever, are you not throwing "the baby out with the bathwater" if you allow lies about money destroy what was otherwise a truly rewarding relationship?

Build a "firewall" was my solution. Many ways to do it. If your "line in the sand" is a set amount, your sanity is protected, as all the lies in the world won't produce a greater reward than what you set as your limit.

"Lie away, darling" you have reached your max this month, this year" or whatever time frame you set.

My difficulty is saying "no" to the one I love. That is the nub of the problem. An ever shifting "line in the sand", strictly my call and my fault.

[cdnvic]

BENDIX, do you ever let your hair down? You seem so austere! Especially when sneering at other posters when they lack the ability to see what you can see.

I think it's the lack of ability to see what even blind guys at their own funeral can see that sets him off.

[soundman]

Honesty issue aside, there are many hidden costs about going to a course of any decription. Books, transport, food etc.

I sent a staff member to a course that cost 40,000B over a six month period. I calculated that the final cost inclusive of evrything was nearly 4 times that amount.

Soundman.

[Shrubbery]

I suggest: Get yourself a copy of "Confessions Of A Bangkok Private Eye".

I agree with this suggestion.

Perhaps it should be made compulsory reading !!

[britmaveric]

This is a small thing, but makes me suspicious about her. Makes you lil concerned on what else she might have lied about. Tread carefully would be my best advice.

[a2396]

I agree with Wasabi.

In my opinion her first thoughts could have been:

"I dont know if he is serious about me, and since this is a great chance for me to make some money (for me or maybe even genuinely for my mum) I will take the chance, later on if he turns out to be a good guy I will not be so bad and maybe be more honest".

or

"Ive taken advantage of guys before, here is another opportunity"

Assuming the mum problem was not a genuine disaster out of which she had no option but to try and scam someone, the above two are the most likely. The first option is better and maybe she might not be so bad, the second option is bad and you should avoid her. You cant tell which, so up to you if you give her another chance. I will say that I know some guys who have had girls make one mistake and learn from it and never repeat, and have gone on to have honest relationships. But the probability is not in your favour.

From the western point of view what she did would elicit the response "get rid of her, she is a bad apple". But in this country truth is a different thing entirely, and the use or misuse of lies does not carry the same principled weight.

The truth is the truth and a lie is a lie in any culture. The problem is that in Thailand it is acceptable to twist lies into truth. Small and insignificant matters may be acceptable, but this perversion runs deep here, particularly when money and/or romance is concerned.

[chinthee]

I would say you really have to check your black & white truth index at the door when you live in Thailand. It's better to accept Stephen Colbert's definition of "truthiness" when in Thailand. This constant white lie telling was the hardest thing for me to learn how to accept about Thais. Much (or most depending on the person) of it is done with innocent intentions.

They'll tell you they were sick in the hospital rather than the innocent truth, which was that they went out partying and slept over someone's house (even if nothing nefarious happened). They'll tell you just about any white lie if they think that will insulate them from getting harangued by the annoying farang, or if telling the truth will someone involve loss of face for them or you.

It's almost a no-win situation with farang men and Thai women. Farang men always have their radar up in many of these situations because of the infamous never ending stories they hear about Thai women, so it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy when they catch the woman in a lie, no matter how innocent. These incidents mutiply and convey the impression that if she lies about so and so, then she also lies about everything else. This is not true. Thai people tell white lies for many reasons, and not all white lies are created equal.

[JetsetBkk]

Hi all i am new to this forum allthough i have been reading it for a while

blah, blah, blah

i am not a troll

50 posts - congratulations.

[duratanium]

Yes, a Thai woman will do what he thinks is right to better her life and that of her family and family are alway number one. If that means telling the odd lie here and there she will think nothing of it.

After living with (at her house) a Thai woman for 6 month I have noticed she will tell lies but she does not see it as anything malicious - Thai's tell lies to us and tell lie to other Thais.

They make friends believe they have wealth they do not have by taking out loans to buy a bigger, better car or house or land or motorcycle etc. Then when they find they cannot pay, they rob Peter to pay Paul and it seems an endless cycle in many ways.

But, I feel many of these lies are not particularly malicious, more a way of life for many. I'd look upon it as more of a deception, like the woman who works in the fields and does not want her skin to go too dark because a more educated Thai in an office will have paler skin and that is often seen as a class thing, so she covers her face to keep the sun off.

As one poster said. you draw a line and take it from there over the lies.

As for money, you pay what you are happy to pay.

In the U.K. you pay through the nose and many times you don't even get a sh*g. How much to woo a woman? A meal and drinks - not cheap. A night in the pub where she wants Brandy/Babycham or whatever and you have spent £30 -£50 just for her to say goodnight at the end of it.

The only difference here is that at the end of it you usually get the woman into your bed and for a lot less money

So pay a little now and then see what you get at the end of the day, being aware that it often is not what you expected in the first place.

Ooooh, I feel a slap coming.... MORE please!!

[zaza]

Sending moeny to a 'girlfriend' in Thailand immediately changes the game.

How many times have you funded a girlfriend back home beyond paying for a meal or drink that you are sharing together?

you said it ;GH but I want to add this one :

How many of those guys would have agreed to buy a house in their spouses' names and would support their family in law too (back home)?

[bendix]

BENDIX, do you ever let your hair down? You seem so austere! Especially when sneering at other posters when they lack the ability to see what you can see.

I think it's the lack of ability to see what even blind guys at their own funeral can see that sets him off.

No it isn't. It's stupidity that sets me off.

If something smells like s**t, looks like s**t and feels like s**t, these guys would try to convince themselves it's a new breed of rose.

Loneliness is a terrible thing.

[t.s]

But in this country truth is a different thing entirely, and the use or misuse of lies does not carry the same principled weight.

truth is truth and a lie is a lie. it does not differ between the two cultures. do not let anyone tell you different.

what may differ are the motivations for lies

[chinthee]

But in this country truth is a different thing entirely, and the use or misuse of lies does not carry the same principled weight.

truth is truth and a lie is a lie. it does not differ between the two cultures. do not let anyone tell you different.

what may differ are the motivations for lies

Spoken like a true flag bearer of the empire of western values.

[gburns57au]

At the end of the day the OP will make his own decision...and he will have to live by it.

We dont know the girl so we cant say what she is truly like....It would be rough if the OP broke off with the girl because of any comment made here.

Personally I wouldnt have said that I would pay for the lessons this early in the relationship....if it looks like the relationship will be ongoing then I would look at that situation, maybe if she ends up going to the UK as a wife then she could have lessons there. Which is what I am doing with my wife and her son...she will get her lessons free from the government and I will only have to pay regular school fees for the son.

[t.s]

But in this country truth is a different thing entirely, and the use or misuse of lies does not carry the same principled weight.

truth is truth and a lie is a lie. it does not differ between the two cultures. do not let anyone tell you different.

what may differ are the motivations for lies

Spoken like a true flag bearer of the empire of western values.

hardly.

you claim your thai is good, are there not direct translations for either term?

people in different cultures lie for different reasons, especially once their basic needs are met.

if a clerk tells you that something is out of stock because they dont undersand what you are aking for, it is still a lie, irrespective of whether or not it was told so they did not have to lose face.

likewise wether or not the girl used the money for her mother, english lessons, crack or all 3, the lie was a lie.

surely you can grasp that?

Edited August 7, 2007 by t.s

[chinthee]

But in this country truth is a different thing entirely, and the use or misuse of lies does not carry the same principled weight.

truth is truth and a lie is a lie. it does not differ between the two cultures. do not let anyone tell you different.

what may differ are the motivations for lies

Spoken like a true flag bearer of the empire of western values.

hardly.

you claim your thai is good, are there not direct translations for either term?

people in different cultures lie for different reasons, especially once their basic needs are met.

if a clerk tells you that something is out of stock because they dont undersand what you are aking for, it is still a lie, irrespective of whether or not it was told so they did not have to lose face.

surely you can grasp that?

Sorry, these subtle distinctions are lost on uneducated lot like me.

[Maigo6]

We dont know the girl so we cant say what she is truly like....It would be rough if the OP broke off with the girl because of any comment made here.

.

That infers that you actually believe that a guy would pour out his heart to a bunch of cynical strangers on a well known internet Forum where the answers he will recieve are totally predictable, all he has to do is look up any of the other 150,000 threads that deal with the same issue.

Of which 149,999 ( including his )are Trolls...................

[t.s]

Hi all i am new to this forum allthough i have been reading it for a while

blah, blah, blah

i am not a troll

50 posts - congratulations.

i often have more respect for people who have managed to keep their post count down to a couple a day. quantity is certainly not always quality.